What's wrong with me?

[Zeppelin8]

My life is a mess. That's no secret.

It started like 4 months ago. I stayed up whole night long, drink roughly 2 bottles of absolut (1,5 liter) . It took about 10 hours to for me finish all the vodka I have. At 12 am, I went down and made some coffee - I think I put a little too much coffee which I didn't notice because I was completely drunk.I went to bed like 4 am. I woke up after 4 hours or so, I was feeling ok. After 15 minutes or so, I've felt terrible, maybe the first time I was afraid of dying. Luckily, my sisters took me to emergency room. At that time, my blood pressure was 140/min. Doctors asked me if I took any ecstasy or some sort of drug, I've said no. They checked my ecg, everything was normal. They've gave me a xanax and let me go home. They called it a "palpitation attack". It took like a week for me to get better. I kept feeling some pressure in/on my chest.

So, I stayed away from coffee and alcohol. But that feeling came back like 1,5 months ago. It was like my heart was punching from inside. We went to hospital again, they checked my ecg one more time. Everything normal. From then, I've had growing muscle problems, mostly behind my neck. I had a terrible headache - at the back of my head. It feels like 2 hands squeezes your head.

I didn't get any better in a week so I've decided to visit a cardiologist. He checked my ecg one more time, everything normal.Then he checked my ecocardiagram for the first time. He said I have one very good heart, everything is normal.
So he gave me some drugs - dideral (helps to stabilize blood pressure) and magnesium tablets for my muscles. So first day, I've felt so much better.

Next day I went to a pscyhologist. He said I've got nervous because I was excited. Well, after a very long time, I was planning something, working on it. Actually, my life was changing. So according to Doc, this was the reason.

I've kept feeling terrible for next 2 weeks. So I went to him again and he decided that I should use Lustral(antidepressant). At that time, my body was hurting badly, also my palpitation attacks continued. So for another 5 days or so, it kept going. My stomach was hurting as well. I never had stomach problems before. Again, Doc said stomach is mostly effected by nerves. You know how it feels when you are afraid? maybe scared? or maybe bored? Well, I've felt this way for almost 40 days, 24 hours.

At some point, I was bitching so much about pain and was so afraid of any palpitation attack even my girlfriend got mad.

I know one thing that I'll never, ever drink that much again. I almost never puke but that's not the case. I'm just too afraid to do it again.

That day (vodka+coffee ended up in emergency room) really scared me off. I never had important health problems in 23 years. I was under pressure and nervous. Actually I created an illness which didn't exist. Now, my blood pressure is 76/min. My neck still hurts and I feel tired. But I'm actually happy. Not because I feel good or great. I only feel OK but that's good enough for now.


My english might sound weird, because I'm not native. It's easier to write about sports gaming. I hope that it's clear enough for you to understand.

[CMH]

Re: What's wrong with me?

So it's not depression or anxiety?

[PVarck31]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Sounds like an anxiety disorder to me. My advice would be to keep seeing a Psychologist, and doctor, or just a Psychiatrist.

[SPTO]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Sounds like a mixture of psychological and physical ailments. Maybe you might need a vacation and just forget about everything going on in your life. Sometimes getting away from it all is just as good as medication.

[PVarck31]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Sounds like a mixture of psychological and physical ailments. Maybe you might need a vacation and just forget about everything going on in your life. Sometimes getting away from it all is just as good as medication.

Psychological problems can often times cause physical symptoms. Especially anxiety problems.

[Zeppelin8]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Well guys, I've thought it could be anxiety. I think psychologist didn't consider it at all. If you ask me, anxiety and depression are in the mix. But I have no trouble going out, or interacting with people, not afraid to be alone either..

I really screwed up. I went to college 4 years ago, moved to another city. I've had everything I've could have asked for. So, for 3 years I never went to school. I've just burned some cash, had my own apartment, my own car. At that time, I was still bitching. Now I realize how good my life was.

Anyway, last year I fell in love. Sounds good huh? I kept messing up with my school, even if it was my last chance. Now the girl I want to marry graduated from college. What do I have? Nothing.
Yeah, I can live without a college degree. But obviously some others can't.

We are still together. But apart. She is back to her hometown, living with the family. I'm back to my hometown. We see each other every week but that ain't enough for me. Last year it was perfect. We lived together, it was like marriage. I enjoyed it.

She tried to get a job in my hometown. Sadly, this crisis situation ruined everything. There are not many available jobs out there.

To be honest with you, she put some serious pressure on me. She even mentioned that I'll never get a job because I'm a lazy butt.
Don't get me wrong. She is usually nice to me, but I feel I'm losing her. She acts fine when we are together but gets mad when we are apart and starts blaming me. Running away is not an option. I just want her.

I just feel like that I've failed. So I spend whole year doing nothing. Actually, right before this palpitation crisis started, I was studying. I mean there is one last chance for me to go back to college. Not only this, I've had some ideas. I knew what I wanted.

But now, I feel terrible when I try to study Seriously. I've spend my last 40 days by worrying. One thing is sure, I was scared to death when I had that palpitation attack. Maybe this took the shape of my depression? I mean I was ready to be scared off and that "Vodka Night" pulled the trigger.

For a long while, I believed that I had some sort of physical illness. Because I was fainting pretty easily, even with a short walk. But that feeling is going away as well. I mean I still get easily tired, but there is improvement.

[Zeppelin8]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Psychological problems can often times cause physical symptoms. Especially anxiety problems.

Since I've started believing this idea, I feel much better. Seriously.

[Streets]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Hey man, check your private message box. I posted something on here regarding your girl situation, but realized that I talk about a lot of personal details concerning my own past/present and decided to just send it to your mailbox.

Re: your attacks

It sounds to me like you're just depressed man. You seem to have a generally pessimistic attitude based on the fact that you were unhappy even when things were "good". There's nothing wrong with that, you just need more than most to be happy. I'm sort of the same way. The thing is, you also have to work harder than most to get it too. As I allude to in the PM, try not to rely on someone else for your happiness, set realistic goals, and don't be afraid of failing (not saying that these are all issues you have, but I'm assuming).

Tell me, when is it that you feel the anxiety attacks? Is it when you study? When you think about your future and the pressure? Knowing what triggers something can often point to things to work on.

[PVarck31]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Since I've started believing this idea, I feel much better. Seriously.

Hey my psych degree actually helped someone!!!!

[Zeppelin8]

Re: What's wrong with me?

Tell me, when is it that you feel the anxiety attacks? Is it when you study? When you think about your future and the pressure? Knowing what triggers something can often point to things to work on.

First of all, I feel great for last 3-4 days. I haven't had any attacks or anything. Posting on OS really helped matters too. Thanks guys

I had 4-5 attacks in total (40 days). But I kept feeling bad 24/7, my body hurt and the pressure on my chest was insane at times. I'll tell you the stories about 2 attacks;

1) There is one problem about me and her parents. They actually think that I'm still studying in college (my gf lied to them), this puts extra pressure on my shoulder whenever I see them. I hate to be a liar. Seriously, I told her million times... Anyway, I was taking her back to home and I've had my first ever attack. I think I've felt terrible about seeing her parents.

Anyway, I've found a way out of this and hit the road without seeing her parents. I had 1,5 hour drive on highway (it was night, not much lighting either), I kept feeling bad and I've got worse. That little 1,5 hour grow up in me, I just thought that I couldn't do it. Weird thing is, I'm used to 5-6 hour drives. My friends always tell me that I'm a great driver etc etc.

So, I pulled over in a gas station. I called my sister and brother-in-law. Later, they picked me up.

Actually this was the first time I had an attack (except that vodka night - which was a physical reaction).


2) This was not as bad as the first one. Again, we decided to meet. This time, I took a bus because I've thought it could be safer. Thing is, I hate bus rides. Seriously, I hate to see someone else in control of things. I never feel comfortable. I'm a type of guy, who is glued to his car. Anyway, I had some sort of attacks during that ride. But as I've said, I've always felt terrible in these type of situations.


I just feel bad when I study. Because it's boring. I mean for now, I can't stand any responsibilities. So, I always try to do things that I enjoy.

[Cane_Mutiny]

Re: What's wrong with me?

I think your problems are just rooted in the fact that you're not sure about where you're going in your life. You said in the last post that you like to be in control, and I think this is your biggest problem.

Since you're out of school and not really sure where you're going next, you probably feel like you have no control over what's going to happen. Plus, since you don't see your girlfriend all of the time, you feel like you're not sure how she feels all the time.

My bet is that all of this lack of control has turned into serious anxiety, which has caused some bad physical problems for you. My best advice would be to find something steady - maybe keep studying, set goals for yourself, work out, whatever. Keep doing it and try to get some order in your life. Set a routine for yourself and try to follow it closely. Over time, you'll feel like you're gaining control of your life back, and hopefully this will help resolve some of your mental and physical symptoms.

[Zeppelin8]

Re: What's wrong with me?

I think your thoughts and suggestions are pretty much on spot.

I've tried to play some ball (a week ago), but I've got tired pretty easily after shooting around for a little while. Since my body is kinda sore, it's hard to keep it going.

But you're right. I haven't been doing anything, which is the main reason why I came to this point. I should find some routine, so I can stay busy.