Any English Majors?

[FootballSchemer]

I have a website for high school football and I feel my opening message I have on the site is absolutely butchered as far as the English language is concerned.. Could anyone with writing skills give me feed back on how to reword the opening?

Welcome Message

Welcome to Louisiana High School Football Talk. Here we give more media attention to the more deserving high school football athletes and teams around the state of Louisiana. Every Friday, we pick our "Game of the Week" and provide you a full coverage and detailed report of the game. We have the best football community here at LAFT, don't miss out on it and join today.
Have you been wanting to voice your opinion or support your team but did not want to pay a fee to do so? Consider our Message Board the "Freedom Forums." A quality message board with no cost. The way it should be. Be sure to register today at the message board and tell us what you think!<small>
</small>


Thanks!!!

[ryan36]

Re: Any English Majors?

Welcome to Louisiana High School Football Talk. Here we give (DELTETE MORE)media attention to (DELETE THE MORE) deserving high school football athletes and teams around (DELETE THE STATE OF) Louisiana. Every Friday, WE WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH DETAILED COVERAGE OF OUR "Game of the Week" . We have the best football community here at LAFT, join today.(REMOVE DON'T MISS OUT, IT'S A NEGATIVE WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO TAKE A POSITIVE ACTION).
Have you been wanting to voice your opinion or support your team but did not want to pay a fee to do so? Consider our Message Board the "Freedom Forum." (IF BOARD IS SINGULAR FORUM NEEDS TO BE) IT'S A quality message board with no cost, the way WE THINK (MAKE IT PERSONAL) it should be. Be sure to register today at the message board and JOIN THIS COMMUNITY! (THEY'VE BEEN THERE 2 SECONDS , THEY DON'T THINK ANYTHING YET. AT LEAST NOTHING INTELLIGENT).

Hope it helps, bro. Sorry about the caps, but I didn't know how else to show my edits and reasons. Others will probably disagree.

EDIT: I would lose "media" attention maybe...and the reason I took out the "more"s from attention and deserving athletes , is why you may follow the dominant teams/players, you want everone who touches a pigskin in Louisiana to feel welcome and most of your members won't be elite by definition, IMHO

[Scottdau]

Re: Any English Majors?

Yep I agree Pitching. I was doing the same thing, but you beat me too it. Too many modifiers. That can get confusing.

[FootballSchemer]

Re: Any English Majors?

Welcome to Louisiana High School Football Talk. Here we give (DELTETE MORE)media attention to (DELETE THE MORE) deserving high school football athletes and teams around (DELETE THE STATE OF) Louisiana. Every Friday, WE WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH DETAILED COVERAGE OF OUR "Game of the Week" . We have the best football community here at LAFT, join today.(REMOVE DON'T MISS OUT, IT'S A NEGATIVE WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO GET SOMEONE TO TAKE A POSITIVE ACTION).
Have you been wanting to voice your opinion or support your team but did not want to pay a fee to do so? Consider our Message Board the "Freedom Forum." (IF BOARD IS SINGULAR FORUM NEEDS TO BE) IT'S A quality message board with no cost, the way WE THINK (MAKE IT PERSONAL) it should be. Be sure to register today at the message board and JOIN THIS COMMUNITY! (THEY'VE BEEN THERE 2 SECONDS , THEY DON'T THINK ANYTHING YET. AT LEAST NOTHING INTELLIGENT).

Hope it helps, bro. Sorry about the caps, but I didn't know how else to show my edits and reasons. Others will probably disagree.

EDIT: I would lose "media" attention maybe...and the reason I took out the "more"s from attention and deserving athletes , is why you may follow the dominant teams/players, you want everone who touches a pigskin in Louisiana to feel welcome and most of your members won't be elite by definition, IMHO

THANK YOU!!! Exactly what I needed, I dont know why I could not think of the proper diction choices for this welcome message, I appreciate it!

[Watson]

Re: Any English Majors?

Go Live Oak BTW.

[Qb]

Re: Any English Majors?

Pitchingcoach's edits look solid. Had to chuckle at the thought of someone asking for grammar/editing related advice at OS... not exactly a strong point for a considerable percentage of our membership.

[pfunk880]

Re: Any English Majors?

Pitchingcoach's edits look solid. Had to chuckle at the thought of someone asking for grammar/editing related advice at OS... not exactly a strong point for a considerable percentage of our membership.

u dont no wat u r taklin abeout

i speek prefectt grammars

[ryan36]

Re: Any English Majors?

LOL, I used to write ad copy when I worked in radio...now I just want to be a writer.
I'm surprised GOL didn't offer advice.

[Qb]

Re: Any English Majors?

u dont no wat u r taklin abeout

i speek prefectt grammars

Very nice... you get a gold star for the day!

[Scottdau]

Re: Any English Majors?

I actually have great grammar, but typing out that grammar is a different story. I am a straight A's student, so go figure. My problems is I don't reread what I type.

[Whitesox]

Re: Any English Majors?

Well I take honors English at my high school (going into sophmore year), and I would have to agree with Pitching here, looks solid.

Also, I don't think that people on the internet don't know grammar, they are just too lazy to use it.

[ryan36]

Re: Any English Majors?

My problems is I don't reread what I type.

Irony, thy name is Scottdau

[pfunk880]

Re: Any English Majors?

Irony, thy name is Scottdau

[Scottdau]

Re: Any English Majors?

Irony, thy name is Scottdau

Which is interesting becasue usually I leave the "s" off my words, but thanks for the typo!

[Scottdau]

Re: Any English Majors?

How many Masters degree do you have?


Also, that is not irony. Look it up!