Just Wrote My First Song.....

[Adam Dayton]

And would like feedback, thanks! Its obvsiouly just a demo and is barebones, but you get the feel of it.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7O6_byQW3E.

[Blzer]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

Not bad. I definitely couldn't have written anything better.

Unfortunately I couldn't hear some of the words sometimes with just the way it was recorded (not really your fault) and how the keyboard would drown your voice out.

It's kind of a nice upbeat tone, though. I'm trying to compare it to somebody, like Fastball or something. Keep working on it and let me know when you come out with a more "finalized" version, I'd be more than happy to give it another listen!

[Adam Dayton]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

Not bad. I definitely couldn't have written anything better.

Unfortunately I couldn't hear some of the words sometimes with just the way it was recorded (not really your fault) and how the keyboard would drown your voice out.

It's kind of a nice upbeat tone, though. I'm trying to compare it to somebody, like Fastball or something. Keep working on it and let me know when you come out with a more "finalized" version, I'd be more than happy to give it another listen!

Thanks bro, I appreciate the feedback. I would love to get real recording equipment in the future.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

Nice job. As said before I couldn't catch some of the words because of the recording but it sounded good. Can you put up the lyrics here?

[Adam Dayton]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

Nice job. As said before I couldn't catch some of the words because of the recording but it sounded good. Can you put up the lyrics here?

Sure, although its incomplete in that area. But from what I have here it is-

Everyday I'm a marked man, cuz I've got too much to say

All the while I'm a sad boy, getting in your way

But you know I'm not just anyone, though its kinda tough to see

After all the things I've done, its getting hard to be

But I said hey, hey, hey, hey hey, hey hey, I'm going to the safety of my mind

And I'm looking in the mirror seeing today's me, just who I am

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (unfinished), just who I am.

Don't you know It'll be alright, I'll stay bottled up in my head,

Cage every feeling I've ever had, and pretty soon it's dead

(whistling part)

But I said hey, hey, hey, hey, can you hear me now?

I'm going to the safety of my mind

And I'm looking in the mirror seeing what I can see, just who I am

And I'm xxxxxxxxxx seeing today's me, just who I am, I am, I am, I am.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

I just listened to it again and a couple more things. You have a nice kind of folky thing going on that sounds sort of like Raine Maida solo sometimes. I'd also take some of the higher notes down a little bit because they sound a little stressed like it's at the very top of your range. When your in your lower range though you sound awesome with the almost spoken word thing.

And I like the lyrics. I've tried my hand at songwriting before and it wasn't as successful as that. It's pretty hard to do. And also props for making a happier song. I never seem to be able to do that when I write without making it sound cheesy.

[Adam Dayton]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

I just listened to it again and a couple more things. You have a nice kind of folky thing going on that sounds sort of like Raine Maida solo sometimes. I'd also take some of the higher notes down a little bit because they sound a little stressed like it's at the very top of your range. When your in your lower range though you sound awesome with the almost spoken word thing.

And I like the lyrics. I've tried my hand at songwriting before and it wasn't as successful as that. It's pretty hard to do. And also props for making a happier song. I never seem to be able to do that when I write without making it sound cheesy.

Thanks bro, I appreciate it. Its interesting you see it as a happy song, as to me I sort of just used the lyrics as filler for the song (didnt really take time to write them), but they were essentially about when I try to make an effort with people it never works, and I'm just going to keep quiet, alone with my thoughts in the "safety of my mind." The whole today's me thing is because my emotions, how I feel in the morning is completely transient as is everyones, so when I wake up its almost like "today's me", something that only exists for that day. Thank you so much for the feedback bro. I am slowly and steadily trying to get better at piano and voice. I think I'm gonna take lessons in both when I find the time.

[Whitesox]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

I enjoyed it. As Razr said, props for making a happ-ish song sound non-cheesey. Not easy to do...

[Adam Dayton]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

I your interested I also covered a couple songs (but my recorder was situated a bit further from my piano)-

Last three songs of Abbey Road Album-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-Se_h3sMm4

Lennon's Real Love-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSAr7qIdpoE

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

Thanks bro, I appreciate it. Its interesting you see it as a happy song, as to me I sort of just used the lyrics as filler for the song (didnt really take time to write them), but they were essentially about when I try to make an effort with people it never works, and I'm just going to keep quiet, alone with my thoughts in the "safety of my mind." The whole today's me thing is because my emotions, how I feel in the morning is completely transient as is everyones, so when I wake up its almost like "today's me", something that only exists for that day. Thank you so much for the feedback bro. I am slowly and steadily trying to get better at piano and voice. I think I'm gonna take lessons in both when I find the time.

After that explanation the lyrics are more on the darker side. With the song it just sort of comes off as happier to me.

It's good that your taking voice lessons. You have a nice foundation to start with.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Just Wrote My First Song.....

I your interested I also covered a couple songs (but my recorder was situated a bit further from my piano)-

Last three songs of Abbey Road Album-

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U-Se_h3sMm4

Lennon's Real Love-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CSAr7qIdpoE

I'll check it out tommorow