Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

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  • stlstudios189
    MVP
    • Jan 2009
    • 2649

    #16
    Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

    I was married at 22 and divorced by 23 I think that we were just too young, she cheated on me and it got very ugly. 7 years later she myspaced me and appologized we talk every once in a while online or email but, that is just about it for me.
    Gaming hard since 1988

    I have won like 25 Super Bowls in Madden so I am kinda a big deal.

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    • Schism 6
      Banned
      • Nov 2008
      • 360

      #17
      Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

      Originally posted by Stumbleweed
      Well the thing is that I do think it could work, but those nagging doubts won't go away. I wasn't as honest with her as I should've been and I'm sort of holding out hope that clearing the air on all that stuff would change the relationship for the better. The thing is that it's only been 2 weeks so I can't really say if that's a success or not. I want to give it more time, because like I said, I do love her and don't want to hurt her again... And it's a good relationship... I mean we never really "got into it" or had any major disagreements... it's not like we're both miserable, I just can't shake the doubts in my head and don't want to hurt her again. She absolutely loves me but also was hurt so she doesn't trust me totally right now (perfectly understandable)... just trying to feel it out and see if it changes for the better. But yeah, if not, I definitely gotta end it sooner than later because it's not fair to her (or to me) to drag it out for the sake of it.

      But yeah, I'm leaving open the possibility that I'm just immature... after all, it's the only real relationship I've had in my life... not exactly used to dealing with this kind of stuff. Hence the makeup sex... d'oh.
      I wasn't trying to come off as a dick either, just calling like I saw it from what you posted, hope it works out for the best.

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      • Po Pimp
        MVP
        • Jan 2005
        • 2255

        #18
        Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

        Depends on how we broke up. If we mutually agreed it's not gonna work, I MAY still communicate from time to time (holidays, b-days, etc) but I more than likely won't try to get back with her.

        If we broke up in a bogus way (like she cheated on me), communication is done, will never speak to her again. Ok, won't say I'll never speak to her, but I won't ever be the one to reach out to her. Still won't get back with her though.

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        • sportsdude
          Be Massive
          • Jul 2002
          • 5001

          #19
          Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

          Originally posted by mgoblue
          Yeah...unless you have kids or something I've found it's better to cut her off. Either you still have feelings, or she does, and either way it doesn't end up happily. I've been lead on by an ex thinking she wanted to get back together but she eventually decided not to. Such a up and down 2 month period I'd rather not go through again.
          same thing happened to me but it was about six months instead of two. She moved away and I quickly realized what an idiot I had been, cut off all communications except the few times we saw each other at some mutual friend's weddings. I should've cut it off before that six months started, what an awful half of a year that was.
          Lux y Veritas

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          • 19
            Chaos Theory
            • Aug 2008
            • 8859

            #20
            Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

            My policy : End all communication period. Out of sight, out of mind.

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            • GAMEC0CK2002
              Stayin Alive
              • Aug 2002
              • 10384

              #21
              Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

              Dang that's a tough one. If you've got a good thing now, I'd say don't even go down that road. It's not worth putting your current gf though the unneeded stress/worry.

              They are an ex for a reason.

              With all that being said, a few years ago I met up with my first love. We were project leaders in Americorps and dated for 7 months. I took that break up hard. She moved to Ohio and hadn't talked to her for almost 2 years. Then I agreed to meet up with her for dinner when she was in town for a wedding (we both knew the bride and groom). It was weird but went fine.

              My current gf wasn't thrilled about me meeting up with her but gave me the okay. If she had said no, I wouldn't have gone.

              Comment

              • bgeno
                MVP
                • Jun 2003
                • 4321

                #22
                Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                Originally posted by Husker_OS
                Delete them from your phone and your Facebook.



                That way, you can't contact them.
                Originally posted by Pappy Knuckles
                Lol @ delete them from your facebook.
                This is actually good advice. I'm not sure what the LOL is for.


                When my "THE EX" broke up with me, I had a boat-load of problems. She was kind of a bitch over the whole thing (moved on to another guy real quick and made sure everyone knew it), and I got a little obsessive and angry at her a few times. The obsessive part was that I just could not quit checking her AIM info/away message or her Facebook and every thing else. Nothing too unhealthy. And the anger was basically the AIM conversation we had when I told her she didn't appreciate me and how unfair it all was(which all still rings true, IMO, I just don't feel the need to tell her any more).

                She blocked me on AIM one night -- maybe a week or two after we broke up -- and un-friended me on Facebook the same night. I was furious. I couldn't understand why she would do that. I never expressed my anger over her blocking and un-friending me (at least not to her... I went to friends to vent... THE EX had heard enough of it).

                I got rid of her phone number from my phone, even though I still know it... it was only two digits different than mine.

                About a month later, I got an IM from her. I was just confused more than anything. I was sort of still in the "she's going to come back to me" phase. She basically said she was just checking in to make sure I was all right and thought maybe I was OK and ready to move on. We caught up real quick, and I told her I wasn't ready to see everything she was doing.

                It turns out that her blocking me and un-friending me was maybe that best thing that could have happened to me.

                It didn't give me a chance to be obsessive, and I didn't have to see everything she was doing and wonder "what could have been."

                I've e-mailed her a time or two since (it's been almost two years now), once because I saw an article about her in the local newspaper and just wanted to congratulate her. We stayed up late talking on AIM once this past summer (I forget how exactly it happened, but we were texting back and forth about something and she wanted to move it to AIM, so I unblocked her)... just catching up, since we were such big parts of each other's lives before. I immediately blocked her afterward because I knew I couldn't do it any more. I made the mistake at the end of the summer of getting some "stuff" for her (I'm a little older than she is), but I regretted it afterward... I wasn't ready to see her, and I should have known that.


                Basically, my point is that it was best for me to just completely cut off contact. I could have gone after her a few months back when I found out she was single, but I knew it wouldn't do me any good... there was a reason we broke up. I didn't go through 10 weeks of counseling for nothing.
                Last edited by bgeno; 11-02-2009, 07:21 PM.
                Originally posted by DaImmaculateONe
                How many brothers does Sub-zero running around in his clothing? No one can seem to kill the right one.

                Comment

                • GAMEC0CK2002
                  Stayin Alive
                  • Aug 2002
                  • 10384

                  #23
                  Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                  Originally posted by bgeno
                  This is actually good advice. I'm not sure what the LOL is for.


                  When my "THE EX" broke up with me, I had a boat-load of problems. She was kind of a bitch over the whole thing (moved on to another guy real quick and made sure everyone knew it), and I got a little obsessive and angry at her a few times. The obsessive part was that I just could not quick checking her AIM info/away message or her Facebook and every thing else. Nothing too unhealthy. And the anger was basically the AIM conversation we had when I told her she didn't appreciate me and how unfair it all was(which all still rings true, IMO, I just don't feel the need to tell her any more).

                  She blocked me on AIM one night -- maybe a week or two after we broke up -- and un-friended me on Facebook the same night. I was furious. I couldn't understand why she would do that. I never expressed my anger over her blocking and un-friending me (at least not to her... I went to friends to vent... THE EX had heard enough of it).

                  I got rid of her phone number from my phone, even though I still know it... it was only two digits different than mine.

                  About a month later, I got an IM from her. I was just confused more than anything. I was sort of still in the "she's going to come back to me" phase. She basically said she was just checking in to make sure I was all right and thought maybe I was OK and ready to move on. We got up real quick, and I told her I wasn't ready to see everything she was doing.

                  It turns out that her blocking me and un-friending me was maybe that best thing that could have happened to me.

                  It didn't give me a chance to be obsessive, and I didn't have to see everything she was doing and wonder "what could have been."

                  I've e-mailed her a time or two since (it's been almost two years now), once because I saw an article about her in the local newspaper and just wanted to congratulate her. We stayed up late talking on AIM once this past summer (I forget how exactly it happened, but we were texting back and forth about something and she wanted to move it to AIM, so I unblocked her)... just catching up, since we were such big parts of each other's lives before. I immediately blocked her afterward because I knew I couldn't do it any more. I made the mistake at the end of the summer of getting some "stuff" for her (I'm a little older than she is), but I regretted it afterward... I wasn't ready to see her, and I should have known that.


                  Basically, my point is that it was best for me to just completely cut off contact. I could have gone after her a few months back when I found out she was single, but I knew it wouldn't do me any good... there was a reason we broke up. I didn't go through 10 weeks of counseling for nothing.
                  I feel ya man. Me and my current gf went on a "break" this summer because she needed some space even though we were separated by 90 miles and saw each other maybe once a month. We've been together 4 years. We got back together early August after I told her I was done. I can't be just friends with you. So she knows if we don't end up getting married--I'm not staying in contact with her.

                  Comment

                  • bgeno
                    MVP
                    • Jun 2003
                    • 4321

                    #24
                    Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                    Originally posted by GAMEC0CK2002
                    I feel ya man. Me and my current gf went on a "break" this summer because she needed some space even though we were separated by 90 miles and saw each other maybe once a month. We've been together 4 years. We got back together early August after I told her I was done. I can't be just friends with you. So she knows if we don't end up getting married--I'm not staying in contact with her.
                    Yeah, man. She wanted (and I assume still wants to be) friends, but I just couldn't do it, and I still can't. I had such strong feelings for her -- even if she was a bitch a lot of the time -- and she hurt me so bad, I can't stand to be around her.


                    I think it all depends on the person and the relationship. Some people can just become friends... some people had a relationship that lends itself to that afterward and they are just able to do it. And there's definitely nothing wrong with that. I wish I could do that. I just know I can't. I'm still sort of friends with a prior ex (in that I tried to hook up with her over the summer... lol), but we only dated 4 or 5 months, and it really wasn't anything serious... we were pretty young (I was a junior in high school). It all depends on the circumstances.
                    Last edited by bgeno; 11-02-2009, 07:39 PM.
                    Originally posted by DaImmaculateONe
                    How many brothers does Sub-zero running around in his clothing? No one can seem to kill the right one.

                    Comment

                    • cubsfan203
                      All Star
                      • Jun 2004
                      • 6689

                      #25
                      Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                      Originally posted by Po Pimp
                      Depends on how we broke up. If we mutually agreed it's not gonna work, I MAY still communicate from time to time (holidays, b-days, etc) but I more than likely won't try to get back with her.

                      If we broke up in a bogus way (like she cheated on me), communication is done, will never speak to her again. Ok, won't say I'll never speak to her, but I won't ever be the one to reach out to her. Still won't get back with her though.
                      This is pretty much how I see it. I've dated a couple girls that we both agreed that we'd be better off just being friends, and I'm still good friends with them today. If a girl cheats on me though, I'm probably not talking to her again.
                      Fan of....
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                      • trobinson97
                        Lie,cheat,steal,kill: Win
                        • Oct 2004
                        • 16366

                        #26
                        Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                        Exes are good to keep on a long leash in case of drought. It's always good to have a sure thing to fall back on when the need arises.

                        I do have one ex though that I keep in contact with pretty regularly and is actually one of my best friends. We never had a sexual relationship though so that's probably why it's easier.
                        PS: You guys are great.

                        SteamID - Depotboy



                        ...2009, 2011, 2012, 2015, 2017, 2020....
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                        Roll Tide




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                        • no juice
                          Rookie
                          • Oct 2008
                          • 454

                          #27
                          Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                          I don't even bother messin with EX's, you broke up for a reason. just because time passed and you forgot about stuff that got on your nerves doesn't mean you have to go crawling back. just setting yourself up for the downfall, then you'll be about that.
                          Old Timers NBA 2K League: Utah Jazz

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                          • SoMiss2000
                            Hall Of Fame
                            • Oct 2002
                            • 20499

                            #28
                            Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                            The ex-wife and I used to talk about once every other week. We haven't spoken since the cat we had together had to be euthanized in March. I helped her get through that as it was hard for us both to make that decision. Shortly afterwards, I deleted her from my Facebook. She didn't like that and sent me a msg wanting to know why. She's moved on, and so have I. I didn't see any need for my new lady to visit my FB and see comments from my ex. To not have that awkwardness, I deleted her. Definitely was not interested in reading status updates about whomever she was dating. So we're going on 8 months...haven't spoken to her. It's cool. I wish her the best!
                            "Never trust a big butt and a smile."-Ricky Bell
                            Check out www.sliderset.net



                            Currently Listening: The D.O.C.: No One Can Do It Better (evidence that rap music used to be good!)

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                            • DC
                              Hall Of Fame
                              • Oct 2002
                              • 17996

                              #29
                              Re: Whats your policy on communicating with THE ex?

                              For the most part, cold turkey
                              Concrete evidence/videos please

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