Death.

[Husker_OS]

First off, I've never been to a funeral before. 19 years old and never been to one. I haven't had a close family member die since I was 7. I didn't go to that funeral because I didn't want to see my family like that. My sister's boyfriend died when I was 13 and I didn't go to that funeral because of the situation surrounding that. But today my girlfriend told me that her best friend/roomate's stepdad killed himself this morning. Her stepdad was more of a father to her than her real father and my girlfriend was pretty close to him as well. I've met her(the bestfriend) several times and I'll be seeing alot more of her considering I spend the night there probably around once a week. So what do I do in this situation? Offer to go to the funeral and be there with my girlfriend and then what do I say to the bestfriend? Do I say anything at all?

[nyisles16]

Re: Death.

i would think that 1) does your g/f really want you to be there (or visa versa, does she understand you dont want to go?) & 2) it would also depend on how well you knew the roommate.. i had a roommate in college that lost his mom early on in junior year.. i had not known him before at all in school, but he & I (along with the other suitemates) got along so well, that we made the treck back for the services...

[Beantown]

Re: Death.

If your girlfriend asks you to go...you go.

If she doesn't, you can offer and see if she wants you to go with her for support.

[RockyTop1]

Re: Death.

you should go for support. If she knows how you feel about funerals, she'll say you don't have to go, but i think you should go regardless. Nobody likes funerals.

[RockinDaMike]

Re: Death.

Go and support your girl. Be a man and take care and comfort her. You're gonna have to face this no matter what in the future so might as well be the first time you do this on your own for someone you care about.

[TarHeelMan]

Re: Death.

True that... I have always had an aversion to funerals, since a wake that I went to when I was like 4 or 5... Spooked me forever... It was a friend of the family's, and I was down here in NC with my grandparents for the summer, in the deep country... The deceased woman's daughter was so distraught, whooping and hollering and carrying on, holding on to her mother's body, almost literally pulling her out of the casket... I was in a state of shock. From that point on, I wanted nothing to do with a funeral... Even when my grandfather died, when I was 11, I didn't go see him in the funeral home (which I now regret, since we were very close)... You guys know how long it was before I got over that? It was in 1996, when I was 23... My aunt had passed away, and I kinda figured that I needed to suck it up and deal with it... So I did. It never gets easy, it's just something that needs to be dealt with.

[dkgojackets]

Re: Death.

I think you need to at least offer to go.

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: Death.

You say you don't like funerals, do you think the other people there enjoy them? No one likes them, but you go, no question about it. It's not even a thought that should enter your head. The day isn't about you, the day is about the family of the loved one who passed away. If you aren't comfortable, go in, give your best to the family and leave. At least you went and paid your respects. I have a buddy who was in the Navy, my Dad also was in the Navy, when my Dad passed, my buddy was unable to enter the room where the flag and everything was, so he came to the hallway and outer room of the funeral home, paid his respects and cried and left. But those few minutes you give the family showing you care could mean so much more than you ever think they could. Seeing people that I haven't seen in years showing up to pay respects meant so much to me. And the people I didn't know, who only knew my Dad from other people that showed up, meant even more. It's amazing when you go to a funeral to see the people the person who passed away touched in their life.

So in closing, GO.

[Shaver]

Re: Death.

Like EG said, as someone who went through this with my Mom and have, unfortunately, been to far too many funerals in the past 5 years.... you never know what to say.... but.... the person in mourning doesn't expect you to say anything.

You go...

You shake a hand...

A pat on the back...

A hug...

Let them know that you're there if they need you.

it's the right thing to do.

[Brandwin]

Re: Death.

^ Last two posts summed it up real well.

I too never had been to a funeral until my mom passed away (which has been almost 7 years now) My best friends mother passed away about a month ago. I was there with them at the hospital plenty of times and was there through the funeral...I never really knew what to say even though I had been through it with my own mother, but just being there for him. Being there with the family...I know it meant a lot to him.

[Lintyfresh85]

Re: Death.

as much as I hate them... you just have to go. It's the right thing to do, and by just showing up you are showing tons of support.

[Husker_OS]

Re: Death.

Ok so apparently her other best friend is going to go. I went over to her apt last night and stayed with her for a few hours and offered several times but she said that her other best friend is going to go and that I didn't need to. I feel a little bad that I'm not going to be there, but if she doesn't need me to go, then I'm not going to force the issue.

[Acid]

Re: Death.

Girls never really tell you the truth.

Just go, it'll mean a lot to her.

[Husker_OS]

Re: Death.

Girls never really tell you the truth.

Just go, it'll mean a lot to her.

I dont know she's pretty honest with me about stuff like this. I talked to my sister about it(she's been in this situation before). She told me that if she needed me there, she would've been honest with me and accepted my offer.

[Acid]

Re: Death.

I dont know she's pretty honest with me about stuff like this. I talked to my sister about it(she's been in this situation before). She told me that if she needed me there, she would've been honest with me and accepted my offer.

True, but girls are weird. I don't think she wanted to force you to go, than she would think you only went because she made you.

Either way, I'd still go, just to show support and stuff, it'd be a nice gesture.