Coach Tovarich suffered an unfortunate yellow light of death that baffled doctors and he could not be resuscitated. However, through some fancy scientific magic stuff, Coach Tovarich has been cloned and couldn't resist the call of being a college basketball coach.

Maryland-Eastern Shore Athletic Director: I am pleased to announce Coach Tovarich as the next head coach of our Hawk program.
(All 4 attending media members snap pictures on their phones while the 3 fans in attendance clap lightly)
Tovarich: Thank you all for showing up. What an amazing turnout. I hope at least double this many show up to some of our games. I had no idea that my many year ago 2-year tenure as the head coach of the Shepherd FR team in Arizona was going to get me a Division 1 head coaching job. This is a D1 school, right? It's hard to tell. I'm not sure anyone really knows. Do any of the 7 of you have any questions?
Booster: I donated $20 dollars last night to this school, so I believe I'm the biggest booster it has ever had in it's history. And I just want to tell you that you'll be hearing from me frequently about what it gets used for.
Tovarich: We'll probably go to Walmart with it and buy a basketball. Whatever's left will likely go to my assistants. That's probably about as much pay as they deserve.
Different Fan: Are you aware of what you signed up for?
Tovarich: Yes, this is the worst team (on paper) in America. There's a reason they hired a guy who hasn't coached past a 9th grade team.
Reporter: What style of play can we expect?
Tovarich: I have no idea until I see my extensive roster of 9 whole players. I suspect we'll slow it down to a snail's pace so we don't tire out and lose every game by 40. We'll adjust when we figure out whatever kind of so-called talent they have, if any.
Reporter: You have 5 scholarships available. Will you be doing most of the recruiting or leaving it for your assistant, which, who are they?
Tovarich: Hold on, let me look up their names real quick (shuffles through some contacts in my phone). Odie Baker? I don't know who that is, so he must have been one of them. Devon Cobb I think is the other. They have no particular skills at anything, so I'll do as much as I can. I just hope I can find 5 people willing to play here. Thanks all for joining. I have a lot of work to do turning these people into something resembling basketball players.

| Maryland-Eastern Shore Hawks 2007 Schedule | ||||
| DATE | OPPONENT | RESULT | ||
| Nov 1 | at NJIT | |||
| Nov 8 | vs Prairie View | |||
| Nov 14 | at Maryland | |||
| Nov 17 | vs Longwood | |||
| Nov 23 | vs Binghamton | |||
| Nov 27 | at UMBC | |||
| Dec 1 | vs Delaware State | |||
| Dec 6 | vs St. Francis PA | |||
| Dec 13 | at Towson | |||
| Dec 21 | at Texas El Paso (Sun Bowl Classic) | |||
| Dec 30 | at Central Florida (UCF Holiday Classic) | |||
| Jan 12 | at Winston-Salem State | |||
| Jan 14 | at South Carolina State | |||
| Jan 19 | vs North Carolina A&T | |||
| Jan 21 | vs Norfolk State | |||
| Jan 26 | at Florida A&M | |||
| Jan 28 | at Bethune-Cookman | |||
| Feb 2 | at Morgan State | |||
| Feb 4 | vs Coppin State | |||
| Feb 9 | vs Howard | |||
| Feb 11 | vs Hampton | |||
| Feb 16 | at North Carolina A&T | |||
| Feb 18 | at Norfolk State | |||
| Feb 23 | vs Florida A&M | |||
| Feb 25 | vs Bethune-Cookman | |||
| Feb 28 | vs Morgan State | |||
| Mar 1 | vs Coppin State | |||
| Mar 6 | at Delaware State | |||
Maryland-Eastern Shore Athletic Director: I am pleased to announce Coach Tovarich as the next head coach of our Hawk program.
(All 4 attending media members snap pictures on their phones while the 3 fans in attendance clap lightly)
Tovarich: Thank you all for showing up. What an amazing turnout. I hope at least double this many show up to some of our games. I had no idea that my many year ago 2-year tenure as the head coach of the Shepherd FR team in Arizona was going to get me a Division 1 head coaching job. This is a D1 school, right? It's hard to tell. I'm not sure anyone really knows. Do any of the 7 of you have any questions?
Booster: I donated $20 dollars last night to this school, so I believe I'm the biggest booster it has ever had in it's history. And I just want to tell you that you'll be hearing from me frequently about what it gets used for.
Tovarich: We'll probably go to Walmart with it and buy a basketball. Whatever's left will likely go to my assistants. That's probably about as much pay as they deserve.
Different Fan: Are you aware of what you signed up for?
Tovarich: Yes, this is the worst team (on paper) in America. There's a reason they hired a guy who hasn't coached past a 9th grade team.
Reporter: What style of play can we expect?
Tovarich: I have no idea until I see my extensive roster of 9 whole players. I suspect we'll slow it down to a snail's pace so we don't tire out and lose every game by 40. We'll adjust when we figure out whatever kind of so-called talent they have, if any.
Reporter: You have 5 scholarships available. Will you be doing most of the recruiting or leaving it for your assistant, which, who are they?
Tovarich: Hold on, let me look up their names real quick (shuffles through some contacts in my phone). Odie Baker? I don't know who that is, so he must have been one of them. Devon Cobb I think is the other. They have no particular skills at anything, so I'll do as much as I can. I just hope I can find 5 people willing to play here. Thanks all for joining. I have a lot of work to do turning these people into something resembling basketball players.

@ 
@
@ 
Comment