Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

[Admiral50]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Nah, no chance of love this early with any person.

Anyways, talking to her today and a couple guys at work (while on my day off) gives me a pretty solid impression that (even though she initially was hoping for more) it's pretty much confirmed to be a close friendship from now.

Good and bad for me I guess. Good in that I have a new best friend, but bad because there are certainly still feelings there (from me) and it hurts to be around her when she's talking about or flirting with others.

Ah well. Maybe I need to find someone more suited to me to help this attraction go away. Because as much as I'd love to be together and take care of her, I guess I can see some potential flaws, so I hope to hell I can get over her soon.

[BunnyHardaway]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

I got stuck in the same situation. Met this girl that was the complete opposite of me, talked to her for like 6-8 hours a day. I heard from some people that she was interested in being more than friends so I tried to pursue, but I got those same "I'm gonna back off now" signs from her. We don't talk anymore, so I'd say that ended well.

[Court_vision]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

First things first... yes I have recently ended my 4 year relationship/engagement, but it was a fairly mutual agreement in the end and although it's gonna hurt, regardless because of the amount of time and effort we put in, I can say pretty confidently that I'm not on the rebound so to speak.

Anyway, I've grown really close to this woman I work with. Really quickly too. As friends I guess.
2 weekends ago we talked on the phone for 10 hours in the one day. That was followed by 6 hours the next day and catching a movie, lunch and a walk in the park the day after.
Everyday for the next week we were on the phone again for 3-6 hours every night. Pretty much opening up about anything and everything, both more than we've ever told anyone before strangely.

Pretty serious and intense I guess. But the thing is, she is so different from me. Almost opposite's I guess.

She's quite the extrovert and extremely vain, but for some reason it doesn't bother me. Then the things that do bother me, like the fact that she is pretty open with her sexuality and need for 'booty calls' still aren't enough to put me off.

She's just finalising her divorce to a guy who treated her badly and by the sounds of it has never been treated like a princess and wouldn't know how to take it if she were. Me on the other hand, have always treated girlfriends like that I guess and she knows that.

I'm would be totally content with having her as a best friend for life (something we've already talked about) because she is that much of a special person to me but I am really falling for her. There's just a different connection with us and an extremely deep feeling of mutual understanding and care.

I'm 30 years old and think this stuff is for teenagers, yet when I am with her at work, my stomach just churns and my heart beats a hundred miles an hour. It's crazy.

So yeah, some of the stuff she says and does, can bother me but why I am still crazy about her?

In the beginning there were signs that she wanted to be more than friends but she actually said to another friend of mine that she would like to date me but is worried she'd break my heart and even that I knew she would.

Now though, I'm getting a lot of signs that she is really backing off.

Anyway, that's not the important thing. If she doesn't want more than a friendship that's cool, but it's not making my pain any better. I'm a grown man who's falling for possibly, the totally wrong woman. I don't get life.

Me and you have had our differences here mate...but I can offer you some good advice on this one. That advice is to keep a good distance and go VERY slow.

I can tell you that I was almost in an identical position to you. I was with someone for close on 7 years...we seperated amicably...and then I met a girl who was very different to me and also going through a divorce.

She was only 23, but she'd been in a crap marriage since she was 19.

She was...to this day...the coolest girl I've been with. We are still friends, but that's a few years later and things were bad for a long time.

When we first got together...I was very similar to you. I found her amazing. Sex absolutely rocked / she also showed me a side to her that hardly anyone saw, she was a really kind hearted...gentle...girl. On the surface though, she was really aloof with most people.

Her ex husband had treated her like crap. He was actually in a chinese gang in sydney...long story...and she'd been his "showpiece". I.e. she was amazingly beautiful, but he had no interest in her as person. He had her simply to show off when he went out. He had other lovers / treated her like she was worthless.

I treated her very nice...and it was hard not to fall for her when I saw how gentle she was behind the whole "i am a gang guys girl" face.

I am kind with women...it's a major flaw of mine ...and she appreciated that. Like your new girl, she was coming off a bad marriage.

We started the same as you...hours on the phone...really close as friends...but it became more pretty fast and I was absolutely infatuated woth her for a while there.

Anyway...to cut a long story short...we were on and off for about 18 months. It wasn't ever really going to work. Opposites attract for a short time. If they marry, long term it rarely works out post infatuation.

I met my wife towards the end of my relationship with that girl...we had so much more in common. Long term, that helps a lot.

Me and that girl had a period of not talking for about 6 months...but later we became friends again. I don't see her often now, we live a long way apart, but we email a bit and it's nice.

I never regret having been involved with her.I am glad I didn't marry her though. It wouldn't have worked long term.

Any woman coming off a divorce and being so different to you...take it slowwwwwwwwwwww.

[Admiral50]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Yeah. Pretty screwed up I guess I am.

[Court_vision]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Yeah. Pretty screwed up I guess I am.

Don't worry mate, this 'stage' only lasts a month or two. After that, life goes back to normal.

I remember walking around the city ALL day just trying to get her out of my head. Didn't work. The phone would ring and I'd almost jump out of my skin anwering it. Crazy.

I literally couldn't focus on anything else. Really tough time emotionally and you find the smallest things will make you thing of her.

Side note: I am sorry to hear your relationship, the four year / engagement one ended.

I know you said it was amicable...as was my seven year one...but it still leaves a massive hole in your life. Well, in mine it did.

In many ways, I could never tell if the "new" girl was me missing my old one...or legitimately i was in love with her.

Relationships are never easy

[Admiral50]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Pretty f-in hard when I work with her all day, 10 days a fortnight.

This sucks man. Maybe it really is the meaning of a the rebound emotion thing.

I've just had her tell me we won't take it further because it would ruin the friendship we have. Which, really is for the best in my situation. But again, it's tough because there was a glimpse of a possible relationship and still genuine feelings there.

I really need to hook up with someone real quick. But not only have a been off the dating scene for 4 years, but I hate it.

It's hurting that bad that I am seriously considering changing areas in my job or even moving to a new town and job

[Court_vision]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Pretty f-in hard when I work with her all day, 10 days a fortnight.

This sucks man. Maybe it really is the meaning of a the rebound emotion thing.

I've just had her tell me we won't take it further because it would ruin the friendship we have. Which, really is for the best in my situation. But again, it's tough because there was a glimpse of a possible relationship and still genuine feelings there.

I really need to hook up with someone real quick. But not only have a been off the dating scene for 4 years, but I hate it.

It's hurting that bad that I am seriously considering changing areas in my job or even moving to a new town and job

Working together...that's got to be bloody hard.

Re the dating scene...tell me about it mate, I was off it for seven years. It was fun going back, but it was also a nightmare.

I wanted every relationship to 'fast forward' to the good points I had with my long term ex. Really difficult emotionally.

The friendship thing is hard. With the girl I mentioned above...we became pretty good friends. We actually met at a job interview. We both got 'punted' at the same stage of a group interview thing. I smiled at her and said "Well, that's my arvo f-ed...want to get a coffee?". We went for coffee and talked for hours. Her about her ex husband...me about my ex long term GF.

We used to meet once or twice a week...movies, dinner. Just coffee. Just talking.

When it started to cross the line...I was scared big time...i really didn't want to risk losing the friendship.

The line was crossed though.

The closer you stay to this girl, the harder it will be to not cross that line mate. Whether it be physically or emotionally...you're not going to be able to turn those feeling off being so close to her.

I don't envy your position. I remember having some dark, dark days.

Kepp your head up. It will smooth out over time.

[Pappy Knuckles]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Does bringing a stripper home one night count as falling for the wrong woman?

not as long as you didn't fall into it raw dog.

[DaveDQ]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

YEah until you get married and you are with that person 24/7. lol Any ways is she hot? If she is hot that is probably why you are falling for her. I don't know if the girl I liked was that much different then me then I would just be friends. Exspecially if she is open about sex, to me that is personal, but that is just the way I was raised. Any ways good luck bro.

There's truth to that. The opposites attract idea is a myth. What's happening in those situations (where opposites are attracting) is one person is noticing things in the other that they themselves don't practice. It's almost as if they are admiring the other person for their differences. There's nothing wrong with that, but in due time, it's very possible that those differences become huge life philosophies that challenge you.

I learned this very thing with my wife and at a certain point, I had to decide what loving her really meant. She's very different than me in many ways. but, we hold very similiar values. We want the same for our family.

In the end, the things that are essential are most important. The non-essentials can have some diversity. It's just nailing down what is essential and non-essential that is tough.

If she's making you think about yourself, and seeing yourself in a new way...If you find yourself challenged by her, I'd say she's the right woman. However, you mentioned she's vain. If so, I can see that becoming a problem.

[BagMan]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

As funny as I find it, she is probably turned off by phrases such as "10 days a fortnight" lol.

At this point, she's not looking for a comitted relationship. you should'nt be either. Use the tools that God gave you (alcohol) and meet her after work. See where it gets you (wink). Just go in understanding that if it all goes wrong, it really doesn't mean anything.

Just have fun with it! Whatever happens that night will be more memorable than watching TV.

Now if you'll excuse me, my favorite show is coming on.

[nyisles16]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

wow.... no replies from MagicBucsWhiteSoxfan, yet????

[P2K]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Calling for the poster Graphik. Calling Graphik, do you read me? Graphik, where are ya?

[nyisles16]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

Calling for the poster Graphik. Calling Graphik, do you read me? Graphik, where are ya?

lol!

[MagicBucsWsoxFan]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

YESSS! My specialty

Ive fallen for the wrong woman tons of times, and I never learn. Right now after 3 dates im already starting to fall head over heals for this girl. I dont think shes the wrong woman, but ofcourse theres problems. Only this time its my stupid parents. This girl is most likely moving to florida to attend college after she graduates in a few days. She'll stay for the summer and move toward the end of july to early august. Anyway we have really hit it off in the past week or so and my parents are playing the "its pointless because shes moving"card but really its a race issue. I completely hate it and its not even just my immediate family. My whole extended family sort of frowns upon it. Now as I said its frownd upon, not like they are forbidding it or threatning anything with it, but its still kind of annoying. Ive had so much fun when im with her for the past few nights and I dont even care if shes moving. I just want to enjoy this for as long as I can hoping it lasts.

[JohnnytheSkin]

Re: Ever fallen for the wrong woman?

YESSS! My specialty

Ive fallen for the wrong woman tons of times, and I never learn. Right now after 3 dates im already starting to fall head over heals for this girl. I dont think shes the wrong woman, but ofcourse theres problems. Only this time its my stupid parents. This girl is most likely moving to florida to attend college after she graduates in a few days. She'll stay for the summer and move toward the end of july to early august. Anyway we have really hit it off in the past week or so and my parents are playing the "its pointless because shes moving"card but really its a race issue. I completely hate it and its not even just my immediate family. My whole extended family sort of frowns upon it. Now as I said its frownd upon, not like they are forbidding it or threatning anything with it, but its still kind of annoying. Ive had so much fun when im with her for the past few nights and I dont even care if shes moving. I just want to enjoy this for as long as I can hoping it lasts.

Run away with her to Florida, don't let her get away! Better yet, elope!