Third Annual Golden Scribes Award Show!

[Grid Iron]

You are cordially invited to the

Third Annual Golden Scribe Awards Show

Beginning at 8:00 a.m. on Monday, February 28, 2005 at:

The Mitchell Brothers

O’Farrell Theatre

San Francisco, California

($20 cover charge, 10-drink minimum.)

No RSVP necessary.

[mhass]

Wow! Theatre the "re" way. This show has gone uptown.

[Grid Iron]

Originally Posted by mhass

Wow! Theatre the "re" way. This show has gone uptown.

If you consider hard core sex shows "uptown," then yes. We've gone "uptown."

Here's a little background on the site of this year's awards ceremony.

[mhass]

Seems quaint. I bet the quiche is wonderful.

[BYU 14]

Extra Butter on my Popcorn please

[Kodos]

And the winner of the best "Other Sport Dynasty" goes to.... huh? I'm not supposed to present yet? All right. More time to get drunk, I guess. Say -- do you serve paint chips here?

[Grid Iron]

Originally Posted by Kodos

And the winner of the best "Other Sport Dynasty" goes to.... huh? I'm not supposed to present yet? All right. More time to get drunk, I guess. Say -- do you serve paint chips here?

You can eat whatever paint chips you can find. But in this place, I'd be careful of "residue."

[Emmett13]

So what's holdin' this show up?

[Grid Iron]

Originally Posted by Emmett13

So what's holdin' this show up?

Starts Monday. Presenters are gettin' ready to present!

Be sure to brings lots of $1 bills.

[Emmett13]

Oh...missed the big letters that say "starts monday at 8:00"

[Grid Iron]

Welcome to the Show!

Welcome, everyone, to the third installment of FOFC’s dynasty award show, where the best dynasties earn the coveted Golden Scribe! Kodos, esteemed dynasty author and all-around-good-guy, started the Golden Scribes three years ago and they are still an important event every year at FOFC.

The incredible imagination and outstanding writing here in the Dynasty Reports Forum is one of the primary reasons that the Front Office Football community continues to thrive. The Golden Scribe award not only serves to honor some of the best writers at FOFC, but to inspire others.

Some of you may be asking, “why aren’t we giving out Bronze and Silver Scribes this year?” The answer is twofold. First, it is too time intensive to count ballots on multiple votes in each category. More importantly, however, is that a Golden Scribe nomination is an honor unto itself. This year's nominees are the best of over 100 dynasties that posted here at FOFC within the last year.

Presentation Schedule

Here is the Awards Show schedule:

Monday, February 28, 2005: Rookie of the Year by Grid Iron

Tuesday, March 1, 2005: Non-Sports Dynasty by Grid Iron

Wednesday, March 2, 2005: Other Sport Dynasty by Kodos

Thursday, March 3, 2005: TCY Dynasty by stkelly52

Friday, March 4, 2005: FOF Dynasty by wademoore

I certainly hope you all enjoy the Third Annual Golden Scribes Award Show here at the beautiful O'Farrell Theatre here in San Francisco, California!

-Grid Iron

[Grid Iron]

Rookie Dynasty Writer of the Year Award

February 28, 2005

Grid Iron: And now, ladies and gentlemen, presenting the Rookie Dynasty Writer of the Year Award, please welcome a man who needs no introduction, Ron Jeremy and his beautiful co-host Marilyn Chambers!

[Applause]

Jeremy: Good evening Marilyn!

Marilyn: Hello, Jeremy. Great to see you again.

Jeremy: How do recognize me? My pants are on!

[Kodos laughing hysterically]

Marilyn: Ron, if there isn’t anything I like more than banging a guy on camera, it’s reading dynasties at FOF Central Pub!

Jeremy: I actually started writing a few real-life dynasties there over the past couple years.

Marilyn: Why haven’t I seen any of them?

Jeremy: I don’t want to name names, but there is a certain board administrator who doesn’t know the meaning of the “First Amendment!”

Marilyn: Who would do such a thing?!?!

Jeremy: Well, let’s just call him Sky D. . . Oh, no wait, that might give it away. I’ll call him S. Dog.

Marilyn: Hmmm. . . I can’t begin to think who that might be.

Jeremy: Well, you can thank him for keeping stories of a fat, 53-year old pornstar having sex with hot young 18-year-old girls off FOFC.

Marilyn: Well, I’d like to hear about them after the show. . .

Jeremy: I’d be glad to. . .

Grid Iron: Uh, guys. . . can we get back to the show?

Marilyn: Oh, yes. Sorry.

Jeremy: The first category tonight is Rookie Dynasty Writer of the Year.

Marilyn: The winner of this category was selected by members of the Golden Scribe Blue Ribbon Panel.

Jeremy: The Rookie Dynasty Writer award is a real honor.

Marilyn: Past winners include stkelly52, afoci and revrew.

Jeremy: All rookie writers were eligible, so we won’t give you the entire list of authors that were considered.

Marilyn: This year’s winner was selected based on originality, writing quality, and public response.

Jeremy: And the Rookie Dynasty Writer of the Year Award goes to . . .

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Emmett13 for his Nose Candy Darryl Strawberry Replay!

[Applause]

Marilyn: Congratulations, you deserve it!

[Applause]

Jeremy: Emmett13? Are you here?

Jim Mitchell: I think he’s in the film room with one of the girls. . .

Jeremy: A man after my own heart! At least he knows his priorities!

[More applause]

Kodos: Hey, Marilyn, how about a wardrobe malfunction!

Jim Mitchell: Alright, buddy, you were warned. . .

End of Transcript.

[Poli]

Congratulations!

It's killing me to know that I have to wait so long for the results though!

[BYU 14]

Nice win Emmett!!! I have thoroughly enjoyed following the Straw Man's dynasty, awesome job!!!

[MizzouRah]

Congrats to Emmett13!!


Todd

[Eaglesfan27]

Congrats! That is/was an excellent dynasty.

[Emmett13]

Thanks a lot guys!

[JeeberD]

Congrats!

[Grid Iron]

Non Sport Dynasty of the Year

March 1, 2005

Grid Iron: Now, on to the next category. . . The Non-Sports Dynasty of the Year! To present the award, please welcome Howard Stern, Robin Quivers and Artie Lange!

Howard: Greetings, loyal FOFCers! The King of All Media has arrived!

[Applause]

Robin: (laughing) Oh, Howard. You just can’t get enough of yourself, can you?

Howard: I don’t know about me, but my girlfriend sure can’t ever since I started taking Viagra.

Artie: Boo-yah!

Howard: Robin, today we are here today to honor some of the best writers at Front Office Football Central.

Artie: I read ‘em all the time.

Howard: Me too!

Robin: (laughing) Unfortunately, you’re always getting banned from FOFC Pub!

Howard: Damn SkyDog. . . I think he might be worse than the FCC. . .

Artie: Hell, yeah!

Howard: Maybe FOFC should go satellite. . .

Robin: (laughing) Come on, Howard. Let’s get on with the show.

Howard: Robin, tell us who the nominees are for Best Non-Sports Dynasty. . .

Robin: Well, the first is Land Me by Munsonian, which follows an FOFCer’s journey through high school.

Howard: You know, I only have one problem with this dynasty.

Artie: What’s that, Howard?

Howard: This guys is in high school and has a girlfriend. I mean, this guy’s in the prime of his life!

Artie: He should be playin’ the field!

Howard: Exactly. You only go to high school once, dude. I wonder if she’s hot.

Robin: (laughing) She’s in high school, Howard.

Howard: Right, I’m already in enough trouble with the FCC. . .

Robin: The next dynasty is Thunderdome by Raven Hawk, which chronicles the story of FOFCers squaring off in the dreaded Thunderdome, where “Two men enter, one man leaves!”

Howard: You know, I loved that Thunderdome Mad Max movie. Tina Turner was so hot in that. I woulda done her, no question about that. . .

Artie: Who wouldn’t?

Robin: Moving on, Howard. . .

Howard: Yes, Robin. . .

Robin: My Torchbearing Dynasty by Digamma, who narrates his real life story of carrying the 2004 Olympic Torch through Los Angeles last summer.

Howard: Artie, have you seen the photo of this guy’s wife in the dynasty thread?

[Sound of Kodos hooting and whistling!]

Artie: Oh yeah, who hasn’t?!? It’s on the Internet for God’s sake!

Howard: She is so hot, and I mean hot!

Robin: (laughing) Oh, Howard!

Howard: Man, I would love to get with her.

Robin: The next dynasty is Pit Fighter by Godzilla Blitz, which tells the story of an FOFCer write his own mortal combat simulation.

Howard: Boy, I bet she would be an animal in bed. . .

Robin: Howard, we’ve moved on . . .

Howard: Alright, alright. Pit Fighter-- that was a great one, but you know, I have a suggestion for Godzilla Blitz.

Robin: (laughing) What’s that, Howard?

Howard: The program sounds great and all, but people want something more sexual. I mean, he needs to make a virtual reality program where you can mud wrestle super models or something like that.

Artie: Who wouldn’t love that? Super Model Mud Pit Fighter. . .

Howard: That would be so hot. . .

[Paris Hilton clip saying "That's hot"]

Robin:And the last dynasty nominated for Non Sports Dynasty of the Year was Living the Dream by Senator, which tells the story of Senator’s brother Clayton Sanders as he plays defensive line for Tabor College at the age of 29.

Howard: Does the dynasty say how many chicks his brother had sex with in college?

Robin: (laughing) I don’t think so, Howard.

Howard: Boy, oh boy, would I love to go back to college. Artie, can you imagine how much tail this guy must get?

Artie: A lot, I’ll bet.

Howard: I mean, he’s a college football player. . . Don’t they get it anytime they want from the cheerleaders?

Robin: (laughing) I think he’s married Howard.

Howard: See, there’s your problem, dude. All of that opportunity is just passing you by.

Artie: I feel sorry for the guy!

Howard: Me too!

Robin: (laughing) Back to the awards, Howard.

Howard: Yes, my delightful Robin Quivers. And now. . .

Artie: Without further adieu. . .

Howard: The winner of the Best Non Sports Dynasty Award is. . .

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Senator and his brother Clayton Sanders for Living the Dream!

Robin: Congratulations!

[Applause]

Howard: Maybe this award will make up for all the tail he’s missing ‘cause he’s married.

[Applause]

Grid Iron: Thank you Howard, Robin and Artie for that wonderful presentation. Stayed tuned everyone, because the Golden Scribe for Best Other Sport Dynasty is coming up tomorrow!

End of transcript.

[Eaglesfan27]

Congrats Senator. A well deserved win. This was one of my favorite dynasties of the year.

[JAG]

Congrats Senator. Man, there was no shortage of good non-sports dynasties this year.

[mhass]

I offer conditional congratulations - condition being we want to know what happens next season!

[Raven Hawk]

Woot! Congrats Emmett and Senator! Excellent job!

[JeeberD]

Congrats Sen. That was a very strong field that you came out on top of...

[MizzouRah]

Yes indeed Senator!! Nicely done.


Todd

[MIJB#19]

Kudos, Senator.

[BYU 14]

Nincely done Sen, it was a strong field and a well deserved win, a very inspirational read.

[Kodos]

It is becoming clear that I will laugh at anything. [laughs hysterically]

Stewardess! More paint chips!

[Kodos]

Other Sports Dynasty of the Year

Kodos: Greetings, humans. I am Kodos, and this is my brother Kang.

Kang: Hello, people of Earth. My highly-attractive and requisitely scantily-clad sister and I have been beset with the contractual obligation of presenting the 2005 Golden Scribe in the nebulous but nevertheless prestigious “Other Sports” category. [Whispers to Kodos] We are still getting paid for this, right?

Kodos: [Whispers] Yes. [Louder] I mean, “Yes! Yes, my enthusiastic brother, I too am quite excited that we get to partake in these frivolous awards!”

Kodos & Kang: HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAAAAA HA HA HAAAAA!

Kodos: Why, these awards are so glorious that their creator should be given some sort of large cash endowment.

Kang: Yes, a very large endowment indeed!

Kodos & Kang: HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAAAAA HA HA HAAAAA!

Kang: But seriously, folks, we are requesting your gifts of cash. My sister isn’t wearing that skimpy pink G-string because it’s comfortable, although it is. Please unsheath your cash receptacles and insert your “greenbacks” into her clingy nether region garment! I can see you are all drooling as much as I am!

Kodos & Kang: HA HAAA HA HA! HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAAAAA HA HAA HAAAAA!

Kodos: I also do table dances and private parties. You may secure your earthly reservations by calling 1-800-RIGEL-IV. But I digress! We are here to officiate the award presentation, my brother!

Kang: How right you are, sister! It is time for the presentation of the highly-prized gold-colored semi-metallic urn in the category of “Other Sports”.

Kodos: Indeed it is. [Straightens out G-string] Ahem. Ladies and gentlemen, and Mr. Atlantic, we are here to rejoice in the creativity and the stupendous writing contributions of three members of your FOFC community. Our first nominee is Emmett13 and his “If only I hadn't played with the nose candy: Darryl Strawberry replay”, which chronicles the career of batter Darryl Strawberry and the mysterious ghost who torments his pathetic and meaningless existence without mercy. Please refrain from applause.

Kang: Our second nominee tonight is Chief Rum and his “Tamworth: Back to the Future” dynasty. I believe it involves one of your Earth soccer teams, and possibly that corrupt Marty McFly fellow who is always violating the space-time continuum.

Kodos: The Laws of Physics are not to be taken lightly, humans! One day soon, you shall pay. The day of retribution is coming!

Kang: Yes, you humans shall receive your unspeakable punishment in due time, evildoers!

Kodos & Kang: HA HAAA HA HA! HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAAAAA HA HAA HAAAAA!

Kodos: Our third, and final nominee tonight is Breeze and his FOFC Golf Tour dynasty. Utilizing your now-stale FOFC interactive dynasty technique, Mr. Breeze has hoodwinked his fellow board members into beta-testing his golf game technology without monetary compensation. And yet you love him! Pitifools!

Kang: Yes. He has certainly extended the wool covering over your viewing aparati! You may applaud now, event attenders.

Kodos & Kang: HA HAAA HA HA! HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAAAAA HA HAA HAAAAA! HA HAAA HA HAAAAA! HA HAAAAAA HA HAA HAAAAA!

Kodos: And now the awarding of the gold-colored scribe unit. I will pause dramatically, as is your Earth custom…

Kang: Yes. Enjoy the suspense, humans!

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Kodos & Kang: Emmett13’s “If only I hadn't played with the nose candy: Darryl Strawberry replay” dynasty has prevailed! Prepare the execution chamber for the failed combatants!

Kodos: Congratulations, Emmett13. It must have been the image-related captions that allowed you to eviscerate your rivals. The blood of your vanquished opponents shall forever spill forth from your replica trophy unit!

Kang: As we have fulfilled our contractual obligations, my sister and I shall now exit the presentation stage and prepare for the brutal slaughter of your opponents. Good day, humans. Tomorrow you shall be treated to stkelly52’s presentation of the Best TCY Dynasty award. Rejoice. I know I am looking forward to the presentation with your earthly bated breath.

Kodos: As am I, Kang. I declare that my breath is even more bated than yours! Good night, genetically inferior infesters of the planet. You are all doomed. DOOOOOMED!

End transmission.

[MIJB#19]

Emmett13 wins his second Golden Scribe, congrats!

[Senator]

Wow! I have been on the road as we transition some government contracts, and just had time to do a fly by. On behalf of little bro, I want to thank everyone for this great honor. My brother was blown away by all the inspirational support that many of you passed on to him through myself. This just puts the icing on the cake for one of our families greatest years together. Thank you everybody.

[MizzouRah]

Emmett's the man!

[Kodos]

I love the ghost who always rides Darryl's ass when he's down and gives no credit when he succeeds.

[Grid Iron]

Originally Posted by Kodos

I love the ghost who always rides Darryl's ass when he's down and gives no credit when he succeeds.

He's like a combination between God and Thirst, the Sprite guy.

[stkelly52]

Presenting the award for best FOF TCY dynasty: Stkelly52

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. You know Front Office Football: The College Years was released back in 2001. In the past we had well written dynasties such as "Poop on the Golden Helmets" or "Indiana: A TCY Village Challenge". We are now coming up on 4 years since TCY was released and this game is still being faithfully played by legions of loyal fans. The love for TCY continues to this day, and phenomenal dynasties continue to be written. These three nominees are an example of the greatness that this game inspires.

This year's finalists are:

First we have "Walk On: Ardent Leads the Vols" by Ardent Enthusiast. In this story, Ardent Enthusiast came up with a very original idea; using himself, a walk-on QB, as the focal point of the dynasty. In this dynasty, we follow the incredible events of Tennessee's 2007 season. Having lost all of their quarterbacks in the preseason, the Volunteers were forced to hold open tryouts, and Ardent won the starting role. Ardent Enthusiast's extensive descriptions over the course of several posts had his faithful followers on the edge of their seats wondering what would happen and how the dynasty would turn out, and an exciting conclusion it was.

Second on the list is a dynasty written by MizzouRah, with the help of Ardent Enthusiast and Blade6119 as coordinators. To no one's surprise MizzouRah decided to create a dynasty following the Missouri Tigers: MIZ-ZOU. The three work together throughout this dynasty in an effort to try to turn this team into a National Champion contender. This dynasty uses far more data and stats than many others, and it really feels like you are able to see the thinking behind every decision that is made for the team. This dynasty currently has gone into the 2008 season.

Our final nominee of the day is Cougar Blue and Beyond by BYU 14. As his name would have you suspect, this dynasty follows the story of Brigham Young University. Trying to bring a mid major to national prominence brings its own set of problems and BYU 14 tells an excellent tale of that journey. Who can ever forget that moment when Benny "The Jet" Vance stepped in from of that Michigan pass and took it 42 yards for the TD. It was at that point that I knew BYU would prevail that day. But the story does not end for his players after graduation. We are able to continue to follow their careers as they head into the NFL. We receive weekly updates on all of their progress and continue to cheer them on.
All three are very deserving choices, but of course, only one can be crowned the Golden Scribe.

The winner is
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[Struggles to open the envelope]
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Still struggling
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OK, who sealed this thing?
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Walk On: Ardent Leads the Vols

Congratulations Ardent Enthusiast.

[BYU 14]

Let me be the first to congratulate you Ardent, I have always enjoyed your dynasties and this one is probably my favorite, a job well done and a richly deserved victory.

[MizzouRah]

Must have been those extra military votes.

Good job, I loved reading your dynasty as well.


Todd

[Poli]

Thanks, guys, everyone. It was a whole lot of fun writing the dynasty as it unfolded. I'm looking forward to completing Ardent's career in the pros.

I want to thank Jim, because without him this dynasty could never have been written. Thanks to everyone who encouraged me along the way in the writing of the dynasty as well.

Finally, I want to thank Raven Hawk for buying my fries on my birthday last year. You're my boy, blue!

[Poli]

My trophy is on display at my Hattrick team site.

[Kodos]

Originally Posted by stkelly52

OK, who sealed this thing?

:o Sorry. We aliens often suffer from excessive saliva.

Congrats to Ardent!

[fantastic flying froggies]

Congrats AE! You my boy!

[Franklinnoble]

Originally Posted by Kodos

:o Sorry. We aliens often suffer from excessive saliva.

[Grid Iron]

Intermission

Testing. . . Testing. . . one-two-three. . . Is this on?

Great! I hope everyone is enjoying the Third Annual Golden Scribes show. Congrats to all of the nominees and winners, all of you are deserving of the honor.

Unfortunately, Wade Moore, the presenter for the final award, was arrested for solicitation by an undercover cop working here in the O'Farrell Theatre.

I apologize for the brief delay, but Kodos is trying to bail him out.

We expect to finish the show Saturday morning!

Until then, enjoy the drinks and entertainment!

Grid Iron

[MIJB#19]

D'oh!

[JeeberD]

Boo-Urns! Boo-urns!

[wade moore]

The crowd is a buzz with complaints and bitching as they wait for the "big one" to be presented. The delay is getting excessive, and they are not happy. All of a sudden, above the stage, the roof is disintegrated and a laser beam shoots through to the floor! A small space ship hovers above the hole, and wade moore comes tumbling out of a cargo whole in the bottom to the stage! The ship floats away and wade moore stumbles to his feet. He brushes himself off and walks to the mic....

wade: Uhhh... Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I apologize for the delay, but there was a bit of a.... misunderstanding with the local authorities.

A shout from the audience...

JeeberD: Your zipper!

wade: Huh?

JeeberD: Your zipper!!!

wade: Ladies and gentlemen, this man must be insane and just love to hear himself talk on national television.

Grid Iron: Your zipper is down dumbass!!!

wade: Looks down, zips up the zipper on his slacks uhhh... right... So, I'm hear to present the award that everyone comes to the big show for. Front Office Football Dynasty of the Year! This is the most prestigious award as it recognizes the best dynasty for the game that we all are here for, Front Office Football. These are the purest of dynasties as they focus on the original game that brought us all together as a group. They show professional football at their best and extend the value of an already great game.

We have five very good dynasties nominated here, including some familiar "powerhouses" of dynasty writing and the first every Multiplayer dynasty based on the newest version of FOF that allows for multiplayer play.

Police sirens begin to be heard in the distance. What sounds like a helicopter gets closer and closer

wade: Uhhhhh.... Without further ado, here are your nominees:

franklinnoble for "Remember Tomorrow"
MIJB#19 for "IHOF: Maassluis Merchantmen"
Grid Iron for "Iowa City Barnstormers"
stkelly52 for "Running to the Hall"
Quiksand for "One-and-Done Bears"

A giant spotlight comes in through the hole in the ceiling and the helicopter is very audible now. The doors in the back of the theatre slam open and you hear various shouts of, "There is, get him" and "That dumbass came right back here!"

wade scrambles to get the envelope open...

wade: and the winner is....


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The cops sprint for the stage...

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wade looks like he thinks he is the incredible hulk and busts open his dress shirt at the buttons. Underneath it reveals a bright orange #3. Everyone quickly realises that it is a Fumblin' Justin McDavid Jersey

MIJB#19 for his IHOF: Maassluis Merchantmen Multiplayer Dynasty!

wade finds an open aisle, sprints down it, and tosses the trophy to MIJB#19 on the way.

[MIJB#19]

MIJB#19 catches the trophy, almost fumbling it in true Merchantmen style.


Thanks to everyone who nominated and/or voted for my 'dynasty'. Also thanks to the readers and/or everyone involved with the IHOF for keeping it fun to play and write. And special thanks to those who kept me motivated to keep writing in the early stages of the league. And don't worry about seeing it end, I'll keep writing until I no longer can play in the IHOF.

[Kodos]

Congratulations, MIJB! Keep up the good work!

[Franklinnoble]

Bah. Fucking elitists.

[Grid Iron]

Congrats MIJB#19 on a well-deserved Golden Scribe!