Grieving and lost

[Smallville102001]

Grieving and lose is not a easy thing. How do you guys deal with like grieving and a lost of someone you where close to? I just lost my grandma wesday night she need to go has she was not in good shape and was just like suffering but man I miss her. I have always been really close with my grandparents and losing my grandma even though I known she is not suffering any more man this hurts I want my grandma back. Felling depressed right now first person I have lost that I am close to has my grandparents baby sat me and my sister growing up and I have never went more than like 2 months with out seeing them. Fell bad for my grandpa to and just the thought that I am never going to see my grandma again hurts so much. I had been felling better the last day or so but emotions are hitting me hard big time right now. I think part of it was that I was with a lot of family like wesday when she past and also like Thursday, Saturday and Sunday so really only today and Friday have I been like by my self and I think being by my self makes it kind of harder and even Friday I hang out with friends so today is like the first full day being by my self. I kind of want to be with friends or something but I also kind of just want to be by my self right now.

[brent3419]

Re: Grieving and lost

Its very tough to grieve for someone you are very close to and it may take a while to get used to life with out them. my uncle passed away at 39 due to cancer and a few years later my paternal grandmother passed away a week right before Thanksgiving and both hit me hard because i never got to see them before they passed with me being away for college, but with my family we kept being positive about their lives. Its okay to be by yourself in private if you needed to, but also if your friends are there to keep you in good spirits that can help to take your mind off of it some, but it will be a rough for some time.

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[Smallville102001]

Re: Grieving and lost

Its very tough to grieve for someone you are very close to and it may take a while to get used to life with out them. my uncle passed away at 39 due to cancer and a few years later my paternal grandmother passed away a week right before Thanksgiving and both hit me hard because i never got to see them before they passed with me being away for college, but with my family we kept being positive about their lives.

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Hu cancer sucks man. But yeah my grandparents are almost like second grandparents to me so this one is so hard.

[kt-od]

Re: Grieving and lost

I'm going through this now as well. We buried my dad on Saturday after a long battle with bone cancer. I'm still learning, but I rely a lot on God and my family.

[SPTO]

Re: Grieving and lost

As an adult I've lost close family friends and such but nothing that has really impacted me in a way where I was completely out of it. I'm honestly very fearful of that as I feel i'm way ill prepared for it. I think the closest came when my grandfather died a few years ago. I saw him a couple months before he died then went to the funeral. It was pretty tough and it took a while to get over it but I know when one of my parents go i'm going to be a complete mess.

It's scary to think about.....

[Smallville102001]

Re: Grieving and lost

I'm going through this now as well. We buried my dad on Saturday after a long battle with bone cancer. I'm still learning, but I rely a lot on God and my family.

Sorry to hear I have heard bone cancer is very painful to. How old was your dad? Yeah I have been listing to even more christane music than I normal do god is good.

[kt-od]

Re: Grieving and lost

Sorry to hear I have heard bone cancer is very painful to. How old was your dad? Yeah I have been listing to even more christane music than I normal do god is good.

He was 71. Yes, very painful for him. Yes He's good all the time

[Smallville102001]

Re: Grieving and lost

As an adult I've lost close family friends and such but nothing that has really impacted me in a way where I was completely out of it. I'm honestly very fearful of that as I feel i'm way ill prepared for it. I think the closest came when my grandfather died a few years ago. I saw him a couple months before he died then went to the funeral. It was pretty tough and it took a while to get over it but I know when one of my parents go i'm going to be a complete mess.

It's scary to think about.....

Yeah death while ever one will face it at some time its not something you want to think about and yeah I hear you about parents and yeah when it started to get to the point where my Grandma started going down hill around 6 years ago that was scary. I known she is at peace has she had really bad dementia that started around 6 years ago, and also had really bad arthritis, and begging of emphysema has she stopped smoking years ago but smoked like 50 years before she did stop It was hard to see her like that and around 4 weeks ago it was said they thought she would only have like 6 months left. So I was like kind of expecting it but its still hard to belive she is gone and that I will never get to see her again.

[slickdtc]

Re: Grieving and lost

Sorry for your loss. Sounds like she was loved by those around her.

Allow yourself to grieve and let yourself heal, although that will take time.

[Smallville102001]

Re: Grieving and lost

He was 71. Yes, very painful for him. Yes He's good all the time

Oh long did he have it? Cancer runs in my family but I dont think any one has had bone cancer though.

[kt-od]

Re: Grieving and lost

Oh long did he have it? Cancer runs in my family but I dont think any one has had bone cancer though.

He got diagnosed 6 years ago. He had some treatments and was in remission for about 5 years. It came back 4 months ago real aggressively. He couldn't beat it this time. He was a Vietnam Veteran and the doctors say that he probably contracted it from Agent Orange over there. His type of cancer was high on the list of diseases from it.

[mkharsh33]

Re: Grieving and lost

First off, I'm very touched by these stories of loss... Keep talking about your loved ones. They might leave us physically, but the stories and memories are a must - they help.

Also know this - I'm a minister. I graduated from Bible College (Cincinnati Christian University) in 1995 and have been in ministry for 27 years in some capacity. I'm 47 - married with 3 teenagers. I've done more funerals than I can count - in the last 18 months I've done 14 of them - from almost 100 years old to a 25 year old killed in a car accident 2 months ago. I also did a funeral 3 years ago for a 15 year old killed in a car accident...

And personally - I did the funeral for my own son who was killed in a car accident December 9, 2015. So I fully get it.

What I have learned is this: the "time heals all wounds" is a myth - do NOT believe this. And do not believe all the bumper sticker bullcrap that people say. But don't fault them - people are lost to know what to say, how to say it - so they fumble a lot. They mean well - I tell people to see the heart more than you hear the words.

But I'm living this pain every day - and what I'll say is this: the WISE use of your time will soften the blow. Talk. Write. Get angry. Cry. Laugh.

But do NOT isolate yourself. In a message just 2 weeks ago I used an acronym for what I was sharing... H.A.L.T. - means to STOP. And there are 4 moments you need to be very cautious in your life because in those moments you can do something devastating that could screw you up forever.

Never let yourself get too...

H- hurting
A- angry
L- lonely
T- tired

Take care of yourself in those 4 areas. My advice is spiritual and biblical. I'm a person of faith, but I'm not here to shower that upon people. What I'll say is this: my faith has carried myself and our family. Our son was the oldest of 4 - if you met our other 3 kids, you'd never know what they went through...what they go through. My wife has taken this hard. I failed her - I just wanted her pain to go away, and it wasn't. I had to stop trying to act so tough and be there for her. But as a minister, I've also learned I'm held to a different and higher standard in my grief. To be candid, it has ticked me off. I was in essence asked to leave a church that I had served with for 13 years within 3 months of our son's death because the leadership felt it would be a "dark cloud hovering over them" if I stayed. Leaving was an atrocity - but I didn't know.

But it's not about me - I'm simply sharing the importance of taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically (I've lost 90 pounds since them because I got back into shape), and even spiritually. It takes time - but again, good use of it. If you need someone - shoot me a note. I'll even give you my contact information. Not because I want to intrude, but because I believe in the promise of 1 Corinthians 1 - that God comforts us so we can then give comfort and compassion to others. I do what I do because I have been strengthened to give this gift of what I've received from others.

My prayers will be with you... Mike

[slickdtc]

Grieving and lost

That may be one of the best posts I’ve read on here. 100% real. Thanks for sharing, Mike.

We memorialize my mother every year, we just did this past week for the 22nd year. A small group of our family gets together, say a prayer, pay our respects by tossing a rose in to the inlet where my mother & father met, and take a moment to huddle up and reflect on life without some of our loved ones.

[Smallville102001]

Re: Grieving and lost

First off, I'm very touched by these stories of loss... Keep talking about your loved ones. They might leave us physically, but the stories and memories are a must - they help.

Also know this - I'm a minister. I graduated from Bible College (Cincinnati Christian University) in 1995 and have been in ministry for 27 years in some capacity. I'm 47 - married with 3 teenagers. I've done more funerals than I can count - in the last 18 months I've done 14 of them - from almost 100 years old to a 25 year old killed in a car accident 2 months ago. I also did a funeral 3 years ago for a 15 year old killed in a car accident...

And personally - I did the funeral for my own son who was killed in a car accident December 9, 2015. So I fully get it.

What I have learned is this: the "time heals all wounds" is a myth - do NOT believe this. And do not believe all the bumper sticker bullcrap that people say. But don't fault them - people are lost to know what to say, how to say it - so they fumble a lot. They mean well - I tell people to see the heart more than you hear the words.

But I'm living this pain every day - and what I'll say is this: the WISE use of your time will soften the blow. Talk. Write. Get angry. Cry. Laugh.

But do NOT isolate yourself. In a message just 2 weeks ago I used an acronym for what I was sharing... H.A.L.T. - means to STOP. And there are 4 moments you need to be very cautious in your life because in those moments you can do something devastating that could screw you up forever.

Never let yourself get too...

H- hurting
A- angry
L- lonely
T- tired

Take care of yourself in those 4 areas. My advice is spiritual and biblical. I'm a person of faith, but I'm not here to shower that upon people. What I'll say is this: my faith has carried myself and our family. Our son was the oldest of 4 - if you met our other 3 kids, you'd never know what they went through...what they go through. My wife has taken this hard. I failed her - I just wanted her pain to go away, and it wasn't. I had to stop trying to act so tough and be there for her. But as a minister, I've also learned I'm held to a different and higher standard in my grief. To be candid, it has ticked me off. I was in essence asked to leave a church that I had served with for 13 years within 3 months of our son's death because the leadership felt it would be a "dark cloud hovering over them" if I stayed. Leaving was an atrocity - but I didn't know.

But it's not about me - I'm simply sharing the importance of taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically (I've lost 90 pounds since them because I got back into shape), and even spiritually. It takes time - but again, good use of it. If you need someone - shoot me a note. I'll even give you my contact information. Not because I want to intrude, but because I believe in the promise of 1 Corinthians 1 - that God comforts us so we can then give comfort and compassion to others. I do what I do because I have been strengthened to give this gift of what I've received from others.

My prayers will be with you... Mike

This post is great if you dont mind because faith is a big part of your life and something I find very important to could you PM me some songs that help you with Grieving and also some verse from the bible and like any good youtube videos that talk about like Grieving or dealing with hard times or any thing. If you could that would be great and thinks for this post.

[mkharsh33]

Re: Grieving and lost

This post is great if you dont mind because faith is a big part of your life and something I find very important to could you PM me some songs that help you with Grieving and also some verse from the bible and like any good youtube videos that talk about like Grieving or dealing with hard times or any thing. If you could that would be great and thinks for this post.

I will. Give me some time as I'm knee deep into a lot of things right now (ministry stuff). But I promise I'll send some stuff in the next couple days.