OS Dad's... Advice?

[12]

My wife gave birth to our second son on July 9, and it has been a pretty big change for us as a family. Things are going great, though.

Our two-year-old is the sweetest boy in the world, and loves being a big brother. He is a tank and likes to love on his baby brother a lot. I feel bad when I have to pull our newborn away from him at times because he is being a bit rough with him. He's not meaning to, but he is just so much bigger. We've already had one head butt to baby's dome.

The problem is I try and explain to him that he needs to be careful and he listens well. Then when I end up having to pull him away from his little brother he gets so upset. My wife and I have made a concerted effort to show our oldest a lot of attention during this time because it's a big change for him, too. Yesterday I took him to the park and let him play for a couple of hours.

I guess I don't really know what I'm asking here... Just advice, on how I can make this transition for my oldest boy easier. He has been amazing so far and much less jealous than I thought he would be. But it's tough on him when we have to reel him in a bit around his baby brother. I think it's tough for me too because it has reminded me again on how quickly time flies. I can't believe the size difference between my two sons and it reminds me that my oldest just isn't my little baby boy anymore (well he is, and always will be, but hopefully you know what I mean).

Hopefully I can get some help from the OS dad's on here... My apologies to the younger, single OS guys who have to read this mushy dad crap, but maybe you'll be there one day and this can help you, too.

Thanks guys.

[C the Lyte]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

Congratulations first and foremost.

Although I cannot relate to your situation with an older son already, I can relate with the newborn.

IMO, I think you are doing a tremendous job with him. Spending that extra time with just you and him is a great idea, and one that I plan to use if we are so blessed as to add to our family. Keep explaining as best as possible, but remember he's just 2, he isn't going to know why (I think I'm just telling you what you already know).

But again, congrats and good luck. Being officially inducted into the OS Dads group Tuesday, I look forward to the direction of this thread.

[DaveDQ]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

Keep doing what you're doing. Give your two year old those moments of praising him for his good behavior when he's with and not with his new brother. Right now his love for his brother is building. I'm a dad of 4 boys and have watched them watch out for each other, fight over silly things and then become very concerned when one gets hurt or is sick.

Just recently I was cleaning out some clothes and came across a shirt my oldest boy had around 3. He's 8 now. that shirt has gone through all 4 of our boys...and I'm not sure it'll fit our youngest this Fall. Time does fly, as you said, and some things will pull out a lot of emotion. That shirt really hit me hard.

[RoyalBoyle78]

Paients is key... I still struggle with this. I have its important for me that the one and only

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[12]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

Congratulations first and foremost.

Although I cannot relate to your situation with an older son already, I can relate with the newborn.

IMO, I think you are doing a tremendous job with him. Spending that extra time with just you and him is a great idea, and one that I plan to use if we are so blessed as to add to our family. Keep explaining as best as possible, but remember he's just 2, he isn't going to know why (I think I'm just telling you what you already know).

But again, congrats and good luck. Being officially inducted into the OS Dads group Tuesday, I look forward to the direction of this thread.

Congratulations, bro... You're in for a great ride!

[cardsfan2222]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

I have a son who will be 3 next month, and another son who is 15 months. We still haven't figured out how to keep the older one from being too rough. He doesn't mean to do it, he just doesn't understand that he's big enough to hurt his brother.
One of the big things we did to help with the transition was ask our oldest to help. We would have him get diapers, blankets, etc, and then praise him for helping. He was always excited to help, and is still good about getting his brother things when we ask. Other than that I think it just takes time for him to get used to having another kid around. Just be patient and spend as much time with them as you can, because it really does go by fast.

[Kearnzo]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

I have a son who will be 3 next month, and another son who is 15 months. We still haven't figured out how to keep the older one from being too rough. He doesn't mean to do it, he just doesn't understand that he's big enough to hurt his brother.
One of the big things we did to help with the transition was ask our oldest to help. We would have him get diapers, blankets, etc, and then praise him for helping. He was always excited to help, and is still good about getting his brother things when we ask. Other than that I think it just takes time for him to get used to having another kid around. Just be patient and spend as much time with them as you can, because it really does go by fast.

This right here. When my daughter was born, my son had just turned 3 a month before. He was never particularly rough with her, but gentle wouldn't be the word either. The biggest thing that helped with the transition was having him help out. Like cardsfan said, anything from getting diapers, to getting a bottle out for us, and so on.

My daughter turned 1 in January, and he still helps her out without our asking. It made a big difference, atleast in my eyes, in helping him feel involved, and not like he was being ignored. Obviously it's hard for them to understand why you need to spend so much time taking care of a newborn, but it's something they will just have to learn.

[DocHolliday]

My wife is due any day with our first child. A little girl.

I'll take some advice over here!


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[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

But again, congrats and good luck. Being officially inducted into the OS Dads group Tuesday, I look forward to the direction of this thread.

Congrats!

. The biggest thing that helped with the transition was having him help out. Like cardsfan said, anything from getting diapers, to getting a bottle out for us, and so on..

There ya go, great advice.

My wife is due any day with our first child. A little girl.

I'll take some advice over here!

--Babies are more durable than you think, so don't panic over accidental bumps and the like. Handle with care, but not necessarily like a piece of China LOL. Just be sure to support her head.

--They cry. You won't know what they want. You will learn by trial and error and have HER cries down very quickly. You'll learn the difference between "I'm wet", "I pooped", "I'm tired", "I'm hungry"...and the one that raises your hair on end "I HAVE AN EAR INFECTION!!!!" real quick. Don't panic, be cool and just go thru process of elimination till she stops.

-- These things don't come with manuals, and every single one of them is different.

--Try to call pediatrician's nurse before you go in if something's wrong. Parents can be a little too hasty in dr visits, use your judgement.

--If baby is tired but not going to sleep (or back to sleep), put her in her car seat and take her for a spin for twenty minutes. If it can be done SAFELY, baby in car seat SECURELY sitting on top of a dryer that's running will work, too. I always just drove, tho.

--If you have cats or dogs, yes, do introduce them to the baby but keep hold of the baby while your partner holds the animal on first meeting. Let sniffing happen, just be aware and ready for anything.

--Try to find a pediatrician close by as possible. Even with checking with nurse first, you'll still go plenty of times.

--Get a bouncy chair.

--Huggies and Desitin (or other good butt paste) are your friend. Protects against rashes (especially at night and when it's hot) and makes poop clean up go MUCH faster.

--Always have a burp rag on your shoulder before you pick her up.

--You can't have enough one-sies, socks, and burp rags (we used cloth diapers for this purpose), and at least a few swaddling blankets.

--From birth to six months, when the baby is asleep, YOU/your wife should be asleep; whichever of you has to be with the baby the most (like if your wife breast feeds).

--Do not wake up a sleeping baby. Period.

--Simplest toys are the best.

--They will put just about anything they can hold into their mouth.

--As soon as she can roll over on her own, do not ever leave her unsupervised! She will fall of the couch or whatever elevated surface you have her on.

********Remember, you're parents...but you're also husband and wife. Find a sitter, MAKE the time for each other. Go out at least twice a month, just you two.



I'm sure there's a lot more I could put, but that's a start LOL. Good luck.

[cardsfan2222]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

Congrats!



There ya go, great advice.



--Babies are more durable than you think, so don't panic over accidental bumps and the like. Handle with care, but not necessarily like a piece of China LOL.

--They cry. You won't know what they want. You will learn by trial and error and have HER cries down very quickly. You'll learn the difference between "I'm wet", "I pooped", "I'm tired", "I'm hungry"...and the one that raises your hair on end "I HAVE AN EAR INFECTION!!!!" real quick. Don't panic, be cool and just go thru process of elimination till she stops.

-- These things don't come with manuals, and every single one of them is different.

--Try to call pediatrician's nurse before you go in if something's wrong. Parents can be a little too hasty in dr visits, use your judgement.

--If baby is tired but not going to sleep (or back to sleep), put her in her car seat and take her for a spin for twenty minutes. If it can be done SAFELY, baby in car seat SECURELY sitting on top of a dryer that's running will work, too. I always just drove, tho.

--If you have cats or dogs, yes, do introduce them to the baby but keep hold of the baby while your partner holds the animal on first meeting. Let sniffing happen, just be aware and ready for anything.

--Try to find a pediatrician close by as possible. Even with checking with nurse first, you'll still go plenty of times.

--Get a bouncy chair.

--Huggies and Desitin (or other good butt paste) are your friend. Protects against rashes (especially at night and when it's hot) and makes poop clean up go MUCH faster.

--Always have a burp rag on your shoulder before you pick her up.

--You can't have enough one-sies, socks, and burp rags (we used cloth diapers for this purpose), and at least a few swaddling blankets.

--From birth to six months, when the baby is asleep, YOU/your wife should be asleep; whichever of you has to be with the baby the most (like if your wife breast feeds).

--Do not wake up a sleeping baby. Period.

--Simplest toys are the best.

--They will put just about anything they can hold into their mouth.

--As soon as she can roll over on her own, do not ever leave her unsupervised! She will fall of the couch or whatever elevated surface you have her on.

********Remember, you're parents...but you're also husband and wife. Find a sitter, MAKE the time for each other. Go out at least twice a month, just you two.



I'm sure there's a lot more I could put, but that's a start LOL. Good luck.

This is all great advice. One more thing: If she ever won't stop crying and you get stressed out, there is nothing wrong with putting her in a crib for a few minutes and letting her cry. Crying won't hurt her.
Also make sure you have plenty of clean clothes, both for her and you. If she's anything like my sons, she will miss the burp rag quite a bit. Most of all enjoy the time when she's little. Some of my favorite memories with my sons are just holding them when they were really little.

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

This is all great advice. One more thing: If she ever won't stop crying and you get stressed out, there is nothing wrong with putting her in a crib for a few minutes and letting her cry. Crying won't hurt her.
Also make sure you have plenty of clean clothes, both for her and you. If she's anything like my sons, she will miss the burp rag quite a bit. Most of all enjoy the time when she's little. Some of my favorite memories with my sons are just holding them when they were really little.

Yes, great stuff cardsfan2222. Especially at bed time, she might need to cry herself to sleep sometimes.

Also, once she shows signs of 'going mobile' (usually after six to nine months), do some babyproofing around the house. You don't have to worry about it just yet.

[DocHolliday]

Great advice guys!

No I really don't need to read those books.





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[12]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

Thanks for all of the advice, guys... It's getting better every day.

I really liked the comment about just walking away sometimes... There's nothing wrong with putting your baby in his/her crib and just taking a breather.

[C the Lyte]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

Any advice for switching up an infant's schedule? His peak awake time is my peak sleep time!

[Lieutenant Dan]

Re: OS Dad's... Advice?

Any advice for switching up an infant's schedule? His peak awake time is my peak sleep time!

Haha, I've got nothing for that. That's why parents should try to switch off on who tends the baby at night and 'split' the sleep.

Baby should sleep through the night somewhere between six and twelve months and you'll largely get your sleep schedule back. Hang in there.