Depression sucks

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  • bjf1377
    Lurker
    • Jul 2002
    • 6620

    #1

    Depression sucks

    I'm beyond caring how personal this is and that I'm supposed to only talk about it with people close to me, blah blah blah. I have depression, I've had it for 17 months now and it sucks. I have to get up at 6 AM and it's 3 AM right now. Why am I still up, you ask? Because I'm just starting on a new medication, and the mix of that, anxiety, and my messed up weekend sleep schedule (due to the medication) are keeping me up. My bed is about 8 feet away right now, and it wouldn't be too much to go over there, but I know I'll just be staring at the ceiling.

    So far it's been a real pain in the butt for me. Aside from the screwed up sleep schedule, its caused me to lose a really close friend, start doing poorly in school (due to anxiety attacks, lack of concentration, and oversleeping), made me get easily annoyed with myself, has made my parents & friends worry about me, and has put a strain on some of my friendships at times. I've learned to never go to the hospital when things are feeling iffy because psych wards are not fun in the least bit and not a place people with depression should be (well, not the hardcore ones). And the most important thing I've learned is that no matter how much of a burden you think you will be, friends and family will always step up to help you in any way they can.

    I can find relief in some things, but when I do seek relief, I look lazy. Using a computer relaxes me; playing video games relaxes me; spending time with my family and pets relaxes me. School and work do quite the opposite. So if I try to "get myself off of the ledge", I just look like the run of the mill slacker college student. That's unfortunate too because I graduated from high school with a 4.0 GPA and had perfect attendance 3 out of the 4 years.

    Honestly I don't really know why I typed all of this out other than I feel like venting and doing so to a somewhat receptive audience. I'm sure some of you here share these same feelings.
  • BunnyHardaway
    Banned
    • Nov 2004
    • 15195

    #2
    Re: Depression sucks

    Depression is the worst...I had severe depression from 6th-10th grade, and it put my future on figurative life support. I had crappy to non-existent relationships with my parents. I went from going through elementary school with only one grade lower than an A to barely passing 6th, 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. I was having the same trouble sleeping (well, I still do), concentrating, etc. My school attendance took a huge hit because I would oversleep most days, but again, I still do because I rarely hear my alarm clock. Because of the horrible grades I got in 9th grade, my chances of going to Duke or Penn State (what I wanted to do back then) were shot, which didn't help matters. I lost a family member, got really insecure (I actually posted a thread full of the problems I had awhile back), and couldn't seem to figure anything out. I was on countless different medicines to help, and none of them worked. I was probably the least confident person I've ever known/seen.

    Things started turning around near the end of my sophomore year, and it was IMO partly because I started talking to my best friend around that time. We were really close friends in middle school and then me and her stopped talking for awhile, but we started talking and hanging out again and it really helped. It's nice to know you have someone you can trust with anything, and we know everything about each other, and there's honestly not a day that goes by where we don't either think the same exact thing at the same exact time or finish one another's sentence, it's weird. I never really thought about this as a turning point but now it really makes a lot of sense and she apparently means more than I thought.

    But really other than that, I grew out of it. Maybe you will too, but just to ensure you get over it, continue doing things you enjoy doing, talking to people you enjoy talking to, just surround yourself with positive energy (I sound like Stuart Smalley now, but whatever). Once you do that for awhile, you're able to overcome being surrounded by negative energy, which I am every day with my mom. I'm sure things will work out for the best.

    Comment

    • youvalss
      ******
      • Feb 2007
      • 16600

      #3
      Re: Depression sucks

      What I do when I feel mentally bad (though I don't call it a problem, just something that happens from time to time), is finding something to look forward to. For example: the weekend, the new video game I'm getting soon, a trip I'm planning etc. I always find myself something to wait for and when it's passed I'm waiting for the next thing and so on. I'm not the one to tell u: "share whatever u feel with your family and friends" - because I usually don't do it myself (but in last 2 years my wife is the one I can share it all with). But I realized one thing: No matter what, I can control it and it's all up to me. I know it's hard to control feelings or thoughts but I always tell myself I can do it - and it usually works.
      Don't know if it helps or something, but that's what I think. Hope u'll feel better soon!

      PS: U can read some of Paul Auster's books because he writes a lot about mental stuff, depression etc. It may not solve your problems (u don't have any problem but that's the best word I came up with lol), but it will put things in perspective and let u understand that it happens to every1.
      My Specs:

      ZX Spectrum
      CPU: Z80 @ 3.5 MHz
      GPU: Monochrome display
      RAM: 48 KB
      OS: Sinclair BASIC

      Comment

      • elicoleman
        Im The Baby/Gotta Love Me
        • Sep 2002
        • 34655

        #4
        Re: Depression sucks

        Hey, you're atleast of ahead of most people in admitting they need help and seek proper treatment.

        I've been in denial for years, and even at 22 still too afraid to tell my dad I need help. I know I need an anxiety medicine as well as something to basically balance me out. Far too often, the littlest things can set me off when it shouldn't.

        I don't know why I'm so scared to get medication, but even though I know it'd change my life for the better, I don't actively seek it.

        If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here (or on Facebook) for you Brad.
        Originally posted by CardsFan27
        This is the 3rd time John Calipari has been to his first Final Four!
        What I'm Currently Listening To

        Comment

        • youvalss
          ******
          • Feb 2007
          • 16600

          #5
          Re: Depression sucks

          Originally posted by elicoleman
          If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here (or on Facebook) for you Brad.
          Same here (except for the Facebook stuff).
          My Specs:

          ZX Spectrum
          CPU: Z80 @ 3.5 MHz
          GPU: Monochrome display
          RAM: 48 KB
          OS: Sinclair BASIC

          Comment

          • TarHeelMan
            Th* H*mb*rg*r P*mp
            • Jul 2002
            • 7853

            #6
            Re: Depression sucks

            You cats may think its hokey, but I would suggest this: EFT. I had a good friend go through some real bad times last year, because of repressed memories of sexual abuse. It just overwhelmed her; she couldn't sleep, eat, function. She was hospitalized for like a month, and basically all the psych ward did was try different meds on her, each one having their own wild side effects. When she was let go, she was put into contact with this "alternative therapy", which involved tapping on different parts of the body. I was skeptical about it when I heard about it, but lots of people have reported good results with it. It worked wonders for her.

            You can read more about it if you wish at www.emofree.com. There's even a section where you can find a practitioner in your area.

            Comment

            • KingV2k3
              Senior Circuit
              • May 2003
              • 5881

              #7
              Re: Depression sucks

              The part that most professionals don't even understand about depression is the fact that it's a vicious circle of physical and emotional problems feeding into each other...

              Anyone who has suffered from depression knows that 'depression' feels physically different that when someone is merely depressed...

              Things like the worng seratonin levels in the brain cause you to feel the symptoms of depression, which then make you less able to cope succsfully with the things that are bothering you...

              Diet, exercise and nutritional supplements can all help aleviate some of these symptoms...

              SaMe, 5-HTP, Omega 3's, Tryptophan, Ginko Biloba, Valerian Root and a host of other things can help balance brain chemistry and various hormone levels that are associated with depression...testosterone levels and DHEA levels also are a factor...

              It's tough to find a physician who knows much about this stuff, but I'd start with a full physical and blood work to find out if anything is going on with your physical health that is contributing...

              Secondly, exercise is huge...it gets your endorphins up, which helps and also helps keep you busy and focused on something you can do to take control of your situation...

              "Talk Therapy" is the only thing that is proven to work more effectively than anything lese...finding the right fit with a therapist can be difficult, but it's worth the effort...you might be going through something that's unique to you, but explainable to a trained professional with a track record of success treating people with similar situations...

              Pharmacuticals are unfortunately, a crapshoot...my cousin is a clinical physcologist who's written a number of books on the subject and her take is that it can be years before the right combination is found...so, don't be afraid to know when it's not working and try something else...you need a good psych doctor to help get this accomplished...

              Lastly, anxiety attacks are a bitch...not much you can do once that train hits the tracks, but sometimes something like lorazapam can have an instant calming effect...

              I went through this stuff for years, due to a 'perfect storm' of personal, professional and financial matters all 'hit the fan' at the same time and I hit the wall...

              It was a looong tough fight back and I'll always be predisposed to hitting that 'tipping point' between feeling depressed and feeling the physical symptoms of full on depression, because once your brain chemistry is altered that's the way it is...

              But, if you address EVERYTHING you can (diet, exercise, supplements, talk therapy and pharmacuticals) you're on the track to taking control of your physical and mental well being, and that's cause to make you feel pretty good about things right there!

              Comment

              • PVarck31
                Moderator
                • Jan 2003
                • 16869

                #8
                Re: Depression sucks

                Originally posted by KingV2k3
                The part that most professionals don't even understand about depression is the fact that it's a vicious circle of physical and emotional problems feeding into each other...

                Anyone who has suffered from depression knows that 'depression' feels physically different that when someone is merely depressed...

                Things like the worng seratonin levels in the brain cause you to feel the symptoms of depression, which then make you less able to cope succsfully with the things that are bothering you...

                Diet, exercise and nutritional supplements can all help aleviate some of these symptoms...

                SaMe, 5-HTP, Omega 3's, Tryptophan, Ginko Biloba, Valerian Root and a host of other things can help balance brain chemistry and various hormone levels that are associated with depression...testosterone levels and DHEA levels also are a factor...

                It's tough to find a physician who knows much about this stuff, but I'd start with a full physical and blood work to find out if anything is going on with your physical health that is contributing...

                Secondly, exercise is huge...it gets your endorphins up, which helps and also helps keep you busy and focused on something you can do to take control of your situation...

                "Talk Therapy" is the only thing that is proven to work more effectively than anything lese...finding the right fit with a therapist can be difficult, but it's worth the effort...you might be going through something that's unique to you, but explainable to a trained professional with a track record of success treating people with similar situations...

                Pharmacuticals are unfortunately, a crapshoot...my cousin is a clinical physcologist who's written a number of books on the subject and her take is that it can be years before the right combination is found...so, don't be afraid to know when it's not working and try something else...you need a good psych doctor to help get this accomplished...

                Lastly, anxiety attacks are a bitch...not much you can do once that train hits the tracks, but sometimes something like lorazapam can have an instant calming effect...

                I went through this stuff for years, due to a 'perfect storm' of personal, professional and financial matters all 'hit the fan' at the same time and I hit the wall...

                It was a looong tough fight back and I'll always be predisposed to hitting that 'tipping point' between feeling depressed and feeling the physical symptoms of full on depression, because once your brain chemistry is altered that's the way it is...

                But, if you address EVERYTHING you can (diet, exercise, supplements, talk therapy and pharmacuticals) you're on the track to taking control of your physical and mental well being, and that's cause to make you feel pretty good about things right there!
                Great post!! I couldn't have said it better. I know how you feel man. I dealt with major depression for almost 2 years. I still deal with anxiety. It took tons of different med combos, talk therapy with 5 or 6 different people, but I finally feel better. Unfortunately, its something that will always be there. I still have some problems with anxiety. What most people don't understand is that it can be debilitating. I lost jobs, friends, and other opportunities because of it. Just press on, talk to people, ask for advise, and you will come out of it. If you need to talk feel free to IM me. Maybe we can get together and play some games since you live so close.

                Comment

                • bjf1377
                  Lurker
                  • Jul 2002
                  • 6620

                  #9
                  Re: Depression sucks

                  Thanks for the very positive, supportive responses in here guys! I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who has seen it as being somewhat physically debilitating.

                  I can tell you that I've been doing counseling here at Kent State with the graduate students for free, but I think I will end up seeing an actual therapist because the most recent counselor was lackluster. As for meds, I'm on combination #2 right now. If this doesn't work, there is some stuff that has a family history of working. As for diet, I need one of those depression or not, haha. I know that I was feeling good last time I lost a good chunk of weight, so I don't doubt that that would help.

                  And pjv I may take you up on that some day when I'm bored, hah

                  Comment

                  • SlimKibbles
                    Supporter
                    • Apr 2004
                    • 7276

                    #10
                    Re: Depression sucks

                    Hang in there, bjf. Been down that road before and, as awful as the experience was, I wouldn't trade it for anything. It still will be something I'll have to deal with forever but that's the way it is. The key is knowing the warning signs. I can tell you, 99% of the time since I battled it in college 11 years ago, it has to do with females. In order to get through it, and this is tough, but you have to want to get better. Things didn't start improving for me until three things happened: 1) I started talking to a therapist, 2) I started taking Zoloft, and 3) I made the conscious decision to want to get better. It wasn't easy but I made it after battling for a year. There are always setbacks on occasion (I had a little one as recently as January) but you get through them. You have to want to not fall into a rut. Hell, I really should start seeing a therapist again - failure to win over a female all of last year caused some self-worth issues to re-emerge that have been hanging around a long time. Anyway, try and think positively and set some small goals each day for whatever. I'm another one you can talk to about any of this. Shoot me a PM sometime if you need to.
                    MLB: Cincinnati Reds
                    NFL: Cincinnati Bengals
                    NCAA Hoops: Xavier Musketeers
                    NCAA Football: Miami Hurricanes
                    NHL: Calgary Flames

                    "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke

                    "The wisest men follow their own direction." - Euripides

                    Comment

                    • Spectre
                      Th* ******
                      • Mar 2003
                      • 5853

                      #11
                      Re: Depression sucks

                      Hang tough my man

                      The pharmacotherapy for depression, as you know, is an inexact science. Roughly 40% of the population doesn't improve on their first combination run. 80% of the population does show a response to one drug eventually though- its just a matter of finding the right one.

                      The best advice I can give is what SK said- talk to someone and learn the warning signs. I had some anxiety issues last year when school was overwhelming but I was able to overcome it by reorganizing the way I went about my days. Staying active is the key for me- getting out of the house, playing ball, hitting the gym has kept me grounded for a long time.

                      Comment

                      • SlimKibbles
                        Supporter
                        • Apr 2004
                        • 7276

                        #12
                        Re: Depression sucks

                        Originally posted by Spectre
                        ...Staying active is the key for me- getting out of the house, playing ball, hitting the gym has kept me grounded for a long time.
                        Yeah those are very good points I forgot to mention. Helped me out a lot.
                        MLB: Cincinnati Reds
                        NFL: Cincinnati Bengals
                        NCAA Hoops: Xavier Musketeers
                        NCAA Football: Miami Hurricanes
                        NHL: Calgary Flames

                        "All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." - Edmund Burke

                        "The wisest men follow their own direction." - Euripides

                        Comment

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