Coach JDizL's Panhandle Pythons

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  • JayDizzle04
    Rookie
    • Jun 2004
    • 53

    #16


    Foe, not Friend

    -AP

    On a quick interview within the Jacksonville Training Facility, runningback Fred Taylor had a few things to say about his Week 3 Preseason Opponent...

    "Sissies. That's what these punks in the Panhandle are. Sissies.

    These dudes play in the same state as us and the Dolphins and they gotta play under a dome, a DOME. Probably afraid to take showers because they'll get wet.

    Let these stank snake sissy punks know that me and the Jaguars are coming for them and we're planning on stompin' their butts all over the field!"



    On board with the verbal boxing, middle linebacker Mike Peterson let his team's counterparts have it.

    "I hate these jokers with a vengeance. They don't throw and when they do, it's one of those lame duck tosses that hit a goofball in the stands. They don't run well enough to score points on anyone. And don't get me started on their secondary...



    What good are they?"

    Of the two, it looks like both sides of the ball for the Jaguars are looking to back up some harsh words against a team that looked to be K.O.'ed a week ago.


    Fighting Words

    -AP

    A renewed sense of purpose has overcome the Panhandle Pythons this week as they prepare for Jacksonville at home.

    Pictures of the Jaguars were stapled to tackling dummies as the defense took to hitting like their lives depended on it.

    And for two weeks running, it did.

    Prior to NFL Commissioner Goodell's retracted mandate, the team played as though every preseason game was their Super Bowl. Now that their figurative death sentence is lifted, it's almost as if it never even mattered.

    Python Cornerback Dope Nose was quoting as saying,

    "We look at it as this: the league's very owner didn't want us here and now we're here to stay for the season; or at least until those guys in Tampa take whatever they can get and come back.

    We're sick of hearing about it and we're sick of talking about it, so we plan on taking out our frustrations on any and everybody in front of us...

    "Tell those chumps Fred Taylor and Mike Peterson that if they want some, come and get it.

    We'll be waiting."

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    • JayDizzle04
      Rookie
      • Jun 2004
      • 53

      #17
      Re: Coach JDizL's Panhandle Pythons




      Taylor-Made

      -AP

      "If you want a picture of [this game], imagine [Fred Taylor] stamping on a [Python]-- for ever."
      -adlibbed from Orson Welles' "1984"

      Starting with an 81 yard touchdown run, Taylor left a pile of bodies in his wake.

      The first victim, Linebacker Bringin Pain; the prognosis: a broken thumb and some bad memories.

      Three tackles broken later and Taylor hit paydirt again against the Panhandle Pythons... a trend of the game ahead.

      Offensively, Lamont Sanford had a hand in getting his team on the board with the first of three field goals on the day; a personal best for the free agent kicker.

      Aside from trying to stop Fred Taylor, the defense's Dope Nose had contributed with a interception in the second quarter; Several plays later and Sanford did some contributing of his own with another field goal.

      More defensive woes ensued however as David Garrard seemed to share teammate Taylor's superpowers, throwing a 73 yard touchdown to reciever Reggie Williams to end the half.

      ==================================================


      Coach DizL's Half-Time Speech

      ::holding a hammer and a nail next to the board::

      I want to have you gentlemen to take a good look at this...

      ::hits nail a little into the board::

      ...THIS IS FRED TAYLOR PUTTING EVERYONE OF YOU TO SHAME!

      ::hits nail again into the board::

      ...THIS IS FRED TAYLOR DOING YOU ALL AGAIN!

      ::takes a BIG swing at the nail, busting the piece of wood in half::

      And this is how I'm feeling right now when I see us down before the game's even started.

      Everyone on the defense should look forward to running laps around this stadium after the game because I will now longer tolerate what's going on.

      No more pep talks, no more pick-me-up speeches for any of you feeling that you aren't accountable.

      Did I not say that this league, hell, the United States doesn't want you playing out there?! What do you gentlemen...no, BOYS... what do you boys think when you put on a performance like you have so far in front of those same people?

      You think it's funny?! Fred Taylor thinks it's funny because he running all over you like you were a treadmill track covered in jerseys. David Garrard, bless his heart, is slapping his knees thinking of how hard he's beating the secondary's *** out there.

      Mike Peterson? He's got one of his boys recording this game on the sideline on tape...why? So he can put together a "What Not To Do On Coverage" DVD.

      I'm sick of letting teams run all over us and I'm sure there's at least one guy in this lockerroom that wants to win this game.

      If not, you all better pack your stuff up come tomorrow because I'll break you in half myself, just like this hammer...

      ::holds up hammer::

      ...did to that board.

      Now those of you that are still with this program, put your hands in.

      ==================================================

      Whatever rousing speech from the Pythons' Head Coach JDizL had given, it must have had a calming effect because for the entire 3rd quarter, there was not one point scored by the Jacksonville Squad.

      The same could not be said of the Offensive side of the ball for the Panhandler's as even with back-up Tuiasosopo's gritty 17 yard scramble and the combination of J.D. Frazier and A.R. Boatang's rushing attack... no points were earned.

      Sports figures might point towards either runningback's recent fumbling problems if a reason is needed.

      Not that it mattered within the 4th Quarter as Tuiasosopo almost immediately threw the ball right back to Jacksonville, lucky enough to not have it not lead to anything too damaging with his team still down in points.

      Wide Reciever Krulmichael seemed to share his defensive cohort's drive to win the game as he caught a 70 yard frozen rope to keep the game manageable for his team... two seconds later and it wouldn't even matter.

      Lance Williams, an offensive Left Tackle for the Pythons inexplicably came in for a two-point conversion try; some would say that his hands may have been covered in concrete while others would try to fathom why the man was contacted to play as a Tight End for the particular play...

      For whatever the reason, the result remained the same as he dropped the ball as soon as it hit him between the numbers.

      Game Over.

      ...or so it seemed as the Jaguars chose to rub it into the Python's faces some more with RB Taylor helping.

      60 more yards and Taylor celebrated his second TD of the night; a statement if there ever was one to his opponents.

      Final Score: Pythons 15 , Jaguars 29

      ==================================================


      Coach DizL's Post-Game Speech

      That was one hell of a game, huh? And I do mean "hell" because what I saw out there was one of the worst football games I've ever had the pleasure of coaching.

      Aside from a couple of bombs, I don't see any of you recievers catching anything but flies in your mouths out there...

      You couldn't catch air in a jar if you had a fan blowing wind into it!

      My two top rushers were outgunned by their own quarterback; and not you Nixon...

      the ******* backup ran more than any of you schlubs tonight... makes me wonder if you guys are hiding ACL injuries from me, OR WORSE: You guys are scared.

      Defense, I want to say I'm proud of what your did out there in the 3rd quarter and only the third quarter because you couldn't do anything but stop and smell the roses on that field.

      I'm starting to think you're all as delicate as a rose as well.

      I see a bright future my fine bunch of garbage... bright and early, 6 AM, you better have stretched your quads and hammies because I plan on running you around this stadium until everyone of you is dead or dying.

      Maybe by then this team can find some players that actual give a damn about what they're doing out there.

      ...now shower up and get the hell out of my sight!

      ==================================================




















      Last edited by JayDizzle04; 01-08-2009, 07:43 AM.
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      • JayDizzle04
        Rookie
        • Jun 2004
        • 53

        #18




        Happiness is a...

        -AP

        Reports from the Pythons' practice camp this week are leaning towards one of two things:

        Either Coach JDizL is trying to instill leadership, pride and self-accountability OR he's trying to kill his players dead.

        All but two members of the entire Panhandle Pythons team were seen running round their home stadium for what seemed like hours as their head coach furiously bullied them on.


        -Like this, but with pads... around a huge football stadium.

        Players gagged on dried vomit, sweat and their own tears trying to keep up the pace, if not to finally appease their coach.

        "I'm happy that all these guys showed up today for camp," said Coach DizL, "It's not every day you get a front row seat to your own funeral.

        "I don't want to hear about how I'm working these bums out too hard or they're not physically fit professional athletes... the hubris I've seen from the past few weeks has shown me, if anything, that they're not even ready to play semi-pro.

        "Now if you can excuse me, I got a few offensive lineman that need to run laps."

        Oddly enough, team quarterback Ralph Nixon and kicker Lamont Sanford weren't seen running with the rest, siting their own stressful ailments as an excuse.

        "Look, I've got asthma man. If I go out there and run, it'll just flare up again and then where would this team be?" says Sanford.

        "Nowhere. I score more points on a consistant basis than any of these other dudes. They want results? They can just pay me for my time and let me kick when I feel like it."

        Sanford seen afterward lighting up a cigarette and lying down in a deck chair as a few of the team raced by.

        Nixon wasn't as nonchalant as he could be described as 'shakenly depressed.'

        "Do you know what it's like knowing that you're probably the one that's causing your team to lose?

        I can't even throw a spiral without worrying whether or not I gave a reciever any time to catch it. And on top of all that? My damn legs are cramping up so bad that I can't make it two quarters without having a team doc look at them."

        "I don't want to be cut, but if Tuiasosopo can put the ball on the ground more than twice a game and not even be benched, what chance do I have?"

        From the looks of things, the Pythons better get another win and quick or else it'll be more than smoky kickers and crying quarterbacks that they'll have to worry about.




        Bull Run (and Pass)

        -AP

        As the Pythons' collective team woes continue, don't look for the Houston Texans to show any sorrow towards their opponents come Game Day.

        Texans receiver Andre Johnson reiterated this by being quoted as saying, "We didn't for any handouts when we came into the league.

        "We worked up from the gutter to let everyone know that we were here to stay.

        "If these scrubs from the Panhandle can't hack it, I'm not going to feel sorry for them."


        -#80, burning past another defensive back on the way to the endzone

        Rookie phenom Steve Slaton chimed in with, "Did you see the way my man Freddie gave them nightmares last week? If he could do that, I'm sure my boy Ahman and me can do the same.

        It's gonna be fun walking through those revolving doors they call lineman... and that secondary?

        My main money-making man Andre 3000 is gonna burn a hole right through them too. You can quote me on that!"


        -Slaton, not even in his first real NFL yet, dreaming of running all over the Pythons

        Not to be verbally outdone by the rookie, Defensivemen Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans are looking forward to the weaker offense of their opponents.

        "Since Fred Taylor already called and proved that they were sissies, we gotta say that the Pythons are also a collective bunch of garbage."

        "We heard about their coach running them around in trashbags so it must be true, HAHAHAHA!"

        "I hope Boatang, Frazier and that third dude they don't even use are looking forward to eating dirt all game long because that's all we plan on feeding them.

        No yards, just dirt!"

        for whatever the case may be, if the Pythons can't contain the explosive offensive of their NFL Southern brethren, it'll be another long day in the office.




        Anger Issues

        -AP


        Another day from Pythons practice camp and you'd think that the entire squad was replaced by a team of Marines.

        Marines who've eaten nothing but insults, put-downs and a bucket of nails to boot.

        Andre Brisita, Free Safety for the Panhandlers, had the look of death behind his facemask as he repeatedly attacked members of his own offense well after the whistle on plays

        Not to be outdone, Cornerbacks Heelswxman and Dope Nose assisted in piledriving recievers Hannon and Filani to prove a point.


        -No...not like this.

        "We're sick and tired of being told that we're nothing by the league and by our very own coaches," says Brisita.

        "If we gotta kill our own guys running and catching on the field for us to do it, so be it.

        They aren't doing half as much as we are anyway."

        The offense showed a little discontent towards their defensive peers as well, starting with reciever Krulmichael and newly placed returner Brian Kolumber.

        The duo were seen spitting in their coverman's faces as they finished up plays, grabbing face masks and uttering things that can't be repeated in this article.

        Coach JDizL, in contrast to his furious players, couldn't have been more than happy.

        "Everyday you see a superstar hotshot reciever just go out there and earn a paycheck. No heart, no drive.

        "These guys, these men are all about killing the guy in front of them this week; and when they get on the field against the Texans, it'll be war.

        "I'm expecting no less than twenty bodies left on the field for Houston, minimum."

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        • JayDizzle04
          Rookie
          • Jun 2004
          • 53

          #19



          -D'aww...


          United We Stand...

          -AP

          Most in the professional football world would look at you funny if questioned the heart and character of an athlete playing today.

          You have to be made of strong stuff to actually want to be hit repeatedly more than 50 times a night; to actually let other people do that to you... "You couldn't pay me enough to do that" is a line thrown around liberally if you asked, 'Do you want to play professional football?'

          But for a meager squad of free agents, cast-offs () and also-rans, these past four weeks in the preseason, it was well worth the price. A price that most can't pay.

          The Offense, made of a pair of stout QBs in Ralph Nixon and Marques Tuiasosopo leads a set of recievers, linemen and frankly, "warm bodies," towards a common goal:

          -Avoiding the stigma of losing in front millions of screaming fans from opposite teams.

          -Avoiding the eye of the NFL Front Office that continues negotiations with a striking team with no leverage as of today.

          -and Avoiding the idea of being a laughingstock amongst the best and worst of the league.

          To temper these thoughts, the Defense ensures that if there isn't a ball to defend, there's a body hitting the turf between the whistles.

          No leaders but instead a society unto its own that is willing to sacrifice a spot on the line if it means putting a hole through opposing quarterbacks and their recievers.

          Names like Blitz, Kidd, Borowski, Jordison and Pain illicit thoughts of injurous malcontents... and when combined with a secondary of a Brisita, a Swarts, a Garvella, a Heelswxman and even a Dope Nose...

          Well let's just say that if you plan on running up the score, you have to worry about more than one man in the huddle stomping on your fingers with their cleats.

          Rounding out this motley snake pit of free agents, you have the kicker Mr. Lamont Sanford and his punting counterpart, NFLMan2033. A habitual smoker during interviews, Sanford has made it well known that he's a "play for pay" -type but don't let that fool you... the man, could kick it to Mars if he wanted to.


          -Smoke'em if you got'em, Johnny.

          NFLMan2033, a punter that plans to hit the NFL Hall of Fame by the date in his namesake, often makes the difference between a bad game and a worse game for this team. By the end of the regular season, we hope that the negatives will all be upon their opponents.

          Together, along with the unmentioned but still productive players of the Pythons, they all put forth the effort that others would only wish to give at their day jobs.

          This team said when signing for a million or less a piece, "You could pay me enough to do that... I do want to play professional football."

          Last edited by JayDizzle04; 01-13-2009, 08:07 AM.
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          • JayDizzle04
            Rookie
            • Jun 2004
            • 53

            #20



            ...Divided [They] Fall.

            -AP

            Knowing the national media these days, one has to know: Whenever there's a plush piece on a local team or a national sports power, the hammer's sure to follow.

            This particular hammer is meant for the heads of those who couldn't figure out that you want your best players on the field when 'winning' comes into question.

            Down two losses and seeking to keep their preseason record at .500, the Panhandle Pythons looked to their even lesser known players to bring home a win against the Houston Texans. A veritable 'Plan B' if you will.

            One has to think that this game truly began with comments made by H-Back/Fullback Patrick Roth to his team's head coach based on the organization's lack of including him within offensive schemes.

            In Laymen's Terms, "Get me the ball."

            And the ball he got, following a promising defensive stand against the Texans' opening drive of the game.

            Unfortunately the six points that followed weren't even his as he fumbled following a crushing hit to team quarterback Ralph Nixon that put the air marshall out for a few plays.

            Not to be outdone in the injury department, Dunta Robinson was sent a message by the Pythons as he tweaked his elbow on route to a tackle.

            Roth, looking to redeem himself a little, ran through Texan Jacque Reeves on a pitch play for a touchdown.

            Within the second quarter of the game, things were looking a little different from the wholesale slaughter by Fred Taylor. Even with a quick strike by Matt Schaub to Owen Daniels, the defense lacked no confidence against their opponent, only allowing a 7-point deficit for themselves.

            Backup defensive back Tarell Brown made sure of this by speeding towards the Texans Quarterback multiple times, earning a sack whenever he wasn't asked to blanket all-star reciever Andre Johnson.


            -Didn't disappear but didn't score either.


            =============================================


            Coach DizL's Half-Time Speech

            I see a lot of Mick Jagger fans in this locker room right now... can't get no satisfaction out of this game.

            Better yet, I must be working with a bunch of zombies because this team looks back from the dead.

            Roth, you owe everyone here an explanation because that TD run was the stuff of preseason legend there. I think they're still picking up Reeves' teeth from the field.

            And Nixon... remind me to grab you a kleenex box because that pass to Roth would bring a tear to any man's eye... that or manning up out there and working on one leg.

            As for you defense, I'm not hearing a peep out of those recievers but Daniels getting that touchdown means that you didn't run hard enough this week.

            You fellas want to run around the stadium again?

            ::the entire Pythons defense shakes its heads "no" as the rest of the team glares at them::

            Good.

            Now let's go out there before I decide to hand out Hallmark cards and chocolates to you fruits.

            Hands in men... let's get a win out there.


            ============================================


            As sure as the first half showed promise, the second revealed to the five guys actually following the Pythons that this team still needs a lot of work.

            A.R. Boatang, an incumbent runningback in his own right, shown positive gains as he added another body to the Texans' injured list as Nick Ferguson wrecked his ankle trying to make a tackle.

            The defensive took charge again as the offense still couldn't click enough to score, making a stop with 3:25 left to play in the 3rd.

            Quarterback Tuiasosopo, fresh from his disasterous fumbles against the Jacksonville Jaguars, seemed anxious to grab a starting position on the team as he scrambled yet again for a first down before the end of the period; a move that some would say might cost him his career given the right defensive back with the wrong disposition.

            In the 4th, Lamont Sanford took a break from his pack of Malboros to kick in a picture-perfect field goal with 5:00 left in the game.

            While great, it was disheartening to see the Pythons' offense stutter as the defense forced Texan Sage Rosenfels out of the game with 'hip bursitis,' a condition that could mean anything from a simple hip bruise to one of the Pythons' players "accidentally" stepping on him on the way back to the huddle.

            Either way, the Panhandlers were left yet again in a situation where their Quarterback had to save the game for the team.

            Tuiasosopo proved yet again that he might never be that man as he quickly went 3 and out, giving back the ball to Houston on downs and giving his coaches fits as the tired 'D' was forced to stop an all but victorious Texans squad.

            With a time-out left, the Pythons made the Texans play their special teams hand with less than :30 left, missing a field goal to seal the game indefinitely and relinquishing the ball back to Tuiasosopo.

            As one could guess, the result couldn't have been anything but terrible as wide reciever Krulmichael caught the ball with no time left and no room to make a last ditch touchdown.

            Final Score: Pythons 10, Texans 14


            -Isn't smiling because of the game... made less than 60 yards and NO TDs. Neither did Steve Slaton.

            =============================================


            Coach JDizL's Post Game Speech

            You lost. Again.

            No excuses but look at this way: Those Texans will respect you until you're done this season for the hell you put them through.

            I've got a feeling that for the next 17 weeks... that's right, you've got 17 more weeks of heartache ahead of you... for the next 17 weeks, you'll be even better men.

            I'm not mad but I'm not proud of you either.

            Not until you win again.

            And Roth, the next time you want to say something on the air about this team, be sure to thank Nixon for giving you something positive to clamor on about.

            Now hit the showers and be ready next week for the "real thing" guys.


            ============================ ================


























            Last edited by JayDizzle04; 01-13-2009, 08:08 AM.
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            • JayDizzle04
              Rookie
              • Jun 2004
              • 53

              #21

              Ain't Nothing Like the Real Thing

              -AP

              Going into the regular season with a one-and-three record would be worrisome for most professional football teams, but for the replacement squad Pythons, it's peanuts.

              More specifically, peanuts compared to the scorn and distain heaped upon them for the past couple weeks as they played in place of a striking Tampa Bay Buccaneers team.

              With no middle ground in place for the Floridian football squad and the NFL Front Office, the Pythons were selected to replace their full-timer counterparts and did so with minimum success so far.


              -Still only about the money...

              Not to be discouraged, defensive Left End Jay Burton made it abundantly clear that he looked forward to oncoming 17 week schedule:

              "Dude, I've already called up a couple of my people and they've bought a ton of tickets to see me play. Before this, I was DJ'ing at a local night club and now, I gonna be that guy that all the clubs let into the V.I.P. room for free."

              Others however, like runningbacks J.D. Frazier and Justise Hairston are looking more than their fair share of the spotlight:

              "Man, I feel bad for saying all this but ever since that Boatang dude got the rock, we feel left out. He's a great player and all, no doubt, but c'mon man... If we ain't on TV, how can we impress the ladies?"

              Coach JDizL, player-despot to some, player-***** to others, let his players know this week that the boss upstairs for the Pythons is looking forward to seeing them play even more. On top of that they both wanted to let everyone make sure that they'll get their fair share of the action.

              Here's hoping that that "fair share" doesn't lead to a team versus front office coup come Sundays.

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              • JayDizzle04
                Rookie
                • Jun 2004
                • 53

                #22





                2008 Player Progression, Post-Preseason


                HB

                A.R. Boatang
                - 78 OVR => 79 OVR (+1 AWR)

                FB

                P. Roth
                - 80 OVR => 81 OVR (+1 AWR)

                TE

                D. Byrd
                - 70 OVR (+1 AWR)

                LG

                C. Liwienski
                - 74 OVR (+1 STA)

                C. Lekkerkerker
                - 73 OVR => 74 OVR (+1 AWR, +1 STA)

                D. Hodgdon
                - 71 OVR (+1 AWR, +1 STA)

                C

                B. Wilkerson
                - 73 OVR (+1 AWR, +1 STA)

                D. Datish
                - 72 OVR => 73 OVR (+1 AWR, +1 STA)

                LE

                Jay Burton
                - 80 OVR => 81 OVR (+1 AWR)

                DT

                Jack Kidd
                - 80 OVR (+3 STA)

                LB

                M. Blue
                - 80 OVR => 81 OVR (+1 AWR)

                J. Cordova
                - 73 OVR (+1 STA)

                B. Pain
                - 77 OVR => 78 OVR (+1 AWR, +2 STA)

                J. Blitz
                - 80 OVR => 81 OVR (+1 AWR)

                CB

                D. Nose
                - 80 OVR => 81 OVR (+1 AWR, +3 STA)

                Heelswxman
                - 80 OVR (+1 AWR, +3 STA)

                K. Garvella
                - 75 OVR (+2 STA)

                Tarell Brown
                - 71 OVR (+1 AWR, +3 STA)

                SS

                Z. Swarts
                - 80 OVR => 81 OVR (+1 AWR, +1 STA)

                P

                NFLMan2033
                - 70 OVR (+2 STA)

                Last edited by JayDizzle04; 01-14-2009, 08:20 AM.
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                • JayDizzle04
                  Rookie
                  • Jun 2004
                  • 53

                  #23


                  Final Preseason Stats For 2008



















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                  • JayDizzle04
                    Rookie
                    • Jun 2004
                    • 53

                    #24




                    O' Captain, My Captain

                    -AP

                    With the Preseason ending and the real deal starting soon, every team in the NFL has been busily tying up loose ends, making last minute trades and cut to set up the perfect squad.

                    Hopefully one that will take their team to the Super Bowl...

                    One such team is the Panhandle Pythons, a franchise that's survived multiple slights and setbacks in order to be ready to challenge for a Lombardi Trophy.

                    Today the Python Head Office has selected three Team Captains to head up his battalion, a decision they hope not to regret.


                    -NFL Captain's Patch

                    On Offense, go-to reciever Krulmichael was chosen to lead the air assault against other teams.

                    Runningbacks A.R. Boatang and J.D. Frazier headed up their argument for the position but with the Pythons usually forced to go to the air as of late, the reciever had a slight edge.

                    On Defense, there was a collective selection as Linebacker Bringin Pain brought a more complete set of stats to the table while cornerback Heelswxman had the most tackles and defensive Left End Jay Burton being the most forward when destroying other quarterbacks.

                    In the end, Pain was chosen as a figurehead if not the leader.

                    And on Special Teams, the kicker with a lead foot and massive cigarette budget Lamont Sanford will handle the reigns for all PATs, Field Goals and the occasional kickoff or two.

                    No qualms there as his previous three field goal performance in one game gave more than enough reason for a nomination.

                    ESPN's Ed Werder has been quoted as saying a source within the Panhandle organization isn't too happy with the decisions and is willing to sit out the season if need be to make their point.


                    -Not a nice man, as pictured with Bootsy Collins

                    As a counterpoint, Free Safety Andre Brisita has said "Werder said that?! Dude has singlehandledly hated on the Dallas Cowboys Organization for at least a decade and now he wants to cave this one in...

                    "Tell Werder that if he wants to open his mouth, I'll be more than happy to drop a cleat in it."

                    Coach DizL, when pressed about the Captain issue, only added that it was "...more of a management decision" as he "...didn't really see a strong showing in the Preseason.

                    "If it were up to him, there would be no Captains."


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                    • JayDizzle04
                      Rookie
                      • Jun 2004
                      • 53

                      #25
                      Originally posted by bkspecial
                      *Knock on the door*

                      Coach Dizl: "Who is it?"

                      Me: "Its your wide out, Kolumber."

                      Coach Dizl: "Come in."

                      *Door opens, in comes Kolumber*

                      Coach Dizl: "It looks like something is eating you man."

                      Me: "Well coach, I'm a little upset right now..."

                      Coach Dizl: "Why is that?"

                      Me: "I'm your number 2 receiver, had 5 catches, a touchdown and YAC average as good as Krul's yet no passes thrown to me last game and only return duty?"

                      Coach Dizl: "I know, I just wanted everyone to see action."

                      Me: "Hopefully you play the ones who actually showed up in the preseason when the real games come or we're gonna look like ****ing ***holes."

                      Coach Dizl: "Anything else?"

                      Me: "Ya. You call me Brian Kolumber one more time I'm going to kill you. Literally, I will first rip your tongue out and whip **** from my *** with it before stuffing it back in your throat, then I'll put a glock to your temple and pull the trigger."

                      "My name is Blake Kolumber. Blake, not Brian, not Bill, not Bob, not Mike which sometimes sounds like Blake on the phone. My *** **** name is Blake."

                      "If you don't think I'm serious..." *opens the right side of his jacket revealing a gun. however, I'm not dumb like Plaxico so this is officially registered with the state of Florida and the safety is one & it goes in a holster.* "I carry this everywhere, even onto the field under my pads. So don't keeping fronting."

                      Coach Dizl: "Ok, Blake."

                      Me: "I'm glad we had this talk coach, I'll see ya around."

                      *Blake leaves*

                      Coach Dizl: "Wow, how could I have ****ed that up?"

                      *Fade*




                      Got Beef?

                      -As per behind the scenes at the Panhandle Pythons facility

                      Pistols, drama and more occur around the Pythons on a daily basis but as of late, tempers have began to flare up between Head Coach JDizL and the players.

                      First, the H-Back/Fullback Patrick Roth went to his coach about lack of playing time; a story which later broke out to sources at ESPN and went public per "Mike and Mike in the Morning."

                      Now we have the actions of one Brian Kolumber against the man holding the clipboard instead of clips for his 'gat.'

                      Mistakenly, the wide reciever had been addressed as 'Brian' in press clipping, game reports and even the occasional unauthorized informercial...

                      ...however, things came to a head despite the fact that Kolumber was issued several game checks in the preseason without 'Blake' proceeding his last name.

                      Checks that the reciever/kick returner had willingly cashed anyway.

                      Ever calm, Coach DizL took the attack as a sign of wanting attention towards the troubled reciever but knew that if the team was to pull through the season, HE'D HAVE TO LET SOME STUFF SLIDE.

                      Afterward, DizL simply left his office to make a few phone calls...




                      -Now you see why we can't have nice things!

                      Player Car Overturned, Uninjured

                      -From ESPN's Ed Werder

                      As reported just days before the Pythons take the field for the Regular Season, wide reciever/returner Blake "Brian" Kolumber was admitted to an undisclosed hospital for stitches.

                      This after a bystander had found the star player sitting next to his overturned car on a suburban street.

                      "I had called the police immediately when I saw him next to the vehicle... I thought he had tried to steal it at first and just got upturned but then I noticed he was wearing one of those "Pythons" jerseys they got out now..."

                      Kolumber's agent declined to comment on the accident but a source has led this reporter to believe that the reciever was leaving the scene of an altercation, driving erratically just before then.

                      The Pythons' Front Office and Coaching Staff have also declined to comment so we here at ESPN will keep close tabs on the situation as it continues.


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                      • JayDizzle04
                        Rookie
                        • Jun 2004
                        • 53

                        #26
                        Re: Coach JDizL's Panhandle Pythons



                        Last Man Standing [on the Sideline]

                        -AP

                        With the New Orleans Saints hosting the Panhandle Pythons tonight, there have been conflicting reports between press and player alike as to the decisions of the Pythons' Front Office as of late.

                        Public airing of grievances by players after the selection of team captains alternate with quotes of "I really like that pick" or "I couldn't think of a better guy" behind the scenes; the usage of personel on the field due to personal preference versus actual talent...

                        And now we've heard of the altercation between reciever Blake Kolumber and his Coach, Coach JDizL.

                        Starting late in the middle of the work week, we had recieved an anonymous tip which lead to sources saying the troubled player had been unhappy with the late Preseason decision to place him at Kick Returner/Punt Returner. As unglamourous as it may have seemed for the young man, we been assured by Coach and Team Owner alike that it was only done so that he may have still had playtime minutes on the field; as opposed to some players that were signed to play back-up or even fill up roster spots, allegedly.

                        In expressing his thoughts on the process, Kolumber seemingly had gotten to the Coach on the way out the door. Minutes later, he had been found in a local Floridian gated community next to his own overturned car.

                        Admitted to a hospital in the area, a source has dictated to us that Mr. Kolumber, not due to any errant actions but for the sake of his health, has been shelved in favor of his recovery.

                        In his place, the three following recievers in his place, plus #3 runningback Justise Hairston, have been moved up one spot on tonight's depth chart to compensate: BDawg, Sebastian Harrison, and Chris Hannon.

                        Hairston himself has been selected to return kicks for the team until Kolumber has been medically cleared to play.

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                        • JayDizzle04
                          Rookie
                          • Jun 2004
                          • 53

                          #27

                          When the [Pythons] Come Marching In...

                          -AP


                          As the Panhandle Pythons finally touched down in New Orleans for their first Regular Season game, the lure of Bourbon Street and the French Quarter could do little affect to their spirits as they were focused on one thing:

                          Getting that first win.

                          Not beads, nor overpriced watered-down liquor could sway the Panhandlers from their mission as they took the field against a Drew Brees-less Saints team, their QB out for another 5 weeks following because of a torn shoulder. Ralph Nixon had been added to the list of benched players as he sat next to Blake Kolumber and watched his team compete.

                          Unlike Kolumber however, the decision to keep Nixon out of the game was due to "his poor performance" in the Preseason according to a source close to the Pythons' front office... not because of personal actions.

                          The rest of the offense got off to the quick start as Marques Tuiasosopo, warts and all, stepped into the starting quarterback position for the game. His coaches were not disappointed by the decision as Tuiasosopo drove down the field, capping it off with a quick bootleg to get the TD.

                          Not two plays later (the PAT and the subsequent kickoff) and the Pythons got the ball right back from the Saints, their backup QB in Mark Brunell throwing a pick right to Python DB Dope Nose.

                          As the 2nd Quarter rolled around, Tuiasosopo led another drive down the field with weaker results as his team decided to take the points off of a field goal on a 4th and 1 situation near the New Orleans Goalline.

                          When quoted after the game, Coach JDizL had mentioned, "In the Preseason, it was about evaluating players to see how they would react in gameday situation like this... In the Regular Season, we're all about adding up point totals first, gameday glory second." Nothing to disagree with seeing as the Pythons had a tough time getting a touchdown once they reached the opposing team's endzone in the Preseason.

                          The defense certainly flexed their muscles to compensate a lack offensive spark as they locked down the Saints' Lance Moore and Marques Colston, forcing New Orleans to try and run the ball... no dice either way as DB Heelswxman took to blanketing Moore early and often.

                          After another punt return by Justise Hairston, Tuiasosopo left the game in the defense's hands again with one of his few boneheaded decisions of the day: Instead of taking the sure first down with a dump off to teammate Dominique Byrd, he ended a drive on a miscalculated bootleg, fumbling the ball out of bounds.

                          The Saints' next drive didn't fair as well either as the Panhandle Pythons' D-Line shut down any chance of a running attack, assisted by Jay Burton getting a shot in on runningback Deuce McAllister from behind the line of scrimmage.

                          Back on Offense, two drives ended in touchdowns as the first culminated on a Krulmichael reception in the endzone. The second required a little more doing but with the same result as reciever Sebastian Harrison kept the Pythons on a straight path toward a touchdown by J.D. Frazier.

                          By halftime, the Pythons had racked up a comfortable 24 to 0 lead over the Saints in the Superdome.

                          =============================================

                          Coach JDizL's Half-Time Speech


                          We're up 24 points to nothing on the road against a very capable offense; If that doesn't weigh on your minds, I don't know what will.

                          Keep doing what you're doing out there Defense and especially Heelswxman and that goes double for the man blanketing Colston... both are you are ruining Fantasy Football games across the nation today.

                          ::laughs::

                          For real though, I want to say that I'm impressed so far with all your performances and I expect nothing less than a win against these bums in their own stadium.

                          Tuiasosopo, I want you to start pitching it out to Frazier, Roth and Boatang so we can eat up the rest of the clock and get the hell up out of here.

                          Krulmichael, you get open on anything, you get me a touchdown... no excuses, just do it.

                          BDawg, Harrison: you get open, get me a first down if not out of bounds on your routes. You two are my slot recievers until I say otherwise.

                          Hairston, I know you barely get any time out there right now but I want you to make the most of it for now... I'm sure I'll call on you later on in the season as soon as Frazier and Boatang need a rest.

                          All right men, if you're ready for this win, put your hands in!

                          =============================================

                          As the game turned towards the 3rd Quarter, anxiety must have crept into the hearts of the few actual Pythons' fans as they watched the team take the field.

                          Every game that they've played, the Pythons weren't shut out and now with themselves on the opposite sides of a drubbing, the faintest idea of another loss could've proved disasterous.

                          Enter Tarell Brown, street free agent and human heat-seeking missle... not well-known in the NFL community, the defensive playmaker-in-waiting made the most of his time on the field by recording a second sack on the day.

                          Said Coach DizL after the game: "If the O-Line starts hardening up like Quik-crete, we've got Tarell out there busting through like a guided rocket; I've got no doubt that he'll be a highly sought free agent by the end of the season."

                          Not to be outshined by their fellow teammate, MGo Blue and Andre Brisita tag-teamed opposing quarterback Mark Brunell, forcing the journeyman veteran into throwing another pick.

                          Punter NFLMan2033 pitched in his two cents by locking the Saints in at their own 3-yard line with a stellar coffin
                          corner kick to end the quarter.

                          In the Fourth, the Saints had all but gone into 'Auto-Pilot' mode, not really attempting to comeback from their deficit but not trying to make total fools of themselves either. Unfortunately for the Pythons, defensive end Jay Burton mixed his normally stellar gameplay with rookie mistakes, drawing two offsides penalties and helping the Saints along.

                          Zach Swarts would pick up the momentary slack in the game as the Saints were still trapped within their own Red Zone at the time. On 4th and Inches, the defense gambled New Orleans passing attack and came up gold as Swarts carved into Brunell for a near-game ending sack.

                          Swarts was quoted as saying that "[He had gotten] bored locking things down back there (the secondary) so when Coach [DizL] let [him] bring the heat, [he] was aiming to break a rib. No joke."

                          But like all great heroes, even in a horrible loss there are those who need to save face and one such man was Jonathan Vilma.

                          Already bloated on short-yardage tackles on the day, Vilma took the opportunity to record himself an interception for a touchdown as Tuiasosopo made the Pythons take some more of the bad to go with the good.

                          Reciever BDawg was blanketed on the play but due to the quarterback's insistance on fitting the football through a Cheeri-O, the result ended poorly. BDawg would later exclaim that while "...happy that [Tuiasosopo] was thinking about him on the play, he should have just thrown it away..."

                          To his credit, the turnover-prone QB had the support of his defensive teammates to finish out the game as the Pythons recorded their first win of the season.


                          -McAllister, not exactly a happy man.

                          Final Score: 24 - 8


                          =============================================



                          Coach DizL's Post-Game Speech


                          Men, I want to congratulate each other for your first win of the season.

                          Now forget it because from now on, you will have to look at the schedule and think that the next loss you might get will put you out of the league.

                          No, it isn't the same B.S. that Goodell held over your heads in the Preseason but I want you play with even more intensity like it is... your paychecks won't get any fatter and no endorsements are coming in the mail either.

                          But your Ego's need to eat men, so feed them with each win like this and they'll never go hungry.

                          And Tuiasosopo... learn to throw the damn ball away. Like yesterday... or else Nixon's going to have your starter spot and I'll ask the owner to buy me a better quarterback.

                          Now hit the showers men, we head home in a day.

                          =============================================






















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                          • JayDizzle04
                            Rookie
                            • Jun 2004
                            • 53

                            #28

                            Dirty Bird

                            -AP

                            "I'm looking forward to mashing them up, mashing them up real good.

                            "Heels, Nose, Garvella, Brisita, Swarts... I want them all to cover me so they can say they tried to match up against a real f*ckin' reciever.

                            I want to beat their a$$es so bad that I'll count to five before I run a route and still GUARANTEE that I'll beat them deep."


                            -Roddy White looks to do damage against the Pythons

                            For the discerning fan, this sounds just like the regular jaw-jacking shared between opponents before gameday.

                            Not so for one Roddy White.

                            At one of the latest practices for the Atlanta Falcons, the star reciever had made practice sqaud members wear Pythons jerseys to mimic how he would beat the opposing team's defense.

                            During team meetings, White had studied film on how safeties Brisita and Swarts moved duing key passing down situations, insulting them every step of the way

                            And when he had left to the team's hotel (the Falcons play the Pythons on the road this week), one could see a bundle of plush stuffed snakes tied to his bumper as he sped off... all dragged through muck and rain puddles along the way.

                            Whatever the case maybe, if one player can generate such astounding hatred for a temporary team, we can only guess how the rest of the Falcons feel.


                            Spitting Venom

                            -AP

                            "We're not even two games into the Regular Season and we're still hearing other teams jawing at us.

                            That's cool because we live for that stuff... it's too bad that those same teams have to get their jaws broke."

                            Defensive Right End Dan Borowski is known little for his kind words on opponents as he is a lot about how he plans to harm them on a regular basis.

                            One would think that the poster of a human skeletal system he has tucked in his team locker is being used to study for upcoming doctorate exams; not so.


                            -Kneebone's connected to the... MY LEGS! I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!

                            Instead, he picks a particular bone group to destroy when covering those who dare cross his path on offense.

                            Not that he's leaving anybody out when it comes to wishing bodily harm against rival teams...

                            Linebacker Jay Blitz, mysteriously left off the stat sheet from the previous week's game has put in extra time in the team gym, possibly training harder than any of his counterparts.

                            "I signed up for this team so I could show how good of a player I was. To show those other 31-32 teams that they made a mistake when they passed over me to fill up their rosters.

                            I had to play in the f*cking semi-pros, the f*cking European leagues... so f*ck anybody that says I...no...MY TEAM isn't good enough to play against them."

                            Tell Roddy White that I'll personally cover him all day if he wants because I GUARANTEE that he comes my way, I'll send him back to Hotlanta in seven separate bags."

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                            • JayDizzle04
                              Rookie
                              • Jun 2004
                              • 53

                              #29



                              Eating Crow

                              -AP


                              To say that the Panhandle Pythons are picking up steam early would be an understatement.

                              Two wins already into the season and they're already impressing some fans of the National Football League with their tough defense, secondary-annihilating air attack and bruising ground game.

                              The Atlanta Falcons, down to their third runningback and bolstered up by the bragging of one Roddy White, had come into the Sunshine Dome in northern Florida to test their mettle against the Pythons. Already hyped up by Safety Andre Brisita and insults by White himself, it looked to be a roiling sea of angry snakes by the time the game was finished.

                              Starting with the Pythons gaining a little luck on the beginning coin toss, the home team elected to recieve first, almost immediately handing the ball back through the hands of embattled Quarterback Marques Tuiasosopo.

                              Undeterred, Cornerback Heelswxman got his second INT of the season the very next play, letting everyone know that the defense was wide awake; As was the offense, getting back on track with a three-pronged assault of J.D. Frazier, Patrick Roth and Team Captain Krulmichael, all leading to 21-yard touchdown by Frazier himself.

                              Quoted post-game, Coach JDizL had proclaimed that "...you practice every day of the week until Sunday comes calling. Luckily something stuck tonight."

                              Cutting back to the following kickoff, the Pythons' special teams unit had to of been ashamed as they let slip the Falcons KR Jennings by to an easy touchdown after a few well placed blocks. In this reporter's opinion, the Pythons Front Office may be looking for a new Special Teams Coordinator by next week if mishaps like that continue.

                              Looking to redeem his squad, new kick returner Justise Hairston made his prescence known in a hurry with his own wire-to-wire touchdown return, banking himself a cool 99 yards in the process...

                              When asked about his spectacular run, Hairston happily proclaimed that, "I just kept telling the coaches that if they let me play, I'll break off a little something for the highlight reel... you know I'm getting on SportsCenter!"

                              ...No arguments here.

                              After some time had been eaten from the game clock in the first quarter, Rookie QB Matt Ryan showed what he could do as he completed a drive with a quick zip to team tight end Milner for a touchdown.

                              In the second quarter, troubled Wide Reciever Blake Kolumber made sure that his return to the field would be a big one, making short work of a Falcons secondary ranking in the lower half of the league as he scored his first touchdown of the regular season.

                              Kolumber himself, while somber, had mentioned to a sideline reporter that, "...regardless of what anyone says about [him], [he's] just here to win games. Pay attention to what [he does] on the field and you'll see what Blake Kolumber's all about."

                              Further proving his point, Kolumber scored his second touchdown of the night with help from the Pythons defensive squad.

                              Forcing the Falcons into another punting situation, the Panhandlers had the unenviable task of driving from their own 6-yard line... Team Captain Krulmichael almost put his team's fears to rest until he dropped a sure TD Bomb by Tuiasosopo, leaving fans in the stands to wonder if the home team could handle high-pressure situation early and often.

                              Long story short, it took the reckless play of Tuiasosopo and the quick hands of Kolumber to end all doubt as the quarterback scrambled for a 1st down twice, salvaging a broken screen play into a touchdown.

                              Point taken.

                              Defensive Team Captain Bringin Pain furthered the point by driving a shoulderpad into the Falcons' Snelling's kidneys to end the half.

                              .....



                              Coach JDizL's Halftime Speech

                              I want everyone to meet Mister 'Blake' Kolumber if you haven't already... shake his hand, ask him what his hobbies are, etc.

                              The guy's looking to stay for a while so I want you all to make him as comfortable as possible; he's earned it for at least this week.

                              As for the rest of you guys... Defense, I know that Snelling's pretty much the only running threat they've got out there but you've got to cover him just the same. Simply football principle dictates that if you give a man the ball and he goes unblocked, he's bound to gain yardage.

                              Now I don't give a damn if you have to break both his kneecaps but I want Snelling 'D.O.A.' by the time his team's jet touches down in Atlanta by tomorrow.

                              And their recievers... Roddy White's sure not talking as much as he did earlier so I want you finish the job and wire his jaw shut for me.

                              Joe Horn's too old to do anything significant out there and unless 'Laurent Robinson' grows an MVP-like performance out of his *** out there, defending the pass should be cake.

                              Keyword here people: "Should."

                              Offense: Tuiasosopo's given this team a 14 point lead. Don't make him have to gain another one against his will if you can't get open... I'll admit that Hutchins jumping that route at the beginning of the game was damn near magic at best but you need to get your hands on that football at all times.

                              I'm looking at you Krulmichael... you're a team captain, catch like one.

                              Frazier, keep doing what you're doing and Roth: Keep those hands ready on the swing passes when Frazier can't get open fast enough.

                              Now I want a 'Home Win' tonight gentlemen and I know you do too so let's go out there and ATL-Stomp those Dirty Birds outta here!

                              .....

                              Rolling into the third quarter, things came off on the wrong foot for the Pythons quite literally as Safety Zach Swarts suffered a foot contusion while tackling the Falcons' Snelling. He would come back into the game later on after the team doctors took a look at it.

                              Afterward, things went over the head of Defensive End Travis Jordison or rather into it as he gained a mild concussion that knocked him out of the game.

                              During the same defensive play, Linebacker MGo Blue recorded a sack for the season, quoting afterward, "It got crazy out there once I saw that Blitz barely missed the tackle, I just went for it... now after what heard happened to T.J., I'm dedicating that asswhuppin' to him."

                              On the Pythons' ensuing drive, it seemed like it would pour all the Pythons with mishaps raining all around them, "fortunately" drawing a clipping penalty that saw them gain a down back... a down that led to an interception by a Falcons' secondary player that got so high up in the air, you'd be checking the game replays to make sure he wasn't hanging from wires.

                              Safety Brisita made sure to bring a pair of scissors to cut said wires as he skied to make a pick of his own, exclaiming during a post game radio interview that, "I'm thinking of investing an some NASA-type sh!t because of these booster jets I've got on my feet... like I've got 'P.F Flyers' on or some other crazy mess."

                              Ending the 3rd quarter with no score, the Pythons still had grizzled wide reciever and rookie BDawg to thank for great field position on a corner route.

                              Come the 4th quarter, Coach DizL had seen enough from the Falcons to tell that his star offensive players could take a breather for the rest of the night, invoking "garbage time" strategy.

                              Kicker and Special Teams Captain Lamont Sanford tacked on the first of three field goals of the night as the second-tier of Python recievers couldn't muster a touchdown.

                              Cornerback Kyle Garvella chimed in to gain a sack himself, leaving the Falcons again in poor field position and Sanford to kick his second field goal soon afterward from 52 yards out.

                              Quoted afterward, Sanford had mentioned, "With a leg like [his], makes you wonder why [he's] not out there much more often."

                              No sooner did this thought entire his mind on the field was he given another chance to prove why as Cornerback Heelswxman got his second interception of the night to get his team the ball.

                              The Falcons were shut out for the rest of the night as Defensive End Jay Burton recorded a sack of his own, his secondary bretheren in Cornerback Dope Nose gaining an interception late in the game after nearly locking down the Falcons' Roddy White all game long.

                              Duly noted, Nose aptly expressed Atlanta's non-scoring woes by saying, "Dude just can't handle me. Nobody's throwing to my side of the field and Heels is knocking sh!t down left and right... Defensive players of the game baby!"

                              Final Score: 37 - 14


                              -Two catches, no TDs... great job "mashing" them kid. :biglaugh:

                              .....



                              Coach JDizL's Post-Game Speech

                              Simply put, you guys have done it again.

                              Defense, fourteen points is no little hiccup as far as gameplanning goes but to shut down any team for three straight quarters is a feat in itself.

                              Offense, especially Frazier and Kolumber, you've done well for yourselves for at least a half BUT I'm not happy that we didn't make anymore points off of touchdowns in the game. Come next practice, I expect this problem to be fixed.

                              Sanford, remind me to buy you a carton of smokes because that 52-yarder was a thing of beauty.

                              Heelswxman, two picks and seven tackles is nothing to sneeze at and neither are Dope and Brisita's INTs. Good work.

                              Garvella, Burton and Blue: Keep knocking those QBs into the turf and I see a bright future for you three...something with sunny beaches and pineapples.

                              Everyone else, hit the showers and ice up. Next practice starts in a few days.

                              .....



















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                              • JayDizzle04
                                Rookie
                                • Jun 2004
                                • 53

                                #30

                                Soldiering On

                                -AP

                                In an upcoming clash of Tradition versus New School Bravado, the team of the Chicago Bears are prepping like most football squads do:

                                Full-pad practices, film room sessions and extra coaching for those who might not be as up to speed by Week 3.

                                Similarly to the past two weeks of the regular season, there's also been threats of physical violence, insults that would shake even the saltiest comedian to their core and psyching oneself up for the "Big Game."

                                But for the real football fan, there's only one concern on their mind: 'What's the thought process of the guys running things in the trenches?'

                                For the offense, respective Right Tackle and Guard Roberto Garza and John Tait have put themselves fully into their work, amassing a total of 15 pancake blocks between each other (9 for Garza, 6 for Tait) and only allowing 2 sacks all season.

                                "We pride ourselves in knocking the other teams' guys on their a$$," quotes Tait, "If we did it any better, the other defenses would be out of a job... which we're actually hoping for."


                                -John Tait, sharing his thoughts on quantum physics with his Coach

                                When asked about the defensive schemes that the Panhandle Pythons employ, Garza paused for a minute before exclaiming that "...for a fake team like the Garter Snakes coming into the league and playing like they do, you'd have to look at who was officiating at the time...

                                "I'm not downing any of the league's Zebras or anything, but you can't honestly believe that a group of scrubs is in the top 5 of the season right now in defense."

                                Defensive Tackle Tommie Harris seemed to agree with his Bear brethern, perturbed that "...barely any calls go against those guys on the field...just on three plays alone, I've seen at least three of their dudes hold like crazy so that Frazier could scoot on through.


                                -Harris, making sure he doesn't get back up

                                "Makes me sick and I'm looking forward to punching the brakes on that."

                                If there is one thing for sure, it looks like a chilly outting for the stitched together squad from Florida come this Sunday.


                                Green With Anger

                                -AP

                                "I don't give a flying fxck about what or who the Bears are for out there... the last time they went to the Super Bowl, they lost and before that was like when? 1985?

                                "Man, most of the guys on our team aren't hearing any of that; all due respect to Walter Payton and the 'Fridge,' but Chicago needs to get their heads out their a$$es and learn to play a little offense to go with their defense a little."


                                -Walter Payton, supplying and destroying hope wherever he goes...

                                Strong words coming from Safety Andre Brisita, a member of the Pythons' secondary who can't seem to keep his mouth shut about things going on and off the field.

                                And with good reason: He can back it up despite only being in the league officially for two games and all together, only 2.

                                "We pride ourselves in what we're doing now. Not what some old dudes did back in the day... this is a 'what have you done for me lately?' kind of game and those dudes are still acting like they've done anything since the 80's.

                                Aside from Urlacher, who doesn't even play unless he gets his contract restructured every season, I can't think of a player worth a sh!t on that team except Mushin Muhammad and he's not even there anymore.

                                So what does that say about them?"

                                When asked about their teammate's spirited outburst, Left Tackles Charles Spencer and Lance "Mountain" Williams only added gasoline to his imflammatory words.


                                Step 1: Pour gas; Step 2: Light Match; Step 3: Watch and Roast Marshmellows

                                "We've heard Garza and Tait like to say that they're a couple of bad dudes on the line these days," says Spencer, "I hate to break it to them but they've only got it half right.

                                "They are bad dudes, emphasis on the bad way they play against other lines..."

                                "What do they have total? 15 pancakes... together? I guess they didn't want to break their nails seeing as their whole team is a bunch of girls."

                                That last quote coming from Lance Williams himself, the owner of 12 pancake blocks and no sacks allowed this season. Spencer himself getting 10 Pancakes alone last week against the Falcons.

                                Whatever the case may be, on offense or defense, the war of words between these two budding NFC Rivals will undoubtedly come to blows by the weekend.

                                Last edited by JayDizzle04; 01-28-2009, 07:09 PM.
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