I Don't Exactly How To Say This..

[rdelizo35]

Hi guys and gals,

I don't know where this thread would fit so I apologize in advance if I placed it in the wrong area. I'm not too well-known around here but I do know that OS is a great community with tight-knit members who look out for each other... so..

On March 8th of this year, my dad passed away from complications due to stage 5 colorectal cancer. I came back home to Cali last year in July when I found out after being away for nearly 8 years on my own.

Suffice to say, I've not been the same and I've taken it pretty hard. Lucky for me that I have my mom and siblings to help and also a bunch of relatives and extended family.

I also lost my paternal grandpa to cancer (lung) on Valentine's Day in 2004, so it runs in the family.

I spoke to my doctor about it and he advised me that I could have a colonoscopy done as soon as next year after my birthday, which would be anytime after May 29, 2013.

I already have health issues due to my physical disability, but I am looking forward to getting the procedure done and over with so I know for sure where I stand, health-wise.

It's only been a month or so and it already seems like he's been gone years. I wanna ask anyone out there who's lost friends or loved ones, how do you cope with losing someone (even a pet) who's been such a huge part of your life?

Thanks in advance.

PS: The picture of him was some years before he got sick.

[23]

Re: I Don't Exactly How To Say This..

Take your time

Understand grieving is apart of the healing process

Give yourself some time

Its okay if you cry or take time out to remember him/them

Give yourself some time... Cannot say this enough. Time will take away the sting of the pain and the memories will always be fresh, which they should be, because this was someone important to you

Know its not the end of the world for you, and although it might not seem like it, things will eventually get better for you.

Take time out with people who care about you just to be there. You may not really say it now, but later you'll see how much it meant to you and you'll appreciate it a great deal

Do things to take your mind off of it constantly, and dont feel bad about it.. everyone needs a break

Pray

The guys here are pretty good at offering support also man, so kudos for reaching out.

Lastly, its okay to give yourself some time, if you really cared, thats not going to go away in a day, so dont feel bad if it doesnt

The best to you man, I've been there before with my mom, so I understand.

[Suntan Superman]

The absolute hardest part of it all is acceptance. I became estranged from my family except for my father, and my step mothers pure hatred for me, kept me from contacting him regularly. He passed away due to complications from Krohn's disease six weeks ago, and I wasn't told til after the funeral. I haven't fully come to grips with it, and have yet to even visit the grave.

I have amazing support in friends and a wife that's already gone through he'll with me. Stick to them. Its easy to isolate yourself and try and handle it yourself, but I'm sure there are people to love and support you.

As 23 very eloquently put, it takes time. Don't ever feel ashamed for taking time to yourself, or needing a break from your routine.

Within the past six months my wife miscarried our second child, and my father passed, its been a rough time, so if you need someone random to just talk to, I got your back. I could probably use it to, just in the whole concept of grasping and understanding what's happening.

I wish you nothing but the best, man. Hopefully you can make the best of a truly hard situation.

[legendkiller5]

Re: I Don't Exactly How To Say This..

It's only been a month or so and it already seems like he's been gone years. I wanna ask anyone out there who's lost friends or loved ones, how do you cope with losing someone (even a pet) who's been such a huge part of your life?

Thanks in advance.

My father passed away from complications to diabetes when I was 16 (it will be 7 years on May 25th, 6 days before his birthday) and other than finding out I was adopted, was easily the most trying, difficult experience in my life.

I don't know how close you are to your family or anyone else, but my mom helped me get through it. She was incredibly strong, seeing as just a year prior she lost her only brother and now lost her husband of over 20 years. My mom did not shed a tear (from what I saw), and some of that rubbed off on me and helped me through it. Hard to explain why, but it just did.

This formula doesn't work for everyone, but I looked at it like this. My dad was ill. Really, really ill. He had been a diabetic before I was born and had been incredibly sick for a long time. My family told me that when I was like 3, we almost lost him due to diabetic related illnesses problems. They considered the next 13 years he lived to be a blessing.

I never realized how sick he was until a year or two before he passed and when he went into the hospital (about four months straight before he passed away). He had a bad heart and kidney from diabetes, liver from his college days and he was also experiencing the early stages of Alzheimer's. So basically, with all the suffering he was going through, it was better that he be at peace.

It sounds like your father was suffering and in pain and at that stage, the pain may have continued for the rest of his earthly life. I don't know what you believe, but I personally believe that your father and mine are in a place where they are not suffering and are at peace and rest. People can call it whatever they want, but that helped me cope with losing him, that there would be no more suffering for him.

I also look at it is another angel/person that is looking down on you, with you when you feel alone and even motivating you, just the desire to make that person proud.

And like 23 said, pray, pray, pray, if that's what you believe. All the situations I've found myself in, to me, it's no coincidence that doing that helps me get through things, whatever the situation might be, every single time.

Also like 23 said, people on here are supportive, it's almost like an online fraternity or something. Guys like longshadow, ODogg and others can attest to that.

Just know you're never alone in your struggle and you will make it through your situation, stronger on the other side of it. Like 23 said, it's going to take time.

[12]

Re: I Don't Exactly How To Say This..

You've already gotten some great advice here. I am so sorry to hear about your loss.

I lost my best friend about seven years ago to a senseless, tragic murder. It didn't compute for a long time but time has healed the wound a bit. You're never going to not miss your dad, but my advice would be to really be thankful for the time that you did get to spend with him. I know that's easier said than done but lean on your support system.

Everyone is different, everyone grieves in different ways. No one's time table for something like this is the same. I would believe that your dad wants you to live a happy, healthy life and it sounds like you're taking the right steps in doing that.

We're all here for you if you need us, bro. I almost lost my dad in February so I know the feelings that can come along with that. Dads are special, special people and the void will not be something that will easily fade, but try and be thankful for the time you did get with him.