Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

[Herbsinator]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Also, one more thing to add here...I've read through this thread and there are a lot of generalizations that all girls are attracted to this or that. While, I think there is some truth in that...it's still important to remember that all females aren't exactly the same and aren't looking for exactly the same things in a guy.

[Scottdau]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Also, one more thing to add here...I've read through this thread and there are a lot of generalizations that all girls are attracted to this or that. While, I think there is some truth in that...it's still important to remember that all females aren't exactly the same and aren't looking for exactly the same things in a guy.

Moneys and looks. Those are the 2 things ALL women look for!

[ODogg]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

yes please, you scared away a person who talks to crazy people for a living?

Well I told her that I had an active imagination and liked to write and some of the things I thought up scared myself and she asked me to elaborate so I talked about some of the things I was writing at the time and she ended our session and then said she couldn't see me any further and she gave the name and phone number of some other shrink.

It was typical crime - science fiction stuff to be honest. I think she was just maybe not used to someone who had an active imagination or something. I mean someone wrote the movie Saw but that doesn't make them a serial killer loony right? Plus she was younger and hadn't been doing it very long so maybe she felt she was in over her head.

[matt8204]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Moneys and looks. Those are the 2 things ALL women look for!

Well, if you want a really good-looking woman, you'd better have at least one of the two, preferably both. It's just reality.

[Scottdau]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Well, if you want a really good-looking woman, you'd better have at least one of the two, preferably both. It's just reality.

Pretty much.

[ODogg]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Well, if you want a really good-looking woman, you'd better have at least one of the two, preferably both. It's just reality.

I used to think once I got the money I'd do better but now i'm making six figures and it has had no effect on anything. Granted I do not have my own home so that is def. a handicap but I've had no women to take home to find that out either.

Also, just so this entire thread doesn't get too much off track. The whole "can't get a woman" thing was more of a subset of my original issue, which is my obsession with my weight and looks. It seems as if the consensus is I should accept myself for who I am but what if one can't accept that they should be overweight? Is it possible the only way for me to have any resolution to this is to completely lose all of the weight??

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Take this with a grain of salt, but I'm not going to litter my post with "IMO" because I believe the following to be fact.


You're placing your self esteem in results, which is in the wrong place. Your self esteem has to be placed in your deeds and your intents. If you intend to lose weight, an you work out everyday, you have to follow through on that by patting yourself on the back.

I mean that seriously. Every time you work out, you have to really sit back and appreciate that and say "I'm a person who works out and eats right. That's a good thing. I feel good about that. That's the kind of person I want to be."

And smile about it.

If you don't reward yourself for good things, you wind up either punishing yourself for mistakes, or ignoring your own deeds altogether. When you miss a day or eat wrong, don't beat yourself up. You have to say "That's not me. I'm not a person who wants to eat badly and I acted outside of myself. Now I'm going to go back to normal, which is a person who eats right and works out."


Do the things that you would do if you admire yourself, but never forget to reward yourself with that admiration. The moment you like yourself, you'll want to share that wonderful person with someone else.


When you punish yourself, you view yourself as a burden to others that you feel are better than you, and that's simply not true. Thats an illusion created by how we perceive time.

[TheLetterZ]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

I don't understand why accepting yourself means that you have to be overweight.

[ODogg]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

I don't understand why accepting yourself means that you have to be overweight.

Because I am overweight now. That's my point, I'm saying I cannot accept it. I cannot look myself in the mirror and be happy with who I am.

This comes back to a bigger question - when you go down the street and see someone severely overweight do you think to yourself they should lose weight or do you think that maybe they are happy with being that way and that is "ok"? I would say most people say that they cannot accept that. Most people are not ok with that. It's unacceptable to society even when most of society is overweight, which is the irony.

So which is it, be happy with how you are or reject it and work toward who you should be?

[cubsfan203]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Because I am overweight now. That's my point, I'm saying I cannot accept it. I cannot look myself in the mirror and be happy with who I am.

Are you doing anything to fix it?

[TheLetterZ]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Just because you're that way now doesn't mean you have to accept that you can't get any better. Keeping working at it, and if what you're doing isn't working, try something else.

But understand that losing weight won't solve all of your problems, and I would recommend trying another therapist, but the weight seems to be a significant limiting belief, so make it a priority.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Because I am overweight now. That's my point, I'm saying I cannot accept it. I cannot look myself in the mirror and be happy with who I am.

This comes back to a bigger question - when you go down the street and see someone severely overweight do you think to yourself they should lose weight or do you think that maybe they are happy with being that way and that is "ok"? I would say most people say that they cannot accept that. Most people are not ok with that. It's unacceptable to society even when most of society is overweight, which is the irony.

So which is it, be happy with how you are or reject it and work toward who you should be?

It doesn't matter if you don't view people as the sum of their mistakes. And they aren't. If people allow themselves to get depressed whenever they show weaknesses, they miss the point of losing or failing or making a mistake.

The natural process of the universe is to die and resurrect. When you are exiting a "death" period, you have to be aware that there is a resurrection period on the way. How much you get out of that period all depends on the enthusiasm, love and energy that you can put into the things that you want to do.

People are what they "do", not what they've been. At any moment we can decide to be the people we want to be, and when we do, the people that we were are just learning experiences.

[TheLetterZ]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

This comes back to a bigger question - when you go down the street and see someone severely overweight do you think to yourself they should lose weight or do you think that maybe they are happy with being that way and that is "ok"? I would say most people say that they cannot accept that. Most people are not ok with that. It's unacceptable to society even when most of society is overweight, which is the irony.

So which is it, be happy with how you are or reject it and work toward who you should be?

Don't listen to what most people say.

Some people are overweight and they are happy with who they are. That's perfectly fine. But you don't seem to be one of those people. It seems to be important to you, so I think you should do what makes you happy.

[ODogg]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Are you doing anything to fix it?

Working out 6 times a week and logging every thing I eat. Yes I am doing my best. I also have a personal trainer now and i've lost 13 pounds in the last 6 weeks. I still have about 50 more to go though (at least, maybe more).

[ODogg]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Just because you're that way now doesn't mean you have to accept that you can't get any better. Keeping working at it, and if what you're doing isn't working, try something else.

But understand that losing weight won't solve all of your problems, and I would recommend trying another therapist, but the weight seems to be a significant limiting belief, so make it a priority.

Yeah maybe you're right, maybe I need to try again in regards to the therapy thing.