Need help getting a new job.

[Cletus]

I already have a job, it's not paying the bills and thus my wife is unhappy. I do well at jobs and usually stay for a few years, but I have a major problem getting them. I don't have a lot of experience outside of retail or fast food, but I have a bigger problem.

I discovered that most likely I have social anxiety. The thought of going to an interview makes me sweat and scared. It's not even nervousness, it's scared. I freeze up and start feeling petrified. I need some help, but can't afford to go to the doctor. Any tips?

[cjonesfan921]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

First things first, does your wife work? If not, can she?

[Cletus]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

First things first, does your wife work? If not, can she?

Yes and no, she's on SSI, so she contributes and actually makes more than I do. Her shrink says she can't work, she has a GED, no job experience and no license. She has health problems and medicare helps out majorly and is better than any insurance we could afford with the kind of job she could get.

[SonOfEd]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Over the past few years I've conducted a ton interviews, and came across so many types of people.
Here's a few suggestions:
Have someone close to you do mock interviews, over and over. Practice answering every question while making eye contact. Have them ask the tough questions: "what are 3 weaknesses you have in relation to this position." (Probably the toughest question I ask)
Then, maybe try and get some interviews set up for a position you totally would not be interested in. This will give you more practice.

Do some research about the company, and ask questions based on your research. It helps letting the host talk as well.

You can be upfront and open, and tell them that you are nervous.

Hope some of this helps. Best of luck to you. Go get 'em!

[quaziemoto3]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

being nervous is not always a bad thing...in fact, it shows that you care. You just can't be so nervous that it debilitates your ability to carry on a normal conversation during the interview.

[Cletus]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Thanks for the help guys. I got a few leads so next week we will see how it goes.

[ImTellinTim]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

I conduct interviews as part of my job duties.

Just make sure you present yourself well. That doesn't mean wearing a suit for every single interview. In fact, for some interviews that isn't even appropriate. But wear nice, clean clothes that fit into the type of job you're interviewing for. Always erring on the the side of slightly overdressing than underdressing. If you aren't sure what would be most appropriate, ask the person who is offering the interview, ask your friends, or even do an Internet search. Make sure your hair is neat and any facial hair you usually wear is well-groomed and the edges are clean. When you know you look good, you already take care of the first impression and it gives you an air of confidence right of the bat.

I can't give you much advice on how to beat social anxiety, that's not something that we here at OS can just give you a bunch of pointers to beat. But just remember, that the more you are prepared, the better off you will be. Also, don't try to lie your way through anything. If they ask you a question about experience that you don't have, tell them. Believe it or not, that's not a make-or-break deal. Say something like, "I don't have any direct experience with that, but (something you did at an old job that somewhat relates - or - tell them that you can pick up on things quickly using examples).

Remember that giving job interviews is also a bit stressful for the interviewer - they don't know what to expect when you walk in the door either. Be honest, up front, and show that you are genuinely interested the job. Just showing that in the first 5-10 minutes will have you ahead of probably half the other people that are interviewing.

[TreFacTor]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Thanks for the help guys. I got a few leads so next week we will see how it goes.

I know the feeling, I've been out of work for 5 years, and it's not because I'm not looking. I left my last job because a lack of respect toward hourly employees as opposed to the treatment of salaried employees. I would suggest asking friends and family, often they know something or someone and can recommend you for work. My family all moved out of state, so in order for them to help me, I'd have to move. Good luck with your leads, and remember, you only fail when you stop trying, if you don't ever give up, you can't fail.

[p_rushing]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

If you can't find anyone to help with doing practice interviews, then I would apply for some jobs you don't really want. You can practice that way, it should be less stressful, but allow you to become comfortable with the questions and environments.

[Cletus]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

I forgot about this thread but I wanted to update it if anyone is paying attention to it. I did get a new job with a former managers husband. I actually got fired when I worked with that manager, but that's another story. My former manager offered me a job paying about 3 dollars more an hour but it was an hour away and would cost me about 50 dollars a week in gas. I'm not making any more money per hour, yet. One of my managers told me I was getting a raise and very soon. I was employee of the month last month and for the last 2 weeks I've gotten 37 and 31 hours. This week I'm slated to get 31 hours again. I still don't have a control on my social anxiety, but I work in a kitchen by myself most days and I'm not very talkative. I get through it by working hard though. I did manage to make a few buddies. I wanted to seriously thank everyone for their tips. It's one of the many reasons I love this website. I've never been part of a better community. Thanks everyone.

[willIam9387]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Cletus, just wanted to say you are not alone with the social anxiety, it's something I've struggled with since around 17 and really in my mind ended my baseball career. I started throwing like Mark Wohler and Rick Ankiel and just destroyed my confidence.

I'm 25 now and the last eight years have definitely been a struggle with anxiety. It's one of those things that can creep in a lot of aspects of your life and have a negative impact on your life and most importantly your self-confidence. After graduating college at 22 with a degree, I was unemployed for half a year before I finally took a retail job. That job helped me get out and interact with people and helped me get out of my shell. During that time, I went back to school and found what I really wanted to do in life and I begin my new job Monday and I couldn't be happier.

Getting to that point was difficult, especially interviewing. Heck even before first dates, I'm nervous and it's definitely not the healthy jitters you get. But you have to try to move past those worries and have confidence in your abilities. I like how you mention that you work hard as that is something to be confident about. A strong work ethic is only something you can control and is not related to any outside factors. Anxiety really preys on the things we can't control. The fact you recognize that as a strength of yours will really help you out in the long run as you can draw from that for confidence and strength.

I think the real way to get over social anxiety is simply to put yourself in situations where have to socialize. I mean I'm by no way over my social anxiety, I'm anxious as I write this about my new job Monday, but putting myself in social situations over the past few years have helped with anxiety.

I'm happy to hear you are back and work and getting those hours in. Cheers!

[HealyMonster]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Social anxiety aside, have you thought of learning web design/computer stuff? A few weeks of some tutorial education (www.nettuts.com. Www.webdesigntuts.com) and you'd probably be good enough to get a few gigs from the comfort of home. I was in school living on the post 9-11 gi bill, did some tuts on those sights and in a few months I built Regina specters site for her album release in 2011 live in London.

I also got so e freelance work from local ad agencies. I'm not socially awkward but I'm like a military guy, don't really " fit in" with the creative types but I learned how to build a site and worked for cheap ( 25-50 an hour) they accepted me.

Bonus part, you get to learn so,etching unique and can focus on whatever u want ie( church websites, sports websites, blog sites) etc.

Just a trout brotha, best of luck!

[HealyMonster]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Those links I gave u are bad start here: http://webdesign.tutsplus.com/

[Cletus]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Thanks for the tips. I hope some of the other people who are having job problems do it. Thanks for your service to our country, as well.

[raiderphantom]

Re: Need help getting a new job.

Im 25. I've had social anxiety pretty much my entire life. I got my associates at 22 in a field I have no interest in, then at 23 my job i worked my whole life let me go, went back to school for my bachelors but dropped out. Now I haven't done anything since January.

I've only had a couple job interviews. I'm reluctant to apply at grocery stores and certain department stores thst are more crowded. But I've found that putting yourself in social situations can help although I've had embarrassing moments that I just can't shake that make me want to avoid socializing. I gave a speech one time in school and I just froze up in the middle of it. On my last interview, I was asked a question and again I just froze up and said umm about 20 times. I couldn't even think. Being prepàred helps but it doesn't eliminate the anxiety.

Working from home sounds great but I need health benefits, in the future a retirement plan. I always regret not getting into IT or something with computers but I feel at this point in my life it would be the wrong direction to go. I need a job and I'm afraid I'm not going to get one I'm comfortable with. Sorry if I'm high jacking your thread. I was trying to relate and offer a bit of advice but I'm all over the place. Best of luck dealing with your anxiety.