Senior Quote Help

[joer625]

Hey guys, i need some help finding a funny senior quote. If its actually insightful too that's even better, but just no curses, since they won't put it in the yearbook then. Any ideas?

[Skerik]

Re: Senior Quote Help

"When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself."

-- Jacques-Yves Cousteau

[AuburnAlumni]

Re: Senior Quote Help

"When one man, for whatever reason, has the opportunity to lead an extraordinary life, he has no right to keep it to himself."

-- Jacques-Yves Cousteau

"DONNNNNNKKKKEEEEYYYY!"

--Shrek

[Skerik]

Re: Senior Quote Help

"DONNNNNNKKKKEEEEYYYY!"

--Shrek

:y4:

Don't hate, bro....don't hate.

[dkgojackets]

Re: Senior Quote Help

You can fool some people all the time and you can fool all people some of the time, but you can't fool all people all the time.

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Senior Quote Help

Can I have your tots?

[Birdsonbat]

Re: Senior Quote Help

There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.

[BGarrett7]

Re: Senior Quote Help

"I've had it with these snakes."

[Kearnzo]

Re: Senior Quote Help

"I've had it with these snakes."

BGarrett wins!

[ndeezlo]

Re: Senior Quote Help

use a chuck norris fact

[jdros13]

Re: Senior Quote Help

You might remember the impetus for today's column, but just in case ...

Q: I am a senior in high school, and it is about time to write our Senior Quotes. I really want mine to be funny. Any suggestions?
-- Christopher Burk, Bellport, N.Y.

Well, Christopher... you came to the right place. I have been kicking myself about my high school yearbook quote for years. Here's what I actually chose:

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through
-- David Bowie

David Bowie
David Bowie is still going strong, but The Sports Guy would like to make some "Changes" to his yearbook quote.

Translation: I'm an enormous dork.

And it wasn't just me; almost everyone screws up their high school yearbook quote. It's like a rite of passage. My buddy Jim and I were on the phone this week sifting through our yearbook ... it was like a 100-page car crash. Why in God's name did everyone take it so seriously? Quote after agonized quote from The Police, Rush, Styx, Led Zep, Pink Floyd, Boston, Journey ... you would have thought we were these anguished, miserable, disaffected kids. Please. We were going to prep school!

Maybe the only positive? Looking back, yearbooks are loaded with about as much unintentional comedy as you can pack in a hardcover book. The haircuts. The fashion styles. The quote choices. The dedications. You can't even believe what's happening as you're reading along. For instance, my old friend Adam used a Bananarama quote in our yearbook. Bananarama! You think that doesn't haunt him every day?

Some tips about your yearbook choices:

1. If you can help it, avoid picking any quote from a band that might not be around in 10 years. If you want to cast your lot with Kid Rock, the White Stripes, Alicia Keys, India Arie, The Vines, The Hives or any of these other musical acts that people enjoy right now ... you're basically rolling the dice. Look at poor Adam. Bananarama. This actually happened. If it's a bubblegum act of the day, stay away. Stick with Bruce, the Stones, Pearl Jam, Nirvana and everyone else who will remain respectable 20 years from now.

2. If you feel like doing something wacky with your picture -- a nose piercing, a visible tattoo, a freaky hairdo -- don't do it. You will regret it. Remember, you'll be showing your kids this thing some day.

3. If they allow a section where you can write little comments, tributes and dedications, then ...

Bananarama
Quoting a group like Bananarama can haunt a kid into adulthood.

A. Never say anything maudlin or sentimental about the person you're dating -- you will be linked to them forever and ever. Just remember, when you get to college, you will break up with them by Columbus Day Weekend, probably get back together during Thanksgiving Break, then break up for good during Christmas vacation. Everyone thinks, "Oh, it won't happen to us." Believe me, it's going to happen -- 99 out of 100 people eventually break up with their high school flames. So keep the gooey stuff to minimum. If you're devoting a quote to your significant other, choose this one: "Dead man walking!"

B. Never gratuitously thank your parents, friends, family ... that's just lame. Nobody wants to read that stuff. If you want to thank someone, thank a teacher. They devoted their lives to helping kids like you, you ungrateful slob.

C. Make a conscious effort to include obscure references and inside jokes that will confuse everybody and please your friends, especially if they're dirty and/or secretly defamatory to someone else in your class. One catch: Don't make them so obscure that you won't have any idea what they mean 15 years later. That's no fun.

D. Don't identify your friends by their initials. Just write their names. Years later, you won't even remember what half the initials stood for.

E. If you have a close friend of the opposite sex, don't spend too much time on them ... odds are, one of you will end up making a move on the other one down the road, it will play out badly, and you will never speak again. And even if you make it through college, once you get married, your spouse won't let you be friends with them anymore. So start cutting ties now. Again, just trust me.

4. Most importantly, have fun with your quote. Nobody wants to read how miserable you are, or how confused you are, or how much you hate everyone, or how everyone underestimated you, or how parents and teachers are purely and simply evil, or the world's keeping you down, or how nobody loves you ... come on! It's high school! Everyone's miserable in high school! That's why they created high school! So have some fun. I've always been jealous of my buddy Geoff for picking this yearbook quote:

" ."
-- Mark Bavaro

Absolutely brilliant. Everyone else was killing themselves coming up with these tortured quotes, and Geoff mocked the entire thing. Why didn't I think of that? Damn him.

Anyway, here's a list of my favorite quotes. Some of them probably won't work for a high school yearbook, but I'm trotting them out just because. Maybe somewhere in this mess lies a quote for our young friend Christopher Burk.

I wont paste all the quotes he listed, but here is the final one, that I would highly recommend:

"No one has ever satisfied me like Christopher Burk."
-- (insert name of homecoming queen here)

Hope that helps!

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Senior Quote Help

There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on -- shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again.

Damnit, I can hear these lines being said, but...gah. Where is that from?

[eXperiment63]

Re: Senior Quote Help

Damnit, I can hear these lines being said, but...gah. Where is that from?

G Dubya said that...

[Shaver]

Re: Senior Quote Help

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."-- William Jefferson Clinton

[eXperiment63]

Re: Senior Quote Help

'Procrastination and masturbation are one in the same, in the end you always **** yourself.'