Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

[ThaGenecyst]

So I've been a dad for the last 3 years and some change.

I wake up early in the morning around 7 am, go to my son's house, brush his teeth, dress em up, feed em breakfast, then bring him back to my place for the day (Take care of em).. then I bring him back to his mother's house at around 5:30 pm and go off to night school fulltime. This has been routine for me for the last 3 years and my ma wants me to get my bachelors degree so she helps me out a lot financially (Recieved my Associates Degree last december and 1 year from my B.A. if i continue at the pace I'm going).. my son's mother doesn't work (for physical reasons) so she gets social security and is on medicaid and what not (which is why I do the whole pick him up and keep him for a day and bring him back at night). I guess they want to put him in this daycare that's about $1000 a month so he could interact with other kids I guess (he's hated it so far, so i'll bring him at 9, and then pick him up at 12) but he has done a good job playing with his playmates at my house.

So I got a letter from Family Court saying I have to stand before a judge over child support issues and the part that stuck out to me like a sore thumb was this:

Upon information and belief, the Respondent on or about 07/17/2009, and subsequent thereto, has failed to provide fair and reasonable support for the dependent(s) according to Respondent's means and earning capacity.

Head scratcher there.. what I want to know is, when I go into court tommorow morning, am I going to get hammered? Having child support issues (well around here at least) usually comes with the reputation that you're doing horribly as a father (or not doing anything at all) but in this case, I'm my sons primary care giver.. from diaper/pullup/wipe buying and diaper changing to food buying to going to dr and dentist appointments, picking up his prescriptions when needed, emergency room visits if needed, etc. I'm like.. your regular ole Mr. Mom. I'm nervous to say the least, and I'm not sure what's going to happen.

Should I prepare for the worst?

[23]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

I believe both arron and MassNole are both lawyers here

[SPTO]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

Sounds kinda fishy and yes Massnole is a lawyer so hopefully you can get in touch with him.

Seems like the mother is trying to bilk you out or something because it's obvious to me that you're doing a TON for your son. If you have receipts and such as proof of your care giving i'd suggest bringing those along with you. (always better to err on the side of caution)

Hopefully nothing untoward happens to you in this situation.

[p_rushing]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

You are going to get screwed. I would get a lawyer if at all possible. The child doesn't live with you, so unless you file for custody, you probably will end up paying. The receipts could hurt as the judge could then say since you already pay for that stuff, you can afford to pay her the same amount or more. Which then might hit you double if the mother is not responisble and spends the money on herself or on stuff that isn't needed.

Go get a lawyer to at the very least go over your options.

[MassNole]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

Okay I will give my take on this, but I am not giving you legal advice as a lawyer but as a forum member as I am not licensed in New York. The first thing I would have to advise you to do is find a lawyer or ask if your local family court as a lawyer for a day program where free counsel is provided to answer questions. Second, I would file a motion for a continuance and tell the Judge you do not feel comfortable going forward with out an attorney in this matter. I don't know much time you had between the summons and the Court date, but stress you have an economic hardship and finding an attorney has been difficult, this should buy you some time at the very least and may give me a chance to see if I can find a WNEC grad in the area to refer you too.

The controlling standard here is what is known as the best interest of the child (hereafter BIOTC). This standard is incredibly amorphous and varies largely in case law from state to state, but ultimately comes down to the whim of the judge. In this case the argument is that it is not in the BIOTC to be in daycare because he hates it, he is upset after, etc.

As for support, it is all done by guidelines. If you, not your mother, have a limited income, support is set by a formula. Make sure her financial statement has the monthly stipend she gets from SSI/SSDI, that you should receive part of. Furthermore she should be contributing one half of his expenses, such as for prescriptions, medical expenses, general care, etc. If this is not the case, point this out to the judge as for reasons why you contribute your fair share, regardless of what the guidelines may say.

Ultimately you may get screwed, some family court judges are bleeding hearts towards single mothers. But given the facts you presented (keeping in mind her story will vary drastically I am sure), I wouldn't prepare for the worst. But either way, as for a continuance stating you need to find a lawyer whom you can afford. The court may have a list of lawyers who have sliding fees who can accommodate your income level.

[bgeno]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

You need Bob Loblaw...

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Sorry, I had to.

All jokes aside, I hope everything works out for you. Take Massnole's friendly (but not legal) advice... that should help.

[p_rushing]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

Hopefully you get a level headed judge. I have a friend who ended up having to still pay even though he was paying most of the bills. The mother didn't always buy everything that was needed, so he then had to spend more to provide what was needed.

[therizing02]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

I would always prepare for the worst because let's face it, when it comes to money, she can't be trusted and neither can her attorney.

However, your dedication and hard work that you do for your son will be well received by the court. Additionally, your mother is helping you financially and she is under no obligation to do so will also look very good to the court.

While I'm not an attorney, I have spent the last 4 months battling my own case. Here was the situation:

I was unemployed (until 8/3) for the last six months. During that time, I was collecting unemployment. My existing order for support was around $900/mo. I obviously couldn't pay that given the amount I was receiving in unemployment. I received what you received, A Notice Of Motion.

As MassNole advised, you need to get a continuance. You need a continuance because you need a fair amount of time to file a response to the notice of motion and to secure council. This is easily done by showing up in court on the scheduled day and explaining the situation and why you need time to the judge.

I would Google as much info as possible on your states Child Support laws. In Illinois they are cut and dry and fairly simple. That's why I took the case and represented myself. I had a few attorney friends look over the final order/agreement and I never went to court.

Because of your current situation with school you may qualify for free legal advice through your County Clerk of Courts office. Look this up ASAP because they will help you with the response.

Once you file the response you can begin discussions with her attorney to get this case settled out of court. This is what I did. It was a negotiating session that lasted about a week. She wanted this and that. I agreed to some and some I didn't. Concessions were made and the order was submitted on 8/4. I never went to court.

Regarding the Day Care situation, as MassNole said that will be up to the judge. If the judge feels like the child should be there, you could be on the hook for at least half of that expense plus regular support payments according to the laws of your state.

[JBH3]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

Gotta love OS. Much props to those and their friendly advice.



Just remember...karma has a way of catchin up to people. If your "baby mama" is consorting against you she'll get hers.

[ThaGenecyst]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

Wow... MassNole was beyond right when he said some Judges were bleeding hearts for single mothers. This magistrate must have had her own impression of me before I even spoke. I couldn't get continuance but she did ask my sons mother if she wanted a lawyer (lol). She started off askin my name, address, if I worked, when the last time I worked, and why it's been so long since then. However, she just was NOT trying to hear me out. I told her all that I did between everything that I buy, everything that I do, etc and her words were "but that's not enough." She didn't want to see any proof of it as it seemed like she didn't even care.

I probably wasn't speaking clearly enough or something and I could tell she was prepping for the whole "You're not doing good enough" speech before throwing the book at me. She began with "Things are going to have to change... you're not doing enough..." Then she stopped herself and asked my sons mother who directed her to the court and she said the state did since she was receiving aid for the daycare costs. That's when the magistrate was like "OOOOHHHH I understand" and went on to talk about what was going to happen... So she ordered that I pay $26.65 a month to Albany until my kid is out of daycare (which should be in about a year).

I think I dodged a bullet... thanks again to MassNole, p_rushing, and everyone else who through advice and ideas at me.. it's duly appreciated.

[SPTO]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

Wow you really did dodge a bullet!

BTW that judge is a poor example of the power of the law. I mean how can you go and automatically assume things the way she was?! It doesn't make sense but anyways i'm glad you're in the clear.

[p_rushing]

Re: Any lawyers in the house? Need advice real quick...

I'm glad to see that you didn't totally get screwed. I would start keeping track of everything you spend on your son. Anything you do for your son, even mileage/gas taking him places. You may need it in the coming future, she could get greedy and decide she should get some more of your money. You sound like a great dad and are willing to provide for your son, but also don't let her take advantage of you.