Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

[longshadow11]

I've been there off and on for the last five years. I have a rage that can't seem to be put to rest. I'm trapped in many ways in my life. I have a little girl who loves me, so suicide isn't an option, and to tell the truth, I would never come close. But it astounds me that it has entered my mind and I have begun to understand people who think about it. I think it's a cowardly and selfish thing to do. But when things go from bad to worse, I think some people get so low they can't imagine a way out. I know I will figure things out and life will get better. It has before and it will again. I'm just astonished the slightest thought would come close to entering my mind. I think mostly I want to go somewhere far away and get away from everyone except my daughter.

[Jr.]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

In general, the thought of suicide or the idea of "it would be easier if I wasn't around" (or others like it) is pretty common. The real concern comes where there is a plan that is made.

I've been there. I've even gone on to make a plan, but, like you, I would never go through with it. In my cases, it's been a selfish "I want people to hurt by me being gone" kind of thing.

[TripleCrown9]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

In the past, I've considered it a couple times. Each time was after losing a fiancee.

[longshadow11]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

In the past, I've considered it a couple times. Each time was after losing a fiancee.

Women, man. They really mess with a guy's head.

[cam21224]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I've been there before a lot during my teenage years and even as recent as a couple months ago.

Best advice I can give is talk to someone wether it be a best friend, a close family member, or even a therapist. Identifying why you feel this way and not bottling it up will help you find a way out.

Hang in there, think about all the ways your child makes you laugh and smile as that's what I do whenever I get down. I also suggest watching a comedy/funny tv show at least twice a day and to surround yourself with the people who love you the most.

[longshadow11]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I feel like a jackass for having even the slightest thought of it at 47. What helps, but also hurts, is that I can look in the mirror and see the reason my life is crappy. I have severely disappointed myself.

[mkharsh33]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I attended Bible College and got my degree in ministry. (I've shared this in other posts - but minimal as I don't like labels given to me). I remember one of my professors stating the following: "You're probably not human if you haven't contemplated the idea of suicide in your life." He then shared with us (probably in his late 40s / early 50's) that he would occasionally visit with someone to just let his feelings out - vent a bit.

I'll turn 43 on Saturday. I'm married (17 years - with the last few being a bit difficult on us). We have 4 kids (ages 10-15). I'm a minister of a church (having been in the same place for 11 years now). My wife is from Indiana and I'm from Ohio - and we moved to Florida. We hardly see any family. People in our church simply can't relate to us (mostly because many of them are older than us - and when you're a minister, people keep their distance from you for various reasons). I have no real friends in life - but I have TONS of acquaintances - people who basically need me for something, or to help fix their life - then they quickly cast me aside once I help provide a "fix" for them.

Just today I had a conversation with a church leader who told me of someone I thought was close to me that just killed me behind my back.

So, have I ever thought of checking out? Yeah...I have. But I don't let it go any further. I know my family depends on me, and I would fear for them if I were gone. So that's enough to get me to snap out of it.

I think you're only human if you have feelings of inadequacy or giving up. I think we live in a world where we are simply oversaturated with information - even the need to keep up with things. In the attempt to make our lives simpler, they end up doing the opposite and complicating things. Sometimes its just overwhelming... But we just keep on hanging in there...

I appreciate this thread, and the honesty of it. Doesn't mean we're bad people, it just means that life can suck sometimes. Even though I'm a person of faith, even I just shake my head at how dumb and mean-spirited people can be... It's people that make me wonder why I keep hanging around this planet. But then again, those same people are the reason why, I suppose.

[The JareBear]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I would be lying if I didn't admit that a few times over the last few weeks I've briefly contemplated a scenario where I end my life.

I really don't think I could ever go through with it.

I'm having a really bad time lately and part of the problem is I've lived in Colorado for four years and I've made no friends. I only leave my house to go to work or run errands. My old friends from back home occasionally reach out to me but I burned some bridges there and haven't been a good friend since I left home. Now that I have quit my job, and am dealing with some repercussions of that decision, and now that the track season is over, I really have zero human contact on a daily basis. Partly why I've been more active on this site lately.

I really like living, most of the time. I really love working with kids. My jobs get me by for the most part, but this year was horrible and I'm in a dark place, honestly I won't know if I'm gonna make it out. Maybe in a week I'm working at a new school and meeting new people, maybe in a year I'm back in shape and not afraid to be social again. Or maybe I already peaked and I'll never be as good as I was when I was younger. I find myself constantly in a state of regret and thinking back to "glory days," but I just turned 30.

[sydrogerdavid]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I've never considered it because I know that my problems are so insignificant compared to the problems that others have faced.

I just hope that people remember that we are all in this together. There are people out there that have felt your pain and can help. There are also people that love and care about you; even if you don't feel it very often.

[23]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I feel like a jackass for having even the slightest thought of it at 47. What helps, but also hurts, is that I can look in the mirror and see the reason my life is crappy. I have severely disappointed myself.

You can definitely get over that hump man, and as long as you're alive, there is definitely hope. Suicide is a robber and selfish in many ways but it runs across peoples minds, they just don't say anything.

Whatever it is man, face it head up, because your life is not as "crappy" as you think. Matter of fact, if people really told you how much you meant to them you'd see otherwise..

[longshadow11]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I never imagined life would get so hard. I found out a couple of months ago that I had a shattered bone in the bottom of my foot and bone spurs on top. I had to have surgery and experienced quite a bit of pain. I was told by a very significant other that I am now unattractive and uninspiring - because the pain and dealing with my foot was getting me down. I keep hearing "you used to be..." followed by a number of things I am no longer good at apparently.

So I have gone from wife #1 telling me I was dumb and laughing at me because she found someone else and who also texted me a few months after marrying the dude to tell me how much better he was than me, to wife #2 calling me every name in the book and talking about how I used to be something great but now...not so much. Women have been downright cruel to me. And in many ways, both have me trapped. I have put on weight - I think mostly because of stress - and really don't like what I see in the mirror. That's about to change, once I get back on my feet. For me, not for anyone else. I'm gonna show the world an old man can still be kick ***.

[The JareBear]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I never imagined life would get so hard. I found out a couple of months ago that I had a shattered bone in the bottom of my foot and bone spurs on top. I had to have surgery and experienced quite a bit of pain. I was told by a very significant other that I am now unattractive and uninspiring - because the pain and dealing with my foot was getting me down. I keep hearing "you used to be..." followed by a number of things I am no longer good at apparently.

So I have gone from wife #1 telling me I was dumb and laughing at me because she found someone else and who also texted me a few months after marrying the dude to tell me how much better he was than me, to wife #2 calling me every name in the book and talking about how I used to be something great but now...not so much. Women have been downright cruel to me. And in many ways, both have me trapped. I have put on weight - I think mostly because of stress - and really don't like what I see in the mirror. That's about to change, once I get back on my feet. For me, not for anyone else. I'm gonna show the world an old man can still be kick ***.

Whatever that fire is that was driving you as you wrote those couple sentences, just hold onto it and remember it whenever you need motivation.

I know what it's like to not be comfortable in your in skin. It sucks. You can beat it, though. I'm with you, brother. Hang in there my man.

[roadman]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

LS, I'm haven't been in your shoes, but I'd ask wife #2, what happened to, "For better or worse, you know, our vows to one another? Tell her you need her support through this ordeal.

As 23 mentioned, you have people that care for you.

LS, the first time I heard this song, I thought right away, what a powerful song, lyrically and musically. It's centered around teenage suicide, but I feel it can be for anyone.

I hope you can be uplifted and benefit from this song, lyrically and musically. If not musically, hopefully lyrically.

Reach out and talk to positive people you can trust.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/nM1MnG4nDug" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

[Madman55]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

I've definitely been there. When I was about 15/16 I felt so terrible about myself (self-esteem was low in high school), that I actually made an attempt. I thought nobody would miss me if I did it, so I wrapped a belt around my neck, but before I tightened it I realized people would care. Notably my family, so I pulled it off and that was when I realized I had to talk to somebody, so I went to an online health forum I had stumbled across and talked to my parents.

[doyce7]

Re: Ever been so low you thought about suicide?

A couple things my dad use to tell me that I always look back on when I'm in a rough patch.
Life is like a rollercoaster, there are ups and downs, twists and turns, and sometimes you get thrown through a loop. The ups are never as high as they seem and lows aren't either, but when you hit a low point an upswing will be right around the corner.
The other is simple, there's a reason the windshield is bigger than the rearview mirror. If you spend all your time looking in the rearview, you mighy hit what's right in front of you.
I've struggled with depression a few times in my life but sooner or later I think back on these examples and say whatever has caused me troubles is in the past and I try as best I can to move forward.