Hey... this seemed as good a place as any to post this with the most anonymity.
I need advice.
The situation:
When I met my wife of 10 years (with whom I've had 5 kids with) in 2006 she had a two month old baby boy. His dad was in prison over 1000 miles away as she moved away after he was put in there. She loved him but it seemed obvious that their lives were taking different courses.
We later married and he eventually signed over his rights and I adopted his son so he could have my last name and not feel outta place in such a large family. His dad only saw him once when he was still just a baby. So he, now 11 years old, still has no idea that I'm not his biological father.
My wife and I have had many serious conversations about when he would be old enough and mature enough to tell him about his dad but never felt like the time was 'right'.
Well... everything just changed.
While perusing Facebook last night my wife found out my son's biological father was murdered in January after being shot while being mugged in Philadelphia. They left him there and he died on the table at the hospital...the day before my birthday.
Now what!?!?! Further research shows his dad had been in prison once again for burglary. He signed his rights over and his mother and family haven't had interest in his son for many years.
Does he even need to know? I mean... hey I adopted you and btw... your dad is dead and was a crook just seems like a really terrible conversation with no possibility of anything good coming from it.
I'm so confused. Thoughts?
Regardless of everything...i feel terrible for my son. It's just awful whether his dad was a good person or not. My wife was really upset by this obviously. I even almost cried for a second when in private considering his last moments here. I'm proud of how I handled my wife and her grief. I could tell she was extremely grateful for my understanding of her feelings...i don't think she's ever loved me more. We always have had a good relationship but now it's like... different...i think my respect for her and true remorse for his unfortunate death showed her something she maybe wasn't sure about what to expect.
Yeah...i dunno. Hate that he had to go out the way he did. It's heartbreaking. Life sucks sometimes.
I need advice.
The situation:
When I met my wife of 10 years (with whom I've had 5 kids with) in 2006 she had a two month old baby boy. His dad was in prison over 1000 miles away as she moved away after he was put in there. She loved him but it seemed obvious that their lives were taking different courses.
We later married and he eventually signed over his rights and I adopted his son so he could have my last name and not feel outta place in such a large family. His dad only saw him once when he was still just a baby. So he, now 11 years old, still has no idea that I'm not his biological father.
My wife and I have had many serious conversations about when he would be old enough and mature enough to tell him about his dad but never felt like the time was 'right'.
Well... everything just changed.
While perusing Facebook last night my wife found out my son's biological father was murdered in January after being shot while being mugged in Philadelphia. They left him there and he died on the table at the hospital...the day before my birthday.
Now what!?!?! Further research shows his dad had been in prison once again for burglary. He signed his rights over and his mother and family haven't had interest in his son for many years.
Does he even need to know? I mean... hey I adopted you and btw... your dad is dead and was a crook just seems like a really terrible conversation with no possibility of anything good coming from it.
I'm so confused. Thoughts?
Regardless of everything...i feel terrible for my son. It's just awful whether his dad was a good person or not. My wife was really upset by this obviously. I even almost cried for a second when in private considering his last moments here. I'm proud of how I handled my wife and her grief. I could tell she was extremely grateful for my understanding of her feelings...i don't think she's ever loved me more. We always have had a good relationship but now it's like... different...i think my respect for her and true remorse for his unfortunate death showed her something she maybe wasn't sure about what to expect.
Yeah...i dunno. Hate that he had to go out the way he did. It's heartbreaking. Life sucks sometimes.
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