Can you really control who you fall in love with?

[Rocky]

My 22 year old sister says you can't. She's been dating this dude for a year and a half. He's would be an alright guy if he wasn't a complete douchebag to her. Constantly badmouthing her, cheating on her, etc.

But for some reason she is madly in love with the guy. When me or my siblings question her about it, she always comes with the "you can't help who you fall in love with" line.

One of my best friends is a person who is way too immature to be in a serious relationship. I love him to death, but he is so selfish. He's been with her way too long for there not to be a commitment but he's still in a stage where he wants to party or play video games every night. Obviously he shouldn't be in a relationship, but there is always the "I can't help it, I love her" line. Neither will let go.

These two situations are changing my opinion. Maybe the saying is true.

[Watson]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

To an extent. Not everybody has a JD/Elliot or a Ross/Rachael thing.

[kehlis]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

I think it is somewhat fair to say you can't control who you fall in love with.

But you can control anything that happens after that...

[Pete1210]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

You do control it. Initially by deciding to spend time with a person you are attracted to. Then you set yourself up to "fall in love" if you get what you are looking for, whether it be good sex, some companionship, common interests, etc.

I think the situations described by the OP asks a different question: Why do people stay in bad relationships?

[Beantown]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

I think the situations described by the OP asks a different question: Why do people stay in bad relationships?

Because they can't control who they fell in love with.

[Sportsforever]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

Absolutley you can...if you can't, then why is it wrong to cheat on someone? If your sister's boyfriend cheated on her and said, "Meh, I couldn't control my feelings for this person," would she accept that?

[Husker_OS]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

You do control it. Initially by deciding to spend time with a person you are attracted to. Then you set yourself up to "fall in love" if you get what you are looking for, whether it be good sex, some companionship, common interests, etc.

I think the situations described by the OP asks a different question: Why do people stay in bad relationships?

Boom, nailed it.



You can fall in love with anyone you allow yourself to be around. The more you hang out with someone in a 1 on 1 situation, the more likely you are to become attached. It's called the propinquity effect. Explains the first month or so of dating pretty well and why we go from 0-60 in about a month.


I've had situations where I could have fallen in love, but chose not to. When I realized I was getting attached I backed off and eventually was able to end things and not feel bad about it.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

Yep. You choose who you hang out with, thus who you are more likely to get attracted to.

[Po Pimp]

Re: Can you really control who you fall in love with?

I think it is somewhat fair to say you can't control who you fall in love with.

But you can control anything that happens after that...

This. Your sister fell in love, but that doesn't mean she can't fall out of love. She's just blind because she's letting this dude do whatever, yet she chooses to let it slide. So her saying what she said is a poor excuse.