Zombie Defense - Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak

[Bacardi151]

http://www.zombiephiles.com/eat-my-brains/zombie-outbreak-ten-worst-things-to-do/

[The GIGGAS]

Re: Zombie Defense - Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak

The Digg effect has struck!

[Bacardi151]

Re: Zombie Defense - Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak

The Digg effect has struck!

DAMMIT

dugg too sooon!!!

[Bacardi151]

Re: Zombie Defense - Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak

A wave of Zombie survival manuals have popped up recently, this blog included, telling people what they should do during an outbreak of zombies. Thing is, nobody’s talking about what people shouldn’t do during a zombie outbreak.

Fortunately for you, our Zombiephile has scoured popular zombie movies and has isolated the Ten WORST Things to Do During a Zombie Outbreak. Sit back, enjoy, and take notes, Zombiephiles.
Ten WORST Things to Do During a Zombie Outbreak
10) Don’t set zombies on fire. Burning zombies smell terrible.

zombies-dont-burn-them

We’re not sure why you see it in every zombie movie, but it stands to reason that the only thing worse than a zombie is a flaming zombie. Remember, it can take a long time for a zombie to burn to death - more than ten minutes, in some recorded cases. Do you really want a burning zombie lighting you and your friends on fire? Play it safe - chances are good that there won’t be any fire-fighting infrastructure during a zombie outbreak if things get out of hand.

9) Don’t get sentimental. Zombies won’t.

zombies-dont-get-sentimental

Sure, it’s your house. Sure, they were your family and friends. But now it’s a zombie nest, and they’re zombies. Stick around, and your best chance is to become zombie food - worst case, you’ll end up a zombie like the rest. Zombies don’t have any feelings - neither should you.
8) Don’t forget to shut the door behind you. Zombies often arrive without calling first.

zombies-lock-the-door

Were you born in a barn? Zombies might not be the brightest, but they know an open door when they see one. Keep your suburban zombie fortress secure by remembering to close and lock the door behind you. And don’t slam it either! Zombies hate that.
7) Don’t keep zombies in the basement. Even if they are your zombie family.

zombies-not-in-the-basement

Devotion to family and friends is touching. However, you don’t want them to be touching you, after they’re dead. Do yourself a favor and make sure you put zombie friends and family down properly. Remember, there is no zombie cure, and keeping them around only prolongs their suffering and increases the risk for everyone. Besides, do you really want to get eaten by your buddies?
6) Don’t try to reunite with friends / family over long distances.

zombies-dont-try-to-travel

Seems like a great idea, doesn’t it? That’s what everyone thinks. Look, do the math. If you leave your house at noon, heading toward your mum’s, traveling 3 km per hour, and a crowd of zombies leaves the general vicinity of your mum’s at the same time, heading toward you at 1 km per hour, what time will you get eaten by zombies? Skip the math and consult rule #9.

5) Don’t go down. Zombies can go down too.

zombies-dont-go-down

Zombies can’t climb. You can. In light of this, why would you ever choose to go down, rather than up? Stay out of basements, gullies, sewers, and anyplace else that zombies might unwittingly wander / fall into and be unable to get out of. Remember, it’s unlikely that a human would be in a sewer, but zombies don’t care a whit about the smell.
4) Don’t broadcast your presence. Zombies may be listening.

zombies-dont-broadcast-yourself

Zombies that still retain their ears have been statistically shown to have above-average recognition of bassline frequencies. If you absolutely must blast music while killing zombies, do it on your Ipod, and you might want to consider delaying that block party until after the zombie outbreak blows over. During a zombie outbreak, remember to turn your cell phone to vibrate - it’s only polite.
3) Don’t stand in front of the window. That’s just foolish.

zombies-avoid-the-window

You’d think this one didn’t require stating, but apparently it does. Windows are an aesthetic defense against the environment, not protection against zombies and the living dead. Once you find your fortress, barricade the windows as quickly as possible and stay the hell away from them. Whatever you do, don’t deliver speeches with your back to them.
2) Don’t get too creative with zombie defense.

zombies-dont-get-creative

Sure, chainsaw slits in your van seemed like a good idea at the time, before you filled your car with fumes and exhaust, passed out at the wheel and got yourself sawed in half. The temptation to get very creative with zombie dispatching can seem almost unbearable at times, but when it comes to killing zombies, that old adage applies: Keep it simple, stupid!
1) Don’t be “that one *******,” in your group.
zombies-that-one-*******-01

Textual analysis of zombie movies has proven that “that one *******,” a character ubiquitous in zombie and survival horror movies, only stands a 4.32% chance of surviving until the end of the movie.

Later studies have challenged that figure, citing several movies in which “that one *******” was one-upped by “the other, bigger *******,” who then assumed “that one *******” status.
zombies-that-one-*******-02

What do these figures mean? Being nice matters. To dramatically increase your chances of survival, make sure you always have “that one *******” traveling in your party with you, otherwise you might end up playing the role of “that weak douchebag,” a similarly ill-fated character.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you believe you are already “that one *******,” you should immediately leave your group. You might be able to pass as “that Kevin Costner anti-hero” if you’re traveling solo.

[Candyman5]

Re: Zombie Defense - Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak

WTH. Has the government came up with a Zombie Outbreak plan and wants to see if the public listens to them.

[Lintyfresh85]

Re: Zombie Defense - Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak

haha good list... And yet, the things he says to avoid always seem to happen in the movies... hmmm.

[Goffs]

Re: Zombie Defense - Ten WORST Things to do During a Zombie Outbreak

WTH. Has the government came up with a Zombie Outbreak plan and wants to see if the public listens to them.

hoo boy maybe they know something we dont