In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

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  • MWilliard2
    Banned
    • Feb 2010
    • 87

    #1

    In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

    So I have a friend who has been on a complete decline in his life. I've been best friends with this kid since I was 4 years old. His family is like my 2nd, as I know everyone in it and they all love me.

    Now this kid back in high school was all everything in sports and was liked by everyone. Start of our Sophmore years in college is when he started to have his downfall. He started doing different types of pills but not at the level of abusing them, just once every month or so. As the years went on it continued to get worse and I never said anything about it.

    As of now I have no idea who he is anymore. He does pills before everything we do as going out and what not. I know he has tried coke before and other drugs. I just heard he's doing Heroine and has found his own dealer.

    I had a party last saturday, and everyone was talking about him saying how bad he looked. He was on something that day and everyone knew it as well. He is always sweating and itching himself.

    All the time now whenever he is on something he always someone is out to get him and are being mean to him. He is always getting so emotional at anything being said. He was cursing around my mother and I told him to watch that in front of her and he got pissed and emotional.

    A month ago he got a DWI and DUI, for falling asleep at a stop light. He hasnt learned from that at all and is still driving around when he is drunk. He is in a drug and drinking class now for that incident but yet is still doing stupid stuff with drugs knowing he is getting pissed tested, but has gotten people to pee in cups for him.

    I went out to dinner with his brother and cousin and my friend one night. My friend left to go meet up with other friends to go out. Well his brother and cousin started to grill me about what he is doing with his life and if hes on serious drugs and what not. At the time I lied to them saying he's only smoked weed. His parents think I'm a drug dealer now as well, and they barley even talk to me whenever I head over there, and I used to talk to them about everything going on in my life.

    I feel like he is just going to continue on his downward spiral and could be in jail or even dead in the next 6 months. He is being so reckless with his life and has changed completely to what he was before when we were in high school. I have told him he can not come over my house ever again when he is drunk or high off anything, and I havent talked to him since cause he got pissed off and what not.

    Now I plan on going to Florida for the summer because I have a oppurtunity to live there all summer on my last vacation before I start up my career job. I want to go over to his house before I leave and tell his parents everything about me not being a drug dealer and how I was joking around with his cousin about stuff. I also want to tell them everything he is doing with his life because if nothing is fixed soon something could be happening. Now I know when he finds out I talked to them he isn't gonna want to talk to me ever again and I'm fine with that, I just dont want to go to another funeral this year, I already went to one with my other best friend last month.
    Last edited by MWilliard2; 05-17-2010, 02:31 PM.
  • JBH3
    Marvel's Finest
    • Jan 2007
    • 13506

    #2
    Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

    Sounds like we have an A&E intervention on our hands.

    What would his suffering come from?

    Did he love sports, and was never good at anything else?

    You say he was liked by everyone when he was all-_____ in whatever sport, but as soon as he wasn't playing organized sports anymore maybe it made him depressed? If he received a lot of attention via sports, and then that just all went away it may have devestated him. Maybe sports validated his life, and w/o it he felt helpless, alone, vulnerable?
    Originally posted by Edmund Burke
    All that is needed for the triumph of evil, is for good men to do nothing.

    Comment

    • deaduck
      MVP
      • Mar 2009
      • 2389

      #3
      Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

      I say if you go talk to his folks that you focus less on clearing your own name and more on letting them know their son needs help.

      Comment

      • dingleberryfinn
        Banned
        • May 2010
        • 1736

        #4
        Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

        Originally posted by deaduck
        I say if you go talk to his folks that you focus less on clearing your own name and more on letting them know their son needs help.
        most definitely this

        Comment

        • BurghFan
          #BurghProud
          • Jul 2009
          • 10051

          #5
          Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

          Some kind of intervention is definitely in order. It's obvious outpatient counseling won't help your friend and that he needs to be admitted to a rehab center.
          Steelers : IX, X, XIII, XIV, XL, XLIII
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          Comment

          • GAMEC0CK2002
            Stayin Alive
            • Aug 2002
            • 10384

            #6
            Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

            Originally posted by BurghFan81
            Some kind of intervention is definitely in order. It's obvious outpatient counseling won't help your friend and that he needs to be admitted to a rehab center.
            Co-sign. You have to be tactful but don't hold anything back. Parents have a way of burying their heads in the sand when it comes to bad news about their son/daughter.

            Comment

            • slickdtc
              Grayscale
              • Aug 2004
              • 17125

              #7
              Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

              Know many people like the one described in the original post. You do what you feel is right, hope everything works out. Just know that the ultimate decision is your friend's to make and your friend's only. If he wants to straighten out his life, then he will. If he doesn't, then things are only going to continue in a downward spiral. But if you feel that if you tell his parents or whoever, then something will change, by all means, do it. It'll be a load off your shoulders and you will feel a bit relieved knowing you did what you could. If things continue to go south... then that's just how it plays out. Good luck to you, and good luck to your friend.
              NHL - Philadelphia Flyers
              NFL - Buffalo Bills
              MLB - Cincinnati Reds


              Originally posted by Money99
              And how does one levy a check that will result in only a slight concussion? Do they set their shoulder-pads to 'stun'?

              Comment

              • Cebby
                Banned
                • Apr 2005
                • 22327

                #8
                Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                It's probably best to just let him go.

                Real life isn't like the movies, especially with what I'm assuming is a teen/early 20s male. If the worst thing that's happened is him getting a DUI (which is serious in concept, but nothing legally) there's very little chance he hears you out.

                Comment

                • MWilliard2
                  Banned
                  • Feb 2010
                  • 87

                  #9
                  Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                  Originally posted by JBH3
                  Sounds like we have an A&E intervention on our hands.

                  What would his suffering come from?

                  Did he love sports, and was never good at anything else?

                  You say he was liked by everyone when he was all-_____ in whatever sport, but as soon as he wasn't playing organized sports anymore maybe it made him depressed? If he received a lot of attention via sports, and then that just all went away it may have devestated him. Maybe sports validated his life, and w/o it he felt helpless, alone, vulnerable?

                  He had Lax scholarships to every school in Maryland. He went to a top rated Community College to play but than quit after a semester. Ended up going to University of Maryland just for school.

                  He plays and random intramural sports around the state now.

                  One of our other best friends is All-Everything in the MLL- Major League Lacrosse, and throughout life he always thought he was better than said friend.

                  Comment

                  • MWilliard2
                    Banned
                    • Feb 2010
                    • 87

                    #10
                    Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                    Originally posted by deaduck
                    I say if you go talk to his folks that you focus less on clearing your own name and more on letting them know their son needs help.
                    Yea I dont plan on clearing my name at all. I already know once he finds out we will be fighting so I look forward to that. Hopefully when I get back in August he has his **** together.

                    Comment

                    • MWilliard2
                      Banned
                      • Feb 2010
                      • 87

                      #11
                      Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                      Originally posted by Cebby
                      It's probably best to just let him go.

                      Real life isn't like the movies, especially with what I'm assuming is a teen/early 20s male. If the worst thing that's happened is him getting a DUI (which is serious in concept, but nothing legally) there's very little chance he hears you out.
                      23, and just graduated from UMD Business School.

                      Comment

                      • PVarck31
                        Moderator
                        • Jan 2003
                        • 16869

                        #12
                        Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                        Its funny, (not haha funny) because I had a friend like this. Its always good to try to help. But I have to warn you, it usually doesn't work. Like someone else said, parents like to bury their heads in the sand when it comes to this stuff.

                        This dude that I know, his parents just continue to look the other way, and even enable him. Its been going on for years. He lives in their basement and has been a heroine addict for years. He doesn't want help, and they don't want to help him. So I have sadly washed my hands of our friendship.

                        He dropped out of college, has no job, and yet somehow gets his fix. He is a smooth talker and most likely cons his parents into paying for his habit. I know he conned another good friend of mine into giving him pills (klonopin).

                        Bottom line is, people like him will do anything to get their fix. I hope you can help him, but if not, it might be better to move on. Good luck.

                        Comment

                        • techhokies
                          Pro
                          • Apr 2004
                          • 727

                          #13
                          Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                          Originally posted by Cebby
                          It's probably best to just let him go.

                          Real life isn't like the movies, especially with what I'm assuming is a teen/early 20s male. If the worst thing that's happened is him getting a DUI (which is serious in concept, but nothing legally) there's very little chance he hears you out.
                          That's what I did with a very very good friend. I didn't tell him to stop, because I knew he wouldn't listen. I just told him that there's no way I would be into that stuff and no way that I do want to get into that stuff and so whenever he's hanging out with me to not do it or invite me to places like that so I don't get tempted or fall into that crowd. He was a good enough friend and understood that, and still hung out with me sometimes when he was sober, but kept his distance whenever he got high. He sobered himself up after a couple years of it and so it all worked out for me and him.

                          I would have felt bad had anything happened to him, but when I was talking to him after he got sober and normal again, I asked him if I should have said something to him. And he told me that many others had said stuff to him, people who he had known for his whole life (I met him in college and he started this stuff his senior year) but he didn't listen to them and they ended up getting angry or cutting him out of their lives. He said it was just a self-realization that he had after all of his good relationships had ended and he was just hanging around druggies and getting in worse and worse trouble by the day.

                          I would handle each situation differently, as my friend even at his worst still held a job (family owned business, but still) and so if you think it's a life or death situation like you said and he's a really close friend, you might want to think about saying something to his parents. Just know that it's not going to end well in the short term no matter what you do. Don't worry if the family or your friend hates you, it's not about you.
                          My football alliances: E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles AND Hokie Hokie Hokie Hi

                          Comment

                          • MWillard2
                            Banned
                            • May 2010
                            • 214

                            #14
                            Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                            Well have finally manning up I talked to his brother last tuesday and told him everything, probably was the toughest thing I've done so far in my life. And as of today I heard he is in rehab.

                            My other friend whose Dad has alot of power in the state went with our friends brother in taking him to one of the top rehab centers in the area.

                            I still dont know if my boy knows that im the one that said anything to him brother but i dont really care. So far only 3 people know about him being in rehab. Thats me and 2 of our other close friends, who had no idea that I did this and were shocked when i told them but thanked me and said good job and all this other crap.


                            But now well after a week and half he is already out of the rehab center and now doing at home patient care under his parents watch. Well I woke up this morning with lots of text messages of him cursing lots of expletive words at me. Him telling me hes gonna beat me down. And all this other stuff. I sent him a long message on facebook telling him why i did and and everything and he respond back with expletive curse words and how im a snitch and everything.

                            I'm ok with all the threats and whatnot which doesnt bother me, just the fact we have all the same friends so soon or later something is going to happen. And it sucks that he knows I have a heart condition and if he tries to fight me, he and all our friends know I can't do anything about it due to my heart condition.

                            Comment

                            • DocHolliday
                              Farewell and 'ado
                              • Oct 2002
                              • 4698

                              #15
                              Re: In A Tough Spot and Need Some Help

                              Carry a big maglight on your belt, hidden of course, and wallop him upside the head if he bull rushes you.

                              Top this off with a tea bagging (see Halo). This will make him hit rock bottom, and realize he needs to change his life.

                              Plus it wont stress out your heart,
                              GT: Event Horizon 0

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