Should there be privacy within a marriage?

[Pared]

Thought this would make for some great discussion.

I've left the question open-ended on purpose... I'd like to see your thoughts on where the guidelines should fall, if you even think there should be.

With that said, what do you think?

[WTF]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

I don't think that there should be. Case in point, ex sent me pictures (I did not ask for them, lol), and I knew that if I didn't tell my wife, and she found out, it would kill her. I think that privacy within a marriage is just asking for a problem.

My wife & I are open about everything, and I wouldnt' have it any other way.

Do you need to write a written report to your wife of your day to day activity? No, but things that you feel like you "need to keep private" are probably things that wouldn't necessarily help promote a healthy relationship.

Just my opinion.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

dont think you should hide anything or it will come back to bite you. Usually if one person hides something it is because the other person is jealous or insecure. I'm talking about hiding small things like what happened to WTF. Not cheating or anything like that.

[Heelfan71]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

I don't think that there should be. Case in point, ex sent me pictures (I did not ask for them, lol), .

send them to me and I will decide if it was appropiate or not.

[WTF]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

Definitely not appropriate Heel... But I do value other's opinions.

My wife's thought was to post them on facebook for all to see, haha.

My wife has full access to everything of mine if she wants it, as do I for her. Email, phone, everything. We established early on that we wanted no secrets.

I feel guilty now if something happens during the course of the day, that I know would make her upset. I tell her what happened, even if it's nothing. It helps me clear my chest. She does the same.

I don't know how a marriage could deal with secrets.

[Pared]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

This man-love is making me sick!

SO... your friends can not tell you something in confidence without knowing that your wife would also know? Even if it make your wife look at them in a different way?

If you purchased something for her online, you obviously cannot surprise her since she can see the receipt in your email, right?

It's not all about banging another broad on the side... I would say there are times where you need a little discretion, and there are two examples.

[WTF]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

If she feels inclined to check my email, and ruin her surprise, then so be it. She knows that her birthday is right around the corner... and knows that I'm buying something. If she wants to ruin it, that's her own fault, lol.

She doesn't really have any love for my friends anyways, as they're a different mould than I am, lol. She knows everything about them, the good and the bad.

I mean, if one of my boys tells me something that doesn't involve her in any way, then it's not like I'm gonna run to her like a bee-otch and tell it. If it does involve her, then I'll tell her, but otherwise, that's not a secret in the marriage, is it? lol

[Scottdau]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

This man-love is making me sick!

SO... your friends can not tell you something in confidence without knowing that your wife would also know? Even if it make your wife look at them in a different way?

If you purchased something for her online, you obviously cannot surprise her since she can see the receipt in your email, right?

It's not all about banging another broad on the side... I would say there are times where you need a little discretion, and there are two examples.

Usually you do tell your wife. It is what it is. For me I don't have any secrets. I agree with Heel it will bite you hard in the end once they find out!

[dickey1331]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

I agree. Im married and me and my wife tell each other everything. I dont keep anything from her and her the same. I think if you hide things from each other then your going to have trust issues and that just leeds to problems.

I don't think that there should be. Case in point, ex sent me pictures (I did not ask for them, lol), and I knew that if I didn't tell my wife, and she found out, it would kill her. I think that privacy within a marriage is just asking for a problem.

My wife & I are open about everything, and I wouldnt' have it any other way.

Do you need to write a written report to your wife of your day to day activity? No, but things that you feel like you "need to keep private" are probably things that wouldn't necessarily help promote a healthy relationship.

Just my opinion.

[CMH]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

I agree with the above posts as well.

Like WTF said, he doesn't have to tell his wife everything that he discussed with his boys, but he'll tell her something that involves her.

And, unless said friend asked that you kept it secret (and it didn't involve your wife or affect her in any way) then I think husband should say something to wife.

I want my wife to be my best friend in the whole world. I tell my closest friends everything, even if it is embarrassing or stupid. If I could find a girl that would let me be exactly the same way, I would go against everything I've ever said and get married.

[funky_chicken]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

I guess it's a good thing I am not married because I do not believe you tell your wife or anyone else for that matter everything about you. You would be surprised what a bitter ex will do with information you told her. I have seen it first hand with my dad and friends as well.

I also believe husbands and wives should keep seperate bank accounts but that is a whole other discussion.

[deaduck]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

Yeah, I'm like WTF.

I don't hide things from my wife and if you keep them in the loop...nothing can be misinterpreted later. If a chick at work flirts with me...my wife knows. Stuff like that could ruin a bond of trust in a heart beat.

I got lucky early on in our relationship by having what I told her be completly verified by other people. Back a few years, when I did more wrestling shows on the road, ring rats were more common. I always handled them like a gentleman but never did anything to cross the line of treating them other than like a normal fan despite they're sexual intentions. Always told my wife about them.

Well, at a big worker party, while we were being idiots in the pool, all the boy's girlfriends and wives were in the house, telling tales about crap that they had caught the boys doing. But in the middle of this bashing they all took the time to tell my wife about how great I handled it and how she never had anything to worry about. She told them about how I always told her about it and they backed some of the incidents verbatim.

They say the truth shall set you free but you can't get trapped if you never start lying.

[jnofx]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

If you want privacy, don't get married.

[CMH]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

I guess it's a good thing I am not married because I do not believe you tell your wife or anyone else for that matter everything about you. You would be surprised what a bitter ex will do with information you told her. I have seen it first hand with my dad and friends as well.

I also believe husbands and wives should keep seperate bank accounts but that is a whole other discussion.

I don't think anyone here is saying you tell them everything about you. I do think that if you're married to someone, then there are things will share with that person that you wouldn't share with someone else.

That doesn't mean that your wife needs to know that you wet the bed when you were 8 years old. Not telling her isn't lying or keeping a secret. It's a personal thing that shouldn't matter to anyone. Now, if you feel comfortable enough to tell her that story and have a laugh about it, then more power to you, right?

By the way, I also agree with the separate bank accounts. I think there should be three total. One for each partner and another separate joint account that both parties put into as a team.

I don't agree with marriages where you need to explain to someone else why you bought something with your own money. I think that's ridiculous.

[mgoblue]

Re: Should there be privacy within a marriage?

This man-love is making me sick!

SO... your friends can not tell you something in confidence without knowing that your wife would also know? Even if it make your wife look at them in a different way?

If you purchased something for her online, you obviously cannot surprise her since she can see the receipt in your email, right?

It's not all about banging another broad on the side... I would say there are times where you need a little discretion, and there are two examples.

It's like on How I Met Your Mother...tell something to Marshall or Lily, and eventually the other finds out, it's inevitable.

Obviously not every dumb conversation, usually you just share big points/impt things...i dunno, just usually how it works.

As for gifts and stuff, my parents will set a rule in December (or whenever) that you don't look at credit card receipts so gifts aren't ruined.

Depending on how rich you are though, you should talk about bigger purchases. Maybe stuff over 200-300 you'd have to discuss. You need the ability to buy something without her always needing to know right away, but you are still a team and any big purchases can impact your savings....