More Relationship Advice

[Redskinsfan26]

So apparently I should end it. I'm gonna ask her if she has anything she wants to tell me, if she says no, ill tell her I've been having trust issues and it's killing the relationship. I hope I'm doing the right thing here

[Redskinsfan26]

Here's my $.02: trust is the number one most important part of any relationship (imo) and you just broke it big time man. They broke up, and she chose to be with you now...what's to worry about? You are a couple years younger than me and I definitely can relate to how you're feeling, and sometimes its valid to feel that way. In this situation, I'm not so sure because we need some more information. But the one thing I am sure of is that I think you flat out don't trust her. And if you can't trust her, you won't ever be able to be truly happy with her.

Well said, thank you all

[seasprite]

Re: More Relationship Advice

As with any relationship advice I give out, I must see pics of the subject in question before I can make any determination on what you need to do.

[Redskinsfan26]

As with any relationship advice I give out, I must see pics of the subject in question before I can make any determination on what you need to do.

Subject in question as in... Her?

[seasprite]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Subject in question as in... Her?

Yes, but before you get hostile, it was a joke

[wwharton]

Re: More Relationship Advice

So apparently I should end it. I'm gonna ask her if she has anything she wants to tell me, if she says no, ill tell her I've been having trust issues and it's killing the relationship. I hope I'm doing the right thing here

I like that you plan on manning up with the trust issues, but not that you'd start with "is there anything you want to tell me." She wished him a happy birthday? They talk on occasion? Really, what's the big deal? I know this type of thing is easier to swallow the older you get but look at the situation analytically for a moment. The root to your trust issues are probably because you don't want to lose her... but it's the very thing that will drive you away from her. My advice would be to just let it go, enjoy the time you spend with her and stop thinking about anything going on outside of that or all the what ifs that would cause you to lose her. It's just a waste of time and energy on negative thinking.

If you really can't bring yourself to do that then yes, you need to break up with her and get your self confidence up. Realize you have value and the one you with wants to be with you. And even if she ever decides she doesn't then that just means it's not meant to be or time to move on and you'll find someone else who appreciates your value. Being able to trust in a relationship has a lot to do with being good with yourself.

[J-Clutch1]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Hey man, the exact same thing happened to me.

I ended up putting it off as it were nothing, but then she told me she's developing feelings for him again. I, being the ignorant person I am, thought it was just natural to develop feelings for an ex who called things off and that those feelings would die down since she still expressed so much toward me and met someone (me) who appreciates her.

Couple weeks later, 5 days after my birthday, she breaks up with me.

I want fellow OSers to be as happy as they can be, but I don't wanna ruin anything either. Maybe your case is different, but if there's ever any trust issues, that's a relationship killer/big red flag in my opinion (especially after what I've seen people go through and somewhat experienced myself)

[Redskinsfan26]

Yes, but before you get hostile, it was a joke

Haha I know dude I was just clarifying!

[Nathan_OS]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Redskins, if you keep your trust issues up, you'll end not being able to have ANY girl. Then you're gonna look stupid.

Look, let it go. She text the guy happy birthday, not "I want to have sex with you."

If that really irks you, then there's a problem. Look, like someone else previously said, if he comes up. Ask questions like, "Oh, hows he doing? How's he holding up?" If she says "He's good, nothing much, I barely talk to him.."

Let it go.
Don't ever bring it up. Be done with it.

[Redskinsfan26]

I like that you plan on manning up with the trust issues, but not that you'd start with "is there anything you want to tell me." She wished him a happy birthday? They talk on occasion? Really, what's the big deal? I know this type of thing is easier to swallow the older you get but look at the situation analytically for a moment. The root to your trust issues are probably because you don't want to lose her... but it's the very thing that will drive you away from her. My advice would be to just let it go, enjoy the time you spend with her and stop thinking about anything going on outside of that or all the what ifs that would cause you to lose her. It's just a waste of time and energy on negative thinking.

If you really can't bring yourself to do that then yes, you need to break up with her and get your self confidence up. Realize you have value and the one you with wants to be with you. And even if she ever decides she doesn't then that just means it's not meant to be or time to move on and you'll find someone else who appreciates your value. Being able to trust in a relationship has a lot to do with being good with yourself.

Some of the best advice on here. You hit the nail on the head when you said it's because I don't want to lose her. This is my first real relationship, so every little thing makes me jump to worst case scenario, which is a horrible state to be in. I guess it's just something I have to work on

[kingkilla56]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Bring it up with her. Solve the issue with her. Tell her how her talking to this ex makes you feel and what it does to your relationship from your perspective. She may think you are overblowing it and not be willing to change which you will have to accept. At that point you need to really think about
A-Has she really given you a reason not to trust her
B-what is going on with you to make you so untrusting in this situation, is it really the ex or are you projecting something from your life onto this situation
C-and most importantly are you willing to accept that your girlfriend has a relationship (as far as you know a friendship) with a HS ex. If you cannot accept that fact, than you may need to move on with your life.

[Redskinsfan26]

Redskins, if you keep your trust issues up, you'll end not being able to have ANY girl. Then you're gonna look stupid.

Look, let it go. She text the guy happy birthday, not "I want to have sex with you."

If that really irks you, then there's a problem. Look, like someone else previously said, if he comes up. Ask questions like, "Oh, hows he doing? How's he holding up?" If she says "He's good, nothing much, I barely talk to him.."

Let it go.
Don't ever bring it up. Be done with it.

Ok the happy birthday was a stupid example, what really got me was when they both asked each other what their plans were for that day. We're they planning on hanging out? I have no clue. The not knowing is the worst part

[Nathan_OS]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Again man, you've got to be kidding me bro. Thats such a common question man. Come on. Let it go.

It could possibly be nothing. And if it's something, its something. That's when you'll know.

[J-Clutch1]

Re: More Relationship Advice

Again man, you've got to be kidding me bro. Thats such a common question man. Come on. Let it go.

It could possibly be nothing. And if it's something, its something. That's when you'll know.

Yup, unless they blatantly decided to hang out, which they didn't, I would stop worrying and expecting the worst.

It's better for you and the relationship.

[Redskinsfan26]

Bring it up with her. Solve the issue with her. Tell her how her talking to this ex makes you feel and what it does to your relationship from your perspective. She may think you are overblowing it and not be willing to change which you will have to accept. At that point you need to really think about
A-Has she really given you a reason not to trust her
B-what is going on with you to make you so untrusting in this situation, is it really the ex or are you projecting something from your life onto this situation
C-and most importantly are you willing to accept that your girlfriend has a relationship (as far as you know a friendship) with a HS ex. If you cannot accept that fact, than you may need to move on with your life.

At this point I'm terrified of telling her I looked through her phone. From what you guys are saying, that's the kiss of death