What can I do here?

[Hassan Darkside]

Alright. I was gonna post this a couple days ago but I realized it was looking more like a book than a post on a message board, so I'll give you guys a more condensed version. It's sort of disturbing...

The appetizer:

Ok. I said this before in the supporter's section, but I tend to attract younger girls. I'm 20 years old and for whatever reason (maturity probably), I attract high school/teenage girls. I don't do anything with them other than maybe try to be their friends. But I am a college student and I usually tell them that I don't have time for them.

Well, I'm a youth leader in my youth group at church. One of probably around 8. There was a girl that looked new to me, she didn't hang out with anyone, always sat by herself. She's decent looking, keeps up with herself, so it was puzzling why she didn't have anybody around her. One Sunday, while everyone was at camp, we had about 5 people. I introduced myself to her and talked to her a bit, small talk trying to make her feel comfortable and to keep her coming back to church. Lord knows that teenagers could be spending their time better ways than what they currently do...

Eventually one of my friends gave me her number and I texted for a short period of time. I had a hard time getting her to say anything about herself. But I slowly gained her trust.

The meat & potatoes

She has two phones. One she has access to (or doesn't have access to now) from her mom & step-father. One she has access to every other weekend by her biological father. She texted me from that this past weekend. We then talked on the phone for a good 4 hours and she beat around the bush trying to get me to say that I liked her ( ) but then my masterful conversation skills flipped it around and she said she liked me but was scared of how I felt back. So I had to let her down lightly but was also careful not to break her trust and our "friendship".

Anyway, Sunday came along and she was texting me right before she left. She was pretty distraught about something and I asked her if she wanted to talk. She said know and she didn't want me to hear her like this. Then she texted me "....Listen, I get beat." Well, I ignored it the first time not knowing how to interpret it. Then she texted me again later "I'm scared to go home! I just know I'm gonna get beat!" That got my attention. So I told her it sounds like abuse and I can make some phone calls if she would like. So she just told me to call her grandmother (gave me her number), talk to her and try to figure out what to do. So I did.

Eww, there's a fly in my soup. And wtf is in this meat??

Well, I talked to her grandmother. Her grandmother didn't even hesitate to tell me what was going on. Apparently her mom was in the hospital because she had been exposed to swine flu. The girl only found out when she texted her mom to ask if she could go to six flags with our youth group and her step-father texted back saying "Your mom's in the hospital, so you're going to have to deal with me this week."

Well, her step-father is a 6'6" behemoth. Well, that's how her grandmother described him. He beats on this little girl (she's all of 5'1, 110 maybe?). Her grandmother thinks he's into dealing drugs because he has no job and drugs have gone missing from the hospital where his wife (the girl's mother) is employed at. He has security set up all over his house, cameras inside and outside. They took her phone from her so she can't make phone calls. She can't sneak out of her room at night to make a phone call because he locks her in it. She's not allowed to have friends over. Even when her grandmother comes close to the property, he threatens to call the police for trespassing. So aside from 2 weekends per month, she has no outside communication with the world from what I understand.

The dessert

And to finish it off, apparently her family recently held a private adoption for a 3 year old child. They then told the girl that they want no part of her anymore, they don't want her in their family anymore. When they have family events, she can just stay in her room (where she has only a mattress and dresser, nothing else). Yet, they won't give her up. I, for one, am appalled at the entire situation and how cruel some people can be.


**And for you guys wondering about social services, the grandmother called them once a couple years ago when the girl came over with bruises all over her body. When the family went under review, they changed for 6 months. After the 6 months was up, apparently they made this girl's life so miserable that she begged her grandmother not to do it again.

Tips please?

I did call a couple of other youth leaders in the church, people the girl said she trusted. They then went up the ladder to the head pastor who called someone in child services but apparently nothing can be done until there's something to report. So right now I am very worried about what's going to happen over the next 2 weeks with this girl home alone with this ape. Especially with nobody being able to get in touch with her for at least another week. :/

Anything else I can do? Any other alternatives?

So now it's just:

Gat dang, sorry this post is so long. I won't be surprised to wake up to 0 responses.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

The Abridged version

• I went to church and a 15 year old girl started liking me:
• We talked on the phone, I gained her trust:
• I found out some info about something that was going on with her:
• She's getting abused by her 6'6 stepfather and is now alone with him while her mom is in the hospital:
• Her communication has been stripped so she can't even get out her house.
• I've talked to fellow pastors and apparently nothing can be done until something happens... Yet we won't know until next weekend.
  
• Any other options?
  

[SPTO]

Re: What can I do here?

Call the cops with an anonymous tip saying you have good reason to believe there's child abuse going on.

That's all I can think of.

[CMH]

Re: What can I do here?

That's my only thought too. Cops need to get involved and the girl needs to be taken far away from him.

Unfortunately, cops probably won't do a thing until they see physical proof, which means she'll have to take another beating.

*I don't mean this to say that cops won't do their job. I'm only stating that if there is no sign of abuse then the cops can't really do anything.

One of our resident officers I'm sure will correct me if I'm wrong.

[Cebby]

Re: What can I do here?

If a 15 year old girl can consent to a search (I'm almost positive she can), you can have her call the police when the father is away or you could do it.

However, if at all possible, I'd try and talk to her face to face before you do anything. While I hate to insinuate it, 15 year old girls, especially those infatuated with older guys, and mothers of a heart broken girl (who later marries a "scumbag") aren't the most honest people in the world.

It sounds like a cut and dry drug dealer and child abuse case, but just because I'm me I have to question somewhat the motives of a mother and daughter of a woman having a new husband. I don't know if you went by the house and saw the cameras, but cameras are far more of an indication of mid-large scale drug dealing than two bottles of Vicodin missing every 3 weeks.

If you "know" for certain that he is selling drugs (and assuming the cameras are true, it's almost a guarantee that he'll have either illegal drugs or weapons), the girl can probably consent to a search of the house. I'd go that route as opposed to child abuse.

I would also 1000% verify that the grandmother would be willing to take both children in if worse comes to worse. My church was held at a ranch (top of the line group home for orphans and "given up" children) and both of my siblings were adopted from orphanages, so I've seen what institutions can do to children (especially a 3 year old). The grandmother should be able to take custody of both children, but if she won't, I would hold off. Despite any beatings or deprivation they may be receiving now, it could quite possibly be better than moving to a group home in Richmond.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

I appreciate the responses. I think the thing I'm scared of most is similar repercussions to when the grandmother called child services. I fear that the police may go in and not find anything and then she reap the consequences, again.

Also, no I haven't seen the cameras or anything. Her grandmother is the one that told me all of this stuff, the girl pretty much refused any of my advances on the information other than 2 text messages where she said she got beat. I don't think her step-father would let anybody on the property period, so that in itself may be an indication that he indeed has something to hide.

The grandmother said that she could take in the girl. The girl lived with her from birth till age 8 apparently because the girl's mother was working full-time and also staying the night at other people's places and neglecting her responsibility as a mother (she was 18 when she gave birth). The grandmother said that she even keeps a room for the girl in her house and she's more than capable of taking care of her. There was a court hearing for custody and the grandmother was lucky to get visitation after the mother lied and said that her daughter hadn't even spent a day with her grandmother (which was later proved wrong due to a video).

And I don't think that she was infatuated with me. I know she thinks/thought of me often, but she kind of expected me to let her down and I didn't really detect a change in her tone of voice or anything when we were talking. Afterwards she even referred to me as a "good friend" to her grandmother. But she hadn't told me any of this stuff herself.

[Cebby]

Re: What can I do here?

Also, no I haven't seen the cameras or anything. Her grandmother is the one that told me all of this stuff, the girl pretty much refused any of my advances on the information other than 2 text messages where she said she got beat. I don't think her step-father would let anybody on the property period, so that in itself may be an indication that he indeed has something to hide.

Ask the grandmother for the address. Again, while it's a complete jerk move on my part, you want to be absolutely certain before you rip a family apart.

The grandmother said that she could take in the girl. The girl lived with her from birth till age 8 apparently because the girl's mother was working full-time and also staying the night at other people's places and neglecting her responsibility as a mother (she was 18 when she gave birth). The grandmother said that she even keeps a room for the girl in her house and she's more than capable of taking care of her. There was a court hearing for custody and the grandmother was lucky to get visitation after the mother lied and said that her daughter hadn't even spent a day with her grandmother (which was later proved wrong due to a video).

I know you know the 15 year old better, but as the brother of a girl who experienced more in 3 years than any of us will in our life, the 3 year old should come first. Make absolutely certain that the grandmother will take the 3 year old in. I have a personal friend who was given up in his early teens and due to good structure in children protective service was able to graduate high school and is now at a four year college. Despite great family homes, I don't know any young child who has been able to overcome his or her environment at a young age.

If you believe in her that much and can find a home for the young'un, go to the police, especially with the drugs. Drug busts are easy press for the executives of the department and DA.

[Cusefan]

Re: What can I do here?

.308? I wont tell

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

Ask the grandmother for the address. Again, while it's a complete jerk move on my part, you want to be absolutely certain before you rip a family apart.


I know you know the 15 year old better, but as the brother of a girl who experienced more in 3 years than any of us will in our life, the 3 year old should come first. Make absolutely certain that the grandmother will take the 3 year old in. I have a personal friend who was given up in his early teens and due to good structure in children protective service was able to graduate high school and is now at a four year college. Despite great family homes, I don't know any young child who has been able to overcome his or her environment at a young age.

If you believe in her that much and can find a home for the young'un, go to the police, especially with the drugs. Drug busts are easy press for the executives of the department and DA.

Alright, I appreciate the advice. I think there'd be a couple families in the church willing to take in the 15 year old if need be. I'll get on the phone this weekend with the grandmother and see if she's able to take both. Idk why, but I never really even thought about the 3 year old.

When I can talk to the girl again, I'll see if I can confirm any of this. As I said, she hasn't told me anything. But if she can confirm drugs in the house somewhere, then we might be able to help. Fortunately school is starting soon and she'll be 'vulnerable' during the day.

[slickdtc]

Re: What can I do here?

This is pretty heavy stuff. Very serious. I really can't give any advice, because I'd be in your position if this type of thing ever came up in my life; I wouldn't know what to do.

That's my only thought too. Cops need to get involved and the girl needs to be taken far away from him.

Unfortunately, cops probably won't do a thing until they see physical proof, which means she'll have to take another beating.

*I don't mean this to say that cops won't do their job. I'm only stating that if there is no sign of abuse then the cops can't really do anything.

One of our resident officers I'm sure will correct me if I'm wrong.

This is what kills me. I've been around a situation where, legally, the police couldn't do anything to get a person help who clearly needed it but they just couldn't do it. Well, as I thought it would, months later something happened and it was too late.

I don't want it to be too late for this girl. Hopefully this scumbag stepfather of hers is selling drugs and the police can nail him for that and then tack on the child abuse too as well as any other illegal activity this guy could possibly be involved in.

Good luck, Ruff Ryder. And good luck to that girl. I really hope and pray (and I don't do too much of that) that this girl comes out of this safe and sound and that she can lead a normal life from here on out. But Ruff Ryder, you're really acting as a role model and leader in trying to help out this girl and her sibling and I think you should be recognized and commended for that. Many people would look the other way; it really takes a strong person to put aside their life and help out someone else.

[DC]

Re: What can I do here?

Abused as in sexually?

Man call the cops PLEASE.

[stewaat]

Re: What can I do here?

If the police get called they can't do anything legal without physical evidence. They can call the department of social service to make a report and a DSS rep will go out to the house.

They can lead her to the right people.

[CMH]

Re: What can I do here?

If the police get called they can't do anything legal without physical evidence. They can call the department of social service to make a report and a DSS rep will go out to the house.

They can lead her to the right people.

This is where I get worried.

If she is being physically abused and the cops come and they can't do anything, does it matter who they direct her to? She's still in that home and now her dad knows what's up. That sounds like more trouble for her.

Again, not getting down on the police. I understand the reasoning behind why they can't act without physical proof, but it's still a tough thing to swallow if something is actually wrong.


Ruff Ryder,
I wouldn't advise calling the police or anyone that would get involved unless you knew she could get out that very same day/night. If she stays, things will get worse.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

Abused as in sexually?

Man call the cops PLEASE.

I dunno. I asked her grandmother if it was more than just physical abuse and she led me to believe it was just physical and verbal. But this is what concerns me now with her being alone in the house with this guy while her mom is in the hospital. I fear he may try to raise the bar, I hope not though.

Thanks for the other advice too fellas. I'm weary on calling the cops too because I'm unsure of whether or not something could take place in that very day. Because if the cops search and don't find anything, then this guy is not going to be very happy. And if he didn't tell, his wife didn't tell, and his 3 year old didn't tell, I think he knows who did.

Is bruises/cuts enough physical proof?

I fear for her if she starts on this path but ends up having to be sent home for whatever reason, even if it's just to wait.

[rsnomar05]

Re: What can I do here?

I dunno. I asked her grandmother if it was more than just physical abuse and she led me to believe it was just physical and verbal. But this is what concerns me now with her being alone in the house with this guy while her mom is in the hospital. I fear he may try to raise the bar, I hope not though.

Thanks for the other advice too fellas. I'm weary on calling the cops too because I'm unsure of whether or not something could take place in that very day. Because if the cops search and don't find anything, then this guy is not going to be very happy. And if he didn't tell, his wife didn't tell, and his 3 year old didn't tell, I think he knows who did.

Is bruises/cuts enough physical proof?

I fear for her if she starts on this path but ends up having to be sent home for whatever reason, even if it's just to wait.

DO NOT call the cops. That will be way more trouble for her. The biggest mistake people make is calling the cops, because the cops can't take her away, and her father will blame her and most likely up the severity of the beatings.

Call DSS and report the father yourself. DSS will take her away while they complete their investigation.

Regarding the 6 month thing, the goal is, understandably, to try and rehabilitate the abuser, but this will be the second claim against him, so they won't try that again.

What will most likely happen is that she will be in protective care until they have a court case, the result determining where the girl will live, be it with her grandmother, a foster family, or in the absolute worst case scenario, back with her father. The wost case scenario is extremely unlikely, as this is not only the second claim, but DSS will likely have a mountain of evidence and testimony (the grandmother will be a great witness, for example) that will make the court's decision a no-brainer: this girl needs to be removed from that house and the custody of her father.

The three year-old will also be taken away, because in these cases they deal with all the children, not just one. In other words, even if only one twin brother gets abused, they will take both twins.

So, in summation, do not call the cops, call DSS.

You also will most likely be called to testify in the ensuing court case, so make sure you keep track of details such as where/when/how she contacted you to inform you of the abuse.