So I want to try and change my entire personality...

[Padgoi]

I'm a ****. Like a really big ****. I'm confrontational. I'm competitive. I'm terse. I rarely have a smile on my face, especially when it comes to strangers and new people. Many people have told me that I have one of those personalities where you either love me or hate me, nothing in between. The problem is, I've noticed much more people hate me than love me. I don't want to be a **** anymore. I want to be welcoming. I want to be one of those people that you're inclined to go up to and be friendly with just because they seem like a nice person. I guess I really just want to be liked. The problem is I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to stop being a ****. 1

For example, someone tells a random guy that he has a small phallus. He'd probably respond with, "yeah . . . you're right . . .it's small and weak and flaccid." That's funny. People like people like that. I wouldn't respond like that. I'd get confrontational. People tend to make more fun of people who are confrontational than people who are not because they know they're going to react. I'm a troll's wet dream.

I think this stems from me hating people. I truly dislike mankind. I tend to see the worst in people before I even get to know them. Someone told me it's because I'm a New Yorker and New Yorker's are generally jaded ***holes. I fit that mold perfectly. But I don't want to be anymore. How does one change this when they've been an ***hole their entire life and know nothing else?

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

Leave New York? lol.

Also, interesting example you chose. If I was you I'd start with trying to find the root of your *******ry. Probably something personal. Being a New Yorker sounds more like a cop out.

Also, your main friends group...do they share similar personality traits as you?

[daflyboys]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

I don't think it's a cop out. Where you grow up regionally can help mold how you see the world and respond to it.

There's a reason why this scene works:

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/bF8AZ-t2_Aw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Hey PAD, the thing you're interested in is going to take work, but if you're willing to do so and give it the time...it's possible to make adjustments. Once you have kids and see how your behavior can and will affect them directly or indirectly, they can really help you change your perspective and approach to life.

However, don't take penny-ante advice from a bunch of guys on a website. Talk to someone neutral that you can trust.

[23]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

I don't think it's a cop out. Where you grow up regionally can help mold how you see the world and respond to it.

There's a reason why this scene works:

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/bF8AZ-t2_Aw" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Hey PAD, the thing you're interested in is going to take work, but if you're willing to do so and give it the time...it's possible to make adjustments. Once you have kids and see how your behavior can and will affect them directly or indirectly, they can really help you change your perspective and approach to life.

However, don't take penny-ante advice from a bunch of guys on a website. Talk to someone neutral that you can trust.

So you think everyone that lives near him are all straight up jerks because that's where they live?

Im not disputing environment but that doesn't make the fact that people change and mature a non factor.

He's obviously been feeling this way on the inside and know he needs to make adjustments, and maybe he doesn't know how. I will say he's at the first step to be honest, but it's probably not his personality per say that's the issue.

[fistofrage]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

I'm a ****. Like a really big ****. I'm confrontational. I'm competitive. I'm terse. I rarely have a smile on my face, especially when it comes to strangers and new people. Many people have told me that I have one of those personalities where you either love me or hate me, nothing in between. The problem is, I've noticed much more people hate me than love me. I don't want to be a **** anymore. I want to be welcoming. I want to be one of those people that you're inclined to go up to and be friendly with just because they seem like a nice person. I guess I really just want to be liked. The problem is I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to stop being a ****. 1

For example, someone tells a random guy that he has a small phallus. He'd probably respond with, "yeah . . . you're right . . .it's small and weak and flaccid." That's funny. People like people like that. I wouldn't respond like that. I'd get confrontational. People tend to make more fun of people who are confrontational than people who are not because they know they're going to react. I'm a troll's wet dream.

I think this stems from me hating people. I truly dislike mankind. I tend to see the worst in people before I even get to know them. Someone told me it's because I'm a New Yorker and New Yorker's are generally jaded ***holes. I fit that mold perfectly. But I don't want to be anymore. How does one change this when they've been an ***hole their entire life and know nothing else?

Well you are on the way to changing because you realize you need a change. I don't know how old you are, but we used to totally rake guys like you over the coals in collage. I'd always poke the bear to get the reaction and the peanut gallery would mock them to no end when they started getting riled and confrontational. A no win situation for the bitter kid. Those days are behind me, even though I still can't control myself sometimes. It's real easy to pick out who is easy to rile. You are probably sticking out like a sore thumb.

Anyway, go volunteer somewhere and help someone out. You will realize that most people are just doing their best to get by and cope with their own crap. Help someone and they will help you be more patient, understanding and take the edge off. If you hate mankind, do something that shows everyone else that hates mankind that it's not that bad if you try to be part of a positive contributor.

[HealyMonster]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

I'm a ****. Like a really big ****. I'm confrontational. I'm competitive. I'm terse. I rarely have a smile on my face, especially when it comes to strangers and new people. Many people have told me that I have one of those personalities where you either love me or hate me, nothing in between. The problem is, I've noticed much more people hate me than love me. I don't want to be a **** anymore. I want to be welcoming. I want to be one of those people that you're inclined to go up to and be friendly with just because they seem like a nice person. I guess I really just want to be liked. The problem is I don't know how to do this. I don't know how to stop being a ****. 1

For example, someone tells a random guy that he has a small phallus. He'd probably respond with, "yeah . . . you're right . . .it's small and weak and flaccid." That's funny. People like people like that. I wouldn't respond like that. I'd get confrontational. People tend to make more fun of people who are confrontational than people who are not because they know they're going to react. I'm a troll's wet dream.

I think this stems from me hating people. I truly dislike mankind. I tend to see the worst in people before I even get to know them. Someone told me it's because I'm a New Yorker and New Yorker's are generally jaded ***holes. I fit that mold perfectly. But I don't want to be anymore. How does one change this when they've been an ***hole their entire life and know nothing else?

dude, do you want to come to my house and do Karate in the garage?

[woodjer]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

I think this stems from me hating people. I truly dislike mankind. I tend to see the worst in people before I even get to know them. Someone told me it's because I'm a New Yorker and New Yorker's are generally jaded ***holes. I fit that mold perfectly. But I don't want to be anymore. How does one change this when they've been an ***hole their entire life and know nothing else?

My first suggestion would be to try to find something good in the world and focus on that. The media doesn't exactly help with that because so much time is spent on the negative stories that it's easy to let that sink in. For me, that something good is my kids. No matter how rough my day has been, nothing sticks when I hear my 4-year-old son tell me every night that he loves to play with me.

To reduce the urge to be negative, try putting things into perspective. The guy at Starbucks screwed up your order? Maybe you'll find a new drink that you'll enjoy. Or think about what may be going on in his life that may be causing him to lose focus. Send the drink back but be as polite as possible...instead of just saying "this isn't what I ordered", try "I'm sorry but I thought I had asked for a (fill in the blank). Is it possible that I could please have one of those?"

Better yet, take time to recognize great service whenever possible. They say that people tend to tell something like 10 people about bad service but only 2-3 about great service. Try to flip that ratio yourself. Tell a manager about how awesome your server was. Believe it or not, that can make two people happy. Can you imagine how many times a manager has to deal with complaints or problems? Make sure that he/she knows they have a great staff, too.

Just a few thoughts. Keep in mind that a change like the one you mention isn't going to be easy or happen overnight. It's going to take a VERY conscious effort on your part to do it.

[daflyboys]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

So you think everyone that lives near him are all straight up jerks because that's where they live?

Im not disputing environment but that doesn't make the fact that people change and mature a non factor.

He's obviously been feeling this way on the inside and know he needs to make adjustments, and maybe he doesn't know how. I will say he's at the first step to be honest, but it's probably not his personality per say that's the issue.

Yes... I believe everyone in a region acts exactly the same way. C'mon 23.

Of course there are variations throughout a given area/region. But, there are also common features and sub-cultural nuances within those areas. Otherwise, we are saying that people who were raised in northern Minnesota see the world in general like those people who grew up in southern Texas.

But, I'll hold to it. When it comes down to it, don't take advise from a website with nickel psychiatrists. Talk to someone you can trust and is not biased. A counselor, a minister, a therapist, etc.

[23]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

Yes... I believe everyone in a region acts exactly the same way. C'mon 23.

Of course there are variations throughout a given area/region. But, there are also common features and sub-cultural nuances within those areas. Otherwise, we are saying that people who were raised in northern Minnesota see the world in general like those people who grew up in southern Texas.

But, I'll hold to it. When it comes down to it, don't take advise from a website with nickel psychiatrists. Talk to someone you can trust and is not biased. A counselor, a minister, a therapist, etc.

At least acknowledge the whole post man. And while that first quip might be sarcasm there are people who really think like that.

Anyway no doubt he doesn't necessarily need advice more like some life application.

[kehlis]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

At least acknowledge the whole post man. And while that first quip might be sarcasm there are people who really think like that.

Anyway no doubt he doesn't necessarily need advice more like some life application.

He did acknowledge the first part of your post though?

[Ghost Of The Year]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

@ P.A.D. - Learn to fake sincerity. After that, it's easy sailing from there.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

Just asking, do they have a support group for personality issues?

[TheMatrix31]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

When I've visited New York, I've found that people there are very nice and welcoming. Maybe because I have a bit of a similar personality? I don't get the "New Yorkers are *******s" thing at all. People in Boston were/are way more rude.

But you can't really change your personality. You are who you are. You can work to improve on situational awareness so that you can control yourself but a top-down personality change? Impossible.

[23]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

He did acknowledge the first part of your post though?

Yes man, just easily to take things out of context like that

[Bullit]

Re: So I want to try and change my entire personality...

I can help you there