Grieving and lost

[Smallville102001]

Re: Grieving and lost

I will. Give me some time as I'm knee deep into a lot of things right now (ministry stuff). But I promise I'll send some stuff in the next couple days.

Sounds good

[Smallville102001]

Re: Grieving and lost

Went up to my grandpa's today like the first time being up there sense my grandma past with out there being a lot of other people there to like kind of distrait. Felt so akward not having her be there today. Its now been 2 weeks with out her.

[Flightwhite24]

Re: Grieving and lost

First off, I'm very touched by these stories of loss... Keep talking about your loved ones. They might leave us physically, but the stories and memories are a must - they help.

Also know this - I'm a minister. I graduated from Bible College (Cincinnati Christian University) in 1995 and have been in ministry for 27 years in some capacity. I'm 47 - married with 3 teenagers. I've done more funerals than I can count - in the last 18 months I've done 14 of them - from almost 100 years old to a 25 year old killed in a car accident 2 months ago. I also did a funeral 3 years ago for a 15 year old killed in a car accident...

And personally - I did the funeral for my own son who was killed in a car accident December 9, 2015. So I fully get it.

What I have learned is this: the "time heals all wounds" is a myth - do NOT believe this. And do not believe all the bumper sticker bullcrap that people say. But don't fault them - people are lost to know what to say, how to say it - so they fumble a lot. They mean well - I tell people to see the heart more than you hear the words.

But I'm living this pain every day - and what I'll say is this: the WISE use of your time will soften the blow. Talk. Write. Get angry. Cry. Laugh.

But do NOT isolate yourself. In a message just 2 weeks ago I used an acronym for what I was sharing... H.A.L.T. - means to STOP. And there are 4 moments you need to be very cautious in your life because in those moments you can do something devastating that could screw you up forever.

Never let yourself get too...

H- hurting
A- angry
L- lonely
T- tired

Take care of yourself in those 4 areas. My advice is spiritual and biblical. I'm a person of faith, but I'm not here to shower that upon people. What I'll say is this: my faith has carried myself and our family. Our son was the oldest of 4 - if you met our other 3 kids, you'd never know what they went through...what they go through. My wife has taken this hard. I failed her - I just wanted her pain to go away, and it wasn't. I had to stop trying to act so tough and be there for her. But as a minister, I've also learned I'm held to a different and higher standard in my grief. To be candid, it has ticked me off. I was in essence asked to leave a church that I had served with for 13 years within 3 months of our son's death because the leadership felt it would be a "dark cloud hovering over them" if I stayed. Leaving was an atrocity - but I didn't know.

But it's not about me - I'm simply sharing the importance of taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, physically (I've lost 90 pounds since them because I got back into shape), and even spiritually. It takes time - but again, good use of it. If you need someone - shoot me a note. I'll even give you my contact information. Not because I want to intrude, but because I believe in the promise of 1 Corinthians 1 - that God comforts us so we can then give comfort and compassion to others. I do what I do because I have been strengthened to give this gift of what I've received from others.

My prayers will be with you... Mike

Thank you for this post mkharsh33. The thing that sticks out the most for me is “Time Heals” is exactly what you said “ a myth”. I lost my 20 year old daughter to heart failure on 12/19/18 and it hurts just as bad today as the day she passed.

I just continue to pray for strength for my family and I as we cope with our loss and my prayer also goes out today for those in this thread that have shared the story of there loss as well.


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[mkharsh33]

Re: Grieving and lost

Sorry I haven't checked back in here for awhile. I've just been utterly swamped. And I'm going through some stuff in my church/ministry that is really difficult - leadership stuff that is just sad. The church isn't a perfect place - made up of people (of all varieties) - but I'm not going to survive where I'm at. Been kinda beat up, on top of everything else our family has dealt with. But I think about you guys here often, and pray for you.

[m1ke_nyc]

Re: Grieving and lost

First sorry for your lost. The real answer to dealing with grieving is time and life. It hurts at first, actually it’ll hurt forever, you never truly get over the loss of a close loved one. What does happen is you learn to live with it and you stop thinking about them being gone and instead start thinking about the good memories. I lost my mom at 17. I miss her everyday but when I think about her it’s all the good memories and it tends to put a smile on my face now instead of crying. Life must go on. Our loved ones who are no longer with us want us to continue to enjoy life. They lived theirs as best as they can and want us to do the same.

It’s ok to cry, yell, let those emotions out. It’ll make you feel better. Take as much time as you need, then get back out there and make them proud. I wish my mom could see where her son is at today. Married, having my own son, owning my house. Been with my employer for almost 7 years and likely the next 35-40. Raising a niece who’s parents weren’t ready for kids just like my mom raised grandkids nieces and nephews of hers. I feel she would be proud of me. I’m living my life and I’m a reflection of her. I’m sure you’ll honor your grandmother the same way.