Relationship issues

[jmood88]

Re: Relationship issues

Here is a problem I have. Last August my girlfriend wanted a “break”. Her reason for the break was that she wanted me to graduate and get a better job. I thought this was a dumb reason because I was two classes away from graduating and I had a job waiting for me after I graduated.

Well during this break she started hanging out with this other guy, I’ll call him Larry. I met him once while I was still with her and mentioned how I think he likes her. She said they were only friends. Since I am not technically with her during this I just concentrate on school.

In December I graduated. I then ask her about us. She told me she will make her decision on who she wants to be with when she comes back from her trip. I assume she is going to pick me because we were together for nine years and because Larry is a loser. He is a janitor and a cook. He is also 10 years older then her and has 3 kids. When she gets back she tells me she wants to be with me. She just needs some time to end things with Larry.

Well guess what. We are still not together. She is still hanging out with this douche. This pisses me off because he did not go to college and he can’t provide for her financially. This makes me think even more that her excuse was just a lie. I have no idea what to do. I know I should just move on but I was with this girl for nine years. I love her so much.

Wow. Sorry but she sounds pretty stupid. I don't understand why girls do things like this.

[themush]

Re: Relationship issues

I'm new here but, not in life. Cut your ties. She'll be on your doorstep tomorrow. Girls like/need attention, the less you give, the more they want it from you.

[TarHeelMan]

Re: Relationship issues

Here is a problem I have. Last August my girlfriend wanted a “break”. Her reason for the break was that she wanted me to graduate and get a better job. I thought this was a dumb reason because I was two classes away from graduating and I had a job waiting for me after I graduated.

Well during this break she started hanging out with this other guy, I’ll call him Larry. I met him once while I was still with her and mentioned how I think he likes her. She said they were only friends. Since I am not technically with her during this I just concentrate on school.

In December I graduated. I then ask her about us. She told me she will make her decision on who she wants to be with when she comes back from her trip. I assume she is going to pick me because we were together for nine years and because Larry is a loser. He is a janitor and a cook. He is also 10 years older then her and has 3 kids. When she gets back she tells me she wants to be with me. She just needs some time to end things with Larry.

Well guess what. We are still not together. She is still hanging out with this douche. This pisses me off because he did not go to college and he can’t provide for her financially. This makes me think even more that her excuse was just a lie. I have no idea what to do. I know I should just move on but I was with this girl for nine years. I love her so much.

Sounds like a classic case of the "friend zone"

http://www.laddertheory.com/

[NYG_Meth]

Re: Relationship issues

Here is a problem I have. Last August my girlfriend wanted a “break”. Her reason for the break was that she wanted me to graduate and get a better job. I thought this was a dumb reason because I was two classes away from graduating and I had a job waiting for me after I graduated.

Well during this break she started hanging out with this other guy, I’ll call him Larry. I met him once while I was still with her and mentioned how I think he likes her. She said they were only friends. Since I am not technically with her during this I just concentrate on school.

In December I graduated. I then ask her about us. She told me she will make her decision on who she wants to be with when she comes back from her trip. I assume she is going to pick me because we were together for nine years and because Larry is a loser. He is a janitor and a cook. He is also 10 years older then her and has 3 kids. When she gets back she tells me she wants to be with me. She just needs some time to end things with Larry.

Well guess what. We are still not together. She is still hanging out with this douche. This pisses me off because he did not go to college and he can’t provide for her financially. This makes me think even more that her excuse was just a lie. I have no idea what to do. I know I should just move on but I was with this girl for nine years. I love her so much.

Larry must be packin'

[dossier]

Re: Relationship issues

Best advice would be to move on, ignore her some, and start dating other woman. You'll see that if you really do like her after all these other girls you'll have to find a way to get her back. But don't let her be the MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

and quit being a WUSSY (Learned that one from David Deangleo)

[larrygiterdone]

Re: Relationship issues

Here is a problem I have. Last August my girlfriend wanted a “break”. Her reason for the break was that she wanted me to graduate and get a better job. I thought this was a dumb reason because I was two classes away from graduating and I had a job waiting for me after I graduated.

Well during this break she started hanging out with this other guy, I’ll call him Larry. I met him once while I was still with her and mentioned how I think he likes her. She said they were only friends. Since I am not technically with her during this I just concentrate on school.

In December I graduated. I then ask her about us. She told me she will make her decision on who she wants to be with when she comes back from her trip. I assume she is going to pick me because we were together for nine years and because Larry is a loser. He is a janitor and a cook. He is also 10 years older then her and has 3 kids. When she gets back she tells me she wants to be with me. She just needs some time to end things with Larry.

Well guess what. We are still not together. She is still hanging out with this douche. This pisses me off because he did not go to college and he can’t provide for her financially. This makes me think even more that her excuse was just a lie. I have no idea what to do. I know I should just move on but I was with this girl for nine years. I love her so much.

dude she likes me more, get over it

[johnny_park]

Re: Relationship issues

Thanks for all the advice. I gave her a letter on Saturday telling her that I am sick of all of this. I then asked her for the last time if she wants to be with me or not. She is going to write back by the weekend. If she doesn't want to be with me I'll ask for the three grand she owes me and then cut all ties with her.

[Cebby]

Re: Relationship issues

If she doesn't want to be with me I'll ask for the three grand she owes me and then cut all ties with her.

Remember, don't let her walk on the money. Chances are, she's going to say she doesn't have it. You need to get those few thous off of her.

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[P2K]

Re: Relationship issues

Best advice would be to move on, ignore her some, and start dating other woman. You'll see that if you really do like her after all these other girls you'll have to find a way to get her back. But don't let her be the MAN IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

and quit being a WUSSY (Learned that one from David Deangleo)

First of all, everybody says to go out on all these dates and start bangin' everything in sight to get over a chick. That's not the right way to go. That ish don't work.

Second, find his way back to her? After he done got out his anger with other chicks? LOL!

Johnny, let the bitch go. Don't be a classic simp and be all sentimental about all of this. The bitch is being a ho'. Now ask yourself..."Why would I want to be with a whore? A dumb whore, at that."

And forget the nine years together. If he is doing this to you after so many years together, then she is not into you like you think she is.

Follow the advice of Nino Brown...

[ninjamonkey]

Re: Relationship issues

BEYOND-EPIC POST ENSUES
(Please don't harangue me b/c of the length. This post took me 2 hours to type up. If you are pissed about the length, pretend this is just a chapter in a romantic tragedy/comedy lol)
I know it's super long, but hopefully some will appreciate the detail and enjoy it for its story aspect

My ex shall be referred to as “she” the entire time.

I'll admit I went overboard with the length, but this is the update if you are interested.
Here goes:

Ironically, I just came in here to give an update. Sorry I didn't see your requests half a month ago!

Let me give some background. I can't remember where exactly things were when this thread sort of died, but I can't be leaving too much out since I will begin with the middle of March and Spring Break.

Odd tidbit: The wednesday before spring break begins, I have an intramural hockey game. On Wednesdays, I always get dinner without her, as I have to eat and then get ready for my game, and she has class during that time when I need to eat. All of a sudden, this Wednesday, she can't believe I got dinner without her. I point out that that's how it's always been, but she just ignores me.

For Spring Break, she is going to florida. She invites me to come, but I ultimately say no. It was just her and a few other girls going, so I wouldnt really have anyone to play ball with or anything, and I didn't want to get dragged around shopping the whole time. Plus, we're supposed to not be together anymore anyway. I'll admit, I was slightly disappointed when she acte dliek she didn't mind me not coming, but that reall is irrelevant to this story, and I don't knwo why I'm mentioning it.

The night I am leaving college and goign home for spring break, and the night before she is leaving for florida, we are tryign to see each other for a little b/c the week prior had been extremely busy. We wind up laying on her bed together. We kiss each other's cheeks as a goodbye, as she begs me not to leave her. She later claims she remembers none of this, as she was asleep.

Over Spring Break, I call her a few times, to chat. But every time she answers she says she has to go, and she doesnt call me back when she gets some free time. Every night, the night just passes and its the next day, and I will be the one who has to call if I we are going to talk.

In the middle of Spring Break, she complains to me that she is sad b/c "we are so distant" (communication-wise). She then says "you never call me." Basically I prove her wrong, and point out that shes the one who hasn't been calling me. She claims she's been busy. Later, I found out that a bunch of times when she could have called me, she was just doing stuff on Facebook instead. Oh well, I didn't mind THAT much that we weren't tlakign that much, b/c I was hanging out with my own friends, and she seems to have a knack for killing my buzz when we talk. (probably a learned response as a result of her being pissed when I would hang out with friends and not her, while we were dating).

Anyway, we get back to school for the beginning of classes on Monday. On Monday nights, we do a radio show together here at school. So we got dinner together before our radio show. During dinner, I found out that while she was in Florida, she danced with guys in clubs. I was impressed with myself b/c I was only slightly jealous/irritated about that. During the ensuing week, I call her a few times to get dinner with me, but she declines. She doesnt call me to hang out or get dinner with her. During that week, she also tells me that she is "over me." I cannot be bothered to look in my chat logs and figure out why this came up. However, it probably came up b/c of the following:
I told her that it was messed up of her to never call me to chat or hang out, and to never accept my invites, after having complained that we were "distant" during spring break, and kissing me an dbegging me not to go, the night before spring break. So she tells me she is "over me," but that she wants to "remain friends." I also find this odd, since if she wanted to be friends, wouldn't she call me sometimes or possibly accept my invites? It just sounded like an excuse to me.

Anyway, I'm a bit upset by the fact that she is "over me" and the fact that she doesn't ever want to hang out or call me, so I start doing my own thing. I start getting dinner with my own friends, for several nights.

She goes home that weekend, and hangs out with a bunch of mutual (her and my) friends in our music scene. This consists of a local concert, and an after-party. I forget why we were talking, but she tells me that she is glad we broke up, b/c her friends think she is “so much more fun now” than she was in the past.

When she gets back to school (Sunday), I ask her if she wants to come see me to hang out for a little. She tells me she doesn't really have any urge to see me, but she comes to see me anyway.

Now, it's Monday night. Radio show night. I again get dinner on my own with my friends. She gets pissed at me for not getting dinner with her before our radio show. "You got dinner by yourself didn't you." This is completely ridiculous. She never invites me to dinner, or accepts my invites, and doesn't complain about me getting dinner without her the other nights. According to her, "radio show nights are completely different." Yeah, right. She is so angry, that she says "do the show by yourself," then quickly changes her mind and says "actually, I'm doing the show too but I will be ignoring you." She says "radio nights are completely different. why dont you be an adult and eat with me. you need to grow up. we aren't friends anymore." Ironic. How often do you hear adults say "we're not friends anymore"? LOL

The radio show is ridiculous. She doesn't really acknowledge me. Our show is composed of playing music, and announcing the songs, about 2 or 3 times an hour. While I leave the studio room for literally a few seconds, she goes on air and starts announcing. She doesn't turn my mic on. I hear her going on, so I go back into the studio, and turn my mic on. She makes a point of not giving me any room to speak, and tries to talk over me when I speak on air. She doesn't move at all when I need to access the area she is in. She turns the speakers in the studio extremely loud. I ask her to turn it down, but she doesn't respond, so I turn them down myself. She keeps turning them up as soon as I turn them down. I tell her this is ridiculous, but this childish game ensues until I realize that I had earplugs in my backpack. Thank goodness I happened to have those.
She keeps giving me no room to talk, and near the end of the show, she dedicates a song to a guy who asked her out last summer (while her and I were fighting). I'll admit, I called her a "f-ing c*nt" for that b1tch move, but she didnt hear me since I said it under my breath

Near the end of the show, I try to reason with her and try to resolve the problem, btu she is unresponsive. When the show ends, she leaves and even when I call after her several times, she ignores me.

I IM her the next night, but she is still pretty unresponsive to me, and acting like a jerk.

Because of this whole episode, I take her up on "not being friends". I do my own thing. When she happens to see me, does weird things, like saying "awkwardddd" or making strange faces to show her feelings of awkwardness. I am walking in the hall, happened to be in the hallway she lives in. She enters the hallway, sees me, and quickly turns around back into her room. As I get closer to her room, she peeks her head out looking around, as if pretending she isn't looking for me. This is extremely absurd, so I say "what?" She says she just feels so awkward around me. I tell her I don't really see why it's so awkward for her, b/c I'm not doing anything. She's the one who said we couldn't be friends. Anyway, she just says I was a jerk on Monday, and I leave.

I wind up talking to a friend of mine. I will call him Jack. Actually, he's a guy in the band that she went to go see at home the weekend before. We talk about how her and I broke up, and he informs me that I'm “better off.” He says that she really doesn't know who she is. She is stuck between these conflicting personalities. The reaosn he knows this is as he tells me, to my surprise, he had a fling with her, a couple weeks before her and I started dating in high school. I find this very interesting b/c she never mentioned this fling to me, even when we discussed our “histories.” B/c of this huge surprise to me, I feel comfortable telling him about how she punched me. We get into a talk, and I begin to ask him some other stuff. Over the summer, my ex claimed that a guy in Jack's band asked her out, as I mentioned earlier. I ask Jack if this is true, and he basically says that it's impossible for that guy to have asked her out. He also calls the guy just to verify. My ex was lying. She told me the guy asked her out, and she was going on a date with him, but ultimately didn't b/c he already had a gf. Anyway, Jack basically says “yeah, she lies a lot” and that she is a “fake” person. He doesn't tell his other friends (who seem to really like her) whats he's really like, b/c they are so blinded by her being attractive. Jack also says he figured she told me about the fling. This fling is particularly annoying, b/c my ex gave me A LOT of sh!t for having kissed girls in Middle School (I kid you not) when I was not “in a relationship” with them. Yet here she was, making out with a guy she wasn't “in a relationship with” a couple weeks before her and I started dating, and never mentioned it. I can't believe I went through so much stress all the while she was being a humongous hypocrite.

The final thing of importance that Jack tells me, is that my ex loves attention. At the concert, she apparently made a point of talking to every guy. She was so flirty that after the concert, many guys came up to Jack and asked him if my ex was interested in them.

When I was dating her, I used to get pissed that she was being flirty with other people. She would always tell me I was just being overly careful and she wasn't flirting. Apparently I wasn't wrong.

I then find out some interesting news from an online friend I have. He used to talk to both my ex and I. It's kind fo strange, but he started to become interested in my ex a couple years ago, even though he only knew her online. Anyway, last summer, he told me that he liked her b/c she “lead him on.” I sort of dismissed this, as I figured he must be exaggerating. But now, he tells me that she went as far as to “*kiss*” him in an online conversation. I know it sounds silly, but it isn't insignificant. I don't want my gf “kissing” other guys online. Plus, if she was willing to do this, maybe she was willing to cheat in real life. After all, I know have evidence that she's a liar anyway.

Anyway, a few days later, she IMs me and says "we need to end this awkwardness. We need to be friends. Soonish." I ask her "why" b/c I am curious why this suddenly comes out. Of course, she turns this into a fight as usual, and says "ok I guess you don't want to be friends then." UGH

I'm pretty OK with not being her friend, now that I know she put she through sh!t for nothing, lied to me, and hid some “e-cheating” (lol) and possibly real cheating. Finding these things out about her really made me not “love” or “like” her anymore, let alone ebing ok with not being friends. I can't believe during our relationship she used to say “I have never lied to you. I don't hide things from you the way you hide from me!”

However, we have another radio show and it doesn't feel that awkward. It's sort of funny. I changed nothing, yet things felt less awkward. This basically proved that things were only awkward before b/c she made them that way. Basically, she decides when things are awkward or not.

She says “Are we friends? If we're going to be friends we need to be friends. You can't just ditch me. Do you know what I mean?” I say “no” but she says she doesn't feel like explaining herself. I feel the need to tell her that I know her lies, but I don't see a way to bring it up.

Sidenote: There is a concert I want to go to on Friday, that she is going to. Ultimately, she says she wont take me b/c her car is full and I would just be “using her for a ride.”

Now, tonight arrives (Tuesday night/Very early Wednesday morning). It's her birthday, and I tell her happy birthday in a chat online at midnight. She tells me she has to park her car. She asks me if I'll walk with her to her car. I tell her she'll be fine. After all, this is the first thing she's “asked” me to do in many weeks, and its not even to hang out, it's just to do her a favor. Plus, isn't she just “using” me the way I would be “using her for a ride to the concert”? Anyway, this is why I don't walk her to her car. Plus, we are just friends now, right? Friends don't walk all their friends to their cars. People usually go to their car by themselves. She is just used to me going with her during our relationship.

Anyway, she gets super pissed at me for not walking with her, since it's “her birthday” etc. We wind up getting into a fight, so I deem this an appropriate time to tell her I know her lies. This wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped, as she just tried to weasel her way out of everything, either by providing excuses, avoiding my questions, or lying some more. She winds up saying she hates me, and that I can forget about being friends forever. She tells me she is going to throw out a cooking pan of mine that she borrowed. I tell her that fcked up, so she says she'll put it on top of the trash can instead and then I can come get it. So annoying. I can't count the number of times where we had a fight and she told me “bring [possession x] to me this instant!” Yet when she has my sh1t, she wont listen to me when I tell her to bring it to me. Anyway, it all ends with her blocking me on Facebook, and AIM.

So that's the past half-month in a (not-so-small) nutshell. Obviously, I couldn't include every detail, but it's really not necessary. Thanks for reading it and feel free to respond.

Another hilarious tidbit relating to Facebook. Once time when we were fighting, I changed my facebook password out of fear she would fck with my account. Sure enough, a day later she says “why did you change your password”
“uh, how did you know i did that?”
“b/c your old one wont work.”
“why are you trying to get into my account?”
“to see if you changed your password.”

Right...

I can't believe I forget these tidbits! I'm glad to be done with her. I'm not going to lie and say I'm super happy though. I hate being limited by being blocked on stuff. And I prefer her wanting to be friends than being super angry, even if I was sort of not sure if I could be friends with her after learning about the true, lying her.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Relationship issues

sounds like you need to give her the "angry pirate"

[stewaat]

Re: Relationship issues

Just be happy it was sooner rather than later. She sounds extremely immature. Relax, go out, have a good time, if something happens with another girl it happens.

Here's something I've learned in my days...

The people who are paranoid you're lying/cheating are only that way because they know they would lie/cheat.

I had a very jealous ex who ended up cheating on me. I let her do whatever because hey, if she cheats....peace out. She didn't want me going to a movie with a female friend haha.

[bluengold34_OS]

Re: Relationship issues

Ninja, it sounds like you made the right move....We all have dated "crazies" before....and let me just say, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck...it's a M***** F***** duck. So in short, she lies, she mistreats you and is disloyal and abusive.....Hmmm, I think you are better off this way my friend. You will find a good girl and she will make you look back on this relationship and have you asking yourself, "what the hell was I thinking".

[P2K]

Re: Relationship issues

Ninja....I laughed. I cried. I shivered a few times.

A couple conclusions...

1. I feel like a total ball for reading that entire thing.

2. You need to realize your girl needs to be institutionalized.

3. Be aware that you aren't far from it, either. But I'll chalk up your behavior due to being poisoned by such a queen demon bitch.

4. In the meantime, you may need to consider getting a restraining order. My P2K sense tells me you're going to need it.

[Pared]

Re: Relationship issues

Thanks for all the advice. I gave her a letter on Saturday telling her that I am sick of all of this. I then asked her for the last time if she wants to be with me or not. She is going to write back by the weekend. If she doesn't want to be with me I'll ask for the three grand she owes me and then cut all ties with her.

You gave her til the weekend?

I can't help but think she's banging the bejeesus out of Larry until then. Sort of like "getting it out of her system."

Does this girl have a job and is out of college?