The first tip I'll give is turn down CPU strike frequency. At default, the CPU is in the strike zone WAY too often causing you to get the false impression that you are super impatient. This is what I fell victim too for a long time.
The second tip I can give is have some form of subtle physical feedback to reinforce mental lessons. I'm not talking hitting yourself or causing harm. For example: When I know I want to take a pitch, regardless, I tap myself on the shoulder. When I swing at a bad pitch, I tap my forehead or lightly pinch the back of my hand. When I do a good take (even if it's a strike that I didn't want to swing at) I tap my back. You'd be surprised how much that conditions you.
As for what to look for, that's pitcher dependent. Some pitchers I focus on the ball coming in, some I focus on the release. There are event the rare pitchers where I look at the delivery. Knowing what to focus on which pitcher is the real trick, and unfortunately can only be learned through experience.

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