What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

[RoyalBoyle78]

Well my sister in law in having a baby, and she lives in Virgina and the only famliy that she talks to is her sister who is my fiance. My sister in Law was down here for a entire month about 2 months ago, and she cool but I couldn't wait for her to go back, now she had some major issues with her husband out there who is a Marine and a punk, he got a arrested when they got back to Virginia after she left us, and he beat her up while she was pregnant. That's a whole entire story I don't even wanna get in to.


Anyway fiance is going to leave my son with me for a little over a week to help her sister out, she was going to take my son, but I didn't want him to go, because he's now 17 months old and he has his fits and should be around a newborn baby either, that's if she evens has the baby whole my fiance is down there. Plus I didn't wanna be away from my son for a week, it will kill me to be without him a week, I took the week off of work and staying with him. I'm just a little upset that his mom my finance is so easy to leave knowing she's going to be away from our baby over a week, I mean she's not working right now and is with our son all day long, so I'm sure he will miss her when he doesn't see her all week, or maybe not.

We were suppose to drive don't there together, but money is not good right now to do this, and me and my finance haven't been on on the best page latley either, just a lot of things going on right now with Us, the main issue is MONEY and I'm sure I'm not a lone with this. Money ruins everything.

I'm sorry for going on, but my main question is, with money so tight, what should I do with my son all week, anyone have any ideas of things to do. I know the park and what not, there are a lot of sprinklers around the neighborhood. I'm a little stomped right now. Little upset that my finance is leaving too, I';m sure I will miss her for the week too. She does do a lot around the house, have dinner on the table every night I come home from work. I know she want to be there for sister, but in my mind I think she; being selfish, she has he own issue and her own famliy here, for here to leave so easy is whats bothering me, her own famliy she has here and her kids should always come first IMO.

Thanks for listening guys.

[HealyMonster]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

OK, from what I gather, your fiancées sister is in a bad relationship and your fiancé is heading to Va to help her sister out.


Just making sure, once i started reading it was like sister, sister in alw, marine, i got a bit confused as to who was who,

anyway, I dont think your fiancé is totally selfish as she did want to take you son with her, and you too at one point and basically money was the issue as to why you all wont be together. Thats understandable. I dont think anyone should be to blame for that, its just a bad situation.

If I were you, I wouldnt try too hard to understand where your fiance is coming from with helping the sister out. My wife doesn't understand why I help out my sisters, I have 3, as much as I do, and thats because she doesn't have a sister. Everyone has different type of relationships with their siblings. Driving to Va to help out a sibling in need is nothing to some people, and for others its a once in a lifetime thing.

If I were you, I would take full advantage of the "guys week". I think when your fiance gets down to Va and is away from you guys for the week, both of you will have a newfound respect for one another as the roles you each play in each others life will be very apparent. You should have some good solid conversations via the phone and it should help you guys reconnect.

Im not sure how involved you guys' parent are, but this might be a good week to let grand ma and grandpa get some special time as well since you dont want to be on the clock 24/7. Im not sure if thats a possibility, but im sure the grandparents would love some extra time.

I def suggest the park, movies? etc. Im not good here, as I just have a bunch of nieces and nephews who are 4 to 24 months, i dont have any of my own.




hope that helps man. make the best out of it, good luck

[RoyalBoyle78]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

OK, from what I gather, your fiancées sister is in a bad relationship and your fiancé is heading to Va to help her sister out.


Just making sure, once i started reading it was like sister, sister in alw, marine, i got a bit confused as to who was who,

anyway, I dont think your fiancé is totally selfish as she did want to take you son with her, and you too at one point and basically money was the issue as to why you all wont be together. Thats understandable. I dont think anyone should be to blame for that, its just a bad situation.

If I were you, I wouldnt try too hard to understand where your fiance is coming from with helping the sister out. My wife doesn't understand why I help out my sisters, I have 3, as much as I do, and thats because she doesn't have a sister. Everyone has different type of relationships with their siblings. Driving to Va to help out a sibling in need is nothing to some people, and for others its a once in a lifetime thing.

If I were you, I would take full advantage of the "guys week". I think when your fiance gets down to Va and is away from you guys for the week, both of you will have a newfound respect for one another as the roles you each play in each others life will be very apparent. You should have some good solid conversations via the phone and it should help you guys reconnect.

Im not sure how involved you guys' parent are, but this might be a good week to let grand ma and grandpa get some special time as well since you dont want to be on the clock 24/7. Im not sure if thats a possibility, but im sure the grandparents would love some extra time.

I def suggest the park, movies? etc. Im not good here, as I just have a bunch of nieces and nephews who are 4 to 24 months, i dont have any of my own.




hope that helps man. make the best out of it, good luck

Thanks for the advice as it was very good.

Yeah Mu finance is flying down there and busing it back, I know she wants to be there for her sister. I have 3 by the way too, and I would do anything for them too. It's just that our son is so young, in my mind with money issues and what not, I just think sometime her priorities are not right.

[JohnnytheSkin]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

She needs to get her priorities right? Priorities like her doing a lot around the house and having dinner on your table every night?

That's what stuck out to me. She's helping out a family member in crisis and you seem to be the one acting selfish about her going away to help for a mere seven days. Take care of your son! If you work all the time and haven't been around him all that much I think the next week will be absolutely heaven on earth for you...regardless of whether you go to parks, watch the Backyardigans, or just lie on your belly and watch him discover new things.

I'd also have a nice meal cooked up for her when she gets back. You guys can sit down, talk about what went on while she was down there, and just go on together.

Plus, what would you say to your fiance if she expressed the same sentiments you're typing here and you had to help your sister out for a week? Would you rage at her for asking "what about our young son"? Just something you should ponder as well.

[snepp]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

I'm with Johnny, that's exactly what I got out of it.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

your son is 17 months old..........so going to the movies is out of the question. The noise will just irritate him and he won't pay attention to the screen throughout the whole time anyway, so that will be a waste of money.

Just turn on the disney channel and call it the day.

Being that money is tight.......yeah I would be kind of peeved too for her flying down there and busing it back. Plane tickets aren't cheap, ESPECIALLY on short notice.

But hopefully this is a just one time thing. And your sister in-law don't develop the habit of calling yall everytime she has a problem.

Because I know my sister in-law tried to develop that habit, calling every freaking time she had a problem, but I put an end to that shiz real quick.

[ILLCHILL]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

If I can add in a small suggestion, make sure you let your woman know and truly believe that you are there for her and support her decision going down, even if you don't really. It'll aleviate a lot of stress on the two of you.

As far as your kid? He's 17 months old, just be a dad and enjoy hanging with him. He's not going to get bored just being with you at that age. Just bond a bit.

[JohnnytheSkin]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

This is where you have to step up as a dad. Some times dads have to that. So you need to realize this is her sister and she offer to take the kid with her for a week. If it was me I would tell her she is not going unless she takes the kids. I know that is cold for a dad to say that, but taking care of a 17 month is not easy, especially for a guy. I know you would miss him, but I am sure he will miss his mom more than you would miss him. Now the step up part you are the kid's dad, so you should be to handle the kid for a week. But it is a lot of work and if you have family members that can help; I would suggest you ask for their help.

If you can't take care of your child, then maybe you shouldn't have become a parent. That's awful saying "oh hey, honey, take the boy as well, because you know, you're going to have all this time to feed, clean, and entertain him while you're dealing with your pregnant sister who's in an abusive relationship...I mean, I'm a guy, and it's just hard for me to act like a dad for 168 hours".

And taking care of a 17 month old isn't easy, especially for a guy!?



Wow...

[ILLCHILL]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

Yea not to turn this topic into something it shouldn't be, but I gotta throw my support behind Johnny on that Reply.

Be there for your kid, be thankful for what you have, and support your wife who is having it really tough right now. Your the man of the house, shoulder the load for your family and for your son.

[Scottdau]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

Take the kid to MacDonald. Or go to a park and get some sun and let the kid run.

[HealyMonster]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

Take the kid to MacDonald.

you know someone told that to my sister and she took that literally lol. Every time I turn around my niece is chugging down mcnuggets. Then when my sister calls and Im like hows abby? shes like "shes a load, she runs at me full speed and knocks me over now" im like shes barely 2 years old, thats not good.

[snepp]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

Take the kid swimming, it's never too early to get them used to the water.

[RoyalBoyle78]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

Thanks to All, especially Johnny, I hear ya all.

Don;t forget, I have 4 kids also, so I'm not afraid or worried at all about taking care of my son, remember this guys. Non of the other chilred will be with me that week. Well I won;t say that 100%, I'm trying to get my 7 year daughter that week also.


The point that I was kinda trying to make, is that her sister is kinda a big baby, her Husband did something bad to her, and really do feel for her. I can't get into it all publicly, but me and my finance got a lot of things going on in our own life right now, and a lot on our Plate. I have only one week vacation right now, and she know this and I'm taking to watch my son for a week, which is 100% fine, but for her to go to Virgina and relax and get away.

Sorry guys, yes I see it that way, but not going anyway for going on 3 years now, and taking my vacation to sit home, does piss me off a bit. I work everyday from 9am to 6pm come home play with my son and do it all over again. My Fiance is a stay at home mom and does not put to much of an effort into getting a job right now, I understand the job market is bad, but I need help a bit too. IN this day in age you need two incomes to even survive.

Like I said I just a bit pissed because I work my arse off and now my vacation has to be taken because she can't take my son, yes she said she would at first but changed her mind the very next day that she can't take him. So I'm off a week vacation that I had to build up for her to be in Virgina with her sister that is very immaturity let me add, very. We have our issues and her sister has her own too. My fiance complains she needs a break, but come on guys I think I deserve one too, thats all I'm saying. By the way, I'm happy I'm going to be wit my son, I don't need help either. Love my boy.


Thanks for hearing me out guys.

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

FF, I see where your fiance is coming from though. She's helping out her sister in need, look at it that way.

Enjoy the week with your son, you'll bond and like Johnny said, when she comes back you guys can sit down, talk about your weeks.

Trust me FF, she's going to miss your son, you're just seeing it from one angle right now.

Like I said, enjoy the week. Since you're off, bond with him, I do it with my son every Friday when I take the day to hang with him. Take him to a movie (and yes, at 17 months he can see a movie. I took my son to see Toy Story 3 and he had no issues at 20 months). Go out to eat, go to a park, enjoy your time. It's a precious time, and you're lucky enough to get an entire week to spend with him. Look at it that way and enjoy your time.

[JohnnytheSkin]

Re: What to do? Help me out. Just venting!

I might have came off a bit harsh and I'm sorry if it was taken that way. I just know that with my son time just moved way too quickly....crazy to think he's going to start first grade in September, can read, write, four function math, etc. I know using up accrued vacation time sucks, especially if you were planning a trip, but life happens and you do what you have to do.

I will say this, I can't stand my family, and I can't stand my one sister. We are opposites in so many ways, and yet, I'd have to go out there (and my wife would for her estranged family as well) if things got bad, it's just what you do.

Good luck, FF, and treasure him at 17 months. Since you have other children you know how quickly it goes from 17 months, to two years, to four, and to infinity, and beyond.