Mitch Hedberg

[CS10029]

Love him? Hate him? Thoughts on him? Favorite quotes or videos?

I love him, his comedy is genious. He is someone that really doesn't get old. I used to love Dane Cook, but he just became annoying. Hedberg will always be funny regardless of how far in the future. Such a shame he is not still around.

One of my favorites.

“Once I saw a duck walking down the street so I went into Subway and ordered two pieces of bread, and they informed me that they could not do that, like there was some speical rule at Subway that two pieces of bread weren't allowed to touch. So the woman asked me what I wanted on the sandwich and I said I do not care it is for a duck, and she was like oh then it's free. I was not aware that ducks eat for free at Subway. It's like give me a chicken fajita sub, but don't worry about ringing it up, it is for a duck.”

[Turbo_Squish]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

He was hilarious. His comedy loses something without his delivery, but it's still awesome.

They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. But I tried to make it at home; there's more to it than that. "Want some more homemade Sprite?" "Not 'til you figure out what the **** else is in it!

[Chaos81]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

Like the jokes, can't stand listening to him. Weird I know, but his voice annoys me, and I can't stand listening to him for more than a few minutes.

[CS10029]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

Like the jokes, can't stand listening to him. Weird I know, but his voice annoys me, and I can't stand listening to him for more than a few minutes.

I can't stand listening to you for more than a few minutes.

I kid, I kid.

[The GIGGAS]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

Like I said in the Bob Saget thread, love Mitch. He was excellent.

[Stumbleweed]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

He's my favorite comedian of all-time in terms of just pure laughs... dude's delivery kills me and the jokes are so simple (and mostly clean) yet absolutely hilarious. Bill Hicks will always be my #1 comedian when considering other factors (impact, philosophy, politics, shock value), but I giggle like an idiot when I listen to Mitch and I can never bring myself to skip his tracks when they come up on iTunes.

Anyone who can do multiple food jokes and have all of them be hilarious wins bonus points in my book.

"I like the FedEx driver because he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it. And he's always on-time."

"I'm not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "Fore", but I was too busy mumbling 'There ain't no way that's gonna hit him.'"

"How do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for 'em!"

"There's got to be some sesame seed glue out there... either that, or they're adhesive on one side. 'Take out the sesame seed, remove the backing, place on bun.'"

"What the hell is a sesame? It's a street! It's a way to open... ****."

"I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, only 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"

"I hate dreaming man... When I go to sleep, I just want to sleep, you know? Last night, I'm laying in my comfortable bed in my hotel room, just sleeping, it's beautiful... next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord."

"I get a cold sore... I hate to say it. When I get a cold sore, I put Carmex on it, because Carmex is supposed to alleviate cold sores. I don't know if it does help, but it will make it shiny and more noticeable. It's like cold sore highlighter. Maybe they could come up with an arrow that heals cold sores."

"It would suck to be killed by an arrow. They come to investigate the crime, 'Hey, look at that dead guy.... Let's go that way.'"

[The GIGGAS]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

"I'm not good at golf, I never got good. I never got a hole in one, but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "Fore", but I was too busy mumbling 'There ain't no way that's gonna hit him.'"

"I like an escalator, man, 'cause an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. There would never be an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, only 'Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.'"

Killer jokes there. Just great stuff.

[Brandon13]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

I love Hedberg. By far my favorite comedian.

“I saw a product on late night tv. It said, you can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product. Who the **** would make their plants hard to reach?! I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach. I will throw water at you. Hopefully they invent a product before you shrivel and die."

[Scottdau]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

I love that guy. He was good on the 70's show. I love the dinner party bit. A party of 4 for the Defeanes. Or something like that.

[daflyboys]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

Very Steven Wright-esque. Sometimes the burn-out dialect gets a little overdone, but he was clearly a leading modern day comic frontrunner. It's a shame.

[CS10029]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

I love that guy. He was good on the 70's show. I love the dinner party bit. A party of 4 for the Defeanes. Or something like that.

Another of my favorites.

"When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy so they start a waiting list, they say, “Dufrene, party of two, table ready for Dufrene, party of two.” And if no one answers they’ll say the name again: “Dufrene, party of two.” But then if no one answers, they’ll move on to the next name. “Bush, party of three.” Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry."

[The GIGGAS]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

Another of my favorites.

"When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it’s busy so they start a waiting list, they say, “Dufrene, party of two, table ready for Dufrene, party of two.” And if no one answers they’ll say the name again: “Dufrene, party of two.” But then if no one answers, they’ll move on to the next name. “Bush, party of three.” Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to care. Who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufrenes are in someone’s trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they’re hungry."

Man, I think that was the joke that really got me into Mitch for the first time. Such a wonderful joke.

Although, I remember this being somewhere: "Bush, search party of three!"

[CS10029]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

Man, I think that was the joke that really got me into Mitch for the first time. Such a wonderful joke.

Although, I remember this being somewhere: "Bush, search party of three!"

So do I. Whoever wrote that is missing something. I just googled it.

[Moses Shuttlesworth]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

I liked listening to him, but at the same time what really annoyed me about him was his voice, which was obviously because of the massive amounts of drugs he took.

[Scottdau]

Re: Mitch Hedberg

I liked listening to him, but at the same time what really annoyed me about him was his voice, which was obviously because of the massive amounts of drugs he took.

Actually I think it was an act. I saw one vid back in the day and he talked regular. He wasn't that funny either and he did the same jokes that I like too, but the voice is what actually made it funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y5PlhhyQaA4&feature=related