Relationship issues

[stewaat]

Re: Relationship issues

Yeah. Why didnt you want to stay the night with her? Weren't you gonna smash?

I'm with the OP sometimes you don't want to stay the night with someone. It's not always about sex.

If she punched you I would not put up with it.


It will take time to get over it but still...pain heals all wounds. You won't be jealous once it's another girl calling you.

[callmetaternuts]

Re: Relationship issues

Its been said a thousand times, but ill add it one more time. Its not healthy to stay in something like that. You're gonna be jealous, bitter, hurt when she dates this guy or any guy bc you and her were young when you started dating, probably a first love type thing. Its gunna suck until you cut the cord and meet someone new. Wish i could tell you that would happen today, but the best thing you can do is just fade into the background. You (nor anyone) needs to deal with that. Im sorry that all had to happen, but in the end, its for the best, didnt sound too healthy.

Just take a deep breath and find something to occupy her time. Go out with some buddies, grab a movie you like to watch (im sure we can recommend a few here), or a video game that allows you the satisfaction of blowing stuff up, just stay busy. In a few years, this will be a distant memory.

Easier said than done........but hang in there.

[trobinson97]

Re: Relationship issues

The problem is I am really jealous of this guy. I hate the fact that he calls her everyday, and that she enjoys it, and that he asks her out all the time. Is the fact that I am jealous of him a sign that I should still be with my ex-gf, or is jealousy in this situation normal and I just have to get over it? I feel like I still love her, its just that she starts arguments with me everyday, plus the awkwardness of her having hit me.

Jealousy is normal, however you need to get over it. You also need to figure out why you are jealous. Are you jealous because you think the guy might be better for her than you were, or are you jealous because she is trying to move on and you aren't. Are you talking to other girls? You should man. That really helps the process of getting over an ex.

Get out there and hit the dating scene hard. Meet some new women, that'll get your mind off her. Jealousy is nothing more than a result of insecurity. Meeting new girls helps boost your confidence and it sounds like you need some confidence. The more confident you are in yourself the less worried you will be about your ex's relationships.

Here's another issue:
It really bothers me that people don't know that she hit me. It sucks thats he betrayed me in that way, but it feels even worse that it's as if she "got away with it." I want people to know what she did--especially people who seem to be friends with her while ignoring me. Not all of them ignore me, but for some reason it bothers me that these people like her more than they like me, when she betrayed me like this. I'm not looking for sympathy. It's just that people not knowing the real her just feels like it worsens her betrayal of me.

So what do I do? Do I tell people what happened, or do I suck it up?

Thank you for reading (and hopefully replying ).

Another case of your insecurities getting the best of you. Try not to worry about it. I can understand where you're coming from believe me, but it's not worth wasting your time worrying about it. If any of those people who are ignoring you decided to go the mature route and ask your side of the story, then sure go ahead and tell them the truth. There's no need to go out and volunteer the information just to get their approval or get back in their good graces. Seems to me doing that would only serve to make you look wimpy. If they only want to take her word then let them. You know the truth, that should be good enough for you. She hit you, you restrained yourself and asked for assistance before the situation got worse, that's admirable. A lot of guys would have gone the punk route and gone upside her head. You showed a lot of maturity.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to totally move on man. The sooner you do that, the better.

[P2K]

Re: Relationship issues

I had a gf for 5.5 years. After 2 years we started arguing and fighting on a weekly basis. Every1 around me told me she's not good for me, but I didn't listen and kept dating her. After 4.5 years she started nugging me about getting married (I was 27 and she was 23) and after about 10 months I talked to her parents about it and they were happy we were finally doing it (I didn't tell my parents a thing...oh and they really hated her). But I just felt I couldn't stand it anymore and that I wasn't gonna do it, so we decided to take a month break and see what it would be like. I must say that during that month I hardly ever missded her. After that month we talked on the phone and I told her I was coming over to break up. When we met she started crying and really asked me not to do it, but this time I didn't fall to that trap, kissed her mother on the cheek for goodbye and apoligized that it didn't work out, kissed my gf a goodbye kiss - and dumped her for good. That was it.
After about six months I met her at work because it turned out that she's been working at the same building...so we became friends (just friends) for a while. After some time we stopped being friends and I stopped hearing from her. At that time I met my wife and was very happy (as I am today). Then she called to wish me happy b-day, so I called her too on her b-day. Six months ago she called again, so my wife (then my gf) listened to the talking and laughed a lot. My ex-gf was so weird (and stupid) she said she was around my parents' house and wanted to know what's up with me... So I told her about my gf and that we live together and all that...so she's like: "Yeah, nice. I'm doing good too, everyting is great, I'm having the time of my life..." etc. She's one of those people that will always tell you she's at her best and everything is great - even if she's falling apart and might consider suiciding. Too bad she forgot that she was talkign to me - the person who knows her the best - and I could sense that not everything was that great. But I didn't really care, I just made a laugh of it with my gf.
I don't want to tell u the bad stuff about that ex-gf, but believe me she's a freak show, she's totally screwed. Some people that met her told me they think she needs some threatment...I won't deny it...
Anyway, looking back I'm so happy I dumped her becuase if we got married it would have been HELL and it would surely ended in divorce.
And today I'm married to the best girl in the whole world! So everything turned out ok

God's gift to women over here...

[youvalss]

Re: Relationship issues

OK dude, here's the truth: You'll do much better when u move on. BUT u'll feel that things are better only some time after u moved on. It won't happen in a day or a week. But after some time u'll realize that everything is so much better. Trust me! I can assure u that some day u'll write the same words to some1 with the same dilema.

[Pared]

Re: Relationship issues

Jealousy is normal, however you need to get over it. You also need to figure out why you are jealous. Are you jealous because you think the guy might be better for her than you were, or are you jealous because she is trying to move on and you aren't. Are you talking to other girls? You should man. That really helps the process of getting over an ex.

Get out there and hit the dating scene hard. Meet some new women, that'll get your mind off her. Jealousy is nothing more than a result of insecurity. Meeting new girls helps boost your confidence and it sounds like you need some confidence. The more confident you are in yourself the less worried you will be about your ex's relationships.





Another case of your insecurities getting the best of you. Try not to worry about it. I can understand where you're coming from believe me, but it's not worth wasting your time worrying about it. If any of those people who are ignoring you decided to go the mature route and ask your side of the story, then sure go ahead and tell them the truth. There's no need to go out and volunteer the information just to get their approval or get back in their good graces. Seems to me doing that would only serve to make you look wimpy. If they only want to take her word then let them. You know the truth, that should be good enough for you. She hit you, you restrained yourself and asked for assistance before the situation got worse, that's admirable. A lot of guys would have gone the punk route and gone upside her head. You showed a lot of maturity.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to totally move on man. The sooner you do that, the better.

Really great advice here. If you still have time to focus on what she's doing, that means you're not doing enough yourself.

I think you already know you shouldn't get back with her. That's more along the lines of you being comfortable.

And why you may still possibly love her the tiniest bit, more of what you're feeling I would say is loneliness. It's normal after a break-up... but you need to keep yourself busy. Go shoot some hoops... work out... play some NBA 2k8 on rookie setting and destroy the computer. Just do something...

Oh, and ANY time you think about getting back with her or whatever... just keep telling yourself... SHE HIT YOU. Man, I give you credit for holding back... but don't put yourself in a situation where you might not be able to hold back again.

[luv_mist]

Re: Relationship issues

Honestly, I'll tell you that it's hard to turn off emotions for another person. I can understand where you're coming from. I think most of us on this site have been through some female problems in our life. It does take time to get away from it. You have to ask yourself a question and be honest with it. Do you want to enjoy your life or do you want to be miserable with this girl in it? Regardless if you are with her or not, you are close enough to still be a casualty of her character. Even if you guys are under "friendship", she is trying to manipulate you into doing what she wants.

Honestly, it does take time to distance yourself. It'll be hard to quit cold turkey. Take up several hobbies that can get your mind off of her. You don't have to date many women to get your mind off of her. Post on OS more and get to know some of the guys. That really does wonders. You need to definitely expand your friend's list so that you'll be able to socialize beyond what you know now. Those people you are worried about could careless about you. If they're ignoring you, they don't care and won't ever care. Don't pay them any attention. You can never please anyone who doesn't want to be pleased.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You truly are a good man because I'm of a different mindset. If a female raises her hand, her sex goes out the door. Only women I won't hit are my wife and mother. Everyone else who attacks is free game for a mouth shot and an anal whooping.

Another note, when she brings up the whole dating scene of other men, tell her (in a non-jealous way) that she needs to do that because you think it's best for her. If you want to get over her, you have to put your mind into action and do it. It always seems like an impossible mountain to climb, but even mountains stop at a certain point. There isn't a mountain that ascends forever.......

[Brandwin]

Re: Relationship issues

Ninja -

1. The jealously is normal, even for a man that must part ways from his ex. The jealousy (or any other feelings) won't begin to wear off until you separate yourself from her. So start toning your talks with her down to only once a day, then 3 times a week, then once a week, once a month, etc.

2. Find someone new to "love." Or at least start looking so that you can get your mind off your ex and HER love-life.

3. Tell people about the punch if they ask. Otherwise, don't say anything.

4. If you are a person of faith, then use that to help you cope.

Lastly, your desire to continue talking to her AND about her (whether it be to friends or about the "punch") shows that you still have a unhealthy level of connection to this girl. Shake it off.

Jealousy is normal, however you need to get over it. You also need to figure out why you are jealous. Are you jealous because you think the guy might be better for her than you were, or are you jealous because she is trying to move on and you aren't. Are you talking to other girls? You should man. That really helps the process of getting over an ex.

Get out there and hit the dating scene hard. Meet some new women, that'll get your mind off her. Jealousy is nothing more than a result of insecurity. Meeting new girls helps boost your confidence and it sounds like you need some confidence. The more confident you are in yourself the less worried you will be about your ex's relationships.





Another case of your insecurities getting the best of you. Try not to worry about it. I can understand where you're coming from believe me, but it's not worth wasting your time worrying about it. If any of those people who are ignoring you decided to go the mature route and ask your side of the story, then sure go ahead and tell them the truth. There's no need to go out and volunteer the information just to get their approval or get back in their good graces. Seems to me doing that would only serve to make you look wimpy. If they only want to take her word then let them. You know the truth, that should be good enough for you. She hit you, you restrained yourself and asked for assistance before the situation got worse, that's admirable. A lot of guys would have gone the punk route and gone upside her head. You showed a lot of maturity.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to totally move on man. The sooner you do that, the better.

Can't add much more to that. To be honest (and it depends on the person) you might break up and 6 months later see her out with another man and it might make you feel weird. It's just knowing someone you truly loved and cared for is now doing things with this person, it's normal.

Move on

[ehh]

Re: Relationship issues

I'm not going to post a pic of her, but trust me, she has guys all over her.

She gets asked out pretty often, even ignoring the guy who calls her everyday doing so.

Sounds like a huge attention whore and a psycho. You're better off without her. Five years from now you'll look back on it and realize how crazy you were to date her.

[davin]

Re: Relationship issues

Don't think there is too much for me to add that hasn't been said, but I'll try:

I would say you have to cut ties and just get out. You're 20, you have a lot ahead of you. You aren't tied down to her because of a marriage or because of kids. You two fight every single day from what you say, and she punched you because you didn't want to spend the night at her place. I don't really see that good of a future ahead for you two, what happens when you two would have kids and going through a marriage, much more serious than whose bed to spend the night in. Just get out of that relationship, it sounds much more of a burden to you than an actual relationship... plus she punched you in the face.

The jealousy I think is kind of normal, Trob had some good points though.

Honestly, on the second question: what good would come from everybody knowing the truth? I realize that it would make you feel a little better, but it sounds like these are mostly her friends, and even if you tell them, would they believe you? Telling the truth to everybody and staying in the relationship would most likely only cause even worse problems. I think it is just one of those things you just have to move on with, find somebody new.

There are plenty of women out there, and you got many years ahead of you. Learn what you can from this relationship and move on. There is somebody out there way better for you. Fighting every single day with a person who assaulted you before during an arguement is not the way to go.

In summary: Leave her and just cut ties. It may be painful and it may take time for you to feel over her, but things will get better.

[P2K]

Re: Relationship issues

Man, I give you credit for holding back... but don't put yourself in a situation where you might not be able to hold back again.

I honestly don't see a shred of a chance of that happening. I'm sorry, but his first post tells it all.

This bitch put the fear of Satan in him.

[Pared]

Re: Relationship issues

Do you know what causes a volcano to erupt?

Yeah... same concept here.

[P2K]

Re: Relationship issues

Volcano?!?! He came on here telling everybody he still feels the pain of her damn punch lmaooo!!!

Volcano? Happen ain't gonna.

[Pared]

Re: Relationship issues

C'mon man... you're belittling the dude now. The quiet ones are the craziest!

Next thing we know, he'll create a thread "OMG I think I just killed my ex!"

[P2K]

Re: Relationship issues

C'mon man... you're belittling the dude now. The quiet ones are the craziest!

Next thing we know, he'll create a thread "OMG I think I just killed my ex!"

Me thinks there's a better chance of a thread saying "OMG I think I just killed my ex!" created by..........HIS EX!!!

Maybe I've been extremely harsh on dude and I'm sorry if I have been, but I just don't have as much faith as you in this dude handling his biz.

Now his ex...she can handle biz. I like that bitch.