The all powerful apology

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  • DickDalewood

    #16
    Re: The all powerful apology

    Originally posted by ODogg
    It's not that someone should say something else, it's that you should say it with meaning, directly to the person and not believe it completely clears the slate so you can do the same thing to the person later down the road without repercussions.

    Like last year my sister called me a bunch of unprintable names and cussed me out when I took the family, all on my own dime, to the Oglebay light show because she didn't want us to go in and see the laser light show as she was wanting to get back to meet her b/f. So I said I was done with Christmas because I was tired of trying to do things with the family and getting treated like crap. So a full month goes by and she calls me the day before Christmas Eve to apologize so that I will show up for Christmas (and give her kids some pretty expensive gifts).

    If she honestly felt bad about what she did one would think she'd not wait until literally the last minute to apologize right? Bottom line is she only did it because the family pressured her into doing it so that I would participate in Christmas.

    And this recent time is even more of a joke, she doesn't even text me to apologize, she tells my mom to tell me she's sorry for standing me up for dinner. Or at least that's what my mom says, heck for all I know my mom is just making up the apology to try to mend fences.

    I'm just done trying with people who treat me like crap, apologize, then go and do crappy things again and again. I wrote off my dad for doing stuff like this and we no longer speak and my life is so much better for having done it now.
    That's exactly how I feel Odogg. It's great if you're sorry, but to me a true apology is just not doing that same **** again.

    If you apologize just to do it all over again, then you were never sorry in the first place, just upset because you got got.

    Comment

    • Salhus
      He can talk the talk
      • Jan 2006
      • 1799

      #17
      Re: The all powerful apology

      Originally posted by ODogg
      It's not that someone should say something else, it's that you should say it with meaning, directly to the person and not believe it completely clears the slate so you can do the same thing to the person later down the road without repercussions.

      Like last year my sister called me a bunch of unprintable names and cussed me out when I took the family, all on my own dime, to the Oglebay light show because she didn't want us to go in and see the laser light show as she was wanting to get back to meet her b/f. So I said I was done with Christmas because I was tired of trying to do things with the family and getting treated like crap. So a full month goes by and she calls me the day before Christmas Eve to apologize so that I will show up for Christmas (and give her kids some pretty expensive gifts).

      If she honestly felt bad about what she did one would think she'd not wait until literally the last minute to apologize right? Bottom line is she only did it because the family pressured her into doing it so that I would participate in Christmas.

      And this recent time is even more of a joke, she doesn't even text me to apologize, she tells my mom to tell me she's sorry for standing me up for dinner. Or at least that's what my mom says, heck for all I know my mom is just making up the apology to try to mend fences.

      I'm just done trying with people who treat me like crap, apologize, then go and do crappy things again and again. I wrote off my dad for doing stuff like this and we no longer speak and my life is so much better for having done it now.
      Agreed. Glad you moved on from those people

      Comment

      • Gotmadskillzson
        Live your life
        • Apr 2008
        • 23432

        #18
        Re: The all powerful apology

        Hmmm I dont think I ever told one of my male friends or male coworkers hey you want to go out to dinner together or have dinner together or meet me for dinner. But then again 99% of my friends are women.

        But as far the sorry thing.......it is over used just like the words i love you is.

        Comment

        • raidersbball20
          MVP
          • Apr 2008
          • 1375

          #19
          Re: The all powerful apology

          I think apologies are good if they mean it, and they should be done personally

          Comment

          • sb24
            MVP
            • Dec 2008
            • 3165

            #20
            Re: The all powerful apology

            Originally posted by ODogg
            Or at least that's what my mom says, heck for all I know my mom is just making up the apology to try to mend fences.
            Thats what my gut says. Based on what you say about her, i doubt she is sorry for one second. Like you said she wants you to give her kids expensive stuff.

            Comment

            • bsb13
              Banned
              • Mar 2005
              • 3439

              #21
              Re: The all powerful apology

              I think an apology is better than nothing, but if you are habitually committing the same offense over and over, then apologies do kinda lose their luster. I admit, I have been on both sides before. There are time where I would say I'm sorry for something and turn around and do it again just because I would have a really nasty habit that I couldn't break. I have also been on the receiving end of it too.

              Comment

              • ODogg
                Hall Of Fame
                • Feb 2003
                • 37953

                #22
                Re: The all powerful apology

                Just to update everyone, I have not spoken with her or her family again after Christmas was over.
                Streaming PC & PS5 games, join me most nights after 6:00pm ET on TwitchTV https://www.twitch.tv/shaunh20
                or Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@shaunh741

                Comment

                • JBH3
                  Marvel's Finest
                  • Jan 2007
                  • 13506

                  #23
                  Re: The all powerful apology

                  Originally posted by slickdtc
                  I'm with this. If I say I'm sorry, I mean it. Apologies still carry meaning to me, they're not just some cheap cop out. Not the same for everyone, though.
                  It's sometimes hard for me to say "sorry" when I'm in the wrong so it definitely has meaning when I do say it. :wink:
                  Originally posted by Edmund Burke
                  All that is needed for the triumph of evil, is for good men to do nothing.

                  Comment

                  • ODogg
                    Hall Of Fame
                    • Feb 2003
                    • 37953

                    #24
                    Re: The all powerful apology

                    I think it was one of those cases where she felt forced by the family to make peace but it was meaningless to her. My grandparents are both in nursing homes and since my dad doesn't speak to anyone in the family anymore...well there is no family really now.

                    On one hand it sucks that I pretty much have no family but on the other hand, considering the hell that I've been through at holidays and at family get togethers, I honestly believe it's much better for me to be done with them.
                    Streaming PC & PS5 games, join me most nights after 6:00pm ET on TwitchTV https://www.twitch.tv/shaunh20
                    or Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@shaunh741

                    Comment

                    • Bellsprout
                      Hard Times.
                      • Oct 2009
                      • 25652

                      #25
                      Re: The all powerful apology

                      Regarding the first example, "Oh I had to do something with my son, sorry" is a valid excuse. His son is probably more important to him than you are. And he should be. He really shouldn't have to apologize for spending time with his son.
                      Member: OS Uni Snob Association | Twitter: @MyNameIsJesseG | #WT4M | #WatchTheWorldBurn
                      Originally posted by l3ulvl
                      A lot of you guys seem pretty cool, but you have wieners.

                      Comment

                      • ODogg
                        Hall Of Fame
                        • Feb 2003
                        • 37953

                        #26
                        Re: The all powerful apology

                        Oh I had nothing wrong with him bailing on me but there is no excuse for bailing on someone and not even taking 5 seconds to text someone with a "Hey sorry but I can't make it, I have to do something with my son". That's what I had issue with, making plans and then simply not showing up. Not his reason for not showing up.
                        Streaming PC & PS5 games, join me most nights after 6:00pm ET on TwitchTV https://www.twitch.tv/shaunh20
                        or Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@shaunh741

                        Comment

                        • Bellsprout
                          Hard Times.
                          • Oct 2009
                          • 25652

                          #27
                          Re: The all powerful apology

                          Originally posted by ODogg
                          Oh I had nothing wrong with him bailing on me but there is no excuse for bailing on someone and not even taking 5 seconds to text someone with a "Hey sorry but I can't make it, I have to do something with my son". That's what I had issue with, making plans and then simply not showing up. Not his reason for not showing up.
                          I do agree with that. A simple phone call or text is common courtesy.
                          Member: OS Uni Snob Association | Twitter: @MyNameIsJesseG | #WT4M | #WatchTheWorldBurn
                          Originally posted by l3ulvl
                          A lot of you guys seem pretty cool, but you have wieners.

                          Comment

                          • ODogg
                            Hall Of Fame
                            • Feb 2003
                            • 37953

                            #28
                            Re: The all powerful apology

                            In fact that's really what bothers me most when people do that. It's not the not being able to make plans. It's the cowardly ducking of someone, or even worse, the nonchalance dismissal of them not being worthwhile of your time. Honestly anyone could have, in that instance, simply texted me just about any excuse "sorry man but I have to shampoo the guinea pig" or whatnot and I would have been fine with it, I mean all I was doing was eating wings and watching football.....but it's just the "I'll meet you over there at noon" and then not texting, calling or anything, even when I texted him to ask where he was.

                            Just very aggravating.

                            Btw - This guy has repeatedly apologized since this incident. I think he realized what a terribly rude move it was later on. So I really do think he's genuinely sorry now. But at the time it seemed rather flippant.
                            Streaming PC & PS5 games, join me most nights after 6:00pm ET on TwitchTV https://www.twitch.tv/shaunh20
                            or Tiktok https://www.tiktok.com/@shaunh741

                            Comment

                            • dingleberryfinn
                              Banned
                              • May 2010
                              • 1736

                              #29
                              Re: The all powerful apology

                              this is a really hard line/tightrope to walk . on the one hand apologise , even sincerely , & you can get called fake , or do something wrong , don't apologise , & try to act like you're a victim . the latter happens all too often nowadays. i'd rather have the apologies , at least that's an acknowledgment of "hey , i screwed up" even if you don't feel they're sincere enough

                              Comment

                              • PBlast
                                Rookie
                                • Aug 2008
                                • 398

                                #30
                                Re: The all powerful apology

                                Honestly, I've always been the kind of person to own up to my faults no matter what. I obviously try not to cross anyone, I'm a pretty passive person by nature, but when I do and when I know I'm wrong, 100% of the time I'm apologizing to that persons face. I see what the OP means when it comes to third party apologies and such, and if its something that you do all the time it definitely takes the meaning out of it.

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