What can I do here?

[funky_chicken]

Re: What can I do here?

Is her biological father aware of the situation? If you can I would say try and talk to her biological dad and let him know what is going on. Maybe the biological father can file for custody of the daughter or at least go and beat the crap out of the step-father.

This is a tough situation for you to be in. You want to help but have no idea how.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

Is her biological father aware of the situation? If you can I would say try and talk to her biological dad and let him know what is going on. Maybe the biological father can file for custody of the daughter or at least go and beat the crap out of the step-father.

This is a tough situation for you to be in. You want to help but have no idea how.

Her biological father is aware of the situation. In the previous court case, he couldn't get custody because he had a couple drug charges against him. From what I understand, he's out of the drugs now, though.

@ rsnomar, thanks for the post. I don't wanna do anything out of desperation. Yes, I'd like to get her out of the house asap, but this is a very delicate situation and we can't afford to screw it up. I'm not going to try to do anything until I at least talk to her myself.

I have an uncle who's a cop that I happen to be staying with right now (I'm in Boston), I might ask him if he has any suggestions. I wonder if it's possible to record our conversation or something. I just don't think she's going to be willing to give it more than once.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

Ok here's an update:

I talked to her on the phone last night, relieved that she survived another 2 weeks. She told me about her life and what went on, specifically describing an incident where her stepfather knocked her down and dragged her into her room by her feet. She said she grabbed onto the door frame and then he slammed her head into the wall and there's now a dent there. =/

She said she threatened to call the cops but her step-dad told her that if she did she'd go to Juvie and she actually believed that. She said she had a chance and then he grabbed the phone and ripped it from the wall and took it to his room. So so much for that.

She also said he took her lightbulbs too, so now she's living in the dark in her room. So a bed, dresser, and no light. I asked if she had anything on the walls and she said they ripped down everything she had, posters, pictures, etc. So if her house was to be searched, I think they'd see her room and be alarmed.

But I told her to go ahead and call the cops the next time something happens. Nothing's gonna happen to her because she's the victim, not the problem. She said that she's not sure what to do right now and she seems to have the state of mind that's "I've lived with it for 8 years, what's 2 1/2 more?" But I tried to tell her that this guy's playing with her life and if anything real bad happens then me and everybody else that knows would really be upset. I think she bought it, she said she'd call the cops next time.

I DO know that she provokes him sometimes. Her grandmother told her the best move would be to keep her mouth shut and just do what they ask without arguing and I think she's gonna go ahead and try that approach first.

Fortunately she does start school this week so she'll be out of the house for a while.

[X*Cell]

Re: What can I do here?

Ok here's an update:

I talked to her on the phone last night, relieved that she survived another 2 weeks. She told me about her life and what went on, specifically describing an incident where her stepfather knocked her down and dragged her into her room by her feet. She said she grabbed onto the door frame and then he slammed her head into the wall and there's now a dent there. =/

She said she threatened to call the cops but her step-dad told her that if she did she'd go to Juvie and she actually believed that. She said she had a chance and then he grabbed the phone and ripped it from the wall and took it to his room. So so much for that.

She also said he took her lightbulbs too, so now she's living in the dark in her room. So a bed, dresser, and no light. I asked if she had anything on the walls and she said they ripped down everything she had, posters, pictures, etc. So if her house was to be searched, I think they'd see her room and be alarmed.

But I told her to go ahead and call the cops the next time something happens. Nothing's gonna happen to her because she's the victim, not the problem. She said that she's not sure what to do right now and she seems to have the state of mind that's "I've lived with it for 8 years, what's 2 1/2 more?" But I tried to tell her that this guy's playing with her life and if anything real bad happens then me and everybody else that knows would really be upset. I think she bought it, she said she'd call the cops next time.

I DO know that she provokes him sometimes. Her grandmother told her the best move would be to keep her mouth shut and just do what they ask without arguing and I think she's gonna go ahead and try that approach first.

Fortunately she does start school this week so she'll be out of the house for a while.

noone could possibly provoke someone to slam their head into a wall and get dragged by the feet... AND live like a prisoner in their own bedroom...

seriously RuffRyder... call DSS... I can't believe you haven't done anything about this yet. I know it's tough to put off your own life and act on this... but this is God's calling for you man, and it is far more important than anything you could accomplish in youth group leadership. There is a rhyme and reason to why you are in this situation. YOU HAVE TO HELP HER... and she's depending on you... this is why she told you.

[CMH]

Re: What can I do here?

What happens in 2 1/2 years?

I don't understand why someone like him would let her just walk away in 2 1/2 years.

Just thinking hypothetically, but if I were him, I would want her in my home forever. Why would I hand out this abuse and then let her walk away? It's backwards.

And I guess I need to know what happens in 2 1/2 years for the following to make more sense. But, really, what happens in 2 1/2 years that she can't just do right now?

[X*Cell]

Re: What can I do here?

What happens in 2 1/2 years?

I don't understand why someone like him would let her just walk away in 2 1/2 years.

Just thinking hypothetically, but if I were him, I would want her in my home forever. Why would I hand out this abuse and then let her walk away? It's backwards.

And I guess I need to know what happens in 2 1/2 years for the following to make more sense. But, really, what happens in 2 1/2 years that she can't just do right now?

something tells me that in 2 1/2 years she thinks she'll be going to college... but it doesn't sound like father deuchebag would even let her go, so something has to be done NOW.

[J.R. Locke]

Re: What can I do here?

Ruff Ryder if she called you, she can call the cops and the right authorities. I hope she has the sense to understand there is a way out of this and it will have to come from here own inner strength. Not much you can do friend without turning this into something she may not be ready for.

[Aggies7]

Re: What can I do here?

If the police get called they can't do anything legal without physical evidence. They can call the department of social service to make a report and a DSS rep will go out to the house.

They can lead her to the right people.

Yea Check The Welfare calls if the daughter doesnt have plain view visible marks or is crying for help when the door is open and the Father says everythings fine not much we can do as Police.

[stlstudios189]

Re: What can I do here?

Just make a visit to the house nothing violent just bring something and say she won a prize at church that didn't get picked up and so you brought it by. I don't know if that will create backlash though.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

noone could possibly provoke someone to slam their head into a wall and get dragged by the feet... AND live like a prisoner in their own bedroom...

seriously RuffRyder... call DSS... I can't believe you haven't done anything about this yet. I know it's tough to put off your own life and act on this... but this is God's calling for you man, and it is far more important than anything you could accomplish in youth group leadership. There is a rhyme and reason to why you are in this situation. YOU HAVE TO HELP HER... and she's depending on you... this is why she told you.

Well, I'm just trying to be precise with whatever decision I make. But thanks for the kick in the rear though. I really wanted to hear the story from her first and not just go off of everything her grandmother said. I'll call DSS tomorrow and ask for advice. All I know is that whatever I do, if I put something in motion, she needs to be out of the house immediately and cannot go back.

It's perplexing wondering if I should just motivate her to make the right decision when the time comes and support what she does or whether or not I should take more responsibility and try to do what I think is right. But I'll definitely make a call to DSS and try to make them aware of the situation and ask for advice.

@ stlstudios189, I'm certain that would be a problem. Especially with him having security cameras set up and I don't think she'd be able to effectively lie about me to him if he asked, therefore putting herself back in harms way.

[onlybygrace]

Re: What can I do here?

Wow...

Never forget to pray for wisdom as God gives it freely to those who ask...

Seek Him, He knows everything and will lead you confidently...even if it is something as simple as calling DSS.

Godspeed, my man and way to go...caring so much.

Thats the Jesus in you.

[opd897]

Re: What can I do here?

Not sure what state you live in and laws vary from state to state regarding what I am about to tell you.

I work in Kansas. In Kansas the only authorities that can remove a child from the home are the police and / or a judge. DSS, or here in Kansas, SRS, cannot remove a child from the home without a court order. Police can, it's called placing the child in Police Protective Custody or PPC. I have done this many times.

A child does not necessarily have to have physical evidence of abuse although it helps us make a decision a bit quicker. A child can tell an officer of ongoing abuse and this is very important, tell the officer that they are afraid to go home for fear of being abused / and or beaten. If the girl has told others, in this case the thread creator, then you can be interviewed as well as far as her confiding in others that abuse is happening.

Bottom line is that with the above information the officer can take the girl into protective custody where in kansas that means going to a foster home or TLC until a hearing takes place. A hearing has to take place in front of a judge, I beleive within 72 hours at which time a judge will determine the outcome. Please keep in mind that laws and procedures vary from state to state and even with the above information probably not every officer would go PPC although I would. If I error I like to do it on the side of caution.

My suggestion is this. When she goes back to school have her go see the school counselor and have her tell the counselor what is going on. School counselors are mandated reporters in most states so a police officer should be made aware and interview the girl. If she is indeed scared / afraid to go home then she needs to relay that information to the officer and hopefully the officer will take the needed action. Hope that helps.

[Koolie G]

Re: What can I do here?

I think the post above is pretty good advice. Call Social Services, tell them what's going on, have them go to the school to talk to the girl. If the girl tells them what is going on and they talk to the grandmother who confirms her story, the social worker can then remove the girl from the home that day because of the alleged abuse and then it will proceed from there in Court. The most important thing is to get the girl to tell the social worker what is going on and that she is afraid to live in the house because of the physical abuse. It is DSS's job to prevent this and they will do it if the girl or her grandmother can give them the information they need about what is going on.

[rsnomar05]

Re: What can I do here?

I think the post above is pretty good advice. Call Social Services, tell them what's going on, have them go to the school to talk to the girl. If the girl tells them what is going on and they talk to the grandmother who confirms her story, the social worker can then remove the girl from the home that day because of the alleged abuse and then it will proceed from there in Court. The most important thing is to get the girl to tell the social worker what is going on and that she is afraid to live in the house because of the physical abuse. It is DSS's job to prevent this and they will do it if the girl or her grandmother can give them the information they need about what is going on.

And call DSS NOW. I mean it. Right now. I understand wanting to be careful about the decision, but this isn't the time to wait and think. She needs out of that house immediately, and DSS is the way to go.

In most states the police can't remove a child without physical evidence, and a police visit will only anger the father. Again, DSS is the way to go.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: What can I do here?

I called DSS last week. I'm not sure how that went. I explained the situation, gave them a lot of info and they appreciated the amount of detail I gave them. They said they'd decide whether or not to take the case that night.

Now from the "important" perspective, I get this text message from the girl today.

"Did you report to social services?"
"Should I?"
"No and i told you not to that's why i'm asking if you did cause someone did! And my life's even worse."
"Why? What happened?"
"Don't worry about it. I can't trust you anymore. Or anyone."
"Um...let's talk."
"No. You lost that right with me."