I need help with this situation

[24]

Hello guys while I really try to keep things like this to myself I really need to get this off my chest. A couple of years ago my old man decided to retire from his job at a relatively young age(He retired at 54 he is 56 now). Since his retirement he started to drink a bit more than he used to. He isn't getting violent or anything of that nature but I'm starting to worry about what all the alcohol is going to do to his body. I've tried to have multiple talks with him but most of the time it ends up with Us screaming at the top of our lungs at each other no matter how rational I try to be. I just don't know what to do anymore I'm so frustrated angry and scared at the same time. My old man has a heart of gold, he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it and I don't want to loose him to something that I can prevent. I apologize for this massive wall of text and coming to you guys with my real world problems but I don't have anyone else I can talk to this about and I can't find a solution. Thank you.

[fistofrage]

Re: I need help with this situation

how much intake are we talking here.

[kehlis]

Re: I need help with this situation

You gotta help us out a bit here.

What is a bit more? It's hard to understand the problem if you are just telling us a bit more and then saying there are no problems other than what it may or may not do to his body.

Plus, if he was lucky enough to retire at such a young age it means he worked pretty hard and did well enough with his career in order to do so.

Sounds like he may deserve an extra couple drinks here and there.

[24]

Re: I need help with this situation

You gotta help us out a bit here.

What is a bit more? It's hard to understand the problem if you are just telling us a bit more and then saying there are no problems other than what it may or may not do to his body.

Plus, if he was lucky enough to retire at such a young age it means he worked pretty hard and did well enough with his career in order to do so.

Sounds like he may deserve an extra couple drinks here and there.

I appreciate the responses guys I really do Hes probably consuming about 16 beers in a day which can hardly be healthy for you. And yes he worked really hard throughout his life to get to where he was. He grew up with nothing. I'm just concerned for him and I just want him to be in my life for as long as possible. It sounds selfish but I need the guy in my life because he has such an enormous effect on my life.

[ImTellinTim]

Re: I need help with this situation

Yeah, that's a lot. How much did he drink when he was working?

[24]

Re: I need help with this situation

Yeah, that's a lot. How much did he drink when he was working?

not nearly as much. He wasn't a daily drinker when he worked, the only time he would really drink was when he would go out to a dinner and even then it wasn't that bad. He would drink at the most 8 and he rarely did that. I just don't want it to get any worse than this.

[C the Lyte]

Re: I need help with this situation

You and I are in the same spot.

My pops didn't get laid off or retired, but his hours got cut SIGNIFICANTLY.

He drank probably about 4 a day when he worked. But since the cutback and his father (my grandfather) passed away, he has increased his intake exponentially. He has let his house go to nothing of value now. And the at first slow decline is starting to speed up.

My son is 4 months old, and I recall all the great times I had with my grandfather. I want him to enjoy those memories as well.

I, like you, don't know exactly how to go about this.

Here's what I know:

He has a disease now (alcoholism). Since he has this dependency, more than likely he will be in denial when confronted. That denial leads to anger. He becomes defensive. Keep this in mind. You have to keep your cool when talkiing to him.

Second, an addiction to anything like this is potentially hazardous to come off of cold-turkey. He will need professional help with this.

Third, try and figure out what is leading to this dependency. For my father, it was more than likely his father's passing. For yours, maybe the lack of structure from working? Something.

I just don't know how to go about it.

[shugknight]

Re: I need help with this situation

Even though that is a lot, I think you have to stay away from trying to lecture him (if that is what you're doing when you have talks with him). This is the reason why it always ends up with both of you screaming at each other. You can't tell a grown man what to do because he's been through a lot more than you have. No man likes being told what to do.

Maybe, instead of telling him to stop drinking, you can somehow get him more involved in physical activities during the day to take his mind off of drinking? It seems as if after he retired, he had nothing to do but drink.

Try to get him more active, whether it's exercising or volunteering or start a new hobby for him (fishing, etc)

Good luck!

[8]

Re: I need help with this situation

Another thing to think about, is he drinking because he's bored since he doesn't work anymore. I could tell a difference in my dad when he retired, he got a bit kranky and focused on some things of which he had no control which in turn added to the krankyness. Eventually he figured out life while being retired and adjusted by working more in the yard and finding some "healthy" hobbies. Retiring is a big adjustment. Hopefully this won't last and he'll find his way in his retirement

[slickdtc]

My dad retired this past year at a similar age. I know he enjoys his free time, but I know he's also been bored as well at times, especially since his four sons are all finally moved out.

Thankfully, he has a lot of hobbies he's rediscovered. The old house hasn't had this many Christmas decorations up since my mother was alive. He's excited to get his train sets up, he spends a lot of quality time with his ladyfriend, has the dog to occupy and keep him company. He hasn't even broken into his guitar... For the neighbor's sake! LOL

Introduce your father to new hobbies. Sports, technology, something outdoors. There's so much time in a day when you don't have obligations. That mindset of "Screw it, nothing to do might as well get started on this 24-pack" needs to be replaced with activities to occupy that dead space.

Perhaps persuade him to get a part time job, eventually. 2-3 days a week. My dad has a grand plan of what he wants to accomplish in this new portion of his life, but he also has admitted to going back into his field a few times a week to be a lab manager. Not as demanding or stressful as his old career and something to fill the days ahead. But even volunteering or working at a restaurant works, too.

Just some ideas.

[Hassan Darkside]

I think the logical next step would be to try to figure out why he's drinking so much. My dad does a few things that I don't condone and I used to resent him for it when I was younger. Once I started learning more about what he's been through (he rarely ever talked about his past) I started to understand more. Not that I now think how he chooses to deal with stress is fine or anything, but I can understand the why at least.

Sent from my GSIII

[Phobia]

Re: I need help with this situation

I agree with Shrug, no matter what don't try and tell a grown man what he should or shouldn't be doing. That is just going to end in a brick wall. At the end of the day he is going to do what he wants, no matter how much you confront him or question him on it. The best way to try and make it better is come from a "I'm scared to lose my dad" place. Maybe then compassion will push him into doing it less.

[SPTO]

Re: I need help with this situation

I agree with the majority that it wouldn't be wise to try and tell your father what to do but perhaps slowly get him involved in activity that passes the time and keeps him active that way he doesn't get immediately bored and taking to the bottle. As others have said stopping cold turkey isn't the way to go but perhaps get some help as well and wean him off of it.

Hopefully things work out and i'll have your father in my thoughts.

[Phobia]

Re: I need help with this situation

Best activity for father & son, take him fishing!! Granted fishing goes hand in hand with me, I'm also on the water 2 days a week.

[24]

Re: I need help with this situation

I appreciate the overwhelming responses guys it means so much. Its hard for him to do some physical activities because he has a bad back. Which has led me to believe that he might be drinking to help with the pain (He refuses to use pain killers). However I'm going to look for some things we can do together that doesn't involve him over exerting himself. I'll keep everyone posted. Once again thank you so much for the advice and thoughts on my situation.