Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

[Zalf]

Welcome to being recruited as my internet counseling group. Of course I am sure you will all understand that today is a culmination of much baring of emotions and emptying of bottles so my thoughts might not be completely coherent.

Some will have picked up in various threads that I have a couple of incureable progressive medical conditions. 8+ years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. 3+ years ago; primarily due to MS; I was diagnosed with trygeminal neuralgia: a disease of considerable nerve pain concentrated in the face(check/forehead area). Wiki nicknames TN "The suicide disease" so "considerable pain" is being polite.

My official MS diagnosis came as a second opinion type of situation so basically a neurogist I had never met or discussed my health with came in and said it is official, you have MS. I will send my nurse in with the disability paperwork.

I refused to take the 40%(best case) disability pay cut and have continued to work for the next 8 years against each successive neuroligist's recommendation to go on disability.

I have worked for the same company for the last 22+ years and they have worked very well with me. My work conditions are the best that they could possibly be.

For several reasons; primarily continual declining health more due to the TN than the MS; it has become obvious that the time that health has overcome my ability to work at the level I am accustomed to is now and probably should have been earlier. Due to my hardheadedness I am currently sitting on approx 5 months of combined vacation/sick time. So the next portion of this journey starts with an extended sick leave of possibly 5 months at full pay/benefits with a transition to long term disability with a 40% pay cut and benefits either going up in the air or out of the door. Due to some restructuring and less than complete disclosure on what the restructuring meant for me long term it is a 40 % cut compared to my pay now but closer to a 20% cut compared to what I would be making in 5 months depending on the outcome of the fight I would put up against the restructurings financial impact on me.

So after 5 months of full pay to do nothing, I will get paid 60% of what I am making now to never work again. The 60% is pretty solid due to LTD insurance covering while they lead the fight for the government to start picking up at least part of the tab. So it is a lot more secure than many have to fight through in this process.

The reasons I can't stand the idea of any of this. I have a son who just started his Jr. Year of High School and a wife bringing home 30ish % of our house hold income from a job she despises. And all of the uncertainty this kind of change means for the family I have proudly provided for. Also, I love my job, the company, and most of all the people I work with/for. It feels like everything I love is balanced on the edge of a blade and I lose more control by the second. And my son is going to spend the last two years of High School coming home to a father who no longer works while the family has to make the adjustments to a significant reduction in income that supports a pleasantly comfortable lifestyle that we have all become comfortable in. And I can't stand the idea of never being able to work again. And I can't stand the idea of not "earning my way" even though everything involved is something I have earned/paid for myself.

So how do I become strong enough to accept no longer being strong enough. And because my nerves aren't shot enough already; for those that have experience with this kind of thing; what traps are sitting out there waiting for my family and I?

[Knight165]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

Sounds to me like you are already strong enough.
Both of your diseases are no joke.
My wife was a therapist and a lot of her patients were M.S. patients.
I can't make it sound cheery...as I understand that you feel the need to work to be "productive".
But I am a believer that when one door closes...it leads to another one opening.
Here's to finding that open door.

M.K.
Knight165

[Twenty Four]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

As said above. You sound like an incredibly strong and determined person. I'm sure there's plenty of people, going through something like what you're going through who can read your post for inspiration.

When I was in highshcool, I loved the days where I could come home and hangout with my pops. I'm sure your family won't mind being able spending more time with you.

[clipperfan811]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

When I was a freshmen in high school my mom was diagnosed with Lupus, she kept on working killer hours (she was a children's social worker) and finally the lupus kicked up a notch. She was already the sole provider and although we weren't wealthy by any stretch we had always lived very comfortably. She went through her vacation/sick leave time then there was a process to get permanent disability. Needless to say, life changed. We got through it, it never once crossed my mind that she was copping out, all I cared about was that she got better. Thankfully she fought it off and it went into remission even though it doesn't ever really go away completely.

She eventually went back to school to work on her masters degree and kept herself busy. She got to come to almost all of my basketball games in high school which would have been tough had she had the same work load she had before.

So don't waste time worrying about wether your family will respect you less, all they're concerned about is your health.

As far as pitfalls, my advice is to find a way to keep learning. Learn something you've always wanted to learn but never had the time to. Go at whatever pace you can manage but keep progressing. I know you're dealing with a lot and it's got to be overwhelming at times but keep a positive attitude towards your family, let them be there to support you emotionally. It's so easy to push people away when we feel we're lacking or broken. Remember that your value isn't connected to how much money you bring in, it's about being there to guide your son when he needs it, it's about making your wife feel loved and valued, it's those things that make a difference in the end.

I wish you luck and send as many positive vibes as I can your way!

[fistofrage]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

Good luck to you. Some things are beyond our control. Not much you can do but do the best with the hand you are dealt. You paid into the system for 20 years, now its time to take some back. I am sure your family understands and will make the concessions that are necessary. Stay positive.

[XMrAngryEyesxX]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

While sometimes we don't understand why things happen to us which can lead us down dark paths, we must understand God has a plan for each of us. Obviously you are a hard working person who is extremely dedicated to his family. While I don't know what it feels like to be in your position, I would like to give some thoughts as I am a younger guy only 21.

You are already a great role model for your son and I'm sure he will not look at you any less. Build your relationship with him in ways you may not have had time for with work or any other reason because of work. Unfortunately there is more I would like to say but I have not read the Operation Sports Terms of Service.

I'll leave you with this quote from my favorite book, you can look it up if you would like. Find the time to read that book and in your time share it with son. For if you share the Son with your son I promise you'll never regret it.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."

[Zalf]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

Well that was quick. It ONLY took 9 months to get approval on my disability claim. But as of today is officially done. Luckily with the way things worked out I have been drawing my full salary due to built up sick/vacation time and a timely change in the companies sick time policy that kind of topped of the sick time bucket from what I had used in 2014 since Sept. So I end up getting the approval right as the sick time is gone and we were starting on the last few weeks of vacation time.

I am not sure how a majority of the people without ridiculously generous sick time benefits make it through this process. I had 9 months while getting paid and my nerves are shot. Most are lucky to have 2-3 months of sick time to fall back on and that's if they haven't already used it up due to the problems causing their disability.

The disability insurance company were slow and their initial Drs review leading to the original denial was a complete joke. The company itself sent two separate follow up reviews to him asking specific questions that he never addressed. Yet it was still initially denied.

I had 2 letters from the specialists treating my condition stating exactly; Zalf "is 100% and permanently disabled." So the two Drs that were actually treating me vs. the one Dr who had never seen me and wouldn't directly address my conditions lead to a pretty clear appeal. It was just time and more time.

However profit driven the disability insurance companie's policies are they still have real people working for them. Luckily the ones I dealt with directly were compassionate and used to working sick people through policies designed to keep out people trying to work the system. The people went above, beyond, and outside policy to make sure the correct decision was reached; just in time as it works out. I know I am one of the lucky ones and that this process has to eat some people alive.

Now to recover from some of the most stressful months of my life that have done nothing but worsen my health. And thus is just the disability insurance process, not the process of learning how to deal/cope with everything that comes with it.

I just wanted to give an update and do some therapeutic posting.

[p_rushing]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

I hope you don't have to deal with this every year or 2. My father got put on 100% and the insurance company continually tries to review and say he can somehow work part time. It was stressing him out a lot like you, so try your best to just roll with it.

[Zalf]

Re: Preparing to live off of the teet two weeks shy of 42.

I hope you don't have to deal with this every year or 2. My father got put on 100% and the insurance company continually tries to review and say he can somehow work part time. It was stressing him out a lot like you, so try your best to just roll with it.

Yeah it is going to be a constant thing. Next is the Social Security battle. That is really for the insurance company to start splitting how much they have to pay but the insurance company will definitly try to use SS arguments to bring up issues.