The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

[cjb1514]

Edit the Thread Title. "The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?"


I've been dating my girl for about a year and a half. Everything is wonderful. We can see each other being with each other till the end. Everything has been cool. What worries me is her jealousy and anguish when it comes to this “no friends should date your ex's rule”. Just lately her best friend has be hanging out and talking to one of her ex's and she is getting really defensive about it and really pissed. Everyday she's checking her myspace comments to see if they have been talking. What bugs me is that I kind of understand what she means when it come to friends but as a man and her man im kinda pissed that she gives such a damn because she should be over her ex right? This shouldn’t be an issue… she’s got me, she shouldn’t be worring about what her ex is doing and I think she’s using the friend thing as a cop out.

Maybe im different. You guys and girl want to feel me in on how you guys feel about this rule.

[deaduck]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

I look at it as a guidline people use to avoid unresolved feelings or lingering emotions getting put back into their social circle before they are ready to deal with them.

That said...I got over that drama in my 20's.

[Trevytrev11]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

Everyones emotions and levels of jealousy work differently, so there is no clear cut answer for this. Some people will take back an cheating spouse and some people would file for divorce the next day. I think the same holds true for this situation. Some people can let go and others can't. I'm sure a lot has to do with how serious your girl was with her ex and I'm sure that regardless of why they broke up, there was a bond between them and feelings will always be there, whether serious or not.

I think out of respect, one should ask their friend if it is OK, but that is just me.

What happens if it doesn't work out between you and this girl and another year down the road, for whatever reason, you call it off and a few weeks or months later, your friend starts dating this girl? Would you be OK with that? I can't explain why, but it would be tough for me to deal with.

[cjb1514]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

your right she was very close with him. they were engaged. that bugs me that there's feelings there.

[Trevytrev11]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

your right she was very close with him. they were engaged. that bugs me that there's feelings there.

I just think that is always going to be there a little bit in any serious relationship. There's always the sense of what we shared was special and I don't want anyone else I know to share that. If I divorced my wife for whatever reason, the last thing I want is my best friend sharing a bed with her afterwards for several different reasons, which probably all feed off of different emotions.

My brother dated a girl I dated back in elementry school (not really dated, but "went out"). She was my first crush and we were then close friends into early high school. It wasn't until about 10 years after I last talked to her that they started dating and that, for some reason, was a little weird to me. I imagine it would be much more so had we actually be serious later in life.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

It doesn't really matter to me. If the ex found a better match than me for that time then she found a better match. Doesn't matter who it is. I'd actually prefer it to be one of my friends.

[Playmaker24]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

your right she was very close with him. they were engaged. that bugs me that there's feelings there.

Woah....They were engaged. That might be a problem.

[TheMatrix31]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

No best friend should EVER go out with their best friend's ex. Under ANY circumstances.

It's just something you don't do.

[~LiverpoolRed~]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

No best friend should EVER go out with their best friend's ex. Under ANY circumstances.

It's just something you don't do.

+1

[Heelfan71]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

if it bothers her I would think she is not over him and has feelings for him still.

[CWSapp757]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

Out of curiosity, how did the relationship between her and her ex end? I feel like that may have a lot to do with her emotions towards the situation also.

[CMH]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

No best friend should EVER go out with their best friend's ex. Under ANY circumstances.

It's just something you don't do.

I can see that, but I think it depends on the person.

I personally wouldn't care as long as my friend asked me if it was cool. I would likely be bothered by it if he started dating my ex without asking me first. But, ask and I'll let it happen.

Chances are, I don't want to be around the chick anymore anyway and if my friend likes her that much then we're probably not best of friends.

[Husker_OS]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

I have no beef if they're seriously dating and not just being **** buddies.



You people who won't allow a friend to date one of your ex's are being a bit middle schoolish.

[cjb1514]

Re: The friends shouldn't date ex's rule. Is it a cop out?

Out of curiosity, how did the relationship between her and her ex end? I feel like that may have a lot to do with her emotions towards the situation also.

they were enganged and then he cheated on her. it was abusive relationship. she thought he was the only man one she can get and then she met me. the thing that draws em back is they have alot in common as far opinions and hobbies. me and her are opposites. i trust her it just bugs me that she cares that he's talking to her bestfriend.