This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

[ricanbxbomba]

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/471479867.html

This was bought to my attention via Myspace.

"To the Drunk Hottie who fell off my motorcycle
Date: 2007-11-07, 5:23AM PST


I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn't usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.

This is where things got crazy.

I don't know if you slipped, or thought I was taking you home to kill you, or if your're just plain crazy and had a change of heart, but all of a sudden you let go of me MID-TURN and went flying into the bushes at about 10-15mph near the park by my house. I was so freaked out!!! when I looked back to see you fumbling in the bushes I could only PRAY TO GOD that you didn't hit the asphalt or something worse.

I really thought you must have been hurt at least a bit, but as I turned around to come check on you, you took off into the unlit park running full speed with my helmet and jacket still on! I parked my bike and looked for you for over 2 hours calling your name until I was so cold I had to go home or risk freezing to death.

WTF

Im sorry for what happened and I really hope your're ok, really I do, but seriously WTF. Running into a forested park in the middle of the night like that....I really can't begin to guess what you were thinking, and you weren't that drunk, but i suppose my "crazy-bitch o' meter" wasn't working at the bar that night, and from the speed you took off I can only surmise that your're not that hurt. I would like my expensive bike gear back though, I hope it kept you warm during your psychotic episode, but it IS mine and I kinda need it to get around in the winter. If you could return it to the bar for me, check in with your shrink, and promise to never come near me again that would be great, cause you scared the #*$% outta me and are costing me alot of money.

Sincerely,
Very cold/poor motorcycle rider who will never let women near his bike again. "

[Brandon13]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

Lol, that's pretty funny.

[Candyman5]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

LMAO.

[TheLetterZ]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I love best of craigslist. This is my most recent favorite.

best of craigslist > philadelphia > It's me! Every girl ever. Originally Posted: Wed, 7 Nov 10:38 EST
It's me! Every girl ever.

<hr> Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST


Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I ****ing love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-******** brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

[plasticbeast]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I love best of craigslist. This is my most recent favorite.

best of craigslist > philadelphia > It's me! Every girl ever. Originally Posted: Wed, 7 Nov 10:38 EST
It's me! Every girl ever.

<hr> Date: 2007-11-07, 10:38AM EST


Knock knock

Oh hi, how's it going? It's me! Every girl ever. I'm really looking forward to this date. I'm not nearly as attractive as you remember me being because when we met the bar was dark and you were drunk. Come on in.

Let's start off with the unavoidable tour of my incredibly typical post-college-girl apartment.

You'll notice that I went ahead and purchased everything that Ikea and Pier 1 have ever produced. There's my decorative birdcage over there even though I don't have a bird, and there's my gay wicker basket with bamboo poles in it. I don't know what the hell that's thing's all about, but I bought it.

Hey check it out, I have more candles in here than a Roman Catholic Church. Doesn't it smell like Hazelnut!? If I were to light all of my candles at once you could see my apartment from space! I ****ing love candles!

Come on into the living room.

Oh, I see you met my cat there. That's "Freddy Paws Jr." Why don't you pet him and act like you like cats even though you hate cats? There you go. Oh, he took a little swing at your eye there huh? Yeah, he'll do that. Hey, let's check out the kitchen.

Hey look at my refrigerator. There are pictures all over it! Look at all these pictures of me and my equally vacuous friends from college! We were so crazy! You can tell we're really good friends because our faces are all pressed up against each other like that.

And check it out, we're holding up alcoholic beverages to the camera in every single picture. That's to prove that we were partying. College was so fun! But of course I don't talk to any of these girls anymore because now they're all bitches.

Let's go back into the hallway!

Hey, before we leave I'm going to go in the bathroom for ten minutes for some mysterious reason. Why don't you sit awkwardly in my big, stupid, round papizan chair over there while you wait for me. It's like you're sitting in a hug! Be right back...

Sorry that took a half an hour, I don't know what the hell I was doing in there. Let's go!

Wow! Thanks for opening my car door for me! I'm totally going to blow that meaningless gesture out of proportion and delude myself into thinking that you're a really good guy because that's what I want to believe.

Well, here we are at the restaurant. No thanks waiter, I don't need to see a menu, just bring me some expensive things. Hey I know, while we wait, I'll tell you all about my unspeakably boring job. I hate my boss. He's a jerk! I might get another job. Maybe something in pharmaceutical sales.

Now let's talk about my family. I love my family. I want you to love my family. I want my family to love you. I want you to make love to my family! I want you to go golfing with my semi-******** brother Travis. That would be so God damned cute!

Wow! I can't believe I ordered all this food! I have no intention of eating any of it. No thanks waiter, we don't need a box. Just throw it out.

Hey, I've got an idea, let's go to a bar and have an after dinner drink! It'll be great, it will be just like how we're drinking here, only it will be louder and we'll have to stand up. Come on!

See, isn't this better? Oh hey, what a coincidence. Look over there! It's a group of my friends that I knew was going to be here. Let's go over there so that they can judge you!

Hey, I have to go to the bathroom for a half an hour again for some reason. You can stay here and talk to my unbelievably hideous friend Christine! Christine's so ugly she scares kids! Talk to her! She has a job and a family that she wants to talk to you about too. Be right back.

I'm back! Sorry I was gone for three hours, there was a line. I want to go home now.

Well here we are at my door again. This was really fun for me and not you. You should pretend like we're going to do it again sometime! Maybe I'll see you at Target a few months from now and we can avoid eye contact because you never called me. Here, have this awkward goodnight kiss that's as empty as my soul. Good night!

That is great!

[CMH]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

The first one was good. The second, no.

[Beantown]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

The first one was good. The second, no.

I thought it was the other way around.

[CMH]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I thought it was the other way around.

I can see that.

I guess I just thought the second one was pulling for the obvious. I mean, it's not horrible. It's humorous.

I just wouldn't call it hilarious.

[Flyboy]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I can see that.

I guess I just thought the second one was pulling for the obvious. I mean, it's not horrible. It's humorous.

I just wouldn't call it hilarious.

Oh that, YP. You're such a card.

[Beantown]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I can see that.

I guess I just thought the second one was pulling for the obvious. I mean, it's not horrible. It's humorous.

I just wouldn't call it hilarious.

I wouldn't either. Hence why I just said it was good.

I'm sure 24th would, though. I mean, "these craiglist posts are hilarious...."

[The 24th Letter]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I wouldn't either. Hence why I just said it was good.

I'm sure 24th would, though. I mean, "these craiglist posts are hilarious...."

and im sure youd be right there were my babies are made at to tell me im wrong......

is it really that serious? lol

[bullcats]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

Lol the second one was much better.

[Beantown]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

and im sure youd be right there were my babies are made at to tell me im wrong......

I honestly cannot decipher this post.

I believe it says: "I'm sure you'd be right there [where? when?] my babies are [born?] to tell me I'm wrong"

[Double Eights]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I honestly cannot decipher this post.

I believe it says: "I'm sure you'd be right there [where? when?] my babies are [born?] to tell me I'm wrong"

I thought he was trying to say that you would disagree with his idea of how babies are born/made.

[The 24th Letter]

Re: This has to be the funniest thing I ever read

I honestly cannot decipher this post.

I believe it says: "I'm sure you'd be right there [where? when?] my babies are [born?] to tell me I'm wrong"

sorry.

And YOU (Longhorn) will be right there (in the thread that the comment is made in) on my genitalia (implying that your paying me WAY too much attention) to correct me (to correct me lol)

cant play the spell check card on that one.....lol

anyway, its all good man....I thought it was funny, you didnt.......lets move on