Anyone try online dating sites?

[CMH]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

I know you're trying and I hate to hear when people think they'll die alone. That makes me feel sad.

I'm a firm believer that people need to go on dates to learn about themselves and figure out what it is they want in a person. Attraction is obvious but there needs to be and has to be more.

I'm not saying you would have realized your ex wife would be jealous of your daughter but the key here is: you know what that type of jealousy looks like.

The more you date, get to know other women, the more you'll see what qualities matter most to you and which are signs that something won't work.

So yes, I get it that you want to be with someone attractive. You should want to wake up in the morning next to a person that's beautiful to you. What you need to focus on is knowing which beautiful woman is also going to be a great partner.

It might cost you some money and time but it will be worth it. Obviously you can knock out the women you know you don't match with at all but what's the harm in going out/hanging out with a person you might find to be a 5 or 6?

[NDAlum]

Anyone try online dating sites?

To me it just seems like you want the new woman of interest to be better looking than your super hot ex. Maybe it's so you can let her see the new lady and have that serve as a huge middle finger to her. Ultimately you just want to find a better person overall but having the woman be hot would really piss off the ex. You're shallow. Nothing wrong with that I'm not going to judge. Calling you shallow is just a fact. You've chosen women based on appearance over character it seems.

Might be way off, but that's my take.




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[mgoblue]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

To me it just seems like you want the new woman of interest to be better looking than your super hot ex. Maybe it's so you can let her see the new lady and have that serve as a huge middle finger to her. Ultimately you just want to find a better person overall but having the woman be hot would really piss off the ex. You're shallow. Nothing wrong with that I'm not going to judge. Calling you shallow is just a fact. You've chosen women based on appearance over character it seems.

Might be way off, but that's my take.




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Yeah...I would think that over a long period of dating you'd see the flags in personality. If not, I'd make it a point to try and find someone who is actually nice vs. just hot IMO. Still attractive, but you need to be able to live with this person for life. I eventually stopped dating super hot airheads because it wasn't fun talking with them. Sure, they're really hot, but I need more than that long term, you know?

[roadman]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Personality has always trumped looks for me.

I'm not trying to brag, but this will be year 28 for us. I've seen friends go through divorces for a myriad of different issues, cheating, not being compatible anymore, etc.....

It's difficult to find a "hottie" that doesn't have personality issues because usually the "hotties" are hung up on themselves.

I'm not saying settle for chopped liver, but somewhere in between isn't a bad option. You get the best of both worlds and perhaps a partner for life.

Good luck with the search. Hopefully, you can count on friends of friends and network your next long term find.

[Fresh Tendrils]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Its hard to find anybody who doesn't have issues, honestly. Its just a matter of finding someone who's issues you can deal with and handle for the long-term.

[ODogg]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Hey guys, I'll be brutally honest here, I was perpetually single until I hit 40. I was the loser kind of guy in your group who never got any women or dates. I had a few brief girlfriends in high school but nothing serious. And although I won't say I was a model for the film "The 40 year old virgin" I know that movie certainly took a good deal from my experiences LOL.

Anyways, once I hit 40 I decided, damnit, I have to try one last time to really find a good woman. If it doesn't work, and I'm sure it wouldn't, then I can at least say I gave it one last, great shot. But first I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing wrong and why I cannot get any dates. I mean I asked out a decent amount of women in my day but had virtually no luck to speak of. I had tried just about everything to no avail and it was clear I really didn't know what I was doing and/or I was clearly doing something, or everything very much wrong.

As it turns out, having grew up without an active father in my life and living with my mother and three sisters, I did not know how to deal with women in regards to being a man.

Yes that's right, I was friends with a lot of women and had no real problem talking to women but it was always on the platonic and dreaded "omg he's such a nice buddy!" level.

And for a good part of my adult life I was fat and didn't take real good care of myself in regards to how I looked at all. I mean one can be fat and clean, well put together and all but I was not that sort of man, I was the guy that women do not really want to talk to in how I presented myself.

To give you an example throughout my 20's I wore Dallas Cowboys hats, jerseys, socks, you name it, everywhere. I was proud of my Cowboys and they were kicking butt in the 90's so I really got into wearing their stuff.

Needless to say, not exactly a babe magnet, unless perhaps I found a huge Dallas Cowboys fan which was unlikely finding in central Ohio.

Anyways, long story short, I decided at age 40 it was now or never. I decided to spend some money on my wardrobe, try to get better clothes and clothes that women thought were attractive, not another Aikman jersey. I went on a quest to get in better shape and dropped about 40 pounds. I started asking around my friends for advice.

One friend gave me some dating tapes (Mp3s) by a guy who was the inspiration for Hitch, his name is David Wygant. These are not "player" tapes or "how to get laid" tapes. These are dating tapes for how to successfully interact with the opposite sex, something I never really knew how to do, at least not in the capacity of a man they may find attractive.

I listened to these tapes and became amazed at just how far off base I was with how I had attempted to court women. I pretty much did EVERYTHING wrong. I complimented beauty (wrong). I got to know a woman for a long time and got to be friends with her before romantically advancing (wrong). I fell in love with women from afar before making my move (wrong). I didn't know how to flirt. I felt nervous and scared talking to women and they could sense it.

The more I listened the more I thought "where the hell have these tapes been all of my life??" omg, so many women I could have dated and my life could have been so less miserable all throughout the years.

Here all of this time I thought it was because I was fat or not very nice looking or what. I never knew. I used to joke I gave off a "serial killer" vibe with my friends. And perhaps I did from how I acted. It was all quite simply that I wasn't relating correctly to how to speak to woman as someone who they in turn would find attractive.

Was I skeptical though about getting results? HELL YES!

But I diligently listened to all the tapes and really got myself in the mindset to follow what they said and went out and started talking to women once again, in regards to the capacity of trying to get a phone number and a date.

IT WORKED! Suddenly it was as if I had torn down that wall and was able to communicate and show that I was a nice guy who had a lot to offer the fairer sex.

Honestly I was floored. I would have done anything for knowing this in my teens.

I immediately established a dating profile and started conversing with women not just via email and IM like I had in the past but on the phone. And I felt comfortable, for once, doing so. Yes I sometimes had to have a beer before an initial phone call (think Raj on Big Bang Theory) but in general I was able to talk with women and flirt and it went great, many women started asking to go out with me. ASKING ME! Yes, it's true.

Eventually I met a really nice young woman and met her for drinks after talking a couple of times on the phone. The date went incredibly well and she called me the next day and asked me out again. My friend, and the tapes, suggested a pause before returning the call (so as not to appear desperate) but I did call her back and we had our 2nd date anyways. Well that date led to another date and we ended up being together for 5 years and got married last April.

Well the whole reason I am telling you guys all this is because I was recently cleaning out some USB drives and found these MP3's. If any of you guys would like them I'm happy to let you access the Dropbox and download them.

Now just to be clear, this isn't just for the losers who can't talk to women, like I was. It's a whole lot of advice about how to better communicate with women and see things how they see it, so I think it could be quite beneficial to anyone, even those of us who are married, although they are a bit more geared toward the courtship than the actual relationship aspect.

Just send me an IM with an email address if you're interested and I will send you a link to d/L.

[Bobhead]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Its hard to find anybody who doesn't have issues, honestly. Its just a matter of finding someone who's issues you can deal with and handle for the long-term.

This is the best advice really. Everyone has issues. My girlfriend has plenty (and to be fair, so do I). But she's mature, so when she does something that bothers me I just bring it up to her and we talk about it.

She has worked on everything I've brought to her thus far. We haven't had the same argument twice.

As long as a woman is committed, mature, and has some intelligence, any other issues can easily be solved.

[Feared]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Wow that's a real success story Odogg. Glad you finally found the one. I don't even really think you needed the tape, you probably could have figured things out on your own or from having a heart to heart with another male friend who could analyze what you were doing wrong.

Now I'm not that great with women, but recently my luck has changed a little and I'm getting more looks, conversations, interactions with attractive women; and I think the reason a lot of guys struggle with women is mainly in our heads. We psyche ourselves out so much, we forget they are living, breathing, human beings just like us.

The biggest points I found out where I was going wrong in my early 20's compared to now mid 20's:

Appearance and Clothing: Like you said appearance and style play a huge part in that first impression you make on a woman. Being clean shaven or a well kept beard, having a nice hair cut, and picking out a good wardrobe that you take care of goes a long way... and it doesn't have to be crazy expensive designer stuff. It can be clothes you find at Marshall's, Kohls, or Target; as long as they are modern stylish. Even a decent watch, tie, or belt can go along way too. Women can use it as a conversation starter, I've had women come up and comment on my watch. Stuff like "Oh that's a really nice watch, where did you get it from."

Confidence and Comfortability in your Own Skin: I had a female friend tell me the number one turn off for her in a guy was when he doesn't show any confidence at all.. and I can see why now. If you're nervous, jittery, or feel like you don't deserve to be talking to a particular woman you will make things awkward, and uneasy for her and she'll just be looking to get out of the situation. Some people just have to get over their anxiety of talking to women. (and yes there are a lot of guys out there still in their 30's who still have this anxiety) But like one of my best friends told me. "You're not asking her to sleep with you the first time you meet her, it's just conversation between individuals and you see where it goes." A Big thing for confidence for me was working out, just dedicate a few months to trying to get in shape, and improve eating habits and your confidence will sky-rocket when you start seeing results.


Humor and being mild mannered/approachable: Women like a guy with a sense of humor but that immature slapstick style stuff that get's a chuckle out of your buddies usually won't work with women and is a huge turn off. Rather than trying to hard to make jokes, which make you look obnoxious. Focus on speaking proper English to a woman, and not slang and just try to come off as gentle and calm which makes you that much more easier to talk to.


Really I overthought things to a major degree when I was in my early 20's. I thought in order to have a girlfriend I had to drive a European Sports Car, have a crazy expensive designer wardrobe, have the looks of Liam Hemsworth, Ryan Gossling, Channing Tatum rolled into one, have a crazy physique, be able to bench 225, have abs... yada yada. The truth is none of that really matters, (well maybe to only the exclusive %1 of women in the world) but I would actually use this crazy, twisted logic to detract myself as to why I couldn't get girls. "Oh I'm not rich enough, or good looking enough" When really none of that BS mattered. It was all about confidence, and how I carried myself.

[ODogg]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Yeah man, the nervousness and awkwardness was the worst thing I think for me. I put so much damned pressure on myself as if this was the last woman on earth or something and I think it came across as uncomfortable and awkward.

Another big thing is when I asked a woman out and she refused I took it quite personally and it crushed me. As those dating tapes advises me, don't take it personally, maybe you're a tall big guy and she likes short skinny dudes. That helped me immensely, rejection was much easier to take once I thought of it that way.


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[Cusefan]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

That's a great story Odogg, I feel like my story and your story share one main trait, perseverance. Don't give up, keep on improving yourself and put yourself out there.




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[seasprite]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

That's a great story Odogg, thank you for sharing.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Man, ODogg's post doesn't do his journey justice. If y'all have been around for a while, you'd remember that he was making hopeless, desperate, self-loathing threads and posts on here weekly. It made him seem like he was the human personification of the Cleveland Browns (No offense[No pun intended]).

I'm probably going to inspire people to go through his post history (sorry dude) but considering where he was at psychologically and emotionally then and where he is now, it's like a complete 180.

[ODogg]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

Man, ODogg's post doesn't do his journey justice. If y'all have been around for a while, you'd remember that he was making hopeless, desperate, self-loathing threads and posts on here weekly. It made him seem like he was the human personification of the Cleveland Browns (No offense[No pun intended]).

I'm probably going to inspire people to go through his post history (sorry dude) but considering where he was at psychologically and emotionally then and where he is now, it's like a complete 180.

That is exactly right. I was extremely depressed, and perhaps even suicidal, for a good while. Then I just made a choice, either I'm going to do something or I'm going to be single and I'm going to get out of this depression once and for all because I'm not going to kill myself, I'm just not.

I also took up drinking for awhile and I recall getting yellow cards and red cards here for some of the things I said. One time I even recall asking about if anyone had gotten paid escorts LOL, was really tipsy when I did that and woke up next day and had gotten a red card.

It was a dark time for sure in my life and I'm glad its behind me. I know there are literally millions of other guys out there going through all of the same thing, as you said the self loathing, the loneliness, the depression, the occasional suicidal thoughts, and really it's too bad because there is help out there!!

[mgoblue]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

You are totally right ODogg about learning how to talk to women.

I didn't go the route you did, but over a lot of online dating it broke down my "putting women on a pedestal" mindset and helped me learn to talk to them and be more confident.....

That's key IMO.

[ODogg]

Re: Anyone try online dating sites?

You are totally right ODogg about learning how to talk to women.

I didn't go the route you did, but over a lot of online dating it broke down my "putting women on a pedestal" mindset and helped me learn to talk to them and be more confident.....

That's key IMO.

That is an excellent way of putting it, putting women up on a pedestal. Yes a man should honor, love and cherish their woman but not prior to even asking her out on a date, LOL.

I did that a lot btw, fell in love with a co-worker, pined away for her from afar, thought about her all the time, befriended her and became close to her, then watched her get a boyfriend from another guy who, you know actually asked her out on a date.

Or if that didn't happen I'd eventually ask her out to a movie or something, being extremely nervous and she'd say she "didn't think of me like that but I was a great friend.."

I'd then become angry, sad and disillusioned with women and vow to just not mess with them for a long time and the cycle would repeat a year or two later.

Once I got to about 32 or 33 though I just completely gave up on the whole thing, until I was 40 and my story above began..basically I made a choice to obtain final resolution on that and close the book on it one way or another.

P.S. this "pining from afar" and such is one thing David Wygant advices strongly against and said it's common that men do this and have this cycle of "pine from afar, watch her get a bf or husband or rejects you, get angry/sad, give up, then eventually find another woman to pine from afar for" and rinse and repeat..