Major problem....I need help

[marshallfever]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Well i wasn't home all day today and my friend has yet to call me. I told him yesterday i really couldn't lend him the money for this. He then told me he would use his paycheck for the abortion and the money i would loan him for his rent; but that's still the same thing isn't it?

About the whole situation, i think he told me the girl was alright with having the baby, but he was unsure and the girl's mother is against it, she wants the abortion. So that's where the dilemma lies.

He even broke down and got half of the money from his sister and now is only asking me for a much smaller portion. But again, my morals are saying no. I think he was going to go through with this Friday, i guess i'll call him tomorrow morning and find out what he's going to do.

[Hassan Darkside]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Well I honestly don't think it's fair for him and his girl's mother to make decision. The only people that should have say in the matter is him and the girl. She's the one that's going to have to live with the decision regardless. This things are 15x more painful for women over time than they are for men.

I still say don't do it. What's going to weigh down on your more in the future? It sounds like that the weight of financially supporting the abortion would be worse than the weight of denying your friend money. So to me, the decision is simple.

As said before, his problem, not yours. Don't let it become your problem.

[onlybygrace]

Re: Major problem....I need help

You know what...

I was thinking about this...

and really as his friend, the full definition and example of a friend here would not only be to refuse to give him the money, but also try to talk some sense into his head about being a man and dealing with the consequences of his actions.

Its a baby...and as ghey as this might sound, babies are supremely divine in innocence and brilliance...each one has a right to life. I have a 9 month old daughter...and as annoying as she is sometimes I would not trade her for the world...even when she forces me into being a better man which definitely hurts sometimes.

Life doesn't spring up outta nowhere man. We sure haven't done so well at recreating the very spark of life. I know you know that or you wouldn't even have this conflict...so kodos to you for still being able to recognise the truth in a hazey and noisy world.

Someone needs to have the balls to tell your friend that cowards run and hide, real men stand up to life and its challenges.

Trust on this...if he and his girl made the choice to have this child, they would be sparing themselves from losing one of the best dayz of their lives to taking the easy way out.

[rsnomar05]

Re: Major problem....I need help

You know what...

I was thinking about this...

and really as his friend, the full definition and example of a friend here would not only be to refuse to give him the money, but also try to talk some sence into his head about being a man and dealing with the consequences of his actions.

Its a baby...and as ghey as this might sound, babies are supremely divine in innocence and brilliance...each one has a right to life. I have a 9 month old daughter...and as annoying as she is sometimes I would not trade her for the world...even when she forces me into being a better man which definitely hurts sometimes.

Life doesn't spring up outta nowhere man. We sure haven't done so well at recreating the very spark of life. I know you know that or you wouldn't even have this conflict...so kodos to you for still being able to recognise the truth in a hazey and noisy world.

Someone needs to have the balls to tell your friend that cowards run and hide, real men stand up to life and its challenges.

Trust on this...if he and his girl made the choice to have this child, they would be sparing themselves from losing one of the best dayz of their lives to taking the easy way out.

If you continue the right or wrong stuff this thread will get locked, so instead we should keep it on whether or not he should give money for something against his beliefs.

Personally, I don't you should give the money. It comes down to what you personally believe. If you supported his decision, I would say you should give the money, but you don't, so the loan will only compromise your beliefs. If he is truly your friend he will understand where you are coming from, and if he gets mad he will get over it. Most likely, he'll get the money from someone else, so it won't matter anyway. But I would let him know soon, so you're not keeping him waiting.

[areobee401]

Re: Major problem....I need help

I know im in the monority here but I say lend the guy the money. If he is your "friend" then you should help him out in anyway you can. I don't know maybe im different but I don't see whats morally wrong.

A friend is in need and you are in the position to help. Either way I see both stances on the issue. Like someone said though there are programs out there to help him in a situation like this. Maybe lead him into that direction.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Major problem....I need help

I still wouldn't do it.

[onlybygrace]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Plus...the friend sounds manipulative as all hell.

Gee, I have an idea...instead of you pay for the abortion, pay for my rent and I'll pay for the abortion...btw, I talked to my sister and shes gonna pay half, so now all I need is $____.

Sounds fishy, honestly. If his girlfriends mother is against it so bad, maybe she should help with a little, then get a little from his own parents...so on and so forth.

I'm sure the guys not that bad, but this...this just wreaks.

[onlybygrace]

Re: Major problem....I need help

If you continue the right or wrong stuff this thread will get locked, so instead we should keep it on whether or not he should give money for something against his beliefs.

.

Thanks for your opinion, now I will reserve the right to state mine...with absolutely no concern about what you think of either my opinion or the fact that I'm stating it, okay???

Thanks.

[JBH3]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Being a friend doesn't mean giving your friend what they want.

Sometimes it's what they NEED...and in this case I think ONLYBYGRACE is right. His friend needs a swift kick in the arse so to speak...what's stopping him from not having this happen again?

Plus, by giving the money, you become an ENABLER. If he doesn't get it from your next time it'll be from somebody else, some other friend -or- family member.

[GSW]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Maybe he shouldn't be having sex if he can't afford to have a child.

that kind of logic belongs nowhere near this place!!!!!

[Pappy Knuckles]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Well i wasn't home all day today and my friend has yet to call me. I told him yesterday i really couldn't lend him the money for this. He then told me he would use his paycheck for the abortion and the money i would loan him for his rent; but that's still the same thing isn't it?

About the whole situation, i think he told me the girl was alright with having the baby, but he was unsure and the girl's mother is against it, she wants the abortion. So that's where the dilemma lies.

He even broke down and got half of the money from his sister and now is only asking me for a much smaller portion. But again, my morals are saying no. I think he was going to go through with this Friday, i guess i'll call him tomorrow morning and find out what he's going to do.

Stick to your beliefs man. If he said he wanted to borrow money to buy crack you'd be like hell no. Obviously this is a different scenario, but the idea is the same. You don't feel right about it and you've got to go with your gut.

[wsu_gb23]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Tell him to give up the baby for adoption and pull out next time.

[rsnomar05]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Thanks for your opinion, now I will reserve the right to state mine...with absolutely no concern about what you think of either my opinion or the fact that I'm stating it, okay???

Thanks.

I don't have a problem with you stating your opinion. However, such talk on whether abortion is right or wrong is against the site's TOS, and this thread will get locked if this thread turns in that direction.

[marshallfever]

Re: Major problem....I need help

Back once again, I picked up the kid to go to work today since he doesn't have a car anymore because he got into a crash a couple months back. It was an awkward silent ride to work.

So he finally breaks down and asks me can i spot him the money again. I still tell him i don't want to get into this, but he explains the situation more. The girl's father will kick her out if she decides to have this kid, and he can't support himself and a child with the amount of money we make at our job. The girl's mother will put some money down, and my friend's sister will spot him some money as well; his brother's going to take care of the rent for that month to allow him to completely get his head around this situation.

The ride up wasn't so much so awkward because of my situation but because he's been thinking a lot on this and it shows that it has been working him.

He asked another one of our co-workers who we're really good friends with as well for some money. I explained my situation to this other co-worker and he completely sees where i'm coming from and agrees, but he also sees the situation our friend is in and knows he can not support a child, so he is willing to spot him the money. He told me if i'm uncomfortable it makes sense and that everyone has their own comfort level, but to him bringing a child into this world who can't get what he/she deserves is just as bad.

So back to the kid who needs the money for the abortion, he explained to me that now he only needs to borrow at least $50 from me and that's all. The rest he'll manage.

Now here's the part where i'm at now, i really do sympathize with him now, however since i didn't want to give him the money to begin with because of the situation, i paid a percentage of my school's tuition and a house bill. Now because of that i only have a certain amount of money which hopefully should take care of me for these next two weeks since we get our checks bi-weekly.

If i spot him $50, i won't have enough money for gas and food the following week. If i knew i was going to give him the money, i wouldn't have paid as much as i did for my school's tuition.

Interesting times....

[CMH]

Re: Major problem....I need help

It's a tough situation for him, but your beliefs should trump that.

I agree that it's bad to bring a kid into the world if you can't afford that child, but that's why there's adoption if you find yourself in that position.