The Male Unbonding

[Ghost Of The Year]

___________

[KSUowls]

Re: The Male Unbonding

Based on the title is this just him reaching out to be friendly? Or are the texts work related?

If it's the former, that's more than a bit odd, if it's the later then that's a bigger but possibly easier to handle problem. Unfortunately it's going to be hard finding a phone that lacks the ability to text. Even the Nokia brick could send/receive texts. It's hard enough finding a non-smart phone (I've had to do this for some non-tech savvy relatives).

Even this "light phone" seems to be able to receive messages (doesn't seem like it has outgoing though).

https://www.thelightphone.com/shop

An easier option may be to disable texting from your phone. If it's an iphone and you're getting imessage then you can probably disable or sign out of imessage. If it is android or using sms then there should be an option somewhere to disable texting. If all of that fails then you may be able to contact your carrier and ask that they disable texting.

[LowerWolf]

Re: The Male Unbonding

You could always block him.

But if it's to a point that you're considering buying a new phone, then I think it's time you had a talk with him. I get not wanting a confrontation - I'm as non-confrontational as they come - but I think you need to have a polite conversation with him and tell him all the afterwork texts are unwelcome. Give him the benefit of the doubt and be nice about it. It doesn't really have to be a confrontation.

[Gotmadskillzson]

Re: The Male Unbonding

I would just flat out tell him, work hours are work hours and beyond that I don't want to hear anything work related for FREE.

[Speedy]

Re: The Male Unbonding

I would just flat out tell him, work hours are work hours and beyond that I don't want to hear anything work related for FREE.

That's quite confrontational though.

I'd suggest talking to your boss and saying something to the effect of that you enjoy working with him and you love your job but you need to disconnect from work for your own mental health; ask to please only text when it's urgent and work related.

[Master Live 013]

Re: The Male Unbonding

Is he texting texting you? Like not using Whatsapp but the old message text thingy?

I had a bit of an "adjustment" when I started working in my current job since everyone uses Whatsapp and assumes you do too. I was missing some job related messages since I don't really care for Whatsapp, (just in general I hate people thinking they can "reach" you whenever they want). At first, since they didn't know me they thought I was doing it in bad faith or something but they quickly realized that's just how I am

But those early few months filtered the most heavier users (since I didn't replied back) and just left the "real" important messages. Now my immediate supervisor, who is really the only person I need to be in contact on a near "24 hour" basis texts me through the regular, and I will add totally unsecured , old message thingy. Thankfully she is 100% not needy so I don't have your predicament.

I can't imagine you don't texting this guy back and he getting on your case about it, he definitely sounds needy. And he has been working almost 40 years in this company so I guess he is on the older side, what an uncomfortable situation. Like, someone else said already if it is work related you can be a bit more firm about it unless it is part of your job description. Speedy has it right, "When I'm not at my job I like to disconnect" you would think it would do the trick.

If it is on the social side then I think ghosting would do the trick, but this guy doesn't seem to get a hint. You even used the "my nephew dropped my phone in the toilet", which unless you delivered it in a believable way wasn't really a convincing excuse I think we might be at a talk in direct, but empathically, terms phase. This can't go on.

After that it is simply direct talk and it might end, it might end + get uncomfortable or, on the extreme side, you might need to leave your job. Depends how much you really want this to stop.

[ODogg]

Re: The Male Unbonding

I have quite the conundrum here, looking to extricate myself from a rather prickly situation. I'm on my third job in the last two years and I would like to stay on a while longer, I find my new supervisor is more needy than I wish anyone to be. He's alright enough at work because he manages to stay busy and stay out of everyone's hair. My problem begins once the day is over. This guy being my new boss, he has my cellphone number and I'm constantly getting texts. I've tried to convince him I don't live on my phone like a lot of people are wont to do in these times we live in, so I may not see the texts he sends until as far away as even the next day.

Which is the truth. I have enough real world living to do that I don't need to preoccupy my mind with constant information overload. I don't want to need a roladex of excuses to give to him every morning why I haven't texted him back. I managed to have a good excuse for the last couple weeks (I told him my nephew dropped my phone in the toilet and it stopped working). The only problem was he started becoming annoying at work, asking multiple times a day about when was I going to get a new phone, so today I told him my son got my phone working again over the weekend. I didn't even care how implausible and ridiculous that sounded, I now will tell him whatever I think will shut him up quickest.

This guy has been working for this company for almost 40 years and I know he is well-thought of by his superiors, so going to HR is out of the question. He really is a nice enough guy, probably just lonely once he leaves work. And confronting him straight up with the truth isn't exactly my style, I'm much more comfortable criticizing people behind their backs, to borrow a quote.

I think what I need to know, since I have established I'm not a heavy cellphone user, does anyone still make an older type cellphone that isn't capable of receiving or sending texts? Because I'm at the point I would pay to have a second phone and tell my employer this is my new EMERGENCY number.

I would simply tell him that when I'm off work that I am on my own time and unless it's a dire emergency I won't be responding to texts.

Then simply ignore all texts that don't appear to be an emergency.

That's it. That's all you have to do. He can't do anything about it because I seriously doubt the company would approve of constant harassment about texts so....just ignore them!

[ODogg]

Re: The Male Unbonding

That's quite confrontational though.

I'd suggest talking to your boss and saying something to the effect of that you enjoy working with him and you love your job but you need to disconnect from work for your own mental health; ask to please only text when it's urgent and work related.

Not really, it's not confrontational unless you frame it that way. There's a difference in being assertive and confrontational. People need to learn to stand up for themselves, instead of avoiding unpleasant conversations.

Just be nice about it but firm, and if he gets catty then just leave it at that and don't argue, you've told him and that's all you need to do, not win an argument about it.

[Hooe]

Re: The Male Unbonding

If your personal phone is an iPhone, recent versions of iOS allow you to set up Personal focus time which will only allow notifications from whatever people and apps you want to interact with. It's similar to Sleep focus, but its own distinct layer not associated with any sleep tracking functionality in the iPhone's Health app.

While Personal focus is enabled, the iPhone's operating system will literally lock you out from viewing text message threads in the Messages app from contacts not in that whitelist you set up, and you will not receive notifications from contacts not in that whitelist until the Personal focus time expires.

Set up that focus time and then literally do nothing. Look under the Focus heading in the Settings app and it should be straightforward. Once you've got that taken care of, your colleague will eventually take the hint that your personal time is your personal time after you go radio silent during off hours.

I have to imagine that Android phones have similar options, but I wouldn't know them because I have never owned an Android phone.

[EUBlink]

Re: The Male Unbonding

Tell him that you approach life with the intentions of keeping your private life private and your work life just work-related. You could explain to him that there are many studies that have proven a more intentional separation of our work and home lives can lead to a more fulfilling life in general, and that you mean no hard feelings about it in the least, but this is something you just feel you need to do right now at this point in your life.


If that doesn't work, start talking about things that could turn him away in disgust, such as your collection of fingernail clippings you keep at home, your ever-growing ball of dryer lint that you roll around the house for fun or the idea that you like to see how many days or weeks you can go without flushing the toilet at your house to test your smell sensitivities. These are all gag-worthy ideas we would throw back and forth when I was a cop and we had downtime and would just be messing around. You're welcome.

[ODogg]

Re: The Male Unbonding

Tell him that you approach life with the intentions of keeping your private life private and your work life just work-related. You could explain to him that there are many studies that have proven a more intentional separation of our work and home lives can lead to a more fulfilling life in general, and that you mean no hard feelings about it in the least, but this is something you just feel you need to do right now at this point in your life.


If that doesn't work, start talking about things that could turn him away in disgust, such as your collection of fingernail clippings you keep at home, your ever-growing ball of dryer lint that you roll around the house for fun or the idea that you like to see how many days or weeks you can go without flushing the toilet at your house to test your smell sensitivities. These are all gag-worthy ideas we would throw back and forth when I was a cop and we had downtime and would just be messing around. You're welcome.

While a lot of what you say seems to make sense I disagree because it seems as if you're putting him in a position where he has to justify not taking the texts.

He doesn't have to justify anything.

All he has to do is politely tell him that he is only going to answer emergency texts as he values his private life.

That's it. Then ignore anything not an emergency. He'll eventually stop texting once you ignore him. My guess is it won't even take very long before he does.

[EUBlink]

Re: The Male Unbonding

While a lot of what you say seems to make sense I disagree because it seems as if you're putting him in a position where he has to justify not taking the texts.

He doesn't have to justify anything.

All he has to do is politely tell him that he is only going to answer emergency texts as he values his private life.

That's it. Then ignore anything not an emergency. He'll eventually stop texting once you ignore him. My guess is it won't even take very long before he does.

I recommended that because it would more likely keep from the supervisor from being able to make any incorrect assumptions that he has an employee that is being rude in any way. As he said, the supervisor has a longer tenure at the business than he does and is likely better respected by those in HR and others within the company, so if he formed a judgment toward GotY, no matter how incorrect that judgment is, he could possibly make his professional life hell if he wanted to. I just considered that my recommendation would put a certain play of words into the supervisor's mind that could, instead, make the supervisor think this is a healthy mindset to have and may even consider establishing the mindset for himself, which could be a win-win for them both. Trick the supervisor with a little psych and have peace at home and in his private life in the process.

[l3ulvl]

Re: The Male Unbonding

[jbd345]

Re: The Male Unbonding

If it’s work related I’ve come to find out one word responses work best that you don’t want to have a conversation and most people can figure it out. If it’s unrelated to work ignoring sends a message just a well. If he confronts you at work about it, then you can go to HR.

[ODogg]

Re: The Male Unbonding

Thanks everyone, lot of good input here.




So these two above posts are pretty much what I ended up doing, leaving every text unanswered (these were all non-work related texts by the way. Work related texts, I actually have no qualms about). And every morning ''Did you see my text?", I would always say I just saw it a few minutes ago. And then my boss went away on vacation for a week, and he little by little stopped sending them. He came back to work yesterday and didn't mention those unanswered texts yesterday or today. So I guess he moved on. In fact, he spoke very little to me today. Maybe we're on our way from ''nod's to nothing'', to steal another quote.

freeeeeeeeeeeedoooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!