I can't believe I haven't read this infamous book yet. I was skimming another website when I ran across these excerpts. HILARIOUS. I couldn't stop laughing.
Who's read? Thoughts?
"We're beating a lot of poor teams. So what? We won a lot of games last year, too. Will Horace and Bill still be playing at this level in the playoffs...Can Pip keep it up?"
"I hate being out there with those garbagemen. They don't get you the ball."
"They've got no idea what it's all about. The white guys, they work hard, but they don't have the talent. And the rest of them? Who knows what to expect? They're not good for much of anything."
"I know what's gonna happen. We'll wait until the last minute and then they'll say something like they couldn't get a deal done because of the cap or somebody pulled out at the last minute. It happens here all the time. I don't know why I'm surprised every year."
"He can't do anything with the ball. Don't give it to him." - Michael yelling at Paxson who passed the ball to Perdue
"You ever hear of a guy, six-eleven maybe and two hundred sixty pounds, a guy big and fat like that and he can't get but two rebounds, if that many, running all over the damn court and he gets two rebounds? Big guy like that and he gets one rebound. Can't even stick his **** into people and get more than that...Big, fat, fat guy. One rebound in three games. Power forward. Maybe they should call it powerless forward." - Michael ripping Stacey King a new one
"He was scared in there and panicking. He just lost it when Stockton scored." - Michael on B.J. Armstrong's mental fragility
I'll let them stand up and take responsibility for themselves."
"We have to do some things. We need to make some changes."
"...I call them 'the Looney Tunes.' Physically, they were the best. Mentally, they weren't even close."
"He's scared. He's got no heart...Nobody told me that. If I had spoken up, he wouldn't have been here."
"I know I can recognize what to do, but I'm not sure they can."
"It's a hell of a lot easier to make Earl Monroe look good than it is Brad Sellers."
"I hope there's a jumpshot in there." - Michael to Stacey King who was walking into the locker room with a box
"They don't need a ticket to watch you sitting on the bench. They can go to your
house for that." - Michael to Charles Davis who was sorting through his tickets for his family and friends
"Give me the ******* ball." - Michael to Doug Collins who drew up a play for Dave Corzine
"I hate when I have to read that in the papers the next day, that I couldn't do something. It wasn't my fault."
"You're an idiot. You've screwed up every play we ever ran. You're too stupid to even remember the plays. We ought to get rid of you." - Michael to Horace Grant
"If you [pass the ball to Bill Cartwright], you'll never get the ball from me."
"We're not winning because of talent. We're just beating bad teams."
"Headache tonight, Scottie?" - Michael asks Scottie, while showing him his 2-for-16 line
"It's probably a twelve-day. He needs two days to wake up." - Michael on a ten-day contract teammate
"Five more years and I'm out of here. I'm marking these days on a calendar, like I'm in jail. I'm tired of being used by this organization, by the league, by the writers, by everyone."
"They're not interested in winning. They just want to sell tickets, which they can do because of me. They won't make any deals to make us better. And this Kukoc thing. I hate that. They're spending all their time chasing this guy."
"If I were a general manager, we'd be a better team."
"Will Vanderbilt. He doesn't deserve to be named after a Big Ten school." - Michael on Will Perdue
"I want to prove the critics wrong...I want to see some serious moves from management, which I really haven't seen that much of yet, and I want to see more serious attitudes from my teammates this year when it comes to the playoffs. In the past, it's been more or less a joking thing, sort of a 'Well, we're here, so let's have a good time.'"
"I'm sure everything will be fine if we win, but if we start losing, I'm shooting."
"I know what I would do if I were coach. I'd determine our strengths and weaknesses and utilize them. And it's pretty clear what our strength is."
"Your boy doesn't want to play. I'm tired of bailing his @$% out." - Michael yelling at Jim Cleamons about Dennis Hopson
"I don't know about trading a 24 year-old guy for a 34 year-old guy." - Michael questioning the Oakley trade
"He's causing me too many turnovers." - Michael on Cartwright's inability to catch
"Why the hell don't you ever set a pick like that in a game?" - Michael yelling at Perdue after also hitting Perdue upside his head (led to the institution of the private curtain for practices)
Who's read? Thoughts?
"We're beating a lot of poor teams. So what? We won a lot of games last year, too. Will Horace and Bill still be playing at this level in the playoffs...Can Pip keep it up?"
"I hate being out there with those garbagemen. They don't get you the ball."
"They've got no idea what it's all about. The white guys, they work hard, but they don't have the talent. And the rest of them? Who knows what to expect? They're not good for much of anything."
"I know what's gonna happen. We'll wait until the last minute and then they'll say something like they couldn't get a deal done because of the cap or somebody pulled out at the last minute. It happens here all the time. I don't know why I'm surprised every year."
"He can't do anything with the ball. Don't give it to him." - Michael yelling at Paxson who passed the ball to Perdue
"You ever hear of a guy, six-eleven maybe and two hundred sixty pounds, a guy big and fat like that and he can't get but two rebounds, if that many, running all over the damn court and he gets two rebounds? Big guy like that and he gets one rebound. Can't even stick his **** into people and get more than that...Big, fat, fat guy. One rebound in three games. Power forward. Maybe they should call it powerless forward." - Michael ripping Stacey King a new one
"He was scared in there and panicking. He just lost it when Stockton scored." - Michael on B.J. Armstrong's mental fragility
I'll let them stand up and take responsibility for themselves."
"We have to do some things. We need to make some changes."
"...I call them 'the Looney Tunes.' Physically, they were the best. Mentally, they weren't even close."
"He's scared. He's got no heart...Nobody told me that. If I had spoken up, he wouldn't have been here."
"I know I can recognize what to do, but I'm not sure they can."
"It's a hell of a lot easier to make Earl Monroe look good than it is Brad Sellers."
"I hope there's a jumpshot in there." - Michael to Stacey King who was walking into the locker room with a box
"They don't need a ticket to watch you sitting on the bench. They can go to your
house for that." - Michael to Charles Davis who was sorting through his tickets for his family and friends
"Give me the ******* ball." - Michael to Doug Collins who drew up a play for Dave Corzine
"I hate when I have to read that in the papers the next day, that I couldn't do something. It wasn't my fault."
"You're an idiot. You've screwed up every play we ever ran. You're too stupid to even remember the plays. We ought to get rid of you." - Michael to Horace Grant
"If you [pass the ball to Bill Cartwright], you'll never get the ball from me."
"We're not winning because of talent. We're just beating bad teams."
"Headache tonight, Scottie?" - Michael asks Scottie, while showing him his 2-for-16 line
"It's probably a twelve-day. He needs two days to wake up." - Michael on a ten-day contract teammate
"Five more years and I'm out of here. I'm marking these days on a calendar, like I'm in jail. I'm tired of being used by this organization, by the league, by the writers, by everyone."
"They're not interested in winning. They just want to sell tickets, which they can do because of me. They won't make any deals to make us better. And this Kukoc thing. I hate that. They're spending all their time chasing this guy."
"If I were a general manager, we'd be a better team."
"Will Vanderbilt. He doesn't deserve to be named after a Big Ten school." - Michael on Will Perdue
"I want to prove the critics wrong...I want to see some serious moves from management, which I really haven't seen that much of yet, and I want to see more serious attitudes from my teammates this year when it comes to the playoffs. In the past, it's been more or less a joking thing, sort of a 'Well, we're here, so let's have a good time.'"
"I'm sure everything will be fine if we win, but if we start losing, I'm shooting."
"I know what I would do if I were coach. I'd determine our strengths and weaknesses and utilize them. And it's pretty clear what our strength is."
"Your boy doesn't want to play. I'm tired of bailing his @$% out." - Michael yelling at Jim Cleamons about Dennis Hopson
"I don't know about trading a 24 year-old guy for a 34 year-old guy." - Michael questioning the Oakley trade
"He's causing me too many turnovers." - Michael on Cartwright's inability to catch
"Why the hell don't you ever set a pick like that in a game?" - Michael yelling at Perdue after also hitting Perdue upside his head (led to the institution of the private curtain for practices)
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