Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

[TheLetterZ]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

So then you're on the right track. Stay with it, and in the meantime try to identify your other limiting beliefs that keep you from being confident about who you are.

There's no shame in going to a therapist. You're getting some good advice in this thread (and some not so good advice), but none of us are qualified to help you in the same way that a therapist is.

[ODogg]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

It doesn't matter if you don't view people as the sum of their mistakes. And they aren't. If people allow themselves to get depressed whenever they show weaknesses, they miss the point of losing or failing or making a mistake.

The natural process of the universe is to die and resurrect. When you are exiting a "death" period, you have to be aware that there is a resurrection period on the way. How much you get out of that period all depends on the enthusiasm, love and energy that you can put into the things that you want to do.

People are what they "do", not what they've been. At any moment we can decide to be the people we want to be, and when we do, the people that we were are just learning experiences.

This is a great post, reminds me of the Fight Club philosophy. You know the "you are not your job, you are not your condo" speech.

[ODogg]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

So then you're on the right track. Stay with it, and in the meantime try to identify your other limiting beliefs that keep you from being confident about who you are.

I talked with a girl from my high school class on Facebook who asked me why I posted on Facebook that I didn't go the prom because I was rejected by everyone I asked. She called me on it and asked who I asked to prom and I said no one. She said, so how could you be rejected then except in your mind? And I knew she made a very good point.

I often think if I could time travel I would do things different, that I would take chances and ask girls out, like to prom for instance. But then I think, I'm not an 80 year old man on his deathbed now and yet I can't apply that philosophy to my own life? That's crazy I know but it's like a deer in the headlights affliction. I cannot change my thinking.

[Scottdau]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Don't listen to what most people say.

Some people are overweight and they are happy with who they are. That's perfectly fine. But you don't seem to be one of those people. It seems to be important to you, so I think you should do what makes you happy.

You think a lot of people like being over weight. OK. Also, people that are skinny I mean real skinny have the same problem too. It is not easy being real skinny or real fat. I was always skinny my whole life. Real skinny. Then when I got 28 I put on a lot of weight and now I am average size. But being skinny was very hard for me. ODogg if you are not happy with your weight. Have some test done to see if you have a low metabolism. Or also, talk to a dietitian.

[Bornindamecca]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Thanks, man. The main two things I would give you to "do" from this point on are:

1. Appreciate every good deed you do. When I say appreciate it, I mean literally. Take a moment, sit down in a quite room and congratulate yourself for the good things you've done in the day.

2. Thank whatever you believe in for the ability to do those good deeds. Humble yourself before the world around you, and realize that most things aren't your "fault" or your "credit". We share this world and its successes and failures. Taking all of the responsibility off of yourself only leaves you with your inner intentions, and how you treat yourself and the people around you. If you believe your intentions are good, thank(fill in greater power here, even if you're an atheist) that you are the kind of person that wants good things, rather than the kind of person that gains pleasure from the miseries of the world.

[Scottdau]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Thanks, man. The main two things I would give you to "do" from this point on are:

1. Appreciate every good deed you do. When I say appreciate it, I mean literally. Take a moment, sit down in a quite room and congratulate yourself for the good things you've done in the day.

2. Thank whatever you believe in for the ability to do those good deeds. Humble yourself before the world around you, and realize that most things aren't your "fault" or your "credit". We share this world and its successes and failures. Taking all of the responsibility off of yourself only leaves you with your inner intentions, and how you treat yourself and the people around you. If you believe your intentions are good, thank(fill in greater power here, even if you're an atheist) that you are the kind of person that wants good things, rather than the kind of person that gains pleasure from the miseries of the world.

Tony Robbins is that you?

[cubsfan203]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Working out 6 times a week and logging every thing I eat. Yes I am doing my best. I also have a personal trainer now and i've lost 13 pounds in the last 6 weeks. I still have about 50 more to go though (at least, maybe more).

Then there's something you should be using as a positive. You're appearance/health are going in the right direction, just try to make that carry over to women as well.

[Cane_Mutiny]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

You shouldn't get too down on yourself, man. At least you realize you have a weight problem and are working on it. That's a lot better than most overweight Americans.

Look, you're no George Clooney or anything, but keep working out and you're not a bad-looking guy. The key is shifting your mental attitude - instead of, "Jeez, I'm so fat and shy right now," think, "If I keep on my workout routine I'll be confident enough to talk to some women."

It's all in your head, ODogg. The physical things can be fixed (and you're on your way to fixing them). In the meantime, you just need to stop making yourself a victim and get proactive - ask your friends if they can set you up or go out to a bar or something. Once you get yourself that first date, you'll be off to the races.

[TheLetterZ]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

just try to make that carry over to women as well.

I think that's a little misleading. I would say try to make it carry over to other areas of himself, and other things will follow from that.

[Herbsinator]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

There's no shame in going to a therapist. You're getting some good advice in this thread (and some not so good advice), but none of us are qualified to help you in the same way that a therapist is.

Agreed, best advice in this thread.


But while we are on the track of giving you advice...remember that nothing changes overnight. Take baby steps and improve yourself little by little. Maybe you should just go find a random chick and go up and talk to her. Don't worry about getting her number or going any further. Just go in with the mindset, I'm going to start up a conversation with a random girl. Then just build off of that and take it a little further each time.

[The Chef]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

You need new glasses. Buy some thin wired ones with no bottom on the lenses and get the shiny protection stuff on them.

Never go out in less than a collared shirt. Ever. I don't care if it's to the damn grocery store. You're not good looking, but you appear pretty well kept. A polo or button down will at least give the impression that, despite your big size, you aren't a slob. Any time you go out in a T-shirt or a jersey, you can pretty much bet that nobody under 250 pounds will consider you.

And lower your standards.

Really? The guy is looking for advice and the best you can come up with is that line of garbage? Im surprised that Im the first to take notice of what you said, assuming its not a typo on your part, I can clearly see why I tend to avoid your posts more often then not.

Take this with a grain of salt, but I'm not going to litter my post with "IMO" because I believe the following to be fact.


You're placing your self esteem in results, which is in the wrong place. Your self esteem has to be placed in your deeds and your intents. If you intend to lose weight, an you work out everyday, you have to follow through on that by patting yourself on the back.

I mean that seriously. Every time you work out, you have to really sit back and appreciate that and say "I'm a person who works out and eats right. That's a good thing. I feel good about that. That's the kind of person I want to be."

And smile about it.

If you don't reward yourself for good things, you wind up either punishing yourself for mistakes, or ignoring your own deeds altogether. When you miss a day or eat wrong, don't beat yourself up. You have to say "That's not me. I'm not a person who wants to eat badly and I acted outside of myself. Now I'm going to go back to normal, which is a person who eats right and works out."


Do the things that you would do if you admire yourself, but never forget to reward yourself with that admiration. The moment you like yourself, you'll want to share that wonderful person with someone else.


When you punish yourself, you view yourself as a burden to others that you feel are better than you, and that's simply not true. Thats an illusion created by how we perceive time.

I didnt quote all of your posts but I really could have. The advice your giving out is spot on and applies to anybody who is unhappy with anything in their life. I cant speak for ODogg but I appreciate you offering the advice you have and do agree 100% on everything youve said to this point.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

you can't be confident with women until you are confident with your self first. Do something that makes you feel good about yourself, like work out or exercise. Eat healthy. :wink:

[baumy300]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Odogg, listen to me very carefully, okay?

I am not by ANY means saying you are fat, ugly, or a loser, BUT I am saying that I personally know a lot of girls that look VERY good and are with guys who are just ugly as sin, fat as can be, and poor, non-motivated somewhat D-bags. Sometimes a combination of all 3.

What I'm saying is don't give up hope. You obviously aren't a loser, you have a good job if I remember right, and I assume you're decent to your women. Just hang in there.

[Po Pimp]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

Whatever u do...DO NOT try to buy a female's love. Make her like u for u. Also, DO NOT put her on a pedestal either...u are equals. The second u do either of those things, she will try and take advantage of u and eventually lose respect for u, and ultimately, cheat on you.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: Confidence with women - Problems with self acceptance

ODogg, where do you usually go when you go out?