What should I do?

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  • Dallasin2K3
    MVP
    • Jul 2002
    • 3135

    #1

    What should I do?

    Alright... I'm at a loss for words right now. I came here because I don't know who to tell or if I can even tell anybody.

    I just graduated from TCU (originally from a state in the midwest) and am going to medical school next year. My younger sister just finished her sophomore year at TCU and is pre-dental, doing well in school.

    My father, who has been working all along, has been adamant for the past year about wanting to bring my little sister out of TCU to go to school at home. He cites money issues (I had a full ride scholarship), which we do have, but it seems like that shouldn't be prohibitive. My mother was always against this and just recently got a job in order to pay for her education if my father refused to support her any longer. My sister is obviously very rooted down here now and forcing her to leave would be disasterous in a lot of ways for her. My mother had been 100% supportive of her the entire time. My parents have an awful marriage that probably won't last any longer than it has to.

    Well, my sister got a call yesterday from my father who told her that she had to come home or take out loans to pay for the rest of her education, go into huge debt, possibly screw herself over, etc. The shocker? My mother had SUDDENLY done an about face and agreed with my father that she should come home. This completely shattered my sister's confidence in her parents and really shook her up, as my mom had been her backbone through all of this.

    The problem is that I think I know why my mother did an about face, and I'm the only one who knows. I think she's been cheating on my dad, and he found out. (Don't ask why I know that.) I think that he set my mom down and told her that he'd tell all the kids what she's been doing unless she sided with my dad and got my sister to come home. It's not at all because she thinks it's a good idea - she doesn't, but she's backed herself into a corner, been blackmailed, and doesn't want the kids to resent her.

    So now - in one day, new job and all - she's also stopped supporting my sister in her efforts to stay down here (which is baffling to everyone except me), and both parents have demanded that she come home from TCU and go to a commuter college in our hometown.

    I don't know what to do.
    Last edited by Dallasin2K3; 05-18-2007, 01:19 AM.
    Originally Posted by Briman123

    I'd rather drink beer because drinking alot of beers makes you more manly.
  • SoMiss2000
    Hall Of Fame
    • Oct 2002
    • 20499

    #2
    Re: What should I do?

    she wouldn''t be the first to have to get student loans. she's going to be a dentist, she can pay them back.
    "Never trust a big butt and a smile."-Ricky Bell
    Check out www.sliderset.net



    Currently Listening: The D.O.C.: No One Can Do It Better (evidence that rap music used to be good!)

    Comment

    • DueceDiggla
      MVP
      • Aug 2002
      • 4915

      #3
      Re: What should I do?

      You really can't do anything but sit back and keep your mouth shut. The worst thing would be to call your mom out on her cheating if thats what you're thinking.

      Comment

      • IlliniM1ke
        Heroes Never Die
        • Feb 2003
        • 8082

        #4
        Re: What should I do?

        Originally posted by SoMiss2000
        she wouldn''t be the first to have to get student loans. she's going to be a dentist, she can pay them back.
        Agree.

        Also, if you're parents marriage is as bad as you make it sound would your mom cheating on your dad really come as a huge surprise to the point where your dad could use it to blackmail your mom into backing him?
        Favorite Teams:
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        • grismosw
          MVP
          • Jul 2002
          • 2654

          #5
          Re: What should I do?

          Student loans is the way to go, very few kids are in a situation where they have their parents pay there way through college.
          PS4 Username: grismosw7

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          • TJdaSportsGuy
            Hall Of Fame
            • Dec 2002
            • 11146

            #6
            Re: What should I do?

            I agree with what everyone else has said. Student loans are the way to go. Most people have them. It's just a fact of life. The good news is that having outstanding student loans does not really have an adverse effect on your credit. When doing a credit report, it does show up as money owed, but your credit score is rarely, if ever affected by it.

            Student loans, man. Tell her to show your folks that she can make it on her own. You have a much greater sense of accomplishment when you have to do it that way.

            Comment

            • DaveDQ
              13
              • Sep 2003
              • 7664

              #7
              Re: What should I do?

              I agree on the student loans, but you have to also factor in your sister's desire to not come home. If she doesn't want to do as your parent's are essentially demanding, there will be some strong feelings of anger and frustration towards them.

              If this is all about your dad blackmailing your mom, and you feel she has in fact cheated on him, you might consider pulling your mom aside (in a very loving and understanding way) and talk to her about your suspicions. There's a lot of things to factor in, and you won't get it all settled until everyone is honest about why they are doing what they are doing.

              If all your suspicions prove true, your sister is getting the brunt of your parent's strained relationship. If they can come to terms with that and see that it's unfair and hurtful towards her, maybe they'll change their ways.

              In my opinion, the only way for them to genuinely get to that point is to be humble and honest.

              I hope this works out for you and your family.
              Being kind, one to another, never disappoints.

              Comment

              • poster
                All Star
                • Nov 2003
                • 7506

                #8
                Re: What should I do?

                Yes she should stay and get loans. It does suck and I have to start paying mine soon so I know the feeling. No debt is good, but student loan debt is acceptable. Sorry about the situation, hopefully everything works out for you guys.

                Comment

                • Lintyfresh85
                  Where have I been?
                  • Jul 2002
                  • 17492

                  #9
                  Re: What should I do?

                  definitely go for the loans. You have a 6 month grace period after college to start paying the loans, and by that time she should already have a good dental job.
                  http://flotn.blogspot.com

                  Member of the Official OS Bills Backers Club

                  Originally posted by trobinson97
                  Hell, I shot my grandmother, cuz she was old.

                  Comment

                  • MassNole
                    Banned
                    • Mar 2006
                    • 18848

                    #10
                    Re: What should I do?

                    Whereas I would agree with everyone that said your sister should take loans, I will give some different advice. If you believe your mother is doing this to hide her affair confront your mother on it. Your sister shouldn't have to pay for your mother's actions. As you said it seems a foregone conclusion your parents are getting divorced so be there for your mother and assure her that she won't be the bad guy here, especially if your father is blackmailing your mother at your sister's expense. So confront your mother on the issue and support her to back your sister.

                    Comment

                    • Lintyfresh85
                      Where have I been?
                      • Jul 2002
                      • 17492

                      #11
                      Re: What should I do?

                      but what if his mom isn't cheating? Imagine how devastating it must be to have one of your own children accuse you of cheating!
                      http://flotn.blogspot.com

                      Member of the Official OS Bills Backers Club

                      Originally posted by trobinson97
                      Hell, I shot my grandmother, cuz she was old.

                      Comment

                      • DaveDQ
                        13
                        • Sep 2003
                        • 7664

                        #12
                        Re: What should I do?

                        Originally posted by Superstar
                        but what if his mom isn't cheating? Imagine how devastating it must be to have one of your own children accuse you of cheating!

                        Well, you don't enter the room and start throwing accusations. Like he said, she's done a complete, 180. Once she encouraged her daughter to do what she wants, now she isn't.

                        Maybe he can sit down with her and talk it out.
                        Being kind, one to another, never disappoints.

                        Comment

                        • chippered
                          MVP
                          • Aug 2002
                          • 1528

                          #13
                          Re: What should I do?

                          Whether she's cheating or not, your mom isnt being honest with either of you, and possibly herself. Somethings obviously up. Not trying to start trouble, but you and your sister seem to be good people, trying to do well for yourselves and your dad and now your mom are trying bring your sister down. Over what? Money? How lame.

                          I'd either tell your sister what your thinking or confront your mom. The worst that'll happen is she (your mom) will get pissed at you, but she's the two faced person here, and you've got questions, and deservedly so.

                          I think sitting back quietly while your parents do this to your sister is kinda weak. Put yourself in the situation. Wouldnt you want someone to help you?

                          Either way, good luck man.
                          GT = Chippered

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                          Indianapolis Clowns

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                          • funky_chicken
                            MVP
                            • Jul 2002
                            • 3282

                            #14
                            Re: What should I do?

                            If you are really concerned about it and don't want your sister to have to take out student loans they you can always fit the bill for school for her.

                            Comment

                            • BoA
                              Rookie
                              • Nov 2004
                              • 380

                              #15
                              Re: What should I do?

                              Originally posted by SoMiss2000
                              she wouldn''t be the first to have to get student loans. she's going to be a dentist, she can pay them back.
                              I agree 100 percent. I took out over 25,000 in loans before I became an accountant and am doing just fine financially. and trust me, accounting salaries are nowhere near what dentist salaries are.

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