what should i do?

[sb24]

Re: what should i do?

So the question is whether or not tell an alcoholic in the midst of a downward spiral that his wife is having an affair. There are so many ways this ends very, very badly and very, very, very few ways this ends even remotely well. This is a fact pattern for a murder-suicide or possible double murder-suicide.....let that sink in then make the right call.

I agree alot with this. It happens enough in the news they dont even make the big news. Go on nationwide news sites and see how many of these you read about in a month. Very very scary situations. Alot of times they are done over less than the wife cheating. I cant tell the number of times the husband kills his whole family because he ****ed up his money.

Yeah

An alcoholic, unemployed, and possibly criminal husband vs an adulterous "it's not my fault I'm ****ing someone who's not my husband" whore?

I'd sit this one out.

and this

if they are both your friends (the other couple) I would never let her bring some dude to your house. Doesn't matter what her husband is doing. What she is doing isn't any better. I would just tell her (in a nice way) that you are friends with both of them and don't think it's right to bring another man over here.

And this is most important. If your going to stay out of it, stay all the way out of it.


What I would do..... Talk to the woman. Tell her you dont approve of whats shes doing and you would tell her husband if you didnt think the fact hes depressed and alcoholic would be a big issue for safety right now. Really after hearing the situation (from what i could read) i was going to be saying she may need to be getting away from him anyway. She shouldnt be dating another man but i dont think she should stay in the marriage.

So really, whos friends are they? Is this guy your good friend or just a friend so you two have a couple to go out with? Was your wife good friends with her so he became your friend by default? Did you guys grow up together? I still wouldnt tell him (at this point) but i would try and get him to start the idea of a divorce if shes going to cheat anyway.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: what should i do?

So really, whos friends are they? Is this guy your good friend or just a friend so you two have a couple to go out with? Was your wife good friends with her so he became your friend by default? Did you guys grow up together? I still wouldnt tell him (at this point) but i would try and get him to start the idea of a divorce if shes going to cheat anyway.

And when he asks you why. You say ____________?

[Hova57]

Re: what should i do?

friends wife he became my friend by default. we golfed together couple times ,but i usually only see him when his and my wife are together . as far as talking to her i decided that's the best route to take at this point. i talked to my wife about her role in this too. she agreed that she is on the side of convincing her to save the marriage and not condoning her extra marital indulgences.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: what should i do?

friends wife he became my friend by default. we golfed together couple times ,but i usually only see him when his and my wife are together . as far as talking to her i decided that's the best route to take at this point. i talked to my wife about her role in this too. she agreed that she is on the side of convincing her to save the marriage and not condoning her extra marital indulgences.

That is probably the best course of action. His wife is probably his best hope of getting things back on course.

[Hova57]

Re: what should i do?

That is probably the best course of action. His wife is probably his best hope of getting things back on course.

yea but he has a part too, he has already shunned one of his brothers who she spoke to. to try to get him help. his brother told him he need to go to rehab. now he won't talk to him.

my full belief and personal feeling is i don't blame her for straying away. its just not there from either of them they were at our house saturday and u would have never known they were married. but to continue on with a new guy is wrong. taking pics and going out drinking and what ever else isn't cool. He needs to step and recongnize his family is struggling. i've never been in this position to even know what it is like. My upbringing has always been when you think you down get back up don't let anything hold you back. plus too growing up without a father(died when i was two) i feel more responsible.

[sb24]

Re: what should i do?

And when he asks you why. You say ____________?

Well he doesnt seem to care anymore. He doesnt have a focus on his kid. There is alot of other reasons it can be brought up without making cheating the point. Im sure there are plenty of reasons that can be used as there seem to be more issues. Maybe you can convince him it would be better for him. Since i dont know the guy i cant guess as to what would work.

That being said, it sure aint easy talking logic into an alcholic. I also didnt say it would be easy to talk to him but since im always the type of guy to say "you should move on/you should leave her" its easier for me to make those comments.

I do see you point though. And based on what he just posted, i wouldnt be having that talk. My point is sometimes you can but i dont think this is one of those times.

friends wife he became my friend by default. we golfed together couple times ,but i usually only see him when his and my wife are together . as far as talking to her i decided that's the best route to take at this point. i talked to my wife about her role in this too. she agreed that she is on the side of convincing her to save the marriage and not condoning her extra marital indulgences.

Good choice. Now completly ignore what i was saying about talking to him as thats really alot easier if he was your close friend. Me personally, if he recovers and in 5 years everything is great, i would have a hard time hanging out with the couple if the guy didnt know she was cheating. I dont think now is the time to tell him, but i couldnt keep being around them as a couple if he didnt know. If they were going to split i feel no need to tell, but if they stay i get very confused about telling. I always tell my self to say out of everyones business but i also would want someone to do the same(telling me).

This is a tough situation but i feel you are doing the best you can/should do. Talk to the woman and hope she does what is right. I personally hate confrontation.

[Hova57]

Re: what should i do?

just to update

so apparantly she told him to bounce. he started to pack his stuff i guess. later that night while she was home he came home drunk off his *** and started yelling at her. he ended up passing out at the door.
so the next morning he apoligized for his behavior the previous night. and told him she was going to her mothers.
during this time she is still seeing this guy. my wife told me the woman and this dude went to dinner saturday. the weather was bad and she was drunk. no need to tell you what happened after dinner. the next day she told her husband he should move into his mothers if he has no money to live somewhere else. he told her he is not living in his mothers home and that he's going no where(she pays all the bills there).

this is just nuts,i'm so happy i stayed out of it. i did tell her not to bring that guy to my house. but its hard to look at her now. i know her husband isn't doing what's right, but throwing up your legs to the next guy def aint.

[GAMEC0CK2002]

Re: what should i do?

just to update

so apparantly she told him to bounce. he started to pack his stuff i guess. later that night while she was home he came home drunk off his *** and started yelling at her. he ended up passing out at the door.
so the next morning he apoligized for his behavior the previous night. and told him she was going to her mothers.
during this time she is still seeing this guy. my wife told me the woman and this dude went to dinner saturday. the weather was bad and she was drunk. no need to tell you what happened after dinner. the next day she told her husband he should move into his mothers if he has no money to live somewhere else. he told her he is not living in his mothers home and that he's going no where(she pays all the bills there).

this is just nuts,i'm so happy i stayed out of it. i did tell her not to bring that guy to my house. but its hard to look at her now. i know her husband isn't doing what's right, but throwing up your legs to the next guy def aint.

wow. just as long as you're not condoning her actions or covering for her....gotta let grown adults make adult decisions.

[Hova57]

Re: what should i do?

wow. just as long as you're not condoning her actions or covering for her....gotta let grown adults make adult decisions.

believe i'm not i couldn't even look at her at work today. i told my wife i don't think i can talk on a friendship level at this point. its just not cool. plus i get tired of the poor woman rant . i understand what he hasn't done as a man, but man if he found out what was going on she may be one with the road.

[Heelfan71]

Re: what should i do?

man, this has "bad ending" written all over it.