At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

[Court_vision]

Not sure which forum this should go in...

Anyway, I am surprised by a few of the younger guys "anti Jordan" comments at finding out MJ cheated a lot...

http://forums.operationsports.com/vB...te=1&p=2848966

Now, I am not condoning cheating.

However, is it that bad? No one knows what goes on in every marriage.

I sat down with a very good friend of mine late last year and we were talking sex. He's 41 and been married for 20 years / two kids he adores...

He said to me "man, 2006 has been bad...I've had sex 6 times"

Me: "Ummm, you mean this month / week?"

Him "No, THIS YEAR"

Turns out his wife simply isn't interested anymore. Every one of those six were "sympathy" one's...i.e. "okay, you can tonight...be quick".

I got home and told my wife. She was cool and said "if we get to that stage, once every two months average...I wouldn't blame you if you cheat on me. That's almost cruel"

That's the thing...we don't know everyone's marriage.

If I am my friend...six times in a year...yeah, I'd be out there looking for some.

Thoughts? (Keep it mature fellas)


(And no...he's never leaving his wife. Never wants to leave his kids / be apart)

[TheMatrix31]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

You NEVER cheat on your wife. EVER.

If it's come to a point where you guys aren't having sexual relations....if it's that big a problem, you should divorce her and move on.

If it was obvious that attraction might flame out, marriage might not have been the best option to begin with.

Plus, chances are, if they're having sex six times a year, there's no way a female would be able to live like that either. She's probably sleeping around herself, in which case you get a divorce as well.

[IlliniM1ke]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Yeah I wouldn't say its ever ok to cheat on your spouse but I mean 6 times would suck big time, I guess you'd have to try and talk that out to see what the deal is because there has to be a reason that has died out.

I mean if the sex in the relationship died down that much you'd have to assume that the relationship isn't what it once was period. If shes lost interest in that there are probably other aspects of it shes lost interest in and there must be a way to figure out whats causing that, I mean does she really just not enjoy it or lose interest just like that?

[Court_vision]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

I know his wife...absolutely NO WAY she's cheating.

She simply has no interest. No way he divorces...has two young guys and he's not putting them through a divorce.

I'd be interested in what age group everyone falls into.

I am 36. My friend is 41.

Guys at 18 and 20 see the world differently to guys in their 30's and 40's...

He's been married 20 years or something. They love each others company...can sit down and laugh all through a movie together, dine together.

There's just no physical 'lust' left. It happens fellas.

[Admiral50]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

If it 'happens' then the person who acts on that lust is a hopeless loser. (One time where I would want to swear in a post to describe someone)

If someone's been married 20 years and wants sex somewhere else than they no longer have a marriage.

Anyone who even cheats on a girlfriend is total scum. There's no condoning it. Ever.

I could go on and talk about morals a lot but the only answer to the stupid title of the thread, 'At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?'

'AT NO POINT'

[Court_vision]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

It's easy to see who here belongs to the religious right...wow...

Okay boys...throw this into the equation.

His wife has Lupus. The medication she takes for it has killed her sex drive. It's a recognised side effect. There is NO remedy. Simple fact, she'll never get it back.

So, he's a 'loser' because he's tempted? Good looking guy, been loyal 20 years...knocked back offers often...

Still a loser? Still "nothing is acceptable"

It's amazingly immature to think he doesn't have legit issues here. Kids, illness...

Still a loser? The guy is tempted. I can't believe folks are so venomous about genuine issues.

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

It's easy to see who here belongs to the religious right...wow...

Okay boys...throw this into the equation.

His wife has Lupus. The medication she takes for it has killed her sex drive. It's a recognised side effect. There is NO remedy. Simple fact, she'll never get it back.

So, he's a 'loser' because he's tempted? Good looking guy, been loyal 20 years...knocked back offers often...

Still a loser? Still "nothing is acceptable"

It's amazingly immature to think he doesn't have legit issues here. Kids, illness...

Still a loser? The guy is tempted. I can't believe folks are so venomous about genuine issues.

He's an even bigger loser for being tempted if she's ill and the medication is doing it to her. That's just lower than low.

There is no good point, nor will there ever be. You married for a reason, if you want out, get out, but don't cheat.

[Vince]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Exactly, get out or don't get married.
Better yet, make it a common law union.

[Shaver]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Sex is not the definition of a marriage. It is a part of it...yes. But, if you got married for the sex, you got married for the wrong reason.

Anyone in that situation needs to take a look at all of the other parts of the marriage besides the sex and figure out what is important. Choosing to cheat puts all of those other parts at risk... if they can live without those, then go for it. However, I would venture to say if you can live without the love, companionship, friendship, support and all of the other things that come with marriage, than you can probably live with the reduced sex.

Yes, it is normal to be tempted.

Yes, it is normal to wish you were having it more often.

Yes, it would suck to have your wife ill and a side-effect being a squashed sex drive.

But, wouldn't not having the person that you committed 20 years of your life to be far, far worse?


(Now... switching to the Admin Hat)

Please do not interject religion into the conversation or the thread is going to get locked.

Thanks

[MassNole]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Define cheating. Some people have open or quasi-open marriages where the spouses don't care. In that case what the more traditional person would call cheating really isn't because the other spouse said it was okay.

[mjb2124]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

You NEVER cheat on your wife. EVER.

If it's come to a point where you guys aren't having sexual relations....if it's that big a problem, you should divorce her and move on.

Agreed. Cheating on a wife should not be an option. Personally, I'd never even cheat on a girlfriend because I got into the relationship for a reason. If I wanted someone else, I'd get out of the relationship. I think the same thing applies to marriage. If one isn't happy with it (and that should go MUCH deeper than just sex as Clay_OS mentioned), get out.

Out of curiousity, how would the OP's friend feel if his wife cheated on him? Would he be OK with that idea?

[CaptainZombie]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

It's easy to see who here belongs to the religious right...wow...

Okay boys...throw this into the equation.

His wife has Lupus. The medication she takes for it has killed her sex drive. It's a recognised side effect. There is NO remedy. Simple fact, she'll never get it back.

So, he's a 'loser' because he's tempted? Good looking guy, been loyal 20 years...knocked back offers often...

Still a loser? Still "nothing is acceptable"

It's amazingly immature to think he doesn't have legit issues here. Kids, illness...

Still a loser? The guy is tempted. I can't believe folks are so venomous about genuine issues.

That is messed up if someone's spouse is sick and the other person starts cheating on them due to no sex drive from the meds. Peeps these days just don't have an remorse for what they do. Granted the other person has no drive, hopefully they can work together to overcome a situation like that if it ever happens to anyone. There are ways around these kind of things, its just that people don't want to work around them.

I don't condone cheating at all, I would think that the one wanting out of the marriage would tell their significant other before they start screwing around that this is not what they want anymore instead of hurting feelings all around.

[Stu]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Agreed. Cheating on a wife should not be an option. Personally, I'd never even cheat on a girlfriend because I got into the relationship for a reason. If I wanted someone else, I'd get out of the relationship. I think the same thing applies to marriage. If one isn't happy with it (and that should go MUCH deeper than just sex as Clay_OS mentioned), get out.

Exactly. I never understood people who need to cheat. Why not just end the relationship or never get into a serious one in the first place?

[ExtremeGamer]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

That is messed up if someone's spouse is sick and the other person starts cheating on them due to no sex drive from the meds. Peeps these days just don't have an remorse for what they do. Granted the other person has no drive, hopefully they can work together to overcome a situation like that if it ever happens to anyone. There are ways around these kind of things, its just that people don't want to work around them.

I don't condone cheating at all, I would think that the one wanting out of the marriage would tell their significant other before they start screwing around that this is not what they want anymore instead of hurting feelings all around.

?

[pk500]

Re: At what point is cheating on your spouse okay?

Two-word answer: NEVER. EVER.

You take a vow; you keep the vow. It's that simple. A true man honors his vows, regardless of whether they were taken in a religious or civil institution.

End of discussion.

Take care,
PK