Wife left me for another man

[WTF]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Very sorry to hear this Gary. I can't even begin to think about how tough this could be. Just stay strong, and look to the man above, as a lot have said in the thread. There is a reason for everything.

If you ever need an ear, shoot me a PM. Prayers and thoughts go out to you and your girls.

[RAZRr1275]

Re: Wife left me for another man

I'm sorry to hear that.

[CaptainZombie]

Re: Wife left me for another man

My approach now is to ignore my wife. When she drops the kids off I neither look or speak to her. When she calls or sends a text, I wait for hours to respond or don't respond at all. I'm having to treat her as if she isn't alive. As long as my girls are safe, I want nothing to do with her. Of course, if she came back full of remorse, it would be tough to know what to do.

I look forward to the day her new relationship goes sour. I really hope they find that they can't stand each other.

Very sorry to hear this. My recommendation here is that no matter how much you want to ignore her, I would take it easy on that for one reason. What if she has your daughters one day and you need to get a hold of them when with her and you need to call her, yet she ignores you. She could try to hurt you even more by doing this.

What goes around comes around...........and she will get hers in the end. Remember one thing and someone else said it too. Once a cheater, always a cheater. She will either cheat on the dude she is with down the road or he will do the same to her.

Just be glad that she left your two daughters with you. I would try to find a way legally to get custody before she changes her mind.

Unfortunately I went down this road already back in 99. We had a 2 year old daughter and had just bought a house. 3 months into the new house she came home and said she wanted out, that she had found someone else. Took my daughter and left me standing there in an empty house. Those were probably the darkest days of my life and know exactly how you are feeling. Your next step is going to be anger but I am telling you, you need be on the high road through this whole ordeal. As much as you despise her and want to probably drag her behind your car for a distance maintain a positive environment for your daughters. She is still their mother and I would refrain from any down talk about her when the 3 of you are at the dinner table.

You definitely are going to need an outlet to talk things out whether it be friends, family, counselor or priest. Take care of yourself, don't let yourself waste away and get sick as there is no tag team partner anymore and there are two daughters that are going to need you more then ever. Make sure you do some recreational things together with them to get their minds off the situation.

Lastly, I know this is the last thing on your mind but talk to a lawyer and go over your situation. Make sure the 3 of you are protected and the children are provided for accordingly. Just because she is prancing around does not mean she is free and clear.

Unfortunately this is a long road and only time is going to fix this one. Stay strong and I wish you the best! If you want ask anything just pm if you like.

Very well said Bob with your comments.

[Piderman]

Re: Wife left me for another man

How did you refrain from murdering both of them, 18 YEARS and she leaves you...f*** it, you can find someone who is faithful...thats just disgusting and im probably not making you feel better but what goes around comes around. Sorry to hear this, hope you can find a real women.

[CMH]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Your next step is going to be anger but I am telling you, you need be on the high road through this whole ordeal. As much as you despise her and want to probably drag her behind your car for a distance maintain a positive environment for your daughters. She is still their mother and I would refrain from any down talk about her when the 3 of you are at the dinner table.

I had to quote this for the OP.

I have no problem with you ignoring your wife. I think that's an obvious step to take in this process of removing yourself from this pain.

Just keep in mind to always take the high road. If your wife is talking about this new guy and how amazing he is to your daughters, then she is likely also talking you down - it's the only possible thing. You can't compare without making one look worse than the other.

But kids are not stupid. And I'm sure your kids are intelligent. They will remember that you remained strong and talked positively about their mother while their mother did the opposite about you.

Obviously, you don't want to sugar coat it (see: kids are smart). They know you're hurt (at least your eldest one does) and some anger isn't going to be surprising.

You coming here to talk about this is a good sign, though. Being able to talk about this to a bunch of people you only know through words tells me that no matter how much you hurt, you're fighting to stay strong and you'll take any steps necessary to remain that way.

[bad_philanthropy]

Re: Wife left me for another man

I definitely feel for ya man. Went through something very similar this past year myself. I'm not as old as you and was only married for five years, without kids, but the rest played out pretty much the exact same. The "I don't love you anymore, here's what you can do." I got that as well. You had it done to you five days before Christmas, I had it days before I was starting a critical phase on the most important project I had ever worked on.

I also lost a ton of weight and had trouble sleeping. I know the feeling man, your mind is always racing, and the hurt is so strong and unending that you can't get any peace. It was actually discovered that my wife was having an affair with two different guys. It was odd, like her behavior changed overnight. Now I understand she has become somewhat of a Pariah in the community of friends we used to share.

It does get better, just keep doing what you're doing. Sounds like you have a great family, and a lot to focus on for rebuilding your life. Like others have said, just be strong, I have a feeling you'll come out of this fine.

[mgoblue]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Right now I'm doing the ignoring thing just to help get over her. She's gorgeous and no matter what she's done, I love her. I have to, for now, almost treat her as if she doesn't exist. My oldest daughter knows everything since my wife told her about it all before telling me. She even talks about how great this new man is. She has told my daughter all kinds of things she should never have mentioned, so my daughter and I talk about it too. She wants to talk about it and needs to know bailing on a marriage and having affairs is not the way. My daughter told me I'm a better mom than my wife ever was. Sad, but kind of true. I get things done.

It sounds kinda like my mom's cousin. She's 40ish, and a few years ago got a surprise divorce from her husband (who she has 3 kids with). He tried everything, wanted to do therapy, etc. Now she's with some loser guy and f'ed her life up. Some people don't realize that relationships need effort, and it sounds like your wife sadly had a mid life crisis type thing and thought the "grass was greener on the other side".

I predict this affair will be shortlived and she'll regret it....no consolation to you, though I'd be so torn up like you are, I can't even imagine. You're being a great dad though, and with time you can move on...just can take a lot of time. Good luck bro, I know you can do it

[MassNole]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Seriously I cannot stress enough how important it will be for you to find a good divorce attorney. This is what I do for a living and I'll gladly answer any general questions you have via PM. Your daughter's mean the world to you and I don't want to scare you, but unless you can show unfitness on the part of your wife, if custody becomes an issue Family Court judges almost always give primary physical custody to the mother in divorces (at a rate I would honestly say should be seen as unconstitutional). As such you need to be ready and find a rabid badger of a divorce attorney.

In terms of moving forward, striking first is the best thing to do, meaning you should be the one who files the divorce so that the ball is in your court and you start on offense instead of on defense. At least in Massachusetts Family Court judges hate it when you plead adultery, but I find the statement it makes speaks volumes when it comes to getting custody of your children.

Your biggest advocate here will be your 15 year old daughter. She is old enough that the court will more or less let her decide where she would rather live and coupled with the court's preference to not split up children you can see why she is the key.

[Pokes]

Re: Wife left me for another man

There's a lot thats been said here but all I can add is never under any circumstances talk badly about their mother when they are around. My parents got divorced when I was ten and I used to always hear my mother or my father on the phone badmouthing each other. For younger kids it can really F up the way you perceive your parents. Children also usually know who is in the wrong in these situations so just be civil and it will take care of itself.

[SPTO]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Right now I'm doing the ignoring thing just to help get over her. She's gorgeous and no matter what she's done, I love her. I have to, for now, almost treat her as if she doesn't exist. My oldest daughter knows everything since my wife told her about it all before telling me. She even talks about how great this new man is. She has told my daughter all kinds of things she should never have mentioned, so my daughter and I talk about it too. She wants to talk about it and needs to know bailing on a marriage and having affairs is not the way. My daughter told me I'm a better mom than my wife ever was. Sad, but kind of true. I get things done.

Oh man....

Reading this has me in tears. God willing I hope that your kids get to stay with you once/if you go through divorce proceedings they obviously love you a ton and it seems you go the full mile for them.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Wife left me for another man

people often start thinking the grass is greener on the other side. After being married a few years that "feeling" of love always goes away. Some people associate this with not being in love. It's sad to see 2 families broken apart. Especially for the kids sake. I find it funny that she gave you a list of things to improve on ? WTF is that for? She must be the perfect one I guess Seems like she gave you that list thinking you would fail and that would be her way out.

I can tell you what NOT to do. And that is beg and plead for her to come home. Don't act like that. Easier said than done, I know. But when or if you act like that it only pushes them away and reinforces in their mind that they made the right decision. So you basically have to "act" happy around them when you are in contact. Pretend you are doing awesome. If she calls don't tell her you love her or say anything like that. Just be polite.

[longshadow11]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. A lot of people are praying and trying to talk sense to these two, but I don't believe my wife nor her lover will stop this insanity. I don't think they realized the can of worms they were opening. The support for me and the guy's wife is great. I hear my wife is really getting the cold shoulder. I hope so.

I refuse to speak positive things about her. I won't say negative things either. She is merely "your mom" to my girls. Nothing more, nothing less. My oldest already thinks her mom is a dirtbag. She has said she definitely wants to live with me if it comes down to a custody issue. Right now we have agreed to keeping the girls on a weekly basis once she gets a place to live.

I'm worried about so many things it's ridiculous. I have to put the things out of my control in God's hands. It's good to know I'm in the right in this situation. I feel like a big pushover because deep down I would love for her to show up and beg for forgiveness. More than anything I just want my family to be together. My family meant more to me than life itself, and at times I wish I had died rather than this.

The thing which keeps getting me down is I believed in her. I never thought she would steal a man away from his family, much less do this to her own. After 18 years, she is interwoven into my identity. I was so proud of her. I daily lose my strength and beg God to help me.

[BrianFifaFan]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. A lot of people are praying and trying to talk sense to these two, but I don't believe my wife nor her lover will stop this insanity. I don't think they realized the can of worms they were opening. The support for me and the guy's wife is great. I hear my wife is really getting the cold shoulder. I hope so.

I refuse to speak positive things about her. I won't say negative things either. She is merely "your mom" to my girls. Nothing more, nothing less. My oldest already thinks her mom is a dirtbag. She has said she definitely wants to live with me if it comes down to a custody issue. Right now we have agreed to keeping the girls on a weekly basis once she gets a place to live.

I'm worried about so many things it's ridiculous. I have to put the things out of my control in God's hands. It's good to know I'm in the right in this situation. I feel like a big pushover because deep down I would love for her to show up and beg for forgiveness. More than anything I just want my family to be together. My family meant more to me than life itself, and at times I wish I had died rather than this.

The thing which keeps getting me down is I believed in her. I never thought she would steal a man away from his family, much less do this to her own. After 18 years, she is interwoven into my identity. I was so proud of her. I daily lose my strength and beg God to help me.

And that's really alright. It's funny, that's when we can really grow in Him, during the times of crisis. But you've got to ask Him to help you forgive her. Hate her actions, not her. And use this time to get all of your relationships in order. Maybe there is a silver lining. It kind of sounds like a lot of your identity was wrapped up in her. Never let any person cause to become co-dependant to the level that you can't make it without them. There's only One who should create that level of dependancy. I'll say this, please find a minister to help you through this. There's bigger things going on than just family issues. I'm praying for you to find some peace in what appears to be the biggest storm you've faced in life, so far. God Bless, Brian

[Scottdau]

Re: Wife left me for another man

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone. A lot of people are praying and trying to talk sense to these two, but I don't believe my wife nor her lover will stop this insanity. I don't think they realized the can of worms they were opening. The support for me and the guy's wife is great. I hear my wife is really getting the cold shoulder. I hope so.

I refuse to speak positive things about her. I won't say negative things either. She is merely "your mom" to my girls. Nothing more, nothing less. My oldest already thinks her mom is a dirtbag. She has said she definitely wants to live with me if it comes down to a custody issue. Right now we have agreed to keeping the girls on a weekly basis once she gets a place to live.

I'm worried about so many things it's ridiculous. I have to put the things out of my control in God's hands. It's good to know I'm in the right in this situation. I feel like a big pushover because deep down I would love for her to show up and beg for forgiveness. More than anything I just want my family to be together. My family meant more to me than life itself, and at times I wish I had died rather than this.

The thing which keeps getting me down is I believed in her. I never thought she would steal a man away from his family, much less do this to her own. After 18 years, she is interwoven into my identity. I was so proud of her. I daily lose my strength and beg God to help me.

All it is is SIN! That is why I think people are shocked when Christians take back a cheating spouse. It can happen to anyone. My prayers are still with you and your family bro. Stay strong in Christ and keep asking for peace and wisdom.

[funky_chicken]

Re: Wife left me for another man

I'm sorry to hear about your situation brother. I will keep you and your daughters in my prayers. The best thing you can do is just be there for your girls. Just hang in there buddy. Time heals all wounds.