Niagara Rhinos to be Reborn!
University to join NCAA and adopt American rules.
By: Sixto Lezcano
January 3rd, 2013
The infamous Niagara Rhinos football program that was shuttered in disgrace two years ago will be returning to the gridiron, if in a highly modified form. The team will become the first international member of the American NCAA and will join the Mid American Conference for football play starting in the upcoming 2013 season. MAC Commissioner Isiah Thomas made the announcement in a press conference this afternoon.
“Like I said about my trades when I was with the Knicks: the 17th time is the charm! We’ve finally landed the next great program in the history of the MAC.” Thomas was apparently referring to a
document that leaked which listed all the schools that had rebuffed his advances. “I’ve become very well acquainted with Niagara AD Curt Lerma and he’s a man who wants to get things done, a man that wants redemption. Also, he didn’t hang up on me and then immediately change his number like 12 or 13 of those other athletic directors.”
“We are very excited for the opportunity. Many challenges lay ahead, but this institution is determined to meet them head on.” said Lerma. While both parties seemed very optimistic about the agreement, many questions remain. The former stadium for the Rhinos, Filcher Field, was quickly bulldozed in 2012 to make room for expansion of the Interpretive Romanian Dance Theory department, a disc golf course, a
judo range and a Starbucks. For the near term, the team will play its home games at the Greater Niagara Senior Activity and Recreation Center, formerly Rick Moranis High School. The football field of the former high school, which was built in 1987 and graduated the last class in 2008, has been converted to dimensions that fit the American game. Seating capacity has not been announced, as plans to expand the bleachers have thus far been thwarted by angry senior citizens who frequent the facility. Lerma went on to state that the team would likely be playing a full slate of three non-conference games and was hoping to have one of those at home. No other details on scheduling were provided.
Little information was made public about the composition of the team. Lerma stated that “about a dozen” of the players from the 2011 Rhino team had remained enrolled at the school and will be eligible to play once they pass steroid testing. He hinted that most of the roster will be compromised of walk-ons, transfers and graduate students from other NCAA programs. Further details will be forthcoming during a press conference on the campus of the university to be scheduled within the next few days.