You know what really grinds my gears?

[Blzer]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

It annoys me whenever people actually leave the seat up, it just doesn't look right. I know very few people who close the lid, though.

I close the lid. It looks more proper. Leaving it up? Ew.

[AC]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

Anxiety attacks.

[Mabster]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

Anxiety attacks.

I can't thumb this one enough times.

I had had one in my first 35 years of life and have had 4 since my mom passed away in May (I also turned 36 in May).

Part of what grinds my gears about them is that people who haven't had one really have no clue how they feel and how extreme they can be.

[Blzer]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

I was wondering... one of my newer softball players has anxiety, but really most often just gets them in the morning.

I don't really know what anxiety is. In that case, I've either had it before and don't know what to do with it (I'm up now for one reason, and it's because I haven't been able to fall asleep for the last four hours... but that's really procrastination stress maybe), or I really don't know what it's like or what anybody can do about it to cope with it non-medically.

Anyway, I was wondering if there's anything I can do as a coach, heck as a person. She and her mom arrived late one tournament morning when her mom pulled me to the side to talk to me about it. Either she was telling me so I knew why she would be unfit to play at certain times, or maybe she wanted me to be confiding for her daughter. Maybe certain coaches haven't been decent enough to be a kind, caring person in her time of need, and maybe I could be that outlet as she's going through it. Either someone to talk to her, or someone she can talk to.

I didn't know whether anxiety was therapeutic, so anyone who has it if you could let me know, that would be terrific. I want to help the kid because I feel sorry for her softball past with other coaches not being as... sympathetic/considerate?

[ubernoob]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

Everyone handles it differently, so it's really hard to give any advice as to that aside from being supportive.

I get it from time to time... and legit anxiety attacks can be extremely debilitating.

[CMH]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

I was wondering... one of my newer softball players has anxiety, but really most often just gets them in the morning.

I don't really know what anxiety is. In that case, I've either had it before and don't know what to do with it (I'm up now for one reason, and it's because I haven't been able to fall asleep for the last four hours... but that's really procrastination stress maybe), or I really don't know what it's like or what anybody can do about it to cope with it non-medically.

Anyway, I was wondering if there's anything I can do as a coach, heck as a person. She and her mom arrived late one tournament morning when her mom pulled me to the side to talk to me about it. Either she was telling me so I knew why she would be unfit to play at certain times, or maybe she wanted me to be confiding for her daughter. Maybe certain coaches haven't been decent enough to be a kind, caring person in her time of need, and maybe I could be that outlet as she's going through it. Either someone to talk to her, or someone she can talk to.

I didn't know whether anxiety was therapeutic, so anyone who has it if you could let me know, that would be terrific. I want to help the kid because I feel sorry for her softball past with other coaches not being as... sympathetic/considerate?

I think you showing concern and understanding it's difficult - even if you don't understand why or how it's difficult - is a huge positive for that individual.




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[AC]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

I can't thumb this one enough times.

I had had one in my first 35 years of life and have had 4 since my mom passed away in May (I also turned 36 in May).

Part of what grinds my gears about them is that people who haven't had one really have no clue how they feel and how extreme they can be.

First of all, I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

Second, people just don't get it. My first one, I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack (and my friends who have had them say it felt something like that). It gets better after that first one since you know what's going on but it still sucks. Especially when nothing sets them off.

I didn't know whether anxiety was therapeutic, so anyone who has it if you could let me know, that would be terrific. I want to help the kid because I feel sorry for her softball past with other coaches not being as... sympathetic/considerate?

Well, yeah, you've probably had anxiety. Actually, almost definitely. Everyone has. I'd be floored if you hadn't. It's that feeling you get before a test or a date of nervousness or of shyness when talking to a new person. That's normal anxiety, and some of it can even be good. Without feeling anxious about tests, lots of people would probably/do fail. Everyone's had it. It's just that an anxiety disorder is a whole other animal.

Everyone deals with anxiety differently and everyone's anxiety is different; no two cases are the same. In terms of getting help with it, a counselor would be ideal. But as a coach, hell, even as a person, the best advice I can give you is to be as understanding as humanly possible. If she says she needs to be subbed out, sub her out. If she needs to take a little break, let her.

The best example of dealing with anxiety would probably be a kid at the camp I worked at last summer. He had GAD, I think, so I felt his pain. Our staff was notified by his mom about his condition, and this was a sports camp. Whenever he needed to sit off a game or two, he just told us, and a counselor would come sit off with him, make sure he was okay, and talk to him a bit.

The worst way you can deal with it is probably how my English teacher has tried to this year. I told her about my condition and how it might impede my ability to do an activity in class, to which I received one of the greatest backhanded compliments ever: "That's a real shame, you're so great at English. You should get over that."

Telling people to get over it or suck it up really isn't the greatest way to go about things, lol.

[Blzer]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

Everyone deals with anxiety differently and everyone's anxiety is different; no two cases are the same. In terms of getting help with it, a counselor would be ideal. But as a coach, hell, even as a person, the best advice I can give you is to be as understanding as humanly possible. If she says she needs to be subbed out, sub her out. If she needs to take a little break, let her.

The best example of dealing with anxiety would probably be a kid at the camp I worked at last summer. He had GAD, I think, so I felt his pain. Our staff was notified by his mom about his condition, and this was a sports camp. Whenever he needed to sit off a game or two, he just told us, and a counselor would come sit off with him, make sure he was okay, and talk to him a bit.

Interesting. Let me explain the situation just a little bit more so it makes sense. This will be super long because it's a bit of a play-by-play, so bear with me.

She's kind of my player. I was coaching two softball teams this fall season: one was an 18U rec league team that plays Sunday double-headers. It's a lot more relaxed, and I filled up my roster with 40 names because people often couldn't show up for their travel ball teams. She's on that roster. I also coach a 12U team in a travel ball organization that had about four or five weekend tournaments. She made one of the two 16U teams in the organization.

So anyway, it's the first weekend both 16U teams are playing. My 12U team is not playing, so I was asked to help out this weekend because they were short-staffed. What eventually happened was I would help warm-up another team and start a game when the head coach person was running another game, or I would have to swap in and coach when someone else would, etc. It was three of us coaching two teams and game times could conflict with each other.

This player didn't even show up Saturday; I think she had a commitment already and couldn't attend. On Sunday, I'm about to warm-up her team while the other 16U team is playing, so we're sitting on the bleachers when she shows up with her mom. She looks upset, sort of crying. I thought she was ill or in pain. Her mom asked if she could talk to me for a second, so she pulled me aside and explained about her anxiety disorder. She said it affects her most in the morning, blah blah blah. She even showed me papers about a survey she took about herself once (regarding how much she likes sports, her confidence in playing, all that). I was understanding of the situation. Anyway, I'm warming up the team and then the game starts an hour later where the head coach already set a lineup. She's not starting, but that's rational anyway. She wasn't at the Saturday games and all, plus maybe her anxiety. I depart mid-game to warm-up the other 16U team, and while I'm doing it her 16U team gets eliminated, so she never played that day.

Weeks go by where I don't really ever get to see the team play again, but I get to appear at their practices and stuff so I still see her there, having fun with her friends, etc. Fast forward to just a few weeks ago, I have a Bye weekend for my 12U team but the 16U team is going to play in southern California. As she's heading to the parking lot and saying goodbye, I ask her if she's driving or flying. She starts to get a saddened look and says that she's not going. I ask why not, and she said that the coaches asked her not to come because of her anxiety. I'm sitting there thinking of how ridiculously stupid that sounds... not on her end, but on the coach's end. I kind of got angry about that inside, thinking this precious little kid just wants to play softball or have fun without anything getting in the way. I understand that should it get in the way she would report it, but morning games are few and far between. There are also afternoon, evening, and night games, so that really isn't an excuse.

I speak with her and her dad, and say: "You know what? You're on my roster for the other team I coach and we play this Sunday. Come on, join us and you can play!" She says okay to it, she gets some playing time (starts as reserve for the first game and enters in, then plays the entire second game), does pretty darn well, and had some fun out there. I just felt happy that I could accommodate her, because I thought the situation was kind of messed up. My games started at 11:00 AM and 1:00 PM, and there weren't any anxiety troubles whatsoever. Her parents thanked me dearly and incessantly, and I was more than happy to welcome them all and thank her for playing for us, as she really did do well.

Anyway, she plays for another high school and even when they play normally it's after school, so I don't think anxiety often screws her up during sports. I don't know how it is during school, but if there are other opportunities that I coach her, I didn't know if, like, she would show up one morning with one of those anxiety attacks that while I'm in the dugout with her I kind of have her next to me on a bucket and console her a little bit. Just wondering if there are ways to help remedy the situation, talk her through it, kind of have an "everything will be okay" attitude, or if I should just ignore it completely. I've been working closely with a sports psychologist for my high school team where she'll often sit players down and talk to them about emotional mindsets and mental approaches in the sport, and I didn't know if there was any of that I could feed to her, especially if it was nervousness that kicked in and forced her to be like that.

Thanks for those who actually take the time to read this. I know I just type the phonebook out at times haha.

[AC]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

This will be super long because it's a bit of a play-by-play, so bear with me.

Actually, it's super long cause it's a Blzer post. I'll have to scan it for something about your cousin.

Let me just say that I think what you did was phenomenal, taking her on your team. That's a really stand-up thing to do. I can't imagine how grateful her and her family must have been.

Best advice I can give on helping her in the moment, hypothetically, during an attack would be a little bit of everything. Try and talk her through it, but also let her weep it out a bit and tell her everything will be okay. And if she pretty much tells you to **** off, don't take it personally and just leave her be and give her space. Not saying that that will happen, just that it happens from time to time and person to person and maybe maybe not me.

In regards to talking her through it though, there are some strategies to use that you should probably talk to sports psychologist about. They're quite useful and could probably help.

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

I don't know what I hate more - people giving their fantasy football updates/stories that no one cares about or their Amazon/UPS/etc shipment updates that no one cares about.

Well one happens consistently over a long period of time and the other was several days for a one time event.

[CMH]

You know what really grinds my gears?

Interesting. Let me explain the situation...

That moment when you're sitting down to read posts and you know you just made a mistake.


Sent from my mobile device.

[Blzer]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

Actually, it's super long cause it's a Blzer post. I'll have to scan it for something about your cousin.

Let me just say that I think what you did was phenomenal, taking her on your team. That's a really stand-up thing to do. I can't imagine how grateful her and her family must have been.

Best advice I can give on helping her in the moment, hypothetically, during an attack would be a little bit of everything. Try and talk her through it, but also let her weep it out a bit and tell her everything will be okay. And if she pretty much tells you to **** off, don't take it personally and just leave her be and give her space. Not saying that that will happen, just that it happens from time to time and person to person and maybe maybe not me.

In regards to talking her through it though, there are some strategies to use that you should probably talk to sports psychologist about. They're quite useful and could probably help.

Thanks for the advice. I'll actually talk to the psychologist and know if she knows anything about that. She's probably not as honed in on predispositions as she is the latent effects of actually having played, but I'll see what I can get out of her.

It's just kind of one of those scenarios where I feel the need to pry the player about how I can best help her to make her aware that she is indeed different in this way, but I don't feel she has earned the necessity of being treated differently in that regard as well. I mean it's not like it's a disease (unless it is lol), and when she doesn't have it it's like nothing happened. But after her bad summer softball experience where she played very little (she didn't much in high school last spring either), this fall season incident was the tipping point for me.

Something had to be done... where she could feel extremely welcomed by somebody. I thought our organization would give her that chance. We had tryouts for the summer season just yesterday, and she wasn't there. I dearly hope she can land on a team before her softball playing spirits dwindle as a result of her condition. She also plays basketball and water polo, but if something is her passion, I hope she can cope in the right ways and people will be there in her time(s) of need.

[Mabster]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

First of all, I'm terribly sorry for your loss.

Second, people just don't get it. My first one, I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack (and my friends who have had them say it felt something like that). It gets better after that first one since you know what's going on but it still sucks. Especially when nothing sets them off.

Thanks AC. I've debated so many times about making a thread here on OS to discuss my loss. I've made many an snappy ******* post here in the last 6 months where I come back and read it the next day and realize I just wasn't right in the head when I made the post.

Anyway, I don't want to turn this thread into that thread. I wish I could add more advice for your player Blzer but there's no need. AC is spot on with everything.

[Gman 18]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

People who take the phrase " YOLO " way too far and do some very sick things because " YOLO " smh

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[bigbob]

Re: You know what really grinds my gears?

People that use the phrase "YOLO" period.