Improving your confidence

[Peji911]

Okay, so I definitely need help improving my confidence. If I am with close friends, I can talk to anyone, joke with anyone, etc, but if I am alone, I am sooo nervous and not confident. This sucks for me because I am starting my internship for teacher's college at a highschool. And talking to some teachers and students, I sometimes dont make any sense. This is new, because when I was younger, I was pretty confident. I mean, to put this into persepctice, I'll provide a few examples.

I pick up girls quite easily, yet have a hard time talking to them. Yet my one buddy, who is a pretty ugly guy, has only been with one chick in his life (a HUGE slut) and all of a sudden, he's a primadonna.

I get pretty good grades, but also think Im too stupid to do certain things and am afraid of failure (which is why I didnt go into law school).


Anyone ever struggle through this but improve their confidence level? Did you go to a hypnotist? Play a CD as you slept? What...?

[the_future420]

Re: Improving your confidence

You can only have confidence when you feel good about yourself. In order to feel good about yourself you can do two things:

1) Accept yourself for who you are and take pride in all the things that make you, well you.

OR

2) Change all the things that you can that lend to your lack of confidence. This can be many things (getting in shape, getting a better job, better car, better looking girlfriend, etc..)



Those are really the only two ways you can go about it really. You can't trick yourself into having confidence, you just have it. If you aren't confident because of superficial reasons and doubts of yourself, and aren't the type of person that can easily adopt a not give a damn attitude, you need to work on the things that make you feel unconfident.


Edit: In your situation, you seem to have problems with talking to people you don't know. Probably means you have trouble getting to know people. I'd suggest that you start making it your goal to talk to one random person a day who you have never met. This will help you feel more comfortable with people you don't know very well.

[Peji911]

Re: Improving your confidence

See, I used to think like that, but Im pretty happy with everything about me except, well, I have Ulcerative Colitis and my current body image, but plenty of people tell me they would exchange bodies with me in a second.

I have a good car, Im happy with what I do/will do for a living, etc.

As for meeting new people, I tend to not have any issues making friends and have no problem talking to people, unless it's a situation where I am in power (as a teacher) or speaking to someone in power, etc.

Im really confused...

[McLite]

Re: Improving your confidence

http://www.tonyrobbins.com/Home/Home.aspx

People kinda laugh at him (Shallow Hal, Family Guy) but he's actually pretty good. I wouldn't buy his tapes but I found some for download and listened to them a while back after I saw his infomercial at 2 a.m. Since then I've been working out like a fiend!

In all seriousness I used to be very shy around people I didn't know. From my job though I've been forced to deal with people up close and personal all day long. Doing that the past 4 years I can now talk to almost anyone, anyplace, anytime. As the_future said you should try and talk with one person a day at your work...that way it isn't a total stranger...then go from there.

[Cusefan]

Re: Improving your confidence

join the Infantry. Living through a firefight will make anyone confident.

[TheLetterZ]

Re: Improving your confidence

join the Infantry. Living through a firefight will make anyone confident.

The only thing that will make you more confident than living through a firefight?

Dying in one.

[Pappy Knuckles]

Re: Improving your confidence

You can only have confidence when you feel good about yourself. In order to feel good about yourself you can do two things:

1) Accept yourself for who you are and take pride in all the things that make you, well you.

OR

2) Change all the things that you can that lend to your lack of confidence. This can be many things (getting in shape, getting a better job, better car, better looking girlfriend, etc..)



Those are really the only two ways you can go about it really. You can't trick yourself into having confidence, you just have it. If you aren't confident because of superficial reasons and doubts of yourself, and aren't the type of person that can easily adopt a not give a damn attitude, you need to work on the things that make you feel unconfident.


Edit: In your situation, you seem to have problems with talking to people you don't know. Probably means you have trouble getting to know people. I'd suggest that you start making it your goal to talk to one random person a day who you have never met. This will help you feel more comfortable with people you don't know very well.

He pretty much hit it on the head with this post. A lack of confidence often stems from not really knowing who you are as a person. Stop judging yourself based on the "world's" expectations. Appreciate your strengths and improve your weaknesses. Eventually you won't have to put on an act, the confidence will just be there. Put yourself in uncomfortable situations and confront your issues, it can only make you stronger as individual.

[bgeno]

Re: Improving your confidence

I deal with self-confidence issues myself. I listen to a few "tapes" from a guy named Gary van Warmerdam every once in a while. The tapes are in MP3 format and he's got many free ones on his website.

He tends to drag on a bit, but he has some good/useful things to say.

I must warn you that it is faith-based (religious), but he certainly doesn't shove that down your throat. I'm not a "faithful" person AT ALL, and I can listen to the tapes.

http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/insights.htm

That's all the MP3s. "Feeling Not Good Enough" is the one I listen to the most and the one that has the most likely chance of helping you.